Church Camp Chaos (16 page)

July 22

It’s Tuesday morning at camp, and all the girls in my dorm room (me included) were up and ready to go well before the wake-up bell rang at 7:30. I think we’re all just so excited to start the day that we couldn’t sleep anymore!

Susan didn’t seem quite so thrilled with the early morning. It might’ve been because we just couldn’t quiet down last night after lights out. (But really, who could blame us? We’re at CAMP!) Between flashlight tag and whispering and laughing across bunk beds, Susan finally pulled out the big guns and threatened to take away jet ski time if we didn’t be quiet and go to sleep. After that, the room was so silent that you could’ve heard a pin drop … until Coralee started snoring a few minutes later. (That gave me the giggles so bad that I had to get up and walk down the hallway to get a drink from the fountain to keep from waking up the whole dorm. There was NO WAY I was going to lose jet ski time because of CoraLee.)

Note to self: Remember that Coralee snores in case you need to use it against her someday.

There are a ton of fun things planned for today. Rumor has it that an exotic animal wrangler is bringing some animals to camp this morning, and we’ll get to see them and even play with some of them. I hope they’re extra exotic and dangerous so I can show everyone how I’m a natural with animals.

EJ

EJ “the Alligator Hunter” Payne slogs through the marshy shoreline, her eyes darting back and forth under the brim of her khaki-colored pith helmet, keen on spotting any reptile movement
.

“Speak to me, you magnificent beauties,” she whispers
.

Although many people are afraid of alligators, this famous conservationist has made it her life’s goal to show people that these water dwellers are simply misunderstood. “Alligators are a lot like teddy bears,” EJ was quoted as saying in a magazine article. “Razor-sharp-toothed, reptilian teddy bears who just want to be loved.”

EJ is distracted by a sound she can’t quite place. She cocks her head and listens intently, when, out of the corner of her eye, she sees movement in the water. The Alligator Hunter takes a flying leap into the shallow. After a moment of struggle, she stands triumphantly with a small reptile stretched high over her head in a victory stance
.

“EJ, sit down!” Macy’s sharp whisper cut through EJ’s daydream, and she felt a tug on the hem of her shorts.

Confused, EJ glanced down to see Macy staring up at her from her seat on the ground. Macy pointed, and EJ looked up to see that Chelsea, the lead animal handler from Creative Creation Interactive Animals, was still in the middle of her presentation. And there was EJ, standing with her arms outstretched over her head, in the middle of a sea of campers who had been listening attentively but were now staring at her with looks of confusion and mild amusement.

“Yay, animals,” EJ said weakly as she shook her fists over her head in a pathetic cheer. She lowered her arms and quickly sat down, trying to act like she knew what she was doing.

“Animal trainer?” Macy whispered.

“Close,” EJ whispered back. “Alligator hunter.”

“Nice one.” Macy turned her attention back to Chelsea.

“So, as you can see by the creatures we’re sharing with you today, God’s creation is wild and varied,” Chelsea said as she wrapped up. “And God’s imagination is limitless!”

The campers applauded for Chelsea and her two assistants, but EJ knew all the campers spent most of the presentation eyeballing the animal they wanted to get their hands on. In a matter of seconds, a massive stampede of bodies rushed toward the animals.

A loud crackle and squawk of feedback came from the edge of the crowd.

“Every camper who wants to hold the animals will get a chance,” Gene barked through his megaphone. “Form orderly lines, please.”

The campers close to Gene’s megaphone took their fingers out of their ears only when they were sure he was done with his announcement. EJ wondered if Gene liked being in charge so much that he didn’t even notice how everyone seemed annoyed by his overuse of the megaphone. Well, everyone but Susan. EJ saw her staring dreamily at the male counselor with the same look in her eyes that Bert got when EJ had a bacon-flavored dog treat in her hand.

“Uh, Susan?” EJ said. Susan continued to watch Gene with a goofy grin on her face as he adjusted the knobs on the megaphone.

“Susan can’t hear you,” Macy whispered to EJ. “The love song playing in her head is drowning out any other sounds.” EJ made a disgusted face and stuck her tongue out in a silent
blech
.

Macy cleared her throat with a pointed “ahem” to try to get Susan’s attention.

“What? Oh, sorry, Macy,” Susan said, flustered. “Did you need something?”

“Are you in the reptile line?” Macy asked, pointing at the line that had formed near Susan.

“Ew, no!” Susan jumped away from the line as if it were a snake. “You girls are braver than me if you want to touch those things.”

EJ and Macy got in line as they watched Susan make her way over to Gene, who was polishing the bell of his megaphone with the hem of his shirt. “Girl likes boy,” EJ said. “Boy
loves
megaphone.” Macy laughed.

EJ turned her attention to the reptile line and counted sixteen people ahead of them. There were three other lines as well, all kids waiting to hold less sinister animals. The cuddliest animals included a rabbit and a chinchilla. (
Yawn
, EJ thought.) Slightly more interesting were the hedgehog and armadillo (the hedgehog might’ve been the cutest thing EJ had ever seen). Next on the danger scale was the porcupine and opossum (Dad said that he never trusted opossums because of their crazy red eyes). Finally, the truly thrilling animals—the ones that almost every camper wanted to see up close and why the line was going so slowly—included an eight-foot python named Pokey and a two-foot baby alligator named Spike.

A few minutes later, it was CoraLee’s turn at the front of the reptile line, and EJ saw her point at Pokey.

“No way CoraLee’s going to hold that snake,” EJ said so only Macy could hear. “Miss Priss McCallister is probably afraid Pokey will get his snake slime on her pretty pink skirt.”

Chelsea had CoraLee turn to face the campers in line behind her. The snake handler draped the impressive snake over CoraLee’s shoulders and outstretched arms. CoraLee’s eyes widened as the weight of the animal settled on her shoulders. EJ thought for sure CoraLee was a second away from shrieking in disgust and ordering Chelsea to take Pokey off. But instead, the handler leaned down and whispered something in CoraLee’s ear. CoraLee gave Chelsea a questioning look, and she nodded at her. CoraLee took a deep breath in through her nose and exhaled out her mouth.

Here it comes
, EJ thought.
Once she has this meltdown, I can go up there and show everybody that there
are
girls tough enough to take on snakes
.

What happened next was something that EJ couldn’t have guessed would happen in a quadrillion years.

With the back of her right hand, CoraLee slowly guided the head of the snake until she was face-to-face with the reptile.

“Whoa!” The boy in front of EJ sounded truly in awe. “Check out CoraLee!”

EJ rubbed her eyes with her fists, sure that she must be having a bizarre daydream. But it was real life. The crowd murmured in amazement and pressed toward CoraLee to get a better look.

Then, without warning, CoraLee glanced up from the snake-staring contest and looked directly at EJ with a little smirk that said, “Watch this, P-A-I-N.” And then, without warning, she planted a kiss right on top of the python’s head!

The crowd of campers gave a collective gasp of horror that quickly turned into awe before roaring in applause and excited yelling. The boys, especially, were hooting and hollering in amazement at what had just happened.

“That might have been the single coolest thing I’ve ever seen!” Michael Draper said to no one in particular. “CoraLee is awesome!” Then he started chanting “Cor-A-Lee! Cor-A-Lee!” and to EJ’s dismay, other campers started joining in until the entire crowd was shouting her name!

EJ couldn’t believe what she was seeing and hearing. Of all the campers, the last person she thought would steal the spotlight by
kissing
a snake was CoraLee.
Two can play this game
, she thought, pushing through the crowd in front of her.

“EJ, where are you going?” Macy called behind her. “We have to wait in line!”

EJ ignored her best friend and stomped up to the alligator handler, who held the reptile with two hands—one just behind the neck and the other at the tail.

“Hey there, Spike—little Spikey-kins,” she cooed at the reptile, getting face-to-face with the creature the same way CoraLee had done with the snake. “May I hold you, little guy?”

The baby alligator blinked its eyes, seemingly bored with the whole situation. Spike’s handler, a blond-haired teenager named Luke, eyed EJ before handing the animal over.

“Spike’s stronger than he looks,” Luke said over the crowd cheering on CoraLee as she let Pokey curl around her arms like reptilian bracelets. “Are you sure you can handle him?”

“No problem,” EJ said confidently. “Let me at him.”

Luke held the animal out to EJ, but before she could get a firm grip, Spike whipped his surprisingly strong tail and head toward EJ, shocking her so much that she screamed and tripped backward, landing hard on her backside before Luke got the flailing alligator under control and put in its cage.

“Th–that thing wants to take a bite out of me!” she gasped, suddenly grateful that the rest of the campers were still too engrossed in CoraLee’s snake show to notice her embarrassing little freak out.

“Hey, easy now. He just got spooked for some reason,” Luke said, suppressing a laugh. “Not everybody can be a reptile whisperer like that girl over there.”

EJ glanced over to see that Pokey was now curled on top of CoraLee’s head like a hat that looked something like a beehive.

“No offense, but the rabbit might be more your speed,” Luke said, pointing toward the cuddly creatures end of the exhibit. “Maybe you can work up to the reptiles.”