Christmas Romance (Best Christmas Romances of 2013) (2 page)

The joy that flickered to life only moments before, slowed as Lee thought of the one thing she wanted more than anything else, the one thing she’d never have again…Daniel.

“Think of something that makes you happy,” the girl said, almost in tune to Lee’s thoughts.

Memories of Daniel were the only things left. There had to be more to life— something that wouldn’t take his place, but would make her want to live. There had to be something that would make her want to get up in the morning. Something that would fill her with life and make her feel as though she was alive instead of standing in a pool of sinking memories.

Every minute of every day she would love her son. He would always be her first thought in the morning and the last thought at night, but he must have sent this angel to her. He must have wanted her to have more adventures… to start wishing and stop worrying that she might fall.

“Did you make a wish?” The girl asked, her voice like the gentle ringing of bells.

Make a wish
.

How simple, yet so hard.

Chapter Three

Lee tried to make a wish, but she couldn’t think of anything she wanted more than Daniel. Maybe someday she could make a wish and have the strength to blindly hope it would come true.

She opened her eyes and smiled at the girl on the other side of the door. Maybe the child wasn’t an angel after all. The girl was too imperfect with her chocolate-dotted mouth and lopsided pigtails. It was silly of Lee to consider there was some cosmic force that would come to her in her moment of need.

“Thank you for trying. No more tears, I swear,” Lee said, lifting her hand up in an over-the-top vow. “What’s your name, sweetheart?”

“Penny. I’m a princess.”

Lee gave a small laugh at the sweet child’s answer. “Well, Princess Penny, where’s your daddy?”

“I’m right here,” a man with a deep baritone answered, breaking the spell.

The double glass doors of the restaurant closed behind the broad-shouldered man who carried a plastic bag and wore a familiar grin Lee saw only hours before.

“What are you doing here, Albert? I thought you had someone waiting for you?”

“I did,” he said as he stopped beside the girl. The blonde child slipped her starfish fingers inside the man’s wind-chapped hand with a familiar ease. “I told you not to run off, Penny. What if you got lost?”

“But I didn’t get lost,” Penny said, a mischievous smile on her lips. “And this lady was crying. She shouldn’t cry.”

“I agree, sweetheart. Ms. Lee shouldn’t cry.” Albert peered over at her. She couldn’t help but notice the way his green eyes seemed to hold secrets.

“She and I were making wishes. Do you want to know what I wished for?” Princess Penny asked in less than a breath.

“What did you wish for, honey?” Albert wrapped Penny’s fine hair around his strong fingers.

“You know if you tell other people a wish it won’t come true.” Lee said as her urge to protect, which had lain dormant since Daniel’s death, came to life. If there was one thing the girl needed to hold onto, it was the belief that wishes were the key to a door that could only be opened with dreams. If she could save Penny from losing her faith in wishes she could keep dreaming.

“No, that’s not true,” Penny said, covering her mouth. “I wished that you would come over to our house tomorrow for Christmas. What do you think, Daddy? Can she come?”

An awkward silence filled the winter air between them. Albert opened his mouth, and then shut it as though trying to think of a way out of the uncomfortable position his daughter put him in.

“No,” Lee said, as she tried to stop the conversation from bleeding into the ground. “I can’t. I have—” She stopped short of the word ‘plans.’ She didn’t want to lie to the girl—or to her father.

Since her divorce, Lee hadn’t had plans for Christmas. The last time she’d celebrated had been at her crazy in-law’s house or, as Lee dubbed it, the Christmas of non-committal niceties.

That year, her mother-in-law had started her sentences with, “Next year, we should…” and each time the sentence would be left unfinished. Even her in-laws knew she and Jake wouldn’t survive another year. There could be no future for them when all they could focus on was their resentment of each other’s roles in Daniel’s death. The only thing she and Jake had in common was their past. A past couldn’t build a future; just a memory.

Something about Penny’s unbridled joy and her innocent desire to please, made Lee question her resolve to never celebrate Christmas again. What would it be like to celebrate with the girl and her father? Would there be other family members there? She could imagine the buttery scent of a roasting turkey mixed with the rich, earthy scent of pine. She yearned to have a reason to put aside her anguish and live.

Albert shifted from one foot to another as though putting out a conversational fire his daughter had set. The flames even reached his face, making a thin sheen of sweat on his forehead even though he stood in the lapping winds of a winter evening. She shouldn’t intrude on his time with his daughter at Christmas.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea for—”

“No,” Albert interrupted. “We’d really love to have you there, but I gotta warn you I ain’t much of a cook.”

“It’s true,” Princess Penny said with a giggle. “He burned my grilled cheese last night.”

“Is that right?” She could envision Albert, standing over a skillet with smoke curling up to the ceiling like a beckoning finger.

“We had to eat cold cereal, but it was Lucky Charms and he gave me all his marshmallows.”

A marshmallow-giver, the true mark of a great dad. Daniel always wanted his father’s marshmallows. Once in a while, Jake gave in, sliding one milk-covered slimy marshmallow onto the edge of Daniel’s bowl.

“So what do you think?” Penny asked with her next full breath. “You’ll come, won’t you?”

The sweat on Albert’s forehead was still there, but maybe Lee was wrong in her assumption that he felt uncomfortable with the invitation. Maybe something else made the stoic cowboy uncomfortable—something Lee hadn’t seen in a long time; something wonderful.

Lee looked away from Albert’s sparkling green eyes. His gaze only made the flux of emotions shift into a dangerous new wave of excitement. And waves always ended up crashing.

“Well, Princess Penny, how many people do you expect for dinner?”

A wide grin wiggled over the girl’s face. “Daddy said Santa is coming, so that would make… four!”

Albert twirled Penny’s hair. “No, sweetheart, Santa isn’t coming for dinner. He only comes when you’re asleep…and only if you’ve been a very good girl this year. Isn’t that right, Lee?”

The way he said her name was like candy that melted on his tongue, sweet and savory in its delicate flavor.

“Absolutely,” Lee said, finally able to draw her gaze away from Albert’s sweet lips. “You have to be a good girl. We’d hate for Santa to put you on the naughty list, wouldn’t we?”

Albert glanced at his watch. “And if we don’t get home and to bed soon, he might get the wrong idea. It’s getting late. So what do you think, Lee? Would you like to come over tomorrow? We’d love to have you.”

“How about this?” Lee asked, suddenly all too aware that the moment of stolen happiness would end. “How about I cook dinner and bring it to you?”

“What?” Albert gave her a surprised look. “Are you sure? It’s a lot of work.” But there seemed to be an undercurrent of relief in his voice. “Just because Penny told you about the cheese sandwich doesn’t mean I couldn’t figure out how to make… one hell of a mess with a turkey.” He gave her a grin that seemed made for his chiseled face.

“I can’t guarantee I won’t make a mess, but I’ll try and cook something you’ll enjoy.” It didn’t matter that she hadn’t cooked since before the accident, or she had only a bottle of ketchup and a moldy wedge of cheese in her refrigerator. She would make this a Christmas none of them would ever forget.

Chapter Four

At nine o’clock on Christmas Eve the parking lot of the one grocery store still open was full of oversized pickup trucks with bumper stickers that read, ‘I only wish my wife was this dirty’ and ‘Love to hunt.’ Lee laughed at the collection of husbands. At the door, a man was carrying a baby in a car seat on his arm. His coat was covered with a collection of dried spit and dark bags lay heavy beneath his sleep-deprived eyes. He must have noticed her gaze, as he sent her a half-hearted smile that increased her sympathy for him.

She remembered life with a new baby—days spent in a dazzling whirlwind of feedings, diapers, and an unending supply of questions and insecurities. As a mother, she could look back on those days fondly and remember the sweet smell of Daniel’s breath on her skin and the way he reached up to touch her face as they played. As much as she loved the memories, she couldn’t forget the sleepless nights or the constant strain that a baby put on a marriage. If she could go back, she would do it all again, but if someone asked her now, as she stared at the last-minute shopper- frazzled new father, she couldn’t say she’d want to be a new parent again.

Penny came to mind. The girl said there would only be the three of them at dinner tomorrow. That must mean that Penny and Albert celebrated without the rest of their family. Or did they have more family? Were they alone like her? From the headstone, Lee recalled that Brooke had been gone for more than four years. Penny couldn’t be more than six years old.

Had Albert been just like this man? Had he been a widowed father with a baby, stuck in a current of new parent fear? It was no wonder Albert was wrapped around the girl’s finger. Penny must be everything to him.

What would it be like to start all over again? To have a child—not a baby, but a young child—in her life?

There wouldn’t be diapers and midnight feedings, but there would still be dance classes, swimming lessons, school plays, and teacher conferences. It was easy to imagine herself back in the active role of parenting, driving from place to place with a child. When not busy following the steady flow of activities she could envision them sitting around the table talking about the events of their days. She missed that most of all—those simple moments when the most important thing was each other.

It was around the table where so many of her favorite memories had been made. Daniel had a habit of always leading the discussions with boyish things when he was young, telling stories of boogers and how the girls chased him. As he’d grown, the evenings spent around the table became fewer and fewer, but the stories were still about the females in his life and instead of the events of his school days, his talk turned to his work.

She’d barely noticed those subtle changes when she’d sat around the table with her family. She’d seen the fine lines that accumulated around Jake’s eyes and the way his chair moved farther away, but even though she’d seen those small changes she’d not realized how damaging those small actions were. It wasn’t until after Daniel died and her ex’s chair sat empty that Lee wished she’d moved closer, taken his hand the first night he’d pulled away, instead of resenting him for his actions.

Resentment brought her nothing but bitterness, an empty house, and a lonely heart.

As lonely as she may have been, it was impossible to replace her family. But it would be fun to have a child around; a girl who could help her to remember a brighter side to life. Daniel had been such a fun baby, but she’d never had a little girl. Her ex had been convinced adding another child to their family was too much. “We’re a threesome. Life’s good. Why go around messing with things, when we’re happy?” He used to say.

Lee gave in to his wishes, not wanting to create discord. He’d been right. They had been happy. Life had been easy. She’d tried so hard to be the perfect wife, mother… but failed. It was hard to think it wouldn’t happen again. It was easy to daydream about another life, but it could only be just that—a daydream. No one ever got a chance to go back and fix the mistakes they made in the past. There was only one choice—keep moving.

The cart jingled as she made her way around the store. Luck was on her side as she grabbed the last can of pumpkin for a pie and a misplaced can of black olives for the table. Penny would love the olives, pushing them down on her fingers and pretending she was an alien. The meat department was straight ahead and it was surprisingly quiet. The men who’d swarmed around the clothing and knickknack aisles had disappeared, leaving only her and her quest for the centerpiece and most important item of the Christmas table—the turkey.

She walked down an aisle filled with the rich aroma of breads and to the display of open freezers. Wheeling her cart to the edge of the freezer section, she peered into the empty steel-racked chasm. It was the same as she walked farther down the section.
Turkey. Turkey. Turkey
. And the guts of the refrigerated section lay barren.

Okay. No turkey.
She sighed.
Maybe ham.

There were the same jeering signs when she arrived at the ham area in the meat department.
Ham. Ham. Ham.
Once again, the section lay empty; completely devoid of anything that even resembled the traditional Christmas mainstays.

The refrigerated hum of the empty boxes only added insult to injury as Lee moved down the aisle. Even the chickens were gone. As were the Cornish game hens. The only thing left was one large salmon, whose glassy black-centered eyeball seemed to watch her as she approached. She’d never been one for fish, but the only other meat that seemed to be around was a display of hot dogs stacked into a triangle of meat.

Nothing said Christmas more than a weenie on a platter. No, the salmon would have to do.

*

It had been such a long time since she’d cooked, it was as though she’d just run a mile after too long on the couch. Her fingers ached from the potato peeler and her ankles were swollen from standing too long behind the sink, but she was bound and determined to make this Christmas a success. To celebrate again was a gift. It wasn’t the first time she’d been invited to someone’s home for the holiday since Daniel’s death, but it was the first time she’d
wanted
to go.

True, the invitation hadn’t been all Albert’s doing, but it still excited her to be part of part of a happy little family—if only for a day

On the couch were four presents—two perfectly wrapped boxes for Penny and two for Albert. She’d taken her time and picked out the prettiest paper with pink princesses and snowflakes for Penny and timeless blue and silver paper for Albert. She didn’t know what to get them, but she’d had fun searching the store for its hidden treasures.

The oven timer went off. The salmon was done. She pulled it out of the oven and covered it in a towel. Loading all the food and presents into her car, she made her way across Missoula to a small house on Beckwith. Lugging the gifts under her arm, she rang the doorbell and waited.

Penny’s shrill squeal filled the air as the door swung open. “You’re here! You’re here!” Penny shouted. “Daddy, she’s here!”

It had been a long time since she’d been met with a warmer welcome. Penny saw the princess wrapping paper and her face went from bright to glow-in-the-dark. “Is that for me?”

“Well, let’s see…” Lee teased. “Have you been a good girl all year?”

Penny nodded, making her sweet golden curls bounce to life. “Can I open it now, or do I have to wait until after we eat?”

“After we eat,” Albert said as he walked down the hallway to the front door. He wore a red and white checkered apron and held a wet rag in his hand.

“That’s a fabulous apron,” Lee said, releasing the presents into Penny’s excited grip. “Do you have one for me?”

“I didn’t think…” Albert glanced down and his tanned face turned a muddled shade of red. “Ah, shit.” He pulled the end of the tie and lifted the unforgettable apron away, exposing a full suit. The black lapels were slightly too wide and the buttons stretched a little too tight across his stomach. He folded the apron over his arm.

“I happen to think that is a fine apron. But I’m glad you took it off. It’s not every day I get the chance to see a man in a full suit. You look great.”

Albert swelled with pride. “I couldn’t go all the way
city
. I had to keep the cowboy boots.” He stuck out his foot, showing the shining black leather of a freshly polished boot. He stepped beside her and leaning down, he whispered into her ear, “The only time I ever went to this much trouble before, was on my wedding day.”

Her body warmed with the sudden flood of sensations that arose as his warm breath brushed against her ear and caressed her neck. “Thank you,” she said, staring down at the simple white top and knee-length black skirt she’d wrestled from the back of her closet just for today.

She tried to not notice how he seemed to take in her scent, or the way his eyes seemed to widen as he looked at her. They were nothing more than single-serving friends who’d met in an unfortunate circumstance, and only came together because of the wishes of a child. They each had their own lives and, even though they’d spend this holiday together, as soon as it was over they would simply go back to life as it had been before, perhaps sharing an occasional phone call or a quick acknowledgement as they passed each other on the street.