Christmas Carol (22 page)

Nik was taller, leaner, and somehow harder
than the man she had loved in the nineteenth century. His
cheekbones stood out more boldly. But his wide, curving mouth was
the same as she remembered, and his eyes were as sharp and probing
as ever, though she missed the sparkle of ready laughter that she
was used to seeing. She could understand its absence, though. She
did not think there could be much to laugh about in this time and
place.

“You will return later for the meeting,
then?” Nik said to Lady Augusta. “Take care, Aug. There have been
two more arrests since yesterday.”

“I will be safe, never fear.”

“Are you leaving me?” Carol cried, wondering
how she could manage in such a strange place without Lady Augusta
to guide her.

“I leave you,” said Lady Augusta, “exactly
where you ought to be.”

“I will see to your safety,” Nik told Carol,
touching her hand lightly with his fingers. Carol lost herself in
his gaze, and when she was able to tear her eyes from his to look
around, Lady Augusta was no longer there.

“We should get to work at once,” Nik said.
“Begin by telling me what your skills are.”

“I don’t think I have any that would be of
use to you. I’m not sure why Lady—why Aug brought me here. What did
she say about me?” Carol tried to concentrate. She was sure there
was something Lady Augusta intended her to learn here in this
future time, and she had to discover what it was.

Unfortunately for Lady Augusta’s plans for
her, this unexpected meeting with a man so similar to the love she
thought was lost to her forever was confusing her. She wanted to
fall into Nik’s arms, but she knew he would think she was crazy if
she did. She kept telling herself that this was not Nicholas, this
was a different man, but she could not convince herself. Her every
instinct screamed her recognition of him. With Lady Augusta gone,
Carol could not ask for confirmation of what she felt. She was on
her own in a world which, from what she had seen of it so far, she
believed was dangerous.

“Aug told me that you are a remarkable and
resourceful woman who would be of great help to me,” Nik said.
“From her recommendation, I assumed you possessed some specific
skill.”

“What kind of skill would that be?” She hoped
he would give her some information as to what they were supposed to
be doing. What she got was a speculative look that was so familiar
it nearly stopped her heart.

“Surely Aug promised you that
you
could trust
me
,” he said.

“I need to know more,” she hedged.

“So do I.” Folding his arms across his chest,
he leaned back against the desk. It was all Carol could do to keep
from going to him and putting her arms around his neck and kissing
him. The need to feel his arms around her was almost
overpowering.

“Perhaps you ought to fill me in a bit more
thoroughly on just why Aug brought you to me,” he said.

“I honestly don’t know what Aug’s reasons
are, or what she thought I could do for you.” In the last few
seconds Carol had become so certain of her feelings that she said
exactly what her heart told her to say. “What I do know is that you
and I have met before, in another time and place. I am amazed to
discover you here.”

He unfolded his arms to grip the edge of the
desk in both hands as if he feared he would fall to the floor
without its support. Or perhaps he feared he would fall through the
centuries. He looked at her as if he was recording every bone and
blood vessel and nerve of her body, every cell and curving eyelash
and strand of light brown hair. For a time he gazed at her lips
before he met her eyes and spoke again. Carol had the impression
that during those silent moments he had made a long, astonishing
journey, and had reached the ending he sought.

“You are from the past,” he said, as calmly
and quietly as if he had been speaking of the weather.

“Didn’t Aug warn you?” Still his eyes held
hers, and it was hard for her to speak sensibly. “Perhaps I
shouldn’t have said anything.” But she knew what she had done was
right.

“Aug told me only that I would recognize
you.”

“Do you?” She awaited his answer, certain in
her heart of what it should be, yet scarcely daring to breathe in
case she was wrong.

“Oh, yes.” His voice was just above a
whisper. “I know you well. I have dreamed of you on countless
nights. When you came into this room it seemed to me as if you knew
me, too.”

“
I
did. Right away. There are a few
minor differences, but you are the same man. I’m sure of it
now.”

“Were we lovers?”

“Only briefly.” Carol was surprised to feel
herself blushing. “Too briefly.”

“Ah.” He smiled at her. It was like the sun
bursting forth from behind a cloud to put an end to cold and
darkness.

“Car,” he said, and the short, hard syllable
was a warm caress on her ears.

“Hello, Nik.” She moved forward until she
stood close enough to touch him.

He did not rise from his leaning posture
against the desk to embrace her as she expected him to do. He
simply lifted one hand and wove it through her hair and pulled her
head down to his shoulder. She also raised a hand, to lay it on his
chest so she could feel the beating of his heart and know that this
was, in truth, her love. They were content to rest so for a long
time, until Nik spoke, still without moving.

“Since this is Aug’s doing, I will not
question your presence any further.” His breath was warm on her
skin, and she felt the faint scratchiness of his cheek against her
forehead. “Aug is a notable witch.”

“She is not a witch,” Carol murmured into the
strong column of his throat. “She’s a ghost.”

“Do not tell me any more,” he responded. “I
do not want an explanation of how she brought you here. It is
enough for me that the dream of my youth has come true.”

“If you have lived before, then perhaps some
buried part of your subconscious mind was remembering me and
causing your dreams,” Carol suggested.

“Hush. I said I do not want an explanation.
Reason and common sense have nothing to do with this.”

She wished she could obey him, but she could
not stop thinking about where she was and what had happened. Nor
could she stop wondering what it was that Lady Augusta expected of
her in this time.

“Nik.” She lifted her head from his shoulder
to look directly at him. “What is the danger I sense in this place?
Why is everything so grim and gray and bleak?”

“How much did Aug tell you? No, do not
misunderstand me,” he went on quickly. “I see the change in your
expression. This is not evasion on my part. It will be simpler to
describe my activities to you if I know what Aug has said.”

“She talked about the Great Leaders who
apparently restored peace after a violent time. She also mentioned
a change in the calendar. According to Aug, most people have
cheerfully accepted the wishes of these Great Leaders, whoever they
are.”

“Wishes?” He gave a short, humorless laugh.
“When the Great Leaders speak, it is always laws and demands, and
this present Government has been in command for so long that most
people do not know what it is to be free.”

“Aug did mention that not everyone went along
with the Government. Nik, who are the Great Leaders?”

“They are the council of three men who head
the Worldwide Government,” he said. “When one of them grows old and
dies, or is killed by the treachery of the other two, which has
happened several times in the last few decades, then a new Leader
is appointed by the Government from among their own members. The
people have nothing to say in the matter. I, along with some other
people, think this system is wrong.”

“It’s a dictatorship, then,” Carol said. “Or
more accurately, a
junta
.”

“Children are taught only carefully selected
portions of history,” Nik revealed, “so they grow up not knowing
what the world was like before this Government came to power. All
but an aged handful of those who can personally recall the earlier
time are dead now.”

“Aug spoke about violence and wars.”

“The last one hundred years before the
Leaders took over were a terrible time,” Nik acknowledged. “There
are some records still in existence, for those who know where to
look for them. I have found and read a few of those old accounts.
The first group of Leaders did impose peace, that’s true, and there
were few unwise enough to oppose them because the world was weary
of constant bloodshed. We have lived in peace for seventy years,
but we paid too great a price for it. There is no freedom now. The
Government tells us where we will live and what work we will do,
even what clothing we will wear.”

Carol spoke up. “There are no more
old-fashioned holidays, either, according to Aug. Not since the New
Calendar went into effect.” She shook her head. “I never thought I
would say this, but after watching the disinterested way in which
those men in the square outside were raising that ugly metal World
Tree, I yearn to see the little
real
tree that used to be
there. I miss the Christmas hubbub, and the cheerful spirit that
goes with it. So what if the merchants and the media commercialize
the holiday? The true spirit of Christmas can’t be bought, and
anyone with two functioning brain cells knows as much. All the
commercial nonsense is just icing on a rich and very solid cake of
ancient tradition. A real Christmas involves caring about other
people.” She fell silent because Nik was watching her with glowing
eyes.

“You are just what we need,” he said. “What I
need.”

“We,” Carol repeated. “You have mentioned
friends. Do they feel as you do about the Government?”

“We are determined to change the way the
world is ruled,” Nik told her. “We want ordinary people to have
something to say about what the laws are and what the punishment
for breaking a law should be.”

“No one who holds power ever gives up that
power voluntarily,” Carol warned him. “If you want real change and
not just a cosmetic revamping for appearances’ sake, then you will
have to fight. And you will have to convince more people to join
you. This will be too big a job for a small guerrilla group to
accomplish.”

“We all know it. We are willing to risk our
lives in such a cause. Will you join us?”

“I think I already have. But Nik,” she
cautioned, seeing his expression of joy at her response, “it’s only
fair to tell you that I don’t know how long Lady Augusta will let
me remain in this time. She has her own agenda and she doesn’t
listen to me.”

“
Lady Augusta
?” he murmured. “Is that
Aug’s real name? I have read about noble titles. There are none in
this time. All titles and family names were abolished when the
Great Leaders took control of the world.”

“When I knew you before,” she told him, “you
were a noble, too. I think you still are.”

“You are making a hasty judgment,” he said,
teasing in a manner that was dear and familiar to her. “You do not
know me well yet. I may be a different man now.”

“If you were, I wouldn’t feel this way about
you.”

“What way?” His hands were at her waist,
pulling her closer to him where he still balanced against the edge
of the desk. “Tell me how you feel about me, Car.”

“The point is,” she said, trying to resist
the strong emotional pull he exerted over her, “Lady
Augusta—Aug—may suddenly decide that I have learned whatever lesson
she wanted me to understand from my stay with you. If I should
disappear without saying good-bye, don’t think it was because I
wanted to leave you. I may not have anything to say about my
departure.”

“Perhaps you will not have to go at all.”

“Don’t fool yourself. I won’t be here for
very long.” It was unbelievably hard to look into his green eyes
and say those words without breaking into tears. The knowledge that
she would surely lose him a second time was tearing her apart
inside.

“In that case, I will see to it that we do
not waste a moment.” His hands slid downward from her waist along
her spine. Cupping her hips, he urged her closer still, until she
was positioned between his thighs. Carol put her hands on his
shoulders and then around his neck. “Shall I kiss you, Car?”

“I wish you would.” She saw his lips curve
into an enticing smile. She offered her mouth to him, and he took
it, gently at first, tasting her lips as if he was not quite
certain he wanted what she could give him.

She understood his lack of sureness. She felt
something similar herself. While Nik had dreamed of her, and no
doubt wondered if reality could match a matchless fantasy, Carol
had actual memories to overcome. She was not foolish enough to
think that this was the same physical manifestation of the Nicholas
who had once made love to her. She did believe that the soul, or
the spirit, of the Nicholas she still loved lived again in the man
who was presently holding her. While this belief made no logical
sense, she knew it was accurate because she did not feel the least
twinge of guilt over her rising desire for Nik. If he were not some
new materialization of the Nicholas she loved, she would not—could
not possibly—want him to make love to her.

He drew back a little, so he could see her
better.

“Yes, you are the one,” he whispered. “I am
certain of it now. I know the sensation of your lips against mine,
and I remember the taste of you as if I have actually held you in
my arms before today. But you speak the truth when you say you will
be taken from me. In every dream I have ever had of you, I have
lost you at the end, and I wake up weeping.” He let her go. Pushing
away from the desk, he walked to the opposite side of the room to
stand near the bookshelves with his back to her.

“Tears are not considered a manly thing.
However, for this time in which I live, I am not the usual man.” He
made a gesture toward the few books lined up on the old library
shelves. “I read too much and, influenced by what I read, I think
dangerous thoughts. I try to calm my impatient heart by listening
to antique music. I dream dreams that cannot possibly come true.
Yet, one of those dreams is here with me today. If one dream can
come true, why not others? “Your presence gives me new courage,
Car.”