Chosen Heart (57 page)

Pushing away his hand, “Alex,
stop!  Why would you even think that?”

“You ignored my texts.  You
left me for him.  Do you want to fuck him, Elyssa?  Will that make
you
feel
better?”

I’m on the verge of getting
upset, and if he doesn’t knock it off with the Oliver comments, I might say
something I’ll regret.  And, I don’t want to. 

Slapping down a patch of gauze
against his knuckles, I reach for the medical tape and secure it against his
skin, ripping off the tape with my teeth.  Not maintaining any semblance
of eye contact, I stroke his injured hand, before answering him.  “I
ignored your texts because you needed to calm down.  You don’t control me,
I won’t let you.  I was honest when I told you I was going to go to lunch
and I told you I was just going to be his friend.  Have I ever given you a
reason not to trust me?”  He shrugs his shoulders. 
Really, Alex,
that’s all you’re gonna give me?  Hell, I might as well continue, get
everything off my chest.

“And…I don’t want to fuck him, so
get that out of your head.  I have no interest in seeking that type of
relationship with him, and I don’t appreciate the insinuation.  And, if we
are being honest, there is one more thing I need to say.  Knowing what I
now know about you and your past, I don’t anticipate anything making me feel
better about the fact you’ve been with so many women.” 

Bringing my hand up to his cheek,
Alex caresses and kisses my palm.  “Do you find him attractive?  What
if I wasn’t in the picture?  What’s going to happen when I’m in New York,
when I’m not around?”

I sigh.  Alex’s insecurities
have never been so blatantly obvious.  It’s hard to imagine my confident,
overbearing, sexy as hell boyfriend feeling anything more than sure of
himself.  Doesn’t he know that I want to be with him?  I want to be
happy with him, and no one else.  So, why is this so hard?  Why does
everything have to be so complicated? 

“Alex…”  I take a deep
breath, trying to calm myself, and him.  I have to give him
something.  Best stay with the truth.  “Is Oliver attractive…yes, but
he doesn’t compare to you.  I can’t see past you, don’t you
understand.  When I was out with him, all I did was think of you.  It
doesn’t matter where you are, here or New York, you are in my picture. 
There is no world without you.  My feelings for you haven’t changed,
please don’t ever doubt that.  But, right now I need this time to get my
head on straight.  To know that I can live with your choices, without
sacrificing myself.”

“And you can’t do that and still
be with me?  We can figure things out together.  Please Elyssa…I need
you.”  Forgetting his pain, Alex’s hungry hands start to travel from my
neck down to my breasts, lips brushing against the lobe of my ear sending
shivers and aches to all the right places.  Greedily, his lips take my
mouth, kissing with such urgency, making it hard to breathe.

Not able to fight the urge, I
climb over the console, lifting myself onto his lap. 
This
connection is what we need to make our insecurities vanish.  The passion
that fuels our love continues for what feels like hours, kissing the stress and
need away.  Grinding against him, Alex moans softly against my mouth, but
the moan turns into pain as he winces, griping my behind.

“Are you okay?” I breathe against
his mouth, panting at our closeness.

“I don’t give a fuck about my
hand!”  Alex pushes the concern for his injury to the back of his mind,
hands continuing to grip my hips, pulling me against him in a slow grinding
motion. 

HONK…
 
Damn it.  Damn
it.  Damn it.
  Bringing me back off the ledge, I struggle to push
against his chest, breaking our contact.  Our lifeline. 

Looking around, I see no
one.  I’m sure whoever it was didn’t see us through the tinted windows,
but that was too close.  No one wants to see angry make-up sex in a
car. 
Wait…that wasn’t make-up anything; that was passion exploding,
that’s all. 

Thankful for the distraction, I
fully recognize what could have just happened.  I would have made love to
him, and then hated myself.   This is not the time, nor the
place.  Removing myself from his lap, I adjust my shirt and return to the driver’s
seat.  There’s no excuse, at least none that I can come up with, and I
shouldn’t have let myself get wrapped up in the moment. 

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have…” my
voice trails off as I grip the steering wheel, staring out at the grassy
walking path.  What was I thinking?  We could have been caught, by
anyone.  By Arianna.  I shiver.

“Don’t be sorry, Elyssa.  I
needed that; well, I’m sure you can’t deny we both probably needed that.” 
He smiles his breathtaking smile, literally making my breath hitch.  “I
don’t regret anything with you.” 

“I should go.”  Staring at
my hands I start to fidget, intertwining my fingers. 
Why am I shaking?
 

“Can I see you tonight?” he asks
desperately.

“I don’t know, Alex.  I
don’t think it’s a good idea.  Look what just happened.”

“I’m completely fine with what
just happened and if you would quit torturing yourself, I think you are
too.  You’re just scared.  I know you want me, just as much as I want
you.”   I’m glad his tone has changed, as he tries to lighten my mood
by distracting me.  It almost works.  Almost.

A faint smile returns to my face
as I exit the car.  Knowing he hasn’t won any battles, I hear a deep sigh
as he opens and closes the passenger door.  “I’ll talk to you later,
okay?” Alex nods as I leave him standing next to my car.  Battered,
bothered and flustered.

~~~~~

No one seems to notice that I’ve
been gone for an extended lunch when I return to my desk.  Exhausted, I
slump in my chair but am immediately interrupted by a carefree Janice, coming
towards me.  God knows how much I love this girl, but sometimes her timing
is really off.

“One of those days, huh?” 
Her high pitched voice pulls me from my moment of relaxation as I straighten in
my chair, turning to face her.

“Have you ever had one of those
days where you wish you could crawl under a rock and stay there?”  With
all of today’s revelations between Alex and Oliver, it’s hard to keep my head
on straight.  Living under a rock might be an improvement.

“No, but then again I don’t have
two men pursuing me either,” she teases.  She must have noticed Oliver
taking me out to lunch. 
Shit! 
I’m not sure if that’s a good
thing, and wish I didn’t have to keep secrets from her.  Worse yet, if she
noticed, that means other people did too, and the last thing I want them to
think is that I’m with Oliver.  I already have enough drama in my life, I
don’t need office gossip.  Not knowing how to respond, I sit nervously
playing with my ring. 

“So, I had an idea to help pull
you out of your funk.”  She puckers her lips, almost jumping in
anticipation at revealing her master plan.  “I know it’s only Tuesday, but
you only live once, right?  Let’s have a girl’s night.  We could
watch movies, eat fatty food, and drink a little.  We can do it at my
place, say right after work?” 
Thank you Janice!  What was I
saying about horrible timing…yah, not this time. 
This is exactly what
I needed at this exact moment.  A little
me
time.

“That sounds like a fantastic
idea, you don’t even know.  What can I bring?”

“Why don’t you pick up some
margarita mix and grab a few movies?  Make sure they’re sappy love
stories.  They always cheer me up.  I’ll order the pizza and run by
the store to buy munchies.”  I can literally feel my ass growing at the
thought of the carb overload, but hey…they don’t call it comfort food for
nothing. 

“Sounds good.  Just give me
your address and I’ll pull it up on Google maps.  And Janice, thank you
for this.”  The way I’m feeling right now, I could go and give her a
hug.  She’s my life saver. 

“Okay, I’ll text it to you. 
See you later.”  Janice pounces away, full of excitement.  I can’t
lie; I’m kind of excited to have a girl’s night…without any drama.

~~~~~

Knock! Knock! Knock!
 I arrive at Janice’s
apartment a little before seven after picking up the margarita mix, along with
some fresh strawberries.  Janice had mentioned wanting to watch sappy love
stories so I picked up the only two in the Red Box:
Something Borrowed
and
The Time Travelers Wife
. 

Janice answers the door in her
flannel pajama bottoms and white t-shirt, hair pinned back.  Not ever
having seen her in glasses, I ask if she wears contacts normally.  She
confides that she only wears her contacts at work.  She doesn’t want
anyone thinking she’s too “brainy.”  Her words, not mine.  I’m jealous
at how comfortable she looks and wish I thought of going home to change into my
own.  I’m almost temped to ask if I can borrow something of hers, but they
probably wouldn’t fit anyways.

Walking into her apartment I’m
immediately brought into her world.  Janice insists I sit and relax as she
takes the shopping bags from my hands.  Vibrant orange and red colors
cover the walls and striped black and white throw’s and furniture accentuate
the room.  It’s pretty clear on how different Janice really is outside of
work; the word eclectic comes to mind.  Sitting down on the cream colored
couch, I’m surprised at how comfortable it is, and soon I fit right in with the
decorations. 

Moments later, the grinding from
the blender echoes throughout her small one bedroom apartment, leaving me
salivating for the berry concoction.  Finishing, Janice returns to the
living room, and I join her on the floor.  We sit cross legged eating our
meat lover’s pizza straight from the box, drinking the very tasty strawberry
blend, while talking. 

Janice dishes on her boyfriend,
elaborating on their hot and heavy romance.  That was until today. 
Apparently she and Kevin got into a fight earlier about meeting each other’s
families, and that’s the real reason she invited me over.  She didn’t want
to deal with her own drama.  
Oh, but she’ll deal with mine?
 
She carries on, telling me she feels uneasy about introducing him to her
parents, not because she’s embarrassed of him, but because she’s embarrassed of
them.  I guess their ideal mate for Janice would be more like Alex, and
not the blue-collared worker that Kevin is. 

“He owns his own business. 
You would think that would be enough.  But, it’s not and he doesn’t
deserve to be looked down on.  Kevin is more than perfect for me; I just
wish they would see it.”

Honing in on the Alex part, I
can’t help but wonder how much Janice really knows about him.  Sure, on
the outside he’s perfect, but…who am I kidding?!  Faults and all, I
wouldn’t change anything about him.  Sighing internally, I smile and listen,
nodding when appropriate, as she continues about her own turmoil, which seems
mediocre in comparison to my own.

“So what
is
going on with
you and your man?”

“So much drama, I don’t even know
where to start.  Oh wait, I know.  Let’s start with dealing with his
ex.  Cause, that’s been fun,” I mock, hoping she can hear the sarcasm in
my voice.

“I can’t imagine him preferring
anyone over you.  You’re so fun, caring, and beautiful.  I wouldn’t
worry.” 

“Thanks, but we’re definitely at
one of those crossroads, and I don’t know if we’ll choose the right
path.”  God how I wish I could confide in Janice.  It’s not that I
don’t trust her; it’s just that I wouldn’t want to put her in an awkward
position knowing I’m dating her boss. 

“Can I confess something to
you?”  Looking at Janice sideways, I take another bite of my pizza before
I nod my head.  This should be interesting.  What could she confess
that she hasn’t already?  “Well I don’t know if it’s a confession or a
question.”  She pauses, and then once she has my full attention, she hits
me with, “Are you and Mr. James dating?”  I freeze, stunned by her
question, but then realize I need to say something…anything...nope, I got
nothing.

I choke back the bite of pizza as
Janice looks at me with a caring smile.  “Don’t worry.  I’m not
trying to make accusations and I didn’t see anything.  It’s just that I’ve
seen both of your moods lately and they pretty much mirror one another. 
Before you worked at SHI, Mr. James had no interest in interacting with any of
the other Sales Executives; very antisocial.  There’s been a change in him
since you’ve been there.  I’ve noticed he smiles more.  He never used
to smile.  At least, not the way he smiles at you.  I see the way he
looks at you, always stealing glances.  He’s acting like a teenager in
love.  It’s...sweet.” 

With an odd acceptance in her
eyes, I know I can trust her.  Wasn’t I just saying that I wanted to be
able to confide in her?  So, why does this feel so strange? 

“But, then there was the fight at
the fundraiser, and things were different.  Heavier.  So, I just
assumed.  I hope I haven’t stepped over any boundaries or made you
uncomfortable.”

Still unable to speak, I wipe my
mouth with a napkin.  “Uhhh, Janice…”

“If you aren’t ready to talk
about it…I understand.  I just wanted to let you know that I’m okay with
it and…well I’m glad you make each other happy.  And I promise not to say
anything to anyone.”  She smiles sweetly at me as we continue to down our
margaritas.