Choosing Happiness (10 page)

“So, you gonna tell me what this is all about?” Andrea set the mug on the table, pulled out a chair and sat.

“What do you mean?”

“It didn’t get past me that you wanted to see me on a night when Jake can’t be here. That you kept pushing me to come even when you know I’m exhausted after work. So, tell me what this is all about and get it over with.”

He took a deep breath and looked at the table a moment. “I know you’ve been seeing him.”

“And I know you tried to scare him away, like you do everyone I date.” Andrea was just getting started but Ben held his hands up in surrender.

“That’s not what I mean, please, let me finish.”

Andrea glared at him a moment then sighed. “Okay, finish.”

“I know you’ve been seeing him, and yes, I tried to scare him away, but not for the reason you think.”

“Then why?”

“Jake’s the only guy you’ve ever dated, that I knew about, that I approve of. But he’s got issues of his own. He’s never known a real family like we have. He’s been on his own since he could walk, yeah his mom was around but he ended up taking more care of her than she did of him.” Ben paused, looked down and shook his head. “I just don’t want something to happen between the two of you and him to take off. I think his first experience of what a good family can be like was the Army. I brought him home so he could see that when I did something for him I wasn’t expecting anything in return. That it’s just how families are. I don’t want him to lose the family I’ve worked so hard to convince him to join.”

Andrea’s heart sank. She knew Jake hadn’t had things as good as she had growing up but she didn’t realize how bad they really had been.

“I just don’t want you to rush into this Andy. Go slow, take a deep breath and make sure he’s what you want. I’d hate to lose him and I’m sure you would, too.” He met her gaze and Andrea could see the pleading in his eyes.

She looked down and stared at the table cloth for several seconds. “All right. I’ll go slow and think about what you’ve said. I don’t want to hurt him and I don’t want to see him leave.”

“Here we are.” Jeanie came in, a plate in each hand. She set one in front of Andrea and one in front of Ben before going back for her own.

“So, tell me about your cruise and Hawaii.” Andrea said once they were all seated around the table. The newlyweds were happy to talk about their trip and they laughed and enjoyed the meal forgetting for the moment all discussion about Jake.

***

L
ater, at home as she laid back in the tub, trying to warm her chilled bones in the hot water, her brother’s words came back to her. She didn’t want to stop seeing Jake but she couldn’t imagine hurting him either. She didn’t know what to do. When she realized she was starting to doze off, she pulled the plug, dried off and went to bed.

She missed falling asleep with Jake beside her. Missed having his arms around her. She tossed and turned, sleeping fitfully until he slid into the bed beside her. She knew he would be coming in after his shift and she’d been half listening for him. Once he pulled her against him she sighed once, snuggled against him and fell deep asleep, not waking again until the alarm went off.

A
ndrea parked in front of the restaurant. Stepping inside, she looked around for Heather. They were supposed to be meeting for lunch but Andrea was a little late and wasn’t sure if Heather had arrived yet or not.

“Just one?” the hostess asked, a menu in hand.

Andrea turned to look at the short, older woman. “Actually, I’m meeting someone and I just spotted her. Thanks anyway.”

“No problem. I’m sure your server will be with you soon.”

Andrea smiled at the woman and headed for Heather’s table, weaving among scattered tables both occupied and empty to get there.

“Sorry I’m late.” She slid into the booth. “I hope you haven’t been waiting long.”

“Just a couple minutes.” Heather looked up from her menu. “They haven’t even had time to bring the water yet.”

“Oh, good.” Andrea sat her purse in the bench beside her and looked across the table. Heather looked good. Her dark hair was pulled back out of her face but left to hang in flowing loose curls half way down her back. She’d applied make-up with a light hand that left her looking almost like she wasn’t wearing any at all. “You look great today.”

“Thanks. I’ve got an interview this afternoon and I didn’t want to have to change in between.” She held her arms wide, showing off her blouse. It was a cute green and blue swirl with a boat neck. The greens in her shirt and eye shadow made her normally hazel eyes look more green than usual. “What do you think?”

“I like it.” Andrea frowned. “I thought you were happy with Dr. Harris?”

Heather’s shoulders fell and one corner of her mouth pulled back. “It’s not that I’m not happy, more that there’s nowhere to go. No room to advance or make better money.”

Andrea frowned. “So where’s your interview?”

“At the hospital.”

Andrea’s brows lifted. “Really?”

“Yeah, they’re looking for a couple of coders. They pay better and they’re willing to pay for a certain amount of training every year.”

“Sounds good. How much training does Doctor Harris pay for?”

“None. I have to cover my own continuing education and that leaves me nothing extra for more.”

The waitress came with two glasses of ice water. “Can I get you something else to drink?” The short, round woman pulled an order pad from one pocket on her apron.

“I’ll stick with water.” Heather smiled.

“Me too,” Andrea said.

“Then, are you ready to order?” she looked at the two women expectantly.

“I am.” Andrea looked to Heather.

Heather’s attention was on the waitress. “I’ll have the taco plate.”

The waitress took down both orders and left, promising to return soon.

“I’ll admit. The hospital’s policy on paying for education makes it easier. I would have been scrimping and saving to get my last set if they hadn’t paid for me to go to that conference last year.”

“Exactly. Not that my CEU’s are as involved as yours, still, they’re not cheap. Not having to pay for the classes will save me some major money, on top of the better wage. Assuming I can get the job of course.”

“I hope the interview goes well and you get it.”

“Thanks, I’ll take all the help I can get.” Heather smiled, the corners of her eyes crinkling.

“And if you’re working on campus, maybe I can manage to schedule my lunch at the same time as yours once in a while. We might be able to see each other more often. My odd schedule has made that difficult recently.”

Heather waved one hand dismissively. “It’s not your fault, but being able to get together more would be nice.”

“Anything else new with you?”

“Not really,” Heather shrugged. “But I hear you’ve got a new guy.”

One half of Andrea’s mouth curled into a smile. “Word travels fast.”

“You know how it is as well as I do. There’s no such thing as a secret in Hastings. So tell me about him.” She lifted her brows and waited expectantly.

Andrea took a deep breath and couldn’t keep the hint of a smile off her face as she thought about Jake. “I first met him a few years ago when Ben brought him home on leave, but I ran into him again the day of the wedding.”

“So he was only here for the wedding?”

“No, he’s moved here.”

Heather frowned.

“He doesn’t have any family left. After serving together Ben and Jake are like brothers. So when he got out of the service he decided to move to closer to Ben.”

“What does he do?”

“He’s a police officer.”

“So you’ve been seeing him, what? A couple weeks?”

“Yeah, about that.” Andrea fell quiet a moment. “No, it’s been nearly a month. We started seeing each other right after the wedding.” She didn’t say exactly how close to after the wedding, she figured she’d keep that just between Jake and her.

“So you’ve been seeing him since the wedding? How serious are you?”

She pulled her mouth to one side, as if considering the question. “I’d say serious.”

“How serious is he?”

Andrea thought a few seconds, intimate moments and whispered nothings flashed through her mind. “Serious.”

“Are you sure that’s wise?” Heather bit one side of her lower lip.

“What do you mean?”

The waitress brought chips and salsa and left them on the table between them before bustling away to help another table.

“Well, you just broke up with the last jack ass. What was his name again?”

Andrea sighed quietly. “William.”

“That’s right.” She dipped a chip in some salsa. “I don’t want to bring up something painful for you, but it wasn’t very long before the wedding that he broke up with you, was it?” She popped the chip in her mouth.

Andrea swallowed. “About a week.”

“And you leapt right into another serious relationship that soon?” Heather shook her head.

“I didn’t jump, it kind of fell in my lap.” She looked down at the table in front of her and traced the abstract geometric pattern with her finger.

“How much do you really know about this guy anyway?”

“Enough.”

“I’m just worried about you, Andrea. You jumped from one hurt into another and this one with someone you don’t know very well. I mean, other than his having served with your brother, how much do you really know about him? Are you sure he’s not just with you because you’re the only one in town he knows?”

Andrea shrugged and shifted the subject by asking Heather how her parents were. Her mom had recently been diagnosed with stage four colon cancer and Heather rarely passed up an opportunity to be the center of someone’s attention, even over something not actually happening to her.

They finished their lunch and went their separate ways. Andrea ran a few errands then went home. She made herself stay busy and try to avoid thinking about what Heather had said. She tried to convince herself that she felt good when she was with Jake and that’s all that mattered. He made her feel beautiful. Heather was slender and gorgeous. Andrea couldn’t be sure she did it deliberately, but she always managed to make Andrea feel fat and unattractive. Jake never did that. She did her best to ignore her friend’s hurtful words but they kept echoing through her mind. They weren’t alone either. Her brother’s caution about hurting Jake kept circling, it was like the two were feeding on each other as they got louder in her mind.

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

The next morning a confused Andrea called Jake. She needed to cancel their date for that night. Heather had a point, she was rushing into this way too quickly. Jake’s phone went to voicemail.

“Hey, it’s me. I need to cancel for tonight. Something has come up and I just need some time.” She disconnected the call and dropped her phone into her lap. Ben knew Jake much better than she did. Could he know something that would change the way she felt about him?

Andrea had really cared for William and had been devastated when out of the blue one day he told her he didn’t love her, he’d fallen for another girl, and that they were through. Was what she thought she felt for Jake just a band-aide to fill the hole William had left? She honestly didn’t know. But she knew she needed to figure it out before she let things go any farther with Jake.

She needed to take some time to herself and figure it out.

Thirty minutes later, Jake called back. She didn’t know what to say to him, how did she explain? Instead, she let the call go to voicemail. After his third call in under an hour she turned off the phone. She couldn’t figure anything out with the noise and talking to him would only make things harder, for both of them.

She went to work and came home, the whole time in a haze of depression. She hadn’t been home an hour when someone knocked on her front door. Before she got to the door she saw Jake’s truck in the yard. She couldn’t talk to him yet. It was too much.

Fighting back tears she stood behind the door, her head leaning against the thick barrier.

“Come on Andrea, I know you’re in there.” His voice was muffled but she had no trouble hearing him.

“I don’t want to talk to you right now, Jake. I don’t want to talk to anyone.” She blinked as tears burned her eyes. “I just need some time.”

“Time for what, baby?” He sounded confused. “Let me help.”

“You can’t, Jake. This is something I’ve got to do on my own.”

“I don’t understand. But I’ll let you have tonight. Tomorrow we need to at least talk. I need to know what’s going on.”

She listened to the quiet scuff of his shoes on the porch as he walked away, then the slam of his truck door and the engine turning over. Hearing the crunch of gravel under his tires, she stopped fighting the tears and let them flow down her face. Why did this have to be so hard? That night as she lay in bed, she couldn’t keep the tears from sliding quietly from her eyes, she wished he were there, beside her, holding her. She wished she knew what the right thing to do was.

~~~

J
ake was the first thing Andrea thought of when she woke the next morning. She wondered what he was doing and if he was thinking about her. She forced herself to get out of bed and get moving. She didn’t want to but she needed to go to work. It wasn’t the early shift this time, instead it was a rare half shift she’d taken to help someone out. The upsides were it would keep her too busy to stress about her personal life and she wouldn’t be as tired when she got off.

She was almost ready when she picked up her phone and dialed a familiar number.

“Hey, Mom,” She said when her mother picked up.

“Hello dear, what’s up?”

“Nothing much, I just wanted to check in before I had to go in.” She did her best to sound cheerful and happy, knowing she wasn’t quite achieving it.

“Nothing new here, but it’s nice to hear your voice. When you coming by again? I have something for you.”

“I’ll try to swing by after work today, but I’m not sure if I’ll make it.”

“All right, dear.” Her mother paused. “Are you sure you’re all right? You sound a little off.”

“I’m just tired Mom, I didn’t sleep well last night.” She hoped her mom would let it go. Sometimes, when her mother sensed something wasn’t right she was worse than a bulldog.