Choices(Waiting for Forever BK 1) (21 page)

“It’s all right, we’ll take it slowly. My car’s just outside the art room.” I was relieved to see we weren’t more than a couple of dozen steps from the art room. Then I realized that must have been how Mr. Barnes knew I was in trouble; he must have heard the scream one of the girls let out as I was falling. The scream alone should have drawn every other teacher from their classroom, but it was funny only Mr. Barnes had come to my defense. He confirmed my theory just minutes later.

“I heard yelling on the stairs, but I couldn’t make out what was being said above the between-class chaos. Then I heard someone scream. By the time I got to the stairwell, you were already falling.” He sighed. “I was afraid of this when I started hearing the rumors earlier in the week.”

I couldn’t do anything other than nod, and he stopped us. “I’m sorry, Brian. I’m sorry this is happening to you. I know what you’re going through, and it’s not right. Most of all,” he said, and then took a deep breath. I looked up to meet his eyes. “Most of all, I’m sorry they took Jamie away. He was a great kid, and you must miss him very much.”

That did it. It wasn’t the pain in my back or in my head, but in my heart. The tears flowed uselessly down my face as I nodded. Mr. Barnes didn’t try to embrace me; he simply put a hand on my shoulder and started to once again lead me towards where he was parked.

Just outside the art room, he disengaged the alarm and unlocked the doors on a midnight-blue Honda. I climbed into the passenger side, forgoing the seat belt and reclining back, feeling more tired than I think I had ever felt. Even with my eyes closed, I wasn’t surprised to hear him get in and start the car without admonishing me for the lack of a seat belt. I just wanted to curl up into a ball on the soft leather and never move again. Knowing I was hurting, Mr. Barnes drove carefully, minimizing the bumps on the way to the hospital where, no doubt, Richard would have an ER bay waiting for us. That was one of the benefits of being the foster son of an ER doctor. It was good, really, because I was sure I’d be seeing much more of the hospital before the end of the school year.

“Let’s get him behind curtain two,” Richard instructed Mr. Barnes when he met us at the door. Richard’s professional demeanor was perfectly intact, right up until he pulled the curtain. Carefully, he helped me onto the table and then pulled back to look into my face.

“Brian, what happened?” he asked, as he hugged me before he started looking over my injuries. His hands were gentle but firm as they examined my face and helped me to take off my shirt. I felt his fingers lightly probing the area of my back where I’d landed. Then he turned away while I took off my jeans and put on a hospital gown. When I was done, he started to examine my injuries.

“They know,” I said flatly. Mr. Barnes had been sitting in the corner, motionless and silent, but then he stood and came over to stand next to the examining table.

“Brian, what do they know?” he asked as Richard cleaned the cuts on my face so that he could stitch them.

“That I’m gay, and that Jamie and I were….” The sound of his name was like physical pain in my stomach. My heart ached at his absence, and I couldn’t finish the sentence. It had only been a few days since he’d been viciously and brutally ripped from my life. He was gone, and I’d never even told him how much I loved him; I’d just let him walk away while I sat cowering in the rain. I’d made the moment all about me when it should’ve been about him—he was the one being moved halfway across the country because of me, because of our relationship.

“Someone pushed you down the stairs at school because you’re gay?” Richard asked.

“Yes. I was only about halfway up, so it could’ve been a lot worse. I’ll just have to be more careful,” I replied, shrugging, trying and failing to sound casual.

“No, Brian. I’ll go to the school after my shift ends in about,” he looked at his watch, “five minutes. Do you know who it was that pushed you?”

I nodded. “Brad Mosely pushed me.”

“Dr. Schreiber, I don’t think going to the school is going to be much help,” Mr. Barnes said in a resigned tone. “The administration isn’t exactly gay-friendly, and worse yet, the Moselys will use their influence to make it go away. I had to fight every inch of the way for my position. It took the threat of a discriminatory lawsuit for them to relent.” His shoulders sagged under the weight of his remembered struggle, and he bowed his head almost as if he were ashamed.

I knew I was seeing a part of my art teacher that students never saw, that I wasn’t meant to see: his humanity and his vulnerability. He looked like a man who’d been forced, all his life, to be ashamed of who he was. I promised myself I wouldn’t let it happen to me.

“So, what am I supposed to do?” Richard asked, exasperated. “I’m just supposed to let him get beat up for something that isn’t his fault?” My heart warmed to hear Richard defend me. We’d never exactly been close, and that one conversation about being gay had really been our only meaningful contact. It meant a lot that he was going to stand by me. An odd, pained expression passed across Mr. Barnes’s face as he watched us, but I didn’t feel comfortable enough to ask him about it.

“I’ll watch over him while he’s at school,” Mr. Barnes said, and I saw my life flash before my eyes. A gay teacher standing up for me at every turn; I was sure that would make my life a lot easier.

“No,” I said quickly. “I don’t need anyone to watch over me. I’ll just need to be more careful, that’s all. It’s only about nine months, and then I won’t have to go back again. I can survive for nine months.” I’d be counting the days, but I could survive. I had to.

“Brian,” Mr. Barnes said with a sigh, “I’ve been through this. My orientation has always been fairly obvious to anyone that knows me, as I’m sure you’ve guessed. My parents weren’t as understanding as your foster parents, so I got it at home and at school. Believe me when I tell you that it’s only going to get worse.”

I had already worked that out for myself. The God-fearing, good ol’ boys at school would torment me until I either quit or graduated. I didn’t want to consider the other, more life-threatening possibilities, so I waited for him to continue.

“I’ll deal with Mr. Mosely when I get back to the school. He will be punished for what he’s done, but that won’t stop him.” Mr. Barnes looked sad.

“We’re going with you,” Richard said as he finished up the last of the stitches on my face. “I want the school administration, the ones you don’t think will protect him, to see his face.” Mr. Barnes agreed, and after a few more minutes, we were in the car following him back to the school.

“Brian,” Richard said as he looked over from the driver’s seat. “I’ll support whatever decision you make about school. If you want to stay, I’ll be here for you. If you want to try another school, I’ll support that too. Do you understand?”

“Thank you,” I told him earnestly. “I’m not going to let them run me out or force me to say that what Jamie and I have is wrong, because it isn’t. If I went somewhere else, the rumor would just follow me anyway. We don’t need to make things any harder on us.”

“So, you aren’t giving up on Jamie, even if he’s in California?”

“I’ll never give up on Jamie,” I said, staring out the window, unable to tell him that right after graduation, I was leaving for California too. I had to find Jamie so we could be together, but I didn’t think my foster father would understand. Richard remained silent for the rest of the drive to the school, appearing to be deep in thought.

When we got to school, classes were back in session. I couldn’t believe the whole thing had only taken just over an hour. We followed Mr. Barnes to the principal’s office, slower than normal because of my injuries, and none of us spoke. I wasn’t looking forward to seeing Brad Mosely again, but I did feel more comfortable with Richard there. The office was deserted when we entered, but at the sound of the door opening, a secretary scrambled into the outer room.

“Betty, where is Brad Mosely?” Mr. Barnes asked, looking around. “I sent him down here earlier.”

“Mr. Payne sent him back to class,” Betty replied, looking anywhere but at Mr. Barnes. “He’d like to see you as well.” I wondered if she ever looked him in the eye or if there was something else going on, something that didn’t bode well for me.

“Fine, tell him I’m here with Brian McAllister and his father.” She nodded quickly and picked up the phone on her desk. Turning away from us, she spoke into it, so low and so quiet that we couldn’t hear what she said. Whatever they were discussing, it would definitely be bad for me.

“He’ll see all of you now,” she said, and Mr. Barnes led us back to a large room in the back of the office with
Judson Payne, Principal
stenciled on it. With two loud raps on the door, he opened it and ushered us through.

I’d never been in the principal’s office before; I’d never once been in trouble at school. As we entered the room, I felt like a condemned man, and my heart was pounding against my ribs. Under Mr. Payne’s stern look, Richard and I took seats across from the large maple desk. Mr. Payne didn’t rise to greet us; he simply sat behind the desk and went back to rifling through a stack of papers. The fact that he continued to read the same short paper, and that his eyes weren’t moving, gave away his feigning a lack of attention to our presence. Mr. Barnes leaned against a bookcase off to the side, and we waited for Mr. Payne to address us.

“Mr. Barnes,” he finally said, looking up from his desk. “You are suspended for two weeks without pay for removing a student from school grounds without the permission of the school administration.”

Mr. Barnes didn’t speak; he just nodded.

“He had
my
permission,” Richard said, his voice carrying with the ringing weight of its authority. “He called me when Brian was attacked, and I asked him to bring my son to me so I could treat him.” I could see Richard was trying to keep his temper in check behind his flushed cheeks and flashing eyes because losing control would not be helpful in any way.

“That’s all well and good, but he didn’t follow established protocols in case of an injury to a student, and therefore must atone for his misdeed. With the sub shortage going on right now, we’ll defer your suspension for summer. Do you agree?” Mr. Payne asked Mr. Barnes, who simply nodded.

I couldn’t understand; Mr. Barnes had just talked about fighting to get this position, and now he was just rolling over. On the other hand, if he really had broken the rules, maybe it was a battle he couldn’t win. Instantly, I felt guilty for causing him trouble when he was only trying to help me.

“Fine, now what about this Mosely kid?” Richard asked. “What kind of atonement will he be making for his misdeeds?” His tone slightly mocked that of the principal, and childish as it was, I tried not to smile.

“Mr. Mosely was acting in self-defense and therefore will not be punished. He has confided in me that Mr. McAllister tried to kiss him,” he said with a note of distaste in his voice. “Mr. Mosely pushed Mr. McAllister in an attempt to stop his sexual advance, and Mr. McAllister lost his footing. He is sorry that your son was injured but was defending himself. Three other students that were present on the stairs corroborate his version of events.”

Richard turned to me, and I could see the rage barely contained in his eyes. “Son, is that what happened?”

“No.”

“Would you tell Mr. Payne what happened on the stairs?” Richard asked, putting a hand on the arm of my chair. I wanted to stand up for myself, to shout them down, but I couldn’t repeat the disgusting things he’d said to me.

“It doesn’t matter; he’s not interested in my version of the events.” I looked up at Mr. Payne and saw the faint, smug smile on his face. It wouldn’t matter if the whole thing had been videotaped; he would still take Mosely’s side because he was a homophobic bigot.

“Do you have anyone to corroborate your version of events?” Mr. Payne asked.

“No,” I said, remembering all the students on the stairs and how none of them had defended me or even tried to help. None of them had cared as he shoved me. I’d lost my right to friends, to allies, when I had fallen in love with Jamie.

“Then you are suspended for the next two days. We will see you back at school on Monday,” Mr. Payne said, handing me a suspension form. I nodded, and Richard stood up.

“The only reason I’m not going to fight this is because, as his physician, I think it’s better for Brian to be home to rest until Monday. I would’ve kept him out of school anyway. But if you think I’m going to let this pattern of abuse against him continue, you are sorely mistaken.” Richard turned to me, holding his arm out to put around my shoulders. I’m not sure I even understood the depth and complexity of the feelings that went through me then.

Gratitude.

Admiration.

Love.

I stood quickly, and Richard put his arm around my shoulder, leading me out of the office. As we closed the door, I heard Mr. Payne start to lecture Mr. Barnes once again about what had happened. Apparently, I should have been sent, alone, to the nurse, and he should have been doing what Mr. Payne pays him for. It sickened me how that bastard talked to him. Mr. Barnes had only been trying to help me, trying to stop Mosely from putting me in the hospital. If a straight teacher had come to help me, he wouldn’t have been giving them such a hard time, especially someone like Mr. Butler with his minivan full of perfectly straight soccer-playing kids.

“Let’s get you home,” Richard said as we walked down the front steps of the school toward his car. “Carolyn’s going to be a mess when she sees you.” All I wanted to do was go home, try to eat something, and go to bed. When I was safely buckled, he turned to me, his face full of concern. “Are you in pain? I can write you a script for something to help. I can drop you off at home and then stop at the pharmacy.”

“Yes, I’m in pain. If you could pick something up for me, I’d appreciate it.” I accepted his offer, leaning back against the seat and closing my eyes, not even making the attempt to be brave because everything hurt. I felt him hesitate, and for a minute I thought he was going to say something else. Instead, he started the car and pulled away from the curb. It didn’t take any time at all, it seemed, for us to get home, or I dozed for a minute or two during the ride. Hopefully the medication Richard was going to get at the pharmacy would knock me out for the night. I was sick of feeling. I was sick of hurting. I just wanted it to stop. Unfortunately, I knew that until I had Jamie back in my arms, the hurting and the pain would never really go away.