Choices (The Forever series, Book Four) (2 page)

He breaks the kiss and I am motionless as he stares down at
me with his cold eyes, going colder, and I want to die right there to be put
out of my misery. He is pulling away from me again. "No!" I say
forcefully as he physically pulls away from me. I am not going to let him do
this.

"No?" he asks. "No what?"

"Don't do this Constantine," I beg him.
"Please, I need you. I need you to come back to me, please." Usually
not in the business of begging, I am not above a good plea when the situation
calls for it. And this is one of those times.

Again he peers at me but says nothing as he moves to climb
off the bed. I follow him, grabbing his arm and he stiffens, his muscles
bunching up.

"Don't touch me," he says quietly.

I don't let him go.

He places his hand on mine to remove it but I clamp down. I
am just as strong as he is now, not that he would know that, and he will find
it difficult to get away from me.

"Kiss me again, Constantine, please," I whisper.
"I miss it. I miss you. Just one more kiss and then you can do whatever you
like to me."

His surprise is evident at my request. I know he wants to
now, I can see it. I am so close to him, he can't help but think of it.

Taking my chance as he thinks it over, I drop my mouth to
his, not letting go of his arm, not willing to give him the chance to escape
me. Doing what he did to me, I force his lips open as he says, "No,
Liv." I ignore him and pulling on the back of his head to get him to move
closer to me, I climb onto his lap. I know he wants me, that has never been an
issue, but I want him to love me again. I want to break through this wall he
has built up. I am determined, as this behavior has gone on long enough.

He grips my arm with his free hand to push me off him but I
am resolute and instead push myself closer to him, so close he can feel the
wetness of my desire for him. He moans in restraint as I continue to kiss him
and yet he doesn't kiss me back. Geez, a girl could get a complex here if he
doesn't do something soon. His grip relaxes on my arm and I take a risk by letting
go of his and, bringing both my hands up to the back of his head now, I raise
myself up and over him. He doesn't resist nor assist as I tilt my hips and I
feel him pushing against me. Oh god I want him so much. Fuck it, I think, and I
tell him, "I want you so much. I want to make love to you so much. I want
you to touch me, kiss me, and tell me you love me. I love you. I love you and I
need you to love me back." I lower myself down onto him, pushing him
inside me, gripping him with my thighs as I settle myself and start to move
slowly.

"Oh, this feels so good," I murmur to him.
"Don't you feel how right this is?"

He doesn't answer me but he does move his hands to my hips,
pulling me towards him. I reach up and pull my hair over my shoulder and tilt
my head in invitation. He hasn't bitten me, either, since Lincoln did and it's
a risky move as I see his eyes flash in anger. But I know he can't resist me.
Not when we are like this. Joined together as we haven't been for so long. Eyes
on mine, he eventually drops his fangs and roughly bites down on my neck
feeding deeply with a low growl that vibrates through me and makes me throb
around him as I come. He groans as he tastes the rush and releases the bite.
Pulling my mouth to his he kisses me now, like he used to. Forceful and
passionate. "Oh Aefre," he whispers against my mouth and my heart
sings as he calls me that. He turns us over so I am pinned underneath him now.
Still not trusting him I wrap my legs around him so he can't get away from me
and he chuckles. It’s a deep, amused sound that I haven't heard in so long. He
pushes on my hips with his hands and thrusts in and out of me intent not just
on his own pleasure this time but mine as well and I know a corner has been
turned. Well, maybe a small bend. I don't want to count my chickens.

I come around him again and he lets go himself, whispering
my name.

We lie like that for some time, his forehead resting against
mine. I squirm under his weight and he lifts his head and rolls us over so I am
lying on top of him now. I put my head on his chest and I am happy, but a
little fearful that all of this will come crashing back down again.

"Liv," he says and my heart clenches. I remain
silent. "Liv," he says again. I still don't say anything. "Are
you deaf, woman? Answer me when I speak to you!" he snaps then and I raise
my head cautiously. He acknowledges me with a nod and says again,
"Liv."

"Yes, Constantine?" I ask quietly.

"This doesn't change anything. I am still so upset with
you, I could stake you," he says as he pushes me off him. He sits up and I
cry inside, so much for the bend. But he has voiced his feelings and that is a
start.

"I know," I whisper.

"Do you?" he sneers at me. "I really don't
think you do." He stands up and leaves the bedroom. I sigh, another night
alone. I don't follow him but curl up on the bed hugging the pillow to me. I
jump a mile when he stalks back in, having gotten lost in my thoughts.
"Here," he says and hands me a lit cigarette as he lights another for
himself. I take it and draw deeply and thankfully on it. He has pulled on a
pair of sweats and I just melt.

"A stake wouldn't work anyway," I say quietly and
he looks sharply at me.

"Oh? And what would I need then?" He sits heavily
on the bed and hands me the Scotch to take a quick gulp.

I shrug and say, "I honestly don't know. I seem to be
invulnerable to…everything. Well, except fangs and claws. I suppose you could
bite me to death." I chance a small smile and he looks back at me in
amazement.

"Nothing hurts you?"

"Except fangs and claws. My only weakness," I
repeat.

"I should have known that," he says softly, almost
to himself.

"Yes. You should have."

"How did you test it?"

"Devon," I say and then stop, recalling earlier.
His eyes harden but then he clears his throat and asks, "How so?"

"After a knifing incident which should have made me
bleed--James, by the way--he came at me with various forms of weapons and fire
from my armory. Seems nothing works except…" I Shift to Vampire mode
briefly, flashing my claws at him.

His eyebrows go up. "Oh. That bastard. You should have
let me kill him."

I shrug. I’m not worried. "So, we are two of a kind
now, I guess. If you want to throw down, I would give you a run for your
money."

He snorts, "You'd like that wouldn't you? A chance to
try and kick my arse after treating you the way I have been lately."

"Try? No, I would kick your arse. And yes I would like
that. Very much."

"You hurt me, Liv," he says suddenly, but still
with the Liv.

"I know," I say again.

"No, you don't. You tell me that I am after all, your
true love, and then you go and do… that, a few seconds later. And then you
defend him against me. Do you have any idea what that felt like?"

"No, I don't. But I know I hurt you. I hurt all of you.
It was what I had to do. With great power comes great responsibility," I
quote ridiculously.

Again he snorts, "Voltaire. Pompous ass."

I chuckle in spite of myself and he sighs. "Christ,
Liv. I just don't know where to go from here."

"Back where we came from," I say quickly.

"I don't think that's possible. Do you?"

"Yes, of course."

"One big happy family?"

"That's the idea."

"Are you sleeping with him?"

I hesitate and that's all the answer he needs. He stands and
walks away. But this time I follow him, magicking up a robe, not willing to be
naked while he is clothed.

"Don't walk away from me. Not now," I say to him
and he stops.

Turning around he says sarcastically, "Is that an
order? Your Majesty?"

"If that’s what it takes," I say. "I would
rather we talk, like we used to," I add softly.

His face softens, "Liv, I don't know if I can give you
what you want right now."

"Start with dropping the ‘Liv,’" I say and he
looks startled.

"That bothers you? It is your name,” he says pointedly.

"It bothers me because you use it now to show
indifference to me. I don't like it."

"Huh?" he says as if that never even occurred to
him. "You do it as well, you know."

"Do what?" I ask, perplexed.

"You call me ‘Constantine’ when you are cross or upset
with me, or trying to be serious. Or at least before all this. Now you just call
me that all the time."

Surprised that he noticed I say, "It didn't seem
appropriate under the circumstances to call you anything else."

"Same here."

"Constantine. Don't you see what is happening here? We
are doing it all over again. Will we never learn? If not, how can we be
together in the future?"

"I don't know what you mean?"

"I mean we are acting like two stubborn fools. Or more
so, you are acting like a stubborn fool and I am letting you. It ends, right
here, right now."

"You think I am being stubborn?"

"Yes. You won't talk to me. Do you know this is the
most you've said to me at any one time in the last six months? And that we have
spoken about something other than business? Not to mention the other
stuff."

"Other stuff?"

"Christ, answer a question instead of asking
more!" I yell at him suddenly.

"What other stuff?" he presses, interested.

"You know…the other stuff," I say, pointing to the
bedroom, but he still looks lost. "Your bedroom, the gentle touch, the
undressing, the kissing, the biting. You have done none of those things until
tonight."

"Oh," he says, staring at me with a look on his
face I can't place.

"What? You think I wouldn't notice?"

"More like I think you wouldn't care," he says
quietly.

"What?" I say now in genuine shock. "Wouldn't
care? Wouldn't care that you have treated me like a fuck toy. Like a…pet?"
I hurl the word at him in disgust.

Horrified, he steps back, "A pet? Is that how you've
felt?"

I gesture madly at the collar still around my neck and I
think he realizes his actions for the first time.

"Liv, no, no. That's not how I wanted you to feel. I
just…Oh Christ, I wasn't even thinking about how you were feeling. I was just
lost in my own anger at you, my own misery at losing you."

"Losing me? Losing me? You never lost me, Constantine.
I made a decision that affected all of us, yes. But mostly it is to do with
Lincoln and me. He is an Alpha, he needs an Alpha mate. He needs the strongest
mate he can find to cement his authority and he picked me. I need him to help
build bridges between us and them. And I like him. He is fun and witty and
there's no drama with him. But you never lost me to him. You never will. Will
you never get that? You stubborn, fucking fool!"

He blinks at me, "I don't suppose I will. Liv, I spent
so many years taking out the threat before it even became a threat. I met you
and that changed. You had, have, the capacity to hurt me--to destroy me--and
you have on several occasions. Yes, I know I have been stupid enough to
contribute, but now I just can't do it anymore. I retreat. I go on the
defensive because I can't fight for you again and lose you again. I just can't
do it." He looks so forlorn I want to hold him but I stay where I am.

"But you didn't lose me, that's my point, Constantine.
You didn't lose me. I was still yours. I am still yours. I may be
somewhat…" I hesitate looking for the right word.

"Borrowed?" he snarls.

"If that's how you want to put it," I say calmly
even though I want to hit him. "But I never reneged on our arrangement.
You did. You got all pissy and changed the terms. You treated me like I meant
nothing to you, so yes. That is how I have been feeling these last
months."

"I'm sorry, Liv."

"Stop with the Liv!" I yell at him.

He glares at me, "You mean everything to me, you always
have. I am sorry I made you feel otherwise. But it doesn't change anything. I
want more from you than you can give."

"Well I fucking know how that feels," I say, still
yelling at him.

"Calm yourself, Aefre," he snaps and I break out
into a huge smile.

He huffs at me and allows me a small smile in return.
"I want all of you but I was prepared to share you with your boys. In
fact, I thought we were doing quite well considering it is unheard of for
Vampires to nest. But then everything changed. With one rash decision, it took
you all of a second to make, and it all came crashing down, and that is because
of you, Aefre. You. Not me."

Aefre. Okay, I can handle anything he says as long as he
continues to call me that.

"It wasn't rash. It was…crap, I wish I could explain it
to you! The decision was made for me," I finish lamely.

"Made by whom?"

"Who do you think?"

"Tiamat," he says, resigned.

"Yes."

"Your mother is an infuriating creature!" he
bellows at me in a rare show of temper. "She has caused me nothing but problems
since day one."

"I know. Same here."

He starts at my admission and he laughs then. "Oh
Aefre. I have missed our banter. I wanted so much to forgive you for what you
did but I just couldn't. I think I get it now," he says quietly.

"Do you? Really?" I ask, unconvinced.

"I think so. It has been difficult for me to realize
what you are now. Who you are now. Our whole dynamic has changed. I'm thrown
with it; I don't know how to handle being a subordinate. Your
subordinate," he says with a sigh.

"Oh, my love, that you aren't. You are my sire. The man
who made me.  I wouldn't be here if it weren't for you."

"And your mother," he grouses. "Never thought
I would have to deal with in-laws," he adds sullenly.

I chuckle at him, "At least you got to meet
yours."