Choices (48 page)

“Paul has all of them believe it or not.” He smiled and shrugged his shoulders.

“All of them? Even Noah? Who’s been feeding Noah?”

“Well, since you are Miss Efficiency we were able to use the 100oz of breast milk you had stored in the freezer to feed him. And believe it or not Paul has been doing just that.” He smiled and smoothed down my hair and kissed me back. “The doctor says you’ll have to ‘pump and dump’, if memory serves me correctly, for about a day until all the anesthesia is out of your system and then you can start nursing the baby again.” He paused quickly and smoothed down the sheets and looked at me with those dark blue eyes. Those eyes were reserved for either making love or when he was upset and angry. Since, we weren’t in anyway doing the horizontal mambo I figured he found out my lie. I swallowed and looked down at the hands that were smoothing down the sheet of my hospital bed and decided no more lies for Brandon, no more; even though I had to tell this one to buy me some time and a small slice of sanity.

“
I asked the doctors if the new baby was alright and they were a little confused.” He frowned at me. “Is there anything you need or want to tell me Laurel?”

“Oh, Brandon, you have no idea what I’
m going to tell you.” I swallowed hard and King Cobra was on the rise.

“Sit down, sweetheart and hold my hand and remember don’t shoot the messenge
r, you like having sex with her, and she’s the mother of your child.” I grinned sheepishly.

The doctor came in and told me it was alright for me to go home. I signed my release papers
, took my antibiotics the nurse gave me for the breast infection and told Brandon we should stop at the horse farm on the way home and I’ll explain everything. Vanessa and I loved to go to the horse farm when things were difficult for us and when either one of us needed to think. The drive was tense and really quiet.

“You sure you want to go to the farm? You don’t want to go home
to our farm and rest.” Brandon asked as we made our way up the driveway.

“Yeah, I’m fine. You know we probably can bring Vanessa’s horse over to our farm once we get everything situated. I wonder why I hadn’t thought of that before.”

“Maybe because you were too busy thinking up lies to tell the one person you trust more than anyone.” I let out a big sigh.

“Look, Brandon, I know this is hard to understand but once I tell you everything that’s been going on, you’ll understand why I did what I did and I hope that you’ll be able to embrace a whole new life.” He parked the car and turned off the engine and looked at me exasperated.

“A whole new life, Jesus, Laurel, what the hell are you talking about? You’re not making any sense.” He got out of the truck and slammed the door. Well, here goes nothing!
Please, God, send me the right words to say and open Brandon’s heart to hear the truth and see the glory of a new life.
I took his hand and we walked passed the chicken and turkey coops and made our way into the open horse pasture. Despite the warm temperatures and my slight preoccupation about George’s whereabouts and devising a way to tell Brandon everything, the day was glorious. We could hear the horses neighing in the pasture, munching mindlessly on the grass, not having a care in the world. The sun was high and the air was still light because it was early before the heat of the afternoon settled in for the day. The warm breezes filled the air with pollen motes floating lazily, swirling and blowing haphazardly; like Brandon’s emotions if I wasn’t careful.  The daisies in the nearby flower garden were spectacular, filled with a riotous color that screamed summertime. He stopped suddenly at the riding arena and leaned against the wooden spectator bleachers.

“Alright, so tell me.” He looked directly at me with his all too familiar intense dark gaze and took my hands. “Here hold my hands. It’s easier to talk to me and for me to listen to you if we’re touching, making a physical connection.
It helps with the hard stuff.”  He sighed and reached for me. I just looked at him, startled with my mouth open I’m sure. He just had that effect on me constantly.
Jesus, will he ever stop amazing me? He’ll never be some goofy twenty two year old, will he? It’s just not part of his nature. He was just born an old soul. Hopefully, his wisdom will help him embrace his new future.

“Okay.” I took a deep breath, held onto his hands and began my story.

“Do you remember the first time you and I went to the farm house?” I looked at him tenderly and ran my hand through his wavy mass of hair that was slightly damp from the heat and probably nerves.

“Of course I do.”

“Well, while we were there I found an old news clipping that fell out of Henrietta’s old Bible.”

“A news clipping? What does that have to do with the lie you told me?” I looked crossly at him and narrowed my eyes. “I’m getting to that.”

“Okay, I’m listening.”

“The news clipping
was about a young couple who had gone missing from home. They were very young and very, very much in love. They ran away from home probably because she was already pregnant.”

“Mmmhmm. What’s that got to do with me?”

“Jesus, Brandon, you’re acting like Jakie now. I’m getting to it; it’s complicated.”

“Hmph. Most lies are.”
I ignored that and kept rambling but not without letting my frustration be known. I tugged his ear.

“OUCH!”

“Hmmph. Serves you right.”

“GO. ON. PLEASE.” He bit out.

“On the back of the news clipping was a phone number and a name I recognized that scared the hell out of me.”

“Laurel, you’re confusing me and I still don’t understand what this has to do with me and a new future and why you
lied to me about being pregnant again!”

“Jesus, Brandon, just shut up and listen! I told you it was complicated.” I shoved him to sit on the bleachers and still stood above him shading him from the invading sun.

“Okay, I’m trying to tell you delicately but since you’re being so damned impatient…this young couple in the news clipping…” He motioned his hands for me to hurry along. “This young couple, Brandon, they were your parents, your real parents and I have a connection to them.” I gulped and ran a hand through my riotous curls that were getting curlier by the minute thanks to the humidity. He just blinked at me.

“
Connection? What? What are you talking about?” He was pale.

“Just what I said honey, just what I said. Joanna Phillips was not your biological mom and Henrietta and
Lester were not your biological grandparents.” He just kept blinking at me and looking at me uncomprehendingly. “Joanna stole you from the hospital with the help of a nurse, who also happened to be my neighbor. Brandon, your biological mother had the same heart condition you have now, dilated cardiomyopathy. I’m sorry, sweetheart; she died giving birth to you.” I decided to let this information rest a bit and see if his wisdom was kicking in yet.

“I don’t understand?” He furrowed his brows and narrowed his eyes and forced me to sit down. “Okay, you have to hold my hands even tighter now, because I don’t think I’m going to like the rest of what you have to tell me.”

“I’m sorry, Brandon, I can’t begin to imagine how painful and confusing this is.”

“You don’t know the half of it. Did my grandparents know?”

“Yes, Brandon, they knew and they wanted Jo to come clean but also knew that that would never happen so they protected her and loved you.” He gulped and looked down at his shoe. Suddenly, his head shot up, “What about my father, I mean my biological father and the man that left Jo – Robbie - what happened to them.” Oh, how much pain can one person endure? My heart was breaking for him and I didn’t know how to ease his pain I just knew I had to continue because through this entire mess I knew, I believed that something good had to come out of it! I steeled my nerves and let out a big sigh.

“I’m so sorry, Brandon, but your biological father is dead too. Robbie left Jo because he couldn’t be part of her lie, he knew what she did was morally, ethically and legally wrong. They were pregnant
, Jo and Robbie, and they loved each other probably as much as Jenny and Todd did. Unfortunately, for whatever reason, Jo lost her baby and was so overcome with grief she…” I gulped and mopped the sweat that was running from my head and sluicing its way down the sides of my face. “She stole you, sweetheart and Robbie couldn’t deal with what she had done and he left.” His shoulders slumped now too and he hung his head. I waited. I could hear the horses neighing in the background and hear the breeze sighing as though its heart was breaking along with Brandon’s. He stood up at this time. I reached for him and he shrugged my hand off his arm. He turned without looking at me and walked further into the pasture where the grass was incredibly thick and high to past our ankles.

“Brandon, please don’t shut me out. Please, I know this is hard for you, but please, I’m here, don’t shut me out. I won’t hurt you.” I caught up to him but he shrugged me off again.

He turned and faced me with the angriest face I had ever seen, those eyes; those eyes that made me melt right where I stood were now freezing me right where I stood. I was frightened, not because he would hurt me, but because he would leave me.

“
But you did hurt me! You knew and you didn’t say anything!! You knew!” He backed away from me and turned to run further into the pasture where the woods began and the pasture faded. I chased after him.

“Brandon! STOP!! Wait a minute. Let me explain.” I caught up to his long strides and inhaled a fragrant balsam laced lungful which had a calming effect for both of us. He turned to face me now. I reached for him, “Brandon, Brandon,” I pleaded. “Brandon, here take my hand.” I managed to croak out while my heart started to beat normally again. I took his hand and placed it over my heart. “Brandon, I didn’t find out any of this until I was pregnant and Joanna found out. She forced me to give you up because she was afraid that you would find out everything
and hate her and turn her into the police. The baby would keep you with me. If I let you go then you wouldn’t be hurt and she would be safe. You wouldn’t be hurt!! I didn’t know anything until Jo told me. She forced me to let you go. She was afraid you would find everything out and hate her. If I let you go you wouldn’t know and your life would go on. And that’s what I wanted for you; for you to be happy.” I was sobbing now, uncontrollably, so much so I couldn’t even see where he was but knew that he was still there because he gripped my hand. “I love you Brandon! I did it because I love you. I didn’t want to see you hurt but now, the crazy thing is that I am hurting you. I’m…” I cried harder still and sunk to my knees. I let go of his hand and placed both mine on my thighs. “I’m so sorry. I did it because I love you. I let you go because I didn’t want to hurt you and yet here I am hurting you now. I’m sorry.” I looked down at my legs, sobbing, trying to figure out how I was going to stand up when suddenly I felt myself being pushed into the warm, fragrant grass. I could feel Brandon’s weight against me. I could feel his body as hard as steel and yet as soft and welcoming as a warm blanket on a cold winter’s night.

“Shh…” I could hear him whispering in my ear. “Shh…it’s alright. I love you Laurel. I can’t believe you did that for me. No one has ever done anything like that for me. I didn’t know.
I didn’t know. I would have…I would…God, I love you.” He was covering my face with kisses and fumbling with the ties on the pants of my borrowed scrubs from the hospital and sliding down his gym shorts, kicking off his sandals and mine. He was panting and kissing away my tears, grinding his hips into mine. “Laurel, I have to…” He couldn’t even get the words out and before I knew what was happening he was inside me, deep and thrusting, rocking against my hips. I could only hear and feel. I couldn’t see anything. I was gasping, but not from the pain of being squished into the earth but from my desperate love for him. I met each thrust from him with equal force. His hands were in my hair, his lips were everywhere on my face, his skin was hot and sweaty, the air smelled of sex and pine needles. “I need to love you, Laurel. I need to feel and understand what’s real, and I only get that with you. Only you Laurel, only you.” With one last quick, hard thrust that sent him groaning and crying, I matched it equally with one of my own; groaning and crying with him.

A few moments later when we both came back to our senses, he rolled off of me and gathered me into his arms and kissed me with a tenderness and a longing I hadn’t experienced with him before.

“I love you. Thank you.” He whispered in my ear. “Thank you for telling me what you know but somehow I have a feeling there’s more.” He smoothed the hair out of my eyes and ran a hand down my back.

“Yes.” I sighed. “Yes, Brandon, there’s more. Once Jo told me everything about your birth and forced me to give you up I was devastated; just devastated. I didn’t know how I was going to go on but I knew I had to and this baby was going to know how much his father would have loved him if he was given the chance.” We both tensed. “Go, on.” He said. “I went about my life in a daze. I was confused, in pain, miserable but I knew I had to live; I had children to care for and a beautiful new baby to love and a life to live. Jo tortured me whenever she could by telling me all about your new life.” He tensed even further. I rubbed his chest and laid my hand on his heart and searched his eyes for understanding. “I loved you Brandon and I was comforted by the fact that you were happy. I was slowly coming around, living for my kids, the new baby and Kristy’s.” I shivered at that time and he held me closer, urging me on. “When I saw you in New York, I was so overwhelmed I dreamed about you constantly. I woke up in a sweat, panting, thinking you were right there beside me. I dreamed of us making love all the time. I dreamed of what it would have been like to see you with the baby; your baby.” He sat up at that time and twirled a small twig around that he found on the ground between his feet.