Chloe’s New Beginning

CHLOE’S NEW BEGINNING

Novikov
Clan 1

ALICIA WHITE

Copyright © 2012

Chapter 1

She sat at the table, half listening to all the people talk and walk around her. She pretended to be invisible, wishing she were alone. She held him in her lap, the last of what she had of him. She felt consumed with guilt and self-loathing. All their stupid arguments meant nothing. All their harsh words ate at her. Her heart felt like lead in her chest. What she wouldn’t give to have him back, right in front of her, just to hug and kiss one more time. They had been married for almost five years, and even if things had been rocky at times, they had love.

Chloe Novikov held the beautiful urn in her lap, rocking back and forth, and silent tears dripped down her cheeks. She let them go, not caring what anyone thought. Today was the worst day of her life. Actually, the last couple of weeks had been horrible. People came and went, bringing food and gifts, trying to be sympathetic, trying to understand her grief. She wanted to be left alone, but the visitors didn’t stop coming. Most days, she would ignore the door and the phone. Today, her mother and sisters were visiting, but she wanted them gone. Unfortunately, they had a key and used it often.

Her husband, Conner, had left for work, riding his motorcycle. It had been like any other day, except for her harsh words to him that morning. She wasn’t feeling good, had needed him to take her to the doctor’s office, but he said he needed to go to work, that there was an important project he needed to finish. She had called him selfish, uncaring, and other names without thought, and then went back to bed.

Later that evening, a police officer arrived at her door. She hadn’t needed to be told. The look on his face said it all. She felt broken and lost, a heavy weight settled over her, and she kept replaying their earlier conversation in her mind. She hadn’t said “I love you,” “Drive safe,” or even “Have a good day.” What if he didn’t know that she truly did love him with all her heart? What if he didn’t know that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with him, grow old, and have children?

“Chloe…sweetie, why don’t you go upstairs and lie down?” She hadn’t realized she’d been sobbing, holding the urn so tight in her arms her fingers were white. Her mom helped her stand, and then she walked toward their room. It was the last place she wanted to be, but she desperately wanted to be alone. Chloe sat in one of the overstuffed chairs by the window and stared into the room. Their wedding picture looked back. He had been so handsome. He was impossibly tall. He had the deepest-blue eyes, and thick, black hair. He had been the perfect man, the man that others couldn’t measure up against.

She hated seeing everything that reminded her of him, hated being able to still smell his cologne. It reminded her of all her faults, all her mistakes. Chloe walked into the closet and started smelling his clothes, pulling them off hangers one by one. Tears streamed down her cheeks, and her vision became blurry.
Why did you leave me? Was I so awful to you? Please…Connor…please forgive me.

Once all his clothes were in a pile on the floor, she lay down, closed her eyes, and sobbed. She inhaled him, held his clothes close to her chest, and pretended he was next to her.
I love you. God…what am I going to do without you?
She didn’t know how much time went by until she heard her mother’s quiet voice.

“Sweetheart, oh, honey, I’m so sorry. I can’t even begin to imagine what you’re feeling. I just came to tell you everyone is gone. I cleaned the kitchen. Do you want me to stay with you?” Her mom had always been so strong and supportive. She started rubbing circles on her back, trying to give comfort, but Chloe didn’t want comfort. She needed to feel this pain, especially after all the awful things she said.

“No…please go, Mom. I just want to be alone.” She didn’t move, didn’t make eye contact. She just lay in his shirts, feeling like an empty shell of a person.

“Okay. If you need me, just call. I’ll come right over.” Her mom leaned down and kissed her head. Chloe waited until she heard the front door close before she moved. She wanted the pain to end, she didn’t want to think, didn’t want to feel.

Chloe held the urn against her chest as she made her way downstairs and into the kitchen. She walked straight to the liquor cabinet and opened the doors, removing a few bottles. She pulled the cork out of the tequila bottle and carried it to the couch. It didn’t take long before almost a quarter of the bottle was gone. She felt dizzy and disoriented, which was her goal to be exact. She wanted to stop feeling anything.

She walked over to the stereo system and turned it on, making sure all her favorite artists would play. Adele was first, followed by more tears and more alcohol. Then Mumford & Sons, and this time she grabbed the cordless phone, pretending it was a microphone and sang her heart out to “Little Lion Man.” She cried more tears, especially when she got to the chorus. “It was not your fault but mine, and it was your heart on the line, I really fucked it up this time. Didn’t I, my dear, didn’t I…my dear?”

Chloe lay on the couch, eyes wide open, watching the living room spin. She closed her eyes tight, enjoying the different colors twirling. Her life was over, her love gone. “Oh, God, I need him, please give him back. I need him.” She yelled and cursed, begging God for another chance, begging Conner for forgiveness. She finally passed out, completely exhausted, while the music played on in the background.

* * * *

Chloe woke up slowly, wondering what had been the cause until she heard the doorbell ringing. She moaned and covered her face, her head pounding, her stomach churning. Moving slowly, she pushed herself up from the couch and walked to the front door. She opened the door slowly and saw a man standing there, wearing a suit and holding a briefcase. She couldn’t even describe what he looked like. She was in a daze.

“Can I help you?” She didn’t know him, so she kept the door slightly closed, just barely showing her face.

“Mrs. Novikov?” At her nod, he continued, “Good afternoon, ma’am, I’m Stan Miller, your husband’s attorney. I’ve been trying to contact you for a few days. May I come in?” He didn’t smile, just looked at her with pity. She didn’t know that Conner even had an attorney. A few days? How long had she been in her drunken stupor?

“No…I’m busy. What do you want? I didn’t even know Conner had an attorney.” She stared at him straight-faced, not willing to let him into her home, not wanting to stop mourning.

“I have some papers for you. Conner had me draw these up when you were married. It’s his last will and testament. I am sorry for your loss. I wanted to bring these to you right away.” He kneeled down, opening his brief case, and pulled out a file. He stood up and handed her the documents through the crack in the door she provided. Chloe reached for them, not sure what to do.

“I’ll read this later. Thanks for coming over and bringing them.” She tried to close the door, but Mr. Miller stopped her.

“Ma’am…I need to read them to you. Or at least make sure that you understand his last request.” He gave her a shaky smile, and she opened the door, walking back into the living room. She grabbed the bottle of tequila, pouring herself a glass over ice.

“Fine. Read it. Do you want one?” she offered when he stared at her blankly.

“No, thanks. Okay…do you want to sit down? Or, I could just read it.” He pulled out another folder from his briefcase and started reading. “I, Conner M. Novikov, of 13736 Tobias Rd., Portland, Oregon, declare this is my Last Will and Testament.” He looked up when she sniffled. She nodded for him to continue since she didn’t think that she could even speak. These were going to be his last words to her.

“I am married to Chloe D. Novikov and all references in this Will to my spouse refer to Chloe D. Novikov. I give my entire interest in the real property, which is my residence at the time of my death to my wife. Any and all belongings I have shall belong to her to distribute as she feels fit. If, at my death, we have any children, I want part of my policy to be given to them equally.” He looked up at her, and Chloe shook her head. They hadn’t had any children. Of course he would include that. They had had so many plans, plans that would never happen now. Her lower lip quivered, and she cried at the loss.

“I’m sorry. I’ll continue. I know this is hard for you.” He gave her a minute, and then he began reading again. Everything that followed was confusing, and the legal words were making her head spin. All that mattered was that everything belonged to her. She knew Conner would always take care of her. He said he always would.

“If you could just sign here.” He lifted the file up and handed her a pen. “He also wanted me to give you this.” He handed her an envelope that had Conner’s handwriting on the front.

“What is this?” She looked at the envelope, not able to take her eyes off her name neatly scripted on the front.

“I’m not sure. Mr. Novikov just asked that I give this to you. I’ll see myself out. Again…I’m sorry for your loss.” He got up and left, and the soft click of the door was all she heard.

Chloe stared at the envelope, scared and unsure. What was he going to ask of her? She put the envelope down and picked up her drink. She stared at it for a long time until her name became blurry. She steeled herself, picked up the envelope, and slowly opened it. She saw his handwriting and swallowed the lump in her throat. She started reading his beautiful words. Unable to stop the tears, she sobbed openly, trying to keep the letter dry.

These were his last words to her. She would never talk to him again, never be held or loved by him. He was gone. The pain sliced through her heart, and her soul felt empty.

My Dearest Chloe,

If you’re reading this, then my time has come to leave this place. I hope you know that you are the only person I have ever loved. The day you said, “I do” was the greatest day of my life.

I’ve kept this letter current, making sure that every year I turned in a new one to my attorney. I didn’t tell you because I know that you would think I was being morbid. You always hated talking about death. I don’t blame you, though. Thinking about losing you makes it hard to breathe.

I don’t want you to cry. I don’t want you to shut everyone out and get depressed. I don’t want you to blame God or anyone else. When it’s your time, it’s your time. I’m at peace, waiting for you to join me when you’re old and gray. I’d better not see you before then, or I’ll be very upset.

We’ve had many dreams, and it’s time for you to achieve them. I know what you’re thinking, and I would feel the same way. You don’t want to do it without me, but you have to. It’s my last wish. I know you have me in an urn, so take me with you. I’ll be there. You won’t be alone.

I want you to go to Alaska. I want you to finally meet my family. I want you to know me, the real me. There is so much I haven’t told you, and I hope that you will be able to understand and forgive me. They’re expecting you, and I know that they’ll love you and you’ll love them. Maybe you will finally be in a place that will make you happy. Go to the North entrance of the Wrangell-St. Elias National Park. Someone will meet you there. Don’t wait. Go immediately.

I know you loved me, and I know we’ve had some hard times. I’ve been difficult. I’m sorry for everything I’ve put you through. You’ve been the only great thing in my life. I ran away from home, and I should’ve gone back. I have many regrets. You aren’t one of them. I love you. I will always love you, princess.

Take care of yourself. I’ll always be with you, by your side.

Love Always,

Conner

She read the letter repeatedly. He had one request, and she would do it. She would go to meet his family. She hadn’t ever met his family, thinking that maybe he was ashamed of her. She had begged to meet them, and he’d refused. Why did he want her to go there now? The reasons didn’t matter, although it did confuse her. How would they be expecting her unless he’d been in contact with them and never told her?

She carried her drink and the letter to the couch. She closed her eyes and leaned back, trying to breathe through her nose. Every time she cried, her eyes would get swollen and her nose plugged up. Yup, she was definitely a wreck. She knew his family lived near the Wrangell-St Elias National Park. Chloe opened her laptop and realized that either she could drive for forty-seven hours or she could fly. Did she really want to be stuck there, though? If they were awful people, she could get back into her car and leave. If she flew, she’d be stuck. She closed her laptop. Tomorrow, tomorrow she would think about it.