Children of the Gods - A Chosen Novel (11 page)

I did not know what this meant for how I felt
about Jaxson. One thing I was sure of though, Anaya had lied to me
in the retelling of her history through her memories as a means to
gain what she wanted.
She
could no longer be trusted.

Griff arrived with food. He entered the room
cautiously.

“It is ok, Griff. I am not going to fall
apart again.”

He smiled a weak smile and placed my food
before me. I was hungrier than I realized. We were both silent
while we ate, but he watched me carefully.

“I should get Jaxson,” Griff said as he took
my tray.

I touched his arm. “Please do not. I really
am alright. It will only worry him needlessly, and he has more than
enough burdens already.”

“Alright,” he said, but seemed unsure. He
walked to the bureau and put the tray down. He remained there with
his back to me for a moment. Finally, he turned and looked me
directly in the eyes. “What did you see?”

“You have nothing to worry about, Griff. It
was just something to give me a little clarity. That is all.”

He stood there a moment longer, looking lost
in thought. Finally he sat down, keeping his eyes averted, never
meeting my gaze.

“Life rarely deals us a fair hand,” I said,
still watching him.

“That is for sure.”

“And it is rarely ever what you expect.”

“Of that I am certain.” He looked
uncomfortable and I wondered where his mind wandered as I
spoke.

“Even the bad things do not work out the way
we think. Often the things you expect to be the worst, turn out to
be the things you treasure the most.”

He looked up and locked eyes with me. The
world around us seemed to slow, almost to a blur. I could hear the
rush of blood in my head. Then he spoke, and his voice brought the
world back to speed. “Are we speaking of you, or of me?”

“Neither.” I waved my hand. “I was merely
speaking of life in general.”

His eyes never left my face for the rest of
the afternoon. They returned to their intrusive, searching stare,
as if he could pull my secrets out with his eyes. And honestly, I
was unsure he could not do exactly that. Sometimes it felt like he
could see right through me.

Griff left in haste the moment Jaxson
returned. Jaxson, luckily, did not appear to notice. His eyes were
glued to me. His expression of concern, and something more
frightening, caused my stomach to flutter.

He crossed the room in two strides and was
kneeling in front of me before I could offer a welcome. “Are you
alright?” he asked, as his fingers brushed lightly over my tender
forehead. There was pain in his eyes.

“Yes, I am okay.”

“What happened?”

“I was clumsy is all.”

He kissed my forehead. “Does it hurt?”

I shook my head. “Not much, but do you mind
if we stay in for dinner?”

He smiled. “That sounds perfect.”

When I asked to eat in, it was simply to
avoid Duester or anyone else seeing my injury. I was still confused
about all I had seen that afternoon in Griff’s memory. When Jaxson
began casually offering me bites of his food, I was not prepared
for how intimate eating alone with him was. It was another of those
moments when I realized the man feeding me grape tomatoes, was
largely my life. It was startling that I did not completely hate
the thought.

Anaya, on the other hand, was not happy with
my thoughts. She had been silent since the accident with Griff had
revealed some of Jaxson’s true character and her deception.

She always was more trouble when Jaxson was
present though. I do not think she liked feeling the emotions I had
for him.

“Would you mind if I disappeared for a
moment, Love?” His eyes glinted like a child’s.

“What are you up to?”

“Me? Up to something?” He acted wounded.

“Fine, but do hurry back.” I dismissed him
with a wave of my hand. He grabbed it and drew me close. The sudden
action and his body pressed against mine made me light headed. His
lips were close to mine, but he only looked deep in my eyes. My
stomach fluttered when he finally kissed me.

He let me down gently, back onto the bed,
kissed my hand, then turned and left. I was speechless. I felt
disappointed as I watched him go.

The memories started the moment the wall
closed. The first one was of the night I broke my own rule, and
used my gift to entice Niko to dance with me.

Anaya stood close to Jaxson, her arm
wrapped around his.
This made me angrier than the fact that
she was watching me. It took a moment to realize she was more than
just watching me. She was leading Jaxson along, trailing after
me.

It was so stupid of me to do what I had done,
but now I wondered if it mattered. If Anaya had chosen me, I never
had a chance. Why did she choose me?

Suddenly the memory shifted and we were in
the market.

It was a day like any other. People were
stopping at many of the street vendors. No money was required, but
there was often bartering for things you could not get from the
normal rations.

Devlin, a neighbor who lived just three
houses from mine, stopped at the butchers. “Marcus,” he said, in
good spirits.

“
Devlin, what can I get you?”

“
That ham would make a fine feast for my
daughter’s celebration. She has paired with Michael.”

“
Congratulations!” Marcus responded.
“Unfortunately that is for the God Queen. How about a
turkey?”

“
Of course, that would be lovely.”

The disappointment was clear on Devlin’s
face. We were not allowed to eat pork until we were past the age of
Choosing. It would have been quite a nice meal for the
celebration.

The memory did not end there. Moments later I
walked up to Marcus. I felt sick as my own memory of that day mixed
with Anaya’s.

I had met up with Devlin on the way in and he
expressed his disappointment. Not knowing the ham was for the
Halorans, I offered to barter with Marcus.

“
Marcus.” I leaned in close. “I know you
have had your eye on one of my blankets.”

“
You are very observant. My wife loves
your work,” he replied, hopeful.

“
I hear you have a ham?”

He paused for a moment. I smiled innocently
at him, hoping he would give in. He ran a hand through his hair. I
gave him a pleading, doe eyed look.

“
Oh, alright.” He heaved a heavy sigh, but
handed the ham over.

As I walked away, Jaxson approached Marcus.
He had not been standing with Anaya, who watched the whole
thing.

I always thought my gift was limited to
dancing, like it was with my mother. I was not so sure anymore. Was
I as guilty as her, bending people to my will, even to the point of
getting them in trouble?

“I get the picture. You think we are not so
different. Only I would not have asked if I knew the consequences.
If I knew what I was doing.”

She was silent again. She knew the seeds of
doubt and shame she had planted were already growing. Maybe that
was all she wanted, to make me feel as bad as I thought she was.
She was succeeding.

Jaxson returned with a platter and a huge
smile. Settling in front of me, he dropped down onto the bed and
crossed his legs. He playfully slapped my hand away when I reached
for the tray.

“What have you got there?” My interest was
piqued.

“Close your eyes and I will show you.”

I gave him a skeptical look.

“Close them,” he said authoritatively, then
smiled, clearly enjoying himself.

I closed my eyes and opened my mouth, and was
rewarded with the most decadent confection I had ever tasted. It
was creamy and cool, with a flavor unlike any I ever encountered
before.

I opened my eyes and his face was close to
mine. He was watching me, his lips puckered in a look of
satisfaction.

“No peeking.” He brushed his fingers across
my eyelids, ensuring I complied. His lips were soft at first,
brushing against mine. I leaned forward, expectant, but he pulled
away.

“Patience, Love.” His breath was warm on my
face, his scent sweet. It made me feel urgent rather than patient.
He gave me another treat. This time the flavor was far more
intense. I realized it was the same treat, only now, I was tasting
it under the influence of his kiss.

This time when he leaned in, I was rewarded
for my patience with a passionate kiss. He did not pull away when I
kissed him back.

Chapter
13

When I woke Jaxson was leaning over me,
looking fierce, like a wild animal. His eyes were wide and frantic.
Every inch of my skin prickled. My breath felt ragged in my chest.
I sucked in hard trying to relax myself, but it only came in
shallow gasps.

Did he know? Was I talking in my sleep
again?

Suddenly I could not draw a breath, not even
a shallow one. My chest felt tight, like it was about to explode. I
coughed, then gagged.

Jaxson leaned over me and his expression was
more frightening than before. He looked desperate, fearful. I tried
to sit up, but I could only move my arms, and even they felt
stiff.

Pain rocked through my chest, shaking and
rattling me to my bones. Jaxson knowing my secret was no longer my
biggest fear. I reached for him and clutched his arm.

“I think I am dying, Jaxson.”

He held my arms, and now he only looked
frightened.

“I do not want to die.” Tears spilled down my
face involuntarily. My breath was more shallow than before; it was
hard to draw it all.

“You know there is a way to save you,” Jaxson
said, quietly and looked away.

“I do not want it that way. Please, Jaxson,
you have to save me. You have to find another way.” I did not know
why I said it. I just knew what he offered horrified me, and I did
not want it.

The light in his eyes dimmed, the concern
faded. He seemed far away, almost vacant looking.

“I will find a way to save you. Hold on,
Reka.” His voice sounded hollow, like his words were automatic. A
ripple of fear and excitement rushed over me. He said my name, not
hers. It was then that I realized it was not dying I feared. What I
was afraid of was losing him, but I did not want it to be like
this. I did not want him powerless to resist. I was not like Anaya.
Was I?

Everything felt hazy. I felt arms tightening
around me as I struggled. It had only been a dream. I did not wake
up screaming; it was more of a whimper. My heart was pounding from
the images of Anaya’s memory, almost the same, but the slight
change made such a dramatic difference.

“It was a bad one?” he asked, his voice
barely a whisper, but it startled me. I nodded and tried not to
cry. Did he only care about me because I forced him to? The thought
was suffocating.

I stood up and moved to the end of the bed,
hitting the wall to open the secret room. I needed air and earth.
It was not real, but it was as close as I would ever get.

“Love?”

His concern did nothing to loosen the hands
around my neck. The wall slid up and I rushed inside. The darkness
and crisp air relaxed me a little. I pushed through the trees and
their feather branches caressed me. They felt like whispers,
comforting, saying ‘You will be okay. It was just a dream.’

I broke through and found the pond waiting
for me like a friend. I waded out into the water and sat. The cool
water soothed my feverish skin.

The soft lapping against the tiny bank drew
my focus. I shut out everything else but the sound and the tickle
of fish as they brushed my skin. My heartbeat slowed and my breath
shallowed.

The moment he stepped into the water, I felt
the pull. It was a fraction of what I felt in the Living Waters,
but I still ached with the need to be near Jaxson, to belong.

“Love?” He took a cautious step closer. “Can
I come out there?”

I nodded, but did not face him. I could not
look at him and wonder if it was just a trick of nature that
allowed me to force his adoration. There was no denying how much I
needed him near though.

With each step, the ache and fear ebbed,
replaced by the sense of oneness I could have never imagined
possible before I was Chosen. He was hesitant as he stood behind
me. I reached back to touch him and he responded by sitting down,
his legs on either side of mine. He pressed his chest against my
back, wrapping his arms around me, holding me tight.

“What is it, Love?”

I shook my head.

“Please tell me. I cannot help if you do not
let me in.” His voice was pained.

I had to tell him something to ease his mind,
so I lied.

“It is just her,” I said, tapping my
head.

“Tell me what I can do.”

“Nothing, she is just sad. It is Reka’s
birthday in a few days. It is the first one she will not be
spending with her family. The first is the hardest. She will get
used to it.”

He scattered gentle kisses along my neck and
shoulders. “How can I make this better?”

I took his hand and laced my fingers in his
and pulled his arms around me like a blanket. “You are doing it.
Being near you makes it better.”

Slowly, I began to relax. When my body
finally stopped trembling, Jaxson scooped me up into his arms.
Without a word he carried me back to bed. He rubbed his fingers
over my hands, gently tracing patterns on my skin. The strength in
his arms, in who he was gave me the sense of security I needed at
the moment. The sense of security I always craved but could never
have. I knew it was false, but I tried to ignore that.

Morning came quickly. I could tell Jaxson was
already awake, though he was not moving. I nestled my face into his
neck and tightened my grip on his waist.

“Are you finally awake?” He sounded
amused.