Authors: Dan Smith
âLet them go?' said Viktor. âWe can't just let them go. They'll come after us before weâ'
âIt's the only way,' I said.
âSo what do
we
do now?' Evgeni asked. He was standing with his shoulders hunched, the weight of his situation weighing him down. He glanced back at the group of prisoners huddled behind him. âWhat do any of us do now?'
âMy sons and I are going to take these horses and we're going to go to my village. My wife is there. My home too, but that is lost. I think, perhaps, your homes are lost too.'
None of them spoke.
âI know they've found my village. They've stripped the food, taken anything of any value, arrested or shot the men. I'm going to find my wife and then I'm going to head for Poland.'
âYou think you'd make it?' Evgeni asked. âIn the winter? With the borders closed and the villages occupied? Even if you can take your wife from the village, you really think you can make it to Poland? On a horse?'
âI'm going to try,' I said. âThere are many ways to get into Poland, and I know how to live when the weather is bad. It'll be hard, but I have to try. You people are free to do whatever you like. You can risk returning to your homes, or you can go somewhere else; it's up to you.'
âJust like that?'
âWhat else can I do?'
âWhat about them?' He gestured at the soldiers.
âWhat about them?' I asked. âThey're in the same position as we are. You really think they can go back? Do you know what the Red Army does to men who retreat? Men who lose their rifles and their prisoners? If these men go back to Sushne, they'll be shot. They can't go back there any more than you can.'
Evgeni looked at me for a long while. Beside him Dimitri was silent. The scene was like a photograph, no one moving, no one making a sound.
After a moment, Evgeni nodded and that simple gesture broke the scene. Dimitri spoke quietly to him before they went to the group of prisoners.
âStrip him,' I said to Viktor, pointing to Yakov's body.
While Viktor did as I instructed, I removed Andrei's coat and gloves. I took his shirt and his boots and swapped everything for my own. I pulled on Andrei's
budenovka
hat, dropping the flaps over my ears, and dragged the young soldier from the road into the trees. Viktor pulled Yakov in beside him, and while Alek-sandra and Petro watched the soldiers and the horses, we threw snow over the bodies.
âYou should have gone home,' I told Viktor as we worked.
âMaybe.'
âBut I'm glad you didn't. And it's good to see you looking strong. You did well.'
Viktor nodded.
âYou have the things I left in the cabin?' I asked.
âIn the woods.'
âEverything? You have the rifle?'
âYes.'
âGood.'
When we were done, we piled Yakov's clothes together with the soldiers' rifles by the roadside. I could see Evgeni and the others in conversation. They were still in a huddle, and they reminded me of sheep, the way they'd come together for mutual protection. Even Yuri had lost himself among the others. It surprised me he hadn't stepped forward, a soldier with his
experience. It had never seemed as if his spirit had been broken, yet he remained huddled among the others, looking to Evgeni and Dimitri for leadership.
As Viktor and I approached the place where Petro stood with the horses, so the huddle became silent and Evgeni and Dimitri came to join us.
âNone of us has anything to return to,' Evgeni said. âNowhere to go.'
I waited. Beside me one of the horses began scraping the ground with its hoof, nuzzling the area, looking for something edible.
âThey want to follow you to Poland.'
I almost laughed at the thought of leading this rabble to Poland. âWe'll be on horseback,' I said. âThey'd never keep up. And I can't be responsible for these people. I already have enough.'
Evgeni looked down. âThey're afraid. Cold. They have nothing to eat.'
âWhat about you?' I asked. â
You
can take them.'
âI'm not skilled enough.'
âYou'll have Yuri with you. He has enough experience. He said he was a soldier; he'll know how to survive. Let him help lead you to Poland.'
âWe've spoken to him; he's not coming.'
âWhat?' I looked back at the huddle of prisoners but couldn't see Yuri.
âHe said he'll be safer alone, that he's going east.'
âEast to where?'
âHe wouldn't say.' Evgeni shook his head. âHe's afraid of informers.'
â
Everyone's
afraid,' Dimitri said to me. âThat's why we're looking to you.'
âYou know how to use a rifle?'
âYes.'
âGood. There are rifles there for you.' I pointed to the small pile of belongings. âTake them and whatever you need of the
clothes; it's all I can do. You can make it. Yuri will see sense if you talk to him. He'll go with you.'
âI'm not so sure.'
âThen you'll have to manage. I haven't time to stand here talking, and you won't be able to follow us when we're gone. We'll move too quickly on the horses.'
Evgeni nodded once to Dimitri, then took my arm and walked me away from the others.
âYou must be very proud of your sons.'
âThere's no time for pride,' I told him. âThere's only time for doing what we can.'
âAnd what about these people here?'
âI've no time for them either â I told you that. I have enough responsibility already.'
âThese people have seen what you can do,' Evgeni said. âYou and your sons. They see what kind of men you are, and now they want to follow you. They won't follow me like that.'
âAnd what do
you
think?'
He shrugged. âI think if I want to stay alive, I need to be with you.'
I looked Evgeni in the eye and ran a gloved hand across my face. I had watched his brother die in the belfry, and he had given me warmth and the last scraps of bread and water. âYou know Vyriv?' I asked.
âI've heard of it.'
âYou know how to get there?'
âI think so.'
âThat's where I'm going. On horseback I think we can make it by tomorrow morning, but I don't know how long I'll be there. There's a ridge to the north-west that overlooks the village. Head there and I'll try to meet you, and we'll travel together. But I won't wait. As soon as I have my wife and daughter, I'll move on and I'll try to leave no tracks.'
Evgeni nodded and turned as if to go back to the others, but I stopped him.
âThere are enough rifles, so you should split into two groups.
You take some of the people; Yuri and Dimitri take the others. Try to cover your tracks, but if someone finds them, you'll be harder to follow if there are two trails.' I glanced up at the sky. âAnd it looks like someone is finally looking out for us.'
âWhat do you mean?'
âIt's starting to snow again.' I smiled. âWith a bit of luck it'll cover our tracks anyway. It's about time we had some help from up there, don't you think? Maybe we haven't been abandoned after all.'
Evgeni stared for a moment. Thick flakes were beginning to drift around us, not many, but the sky was turning grey, and somewhere far away there was the long rolling sound of thunder.
âHow can you smile?' he asked.
âLast night I was freezing to death in a bell tower. Today I have a good coat and boots; I've found Dariya; I'm with my sons, and the snow is falling to cover our escape. I have a lot to smile about. We need to look for the good in what we have, Evgeni; it's the only way to survive.'
âI'm not sure I can find good in anything any more.'
âYou're free, aren't you? You're no longer on your way to a labour camp. You could've been mining coal, building a railway, but now you have your freedom.'
âFor now.'
âThen we must keep it that way.' Evgeni and his friends had given me bread and water when I needed it. They had offered me warmth and solidarity. I could see that Evgeni was afraid, just as I had been before, but now for different reasons. Now Evgeni had the responsibility of the others and he faced the possibility of being followed by soldiers. I wanted to do more to help, but there was nothing left for me to do other than reassure him.
âThe way it's falling now, the snow will be your friend. It will cover those bodies and maybe no one will even come looking for you,' I told him. âThey won't care that much about a few old men and women going missing. I've met people like Lermentov, and I'm sure he wouldn't follow us even if he knew we'd gone; he
can't spare men to the wilderness. He has other things to keep him occupied. No, he'll just hope the weather kills us.'
âYou think we can survive out here?'
âAll you have to do is survive long enough to get to Vyriv. Keep moving, keep warm, keep to the trees and you'll be fine. We'll meet you and cross to Poland together.'
âYou really mean that? You'll wait for us?'
âFor a while. But don't tell any of the people where you're going. Only Yuri and Dimitri.'
âWhy?'
âAny one of them could be an informer,' I said. âAny one of them could try to pass on the information.'
âOut here?' He looked around him.
âAnywhere,' I said.
âSo what do I say?'
âTell them you're going to meet us â that's enough.'
âSo what about me? What about Yuri and Dimitri? You trust us?'
âI suppose I have to.'
30
While Evgeni and the others gathered the rifles and clothing, I prepared the horses to leave. I mounted, taking Aleksandra and Dariya, while Petro and Viktor took the second horse. We would be a heavy load for the animals, but the horses were strong and they would cope. When they grew tired we would walk for a while, give them a chance to rest.
âWhat about us?' Anatoly asked. The two soldiers were standing like abandoned children, not knowing what to do. âWhere do we go?'
âYou can do as you please,' I said, looking down at them. âBut if I were you, I wouldn't go back to Sushne. If you're lucky, Lermentov will shoot you; maybe watch you dig your own grave first. If you're not so lucky, maybe he'll put you up in that bell tower for a while.'
The two soldiers looked across at Evgeni and the others preparing to leave.
â
They'll
never trust you,' I said. âAfter what's happened to them, they may even kill you.' I watched them, feeling a weight in my chest. They probably had no idea how to survive alone in good weather, never mind in these conditions.
âPlease,' Sasha said. âYou can't just leave us here.' The snow was falling faster now, the flakes smaller but filling the air, covering our hats and settling on our shoulders.
âWhat do you want me to do?' I asked them.
âTake us with you.'
âI can't do that.' But I couldn't leave them out here to die
either. I closed my eyes for a moment and turned my face to the sky, feeling the cold spots on my eyelashes and lips. I had come out here to take responsibility for one small child, but now it seemed I'd collected far more along the way. Aleksandra, the refugees, and now two young soldiers who were out of their depth and afraid.
The horse was becoming restless and it shifted beneath me. I opened my eyes and leaned forward to reassure it, speaking to it, stroking the side of its neck.
âIn your shoes,' I said to the soldiers, âI'd go on. Wherever you were supposed to take us, go there and hope that whoever is in charge is more forgiving than Lermentov. Maybe you can even lose yourselves at the transit prison â God knows there'll be other prisoners and soldiers. Disappear among them. Take a train back into Russia and go home. Find your wife.' I looked at Anatoly. âGo to her so that you can remember her face. It's what I would do.'
âAnd then?'
I shrugged. âAnd then find somewhere to hide. For now it's kulaks, but soon I think there'll be enemies of the state everywhere. Russia will suddenly be full of them, and there will be plenty of work for them all. All I can do is wish you luck.'
I turned the horse and called over to Evgeni, raising a hand to him. Evgeni nodded, lifted a hand to head height and held it there. He was still standing that way when I nudged the horse and left the road, making for the trees and the place where Viktor and Petro had left our belongings.
The horses were well-trained rugged beasts that moved without complaint. Mine worked hard beneath the extra weight, but Aleksandra and Dariya were not heavy and it walked on with little encouragement. I swayed with its movement, keeping balanced in the saddle, wedged between Dariya in front and Aleksandra behind.
There was great respite in not being on my feet, and I could feel the ache in my legs from the walking and the sting in my toes
from the cold. I wanted to hurry back to Vyriv. knowing what might be happening there, but now I was back with my sons and I had found Dariya, there was a sense of relief that melted with the tiredness and the hunger and slipped around me.
âHow far?' I asked, shaking my head and forcing myself to concentrate on following my sons. In front, the rear of the other horse moved on.
âNot far.' Petro turned so he could look back. I saw the profile of his head, only his nose poking between the covering of his scarves and his hat pulled low to his eyes.
âA few minutes,' I heard Viktor agree. âAnd we have some meat. We can make a fire, boil water, have some teaâ'
âWe haven't time for that,' I told him. âWe have to get home.'
âI want to get home too,' he said. âBut when was the last time you ate?'
I thought back to the rabbit we'd shared and tried to remember if I had eaten since then. I could almost taste the meat now; feel something in my belly cry out for it. âI had some bread. Just before I left.'