Child of Recklessness (Trials of Strength Book 2) (33 page)

‘
I never had the chance to apologise for the stunt Jessica and
I pulled,’ he said and grimaced, ‘when we tried to stop you going
after Anna’s brother.’

‘
That’s because you don’t need to apologise,’ I replied and
sighed. ‘You were right. I was reckless, driven by revenge. I only
wish you’d actually succeeded.’

‘
No, I said some out of order stuff,’ Chris said. ‘I got too
used to taking charge, that when you stepped up, I found it
difficult. I was wrong about you not being able to take care of the
group, you saved Anna and I.’

‘
Chris, you’re the father of this group,’ I chuckled. ‘You’re
the smartest, toughest guy here. Plus, I had a big help coming to
get you both. I think it’s silly to assume either of us is the
leader, because to be honest, we all pitch in. Each of us brings
something to the table. We hit a rough patch, you don’t need to
apologise.’

Chris
nodded and reached into his pocket.

‘
Once Brian told me about what you’re planning to do, I had an
idea,’ he smiled. ‘Here.’

He
pulled a set of keys from his pocket and sat them in my palm. I
looked back up, the question written on my face.

‘
They’re the keys to my cabin,’ Chris said. ‘I’m giving it to
you and Anna.’

My eyes
widened.

‘
Whoa, Chris,’ I whispered. ‘You don’t have to do
that.’

‘
I want to,’ he replied. ‘Please, take it. You guys are gonna
need somewhere, and I think that place would be
perfect.’

I nodded
and smiled as we stood, and before I talked myself out of it, I
gave Chris a quick hug.

‘
Thanks,’ I said.

*

Anna was
ecstatic over Chris’s gift, and instead of waiting around, we
packed as much as we could into the back of Chris’s rental car and
set off. We had waited for Brian, and when he joined us, he
inclined his head my way. He had gotten what I asked him to. I
nodded back and we all filed in as Chris started the
car.

Civilisation soon gave way to countryside, and as I looked in
the side mirror on the car, the city of Redburn glistened in the
sun. Eventually we were engulfed by trees, and the car bumped and
rocked with the dirt road we drove over. Alex laughed the entire
time from his car seat, and eventually we had all joined in on its
contagiousness. The road evened slightly as we neared the cabin,
and we came to a split in the road, Chris taking the
right.

‘
What’s off to the left?’ I asked.

‘
The clearing where we buried Paul,’ Chris answered and checked
his mirror to watch Brian. ‘We can go later, once you guys have
seen the place.’

Five
minutes later and we were pulling up in front of a wooden building.
Surprisingly it fit the image I’d had of it, a generic cabin that
had been painted white. The paint peeled after being neglected for
however long it had been, but as we got out and headed to the front
door, I was excited. I took out the key, and Chris left Anna and me
with the honour of going first. I slipped the key in the lock, and
twisted.

The
cabin had only one floor, but as we stepped inside, it already had
a homey look. It was open and bright, the wooden planks that made
the floor were tight together and smooth, covered in rugs here and
there. The living room we’d stepped into led straight into the
kitchen. There was no door or wall separating them, but the wooden
floor gave way to clean white tiles and black worktops. To the left
of the entire space, two closed doors opened to two
bedrooms.

‘
Electricity, hot water,’ Chris commented, ‘it’s all been
modernised and everything works. So all you guys really have to do,
is move in.’

‘
It’s fantastic, Chris,’ Anna gawped. ‘What prompted you to do
this?’

Chris’s
eyes caught mine.

‘
Can’t a guy just be nice?’ he replied and laughed
nervously.

Anna and
Chris headed back outside to collect the small amount of things
we’d brought. Brian and I stayed inside, and without a word, he
came over and passed me a small package. It felt like the wrapped
shape sent sparks up my arms. My stomach twisted and my heart sped
up. I couldn’t believe how nervous I was, and I knew I wanted to do
it, sooner, rather than later. I slipped the box into my
pocket.

It
didn’t take long to settle in, and once we had, we jumped back into
Chris’s car and headed back down the road. We reached the fork
again, and Chris took the road I’d asked about as he headed to the
clearing. The sun dipped in the sky, and an orange hue tinged the
horizon. Finally we stopped and got out. The clearing was a few
feet away, and what struck me first, was the amount of wooden
sticks in the ground. I assumed each marked a grave, but instead of
there being one to mark Paul’s, there was upwards of
ten.

I looked
around at Chris, who waited as Anna explained.

‘
My idea,’ she said. ‘I didn’t want Paul to be out her alone,
and I wanted us to have somewhere we could go to remember everyone.
Each stick represents someone we’ve lost: Jane, Terry, Paul,
Jessica; even your Dad and sister.’

I opened
my mouth, but words just wouldn’t come. Richard and Hazel had been
monsters, but their deaths had affected me in a way I hadn’t
expected. For Anna to have picked up on that, and to give them
respect they didn’t necessarily deserve was heart-warming and I
took her hand and squeezed.

‘
Thank you,’ I whispered and swallowed the lump in my
throat.

Anna
smiled and the five of us entered the clearing. The stick graves
sat along a hill in front of us, and we stopped at the base. Brian
travelled alone up to what I assumed was Paul’s grave and lay down
flowers. He closed his eyes and stood. For the next hour, everyone
took turns to say something in regard to the dead, and as the sky
darkened, the depressing monologues made me feel worse and worse.
It annoyed me, not because of anyone’s individual words, but
because of the sadness that laced them.

It
finally came round to me, and as I stepped up the hill, I drew in a
deep breath.

‘
The last few months have been hard,’ I scoffed, ‘no, hard is
too simple a word, too soft. There isn’t any word that can describe
what we came through. There isn’t any justification that’ll make it
okay, because it’s not. But we
did
come through. We
survived.

‘
Standing here, now, at the place we’ve chosen to place the
people we love, I refuse to feel sad, to let grief and guilt worm
their way inside. Not because I don’t care, but because I do. To me
it’s disrespectful to think what if. It’s disrespectful to wallow
in the death of someone whose last choice in life was for
us.’

Brian
and Chris nodded, their attention rapt. Anna forcefully wiped tears
from her eyes as she cradled Alex.

‘
This isn’t a place of death, or broken hearts,’ I continued.
‘When I think of Jane, or my Mum, or Paul, I think of all the good
they did. So I refuse to think of this place that way, if anything,
this is a place of hope, not death. When I think of our family, I
think of hope.’

I turned
back and let my eyes rest on each and every one of the graves. It
was a place of hope, and I resolved myself to doing what I had
planned in front of the people I had come to love. I made my way
down the small hill as everyone turned to go.

‘
Anna,’ I said, ‘wait.’

She
turned and waited expectantly. I gave Chris a nod, and after a few
hesitant seconds he wandered over and lifted Alex from a more than
confused Anna. I felt my pocket for the package Brian had gave
me.

‘
I’ve been trying to think of the perfect time and place to do
this for the past couple days,’ I chuckled. ‘Being up there, being
here, this is the perfect place. A place of hope; filled with the
people than mean the most to us.’

I tried
to swallow, to moisten my dry throat. I slouched over to Anna, and
stopped a few feet away.

‘
Anna,’ I whispered, ‘you have no idea how much you mean to me.
Chris and I might fight over who’s the leader every other day, but
in truth, you’re the centre. Without you, I know I wouldn’t have
made it this far.’

Anna’s
eyes glistened in the dark as she tried to figure out what was
going on.

‘
I’ve never met a more brave, selfless and intelligent person,’
I said, before I bent to rest on one knee.

Anna’s
hand flew to her mouth, and tears that had gathered, fell. I
slipped my hand into my pocket and pulled the paper wrapped object
out. I unravelled it, and resting in my palm was a small velvet
box.

‘
Anna,’ I stuttered as I stared into her brilliant blue eyes.
‘Will you marry me?’

The
silence that followed seemed to stretch as everyone held their
breaths. Panic suddenly smacked my stomach, and for a second, I was
sure the answer would be no.

‘
Yes,’ Anna gasped. ‘Yes.’

I hadn’t
realised my own eyes had been filling with water, but with Anna’s
answer, they overflowed. I took the ring out the box, a smile
plastered on my lips, a feeling of euphoria I’d never before felt
filled my insides, and slipped it shakily onto her finger. Brian
and Chris started to clap, and Alex’s beautiful gurgle filled the
night. I stood, grabbed Anna and spun her through the
air.

We
laughed as our lips collided.

The Wedding

It was
the day before.

The
wedding.

Part of
me still couldn’t believe it, that after everything, Anna and I
would have a happy ending. It was nearing the end of April, over a
month since I’d proposed to Anna in front of everyone we loved,
dead and alive. I felt the same rush I had then, when the world had
slowed and one simple word made me the happiest man alive. Well, in
my eyes anyway.

‘
Damn it!’ I gasped and threw down the two pieces of wood I’d
been holding. ‘Anna, help?’

I could
hear the own pleading in my voice, but I didn’t care. I’d been hard
at work for almost two hours, labouring, sweating, all to build a
new cot for Alex to sleep in. The old one had been broken, by Alex
himself. Waking from a fit of nightmares he had thrashed and
flailed, and surprising his mother and father, smashed his old cot
to pieces. If we had any doubts Alex was different, that cleared
them up.

It also
drove home how careful Anna and I had to be. One temper tantrum
coupled with one flying arm and one of us could end up in hospital.
I couldn’t help but chuckle every time the thought crossed my mind,
even though it wasn’t particularly funny.

‘
What’s up?’ Anna said as she entered Alex’s bedroom, the owner
of the room in her arms.

The
cabin Chris has given us was absolutely perfect. Secluded, yes,
surrounded by dense woodland, yes, without connection to mobiles or
the internet, yes, and that was precisely why we loved it, our own
personal paradise. The cabin did have a landline, a formerly white
phone that had yellowed, and that cut out frequently. But it didn’t
matter. All that mattered was our family, our peace, our
lives.

I turned my head and smiled at the beautiful woman before me.
The sun beat through the bedroom’s window, winter had finally given
way to spring, and spring was verging on summer. Although whether
or not the days of the sun we were having
were
our summer and that the
torrential rain would return during what was
supposed
to be summer, was still up
for debate. Rays brightened Anna’s dark red hair, and her
electric-blue eyes gazed down questioningly.

‘
This is impossible,’ I said and waved my hand over the pile of
objects meant to fit together, but wouldn’t.

‘
Isn’t there instructions?’ Anna asked as she manoeuvred Alex
round to her side.

I
nodded, lifted the slip of paper and said, ‘Yep, but it’s not in
English.’

Anna
frowned and took the paper with her free hand. I mulled over the
irony of the instructions, their supposed purpose to help, rather
than what they actually did, which was confuse, and
hinder.

‘
They are in English,’ Anna chuckled and I waited.

I
couldn’t help the grin that twitched its way across my face, as
Anna’s entire forehead crunched.

‘
Oh,’ she said and I laughed.

‘
See?’ I said.

The
instructions, of course, were in English, but there was the irony
of it that was laughable.

‘
Okay,’ Anna mulled. ‘Let me have a go.’

Two
hours, a lot of sweat, and more cursing than was strictly needed
later, and the cot finally stood solid. Sweat made its way down
both of our backs, and our eyes were alight with success. All we
had to hope for now was that Alex didn’t have another nightmare.
That wiped the smile off my face, and I grumbled.

Anna
left to feed Alex, and I slouched towards the bathroom. I did my
business before turning on the bathroom’s sink to wash my hands.
There was a cabinet directly in front of me, a mirror its door. I
could feel the object behind it calling me, the weight of it heavy
in my mind. I dried my hands and opened the door. Simple toiletries
lined the shelves, but I looked past them to the slightly off wood
at the back.