"Going to the dance?" they'd ask each other. A few times I'd catch them gawking at me, but usually I was invisible to them. I told myself it didn't matter. But I ached with loneliness.
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"How was school?" Mom would ask. I'd snap, "Why do you care?" I'd mope around. I'd pull away from hugs. And when she said, "I love you, Andrea," I never said, "I love you, too, Mom."
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My dad tried, too. "Why don't you join a club?" he'd ask. "We want you to have a bright future." I don't fit in , I'd rage. What kind of future does someone like me have? And how on earth can anyone love me?
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So I couldn't believe it when a boy I thought was nice liked me too. We went out for over a year before we broke up. If I'd been angry before, now I became wildand dangerous. To myself. As the weeks passed, I'd reach at night for my favorite poetrysomber, depressing verses by Edgar Allen Poe. I'd write my own: Maybe the angels would accept me as I am . I'd make lists of people I wanted to come to my funeralkids who had never looked at me twice. Maybe they'd feel bad. I thought of suicide. Was I strong enough? But then one night, watching a movie about someone fighting a terminal disease, I thought, That could be my way out. I could get sick and die .
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It was a dark teenage dream that came back to haunt me. First, I thought the pain was menstrual cramps. But then it felt like a knife. Then Mom took me to the doctor, who said it was nerves. After all, I was "emotional," a word they used instead of "troubled." But the pain got worse and my stomach bloated.
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The doctor did an ultrasound. "The sonar's picking up a mass. You have to go for tests."
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Mom's mouth dropped open and my heart stopped. "Am I dying?" I whispered. "Don't worry," Mom assured me. Tears sprang to my eyes as I looked into her terrified
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