Chicken Soup for the Cancer Survivor's Soul (34 page)

I also met Dr. Carl Simonton, who helped me change from “you cannot heal, you will die” to “you can die”—not “you will die,” but “you can.” He recentered me on my goals, not my fears. That was an extraordinary shift. I became active in my healing and stepped out of the ghetto of disease, reentering the vitality of life, finding the courage to tell myself: “I can, I can, I can....”

The more I chose what I wanted for myself and others, the more a great life force stirred within me. I learned to trust the idea that “you can heal and what you do today makes a significant difference.” Acting upon this belief was my first step on the path of healthy thinking—what a discovery, not just for my cancer, but for my entire life.

Feeling impelled to tell healthy people that they don’t need to wait for a disease or a very serious event in order to transform their lives, my husband and I started sharing our experience and eventually founded an international institute called Au Coeur de la Communication (At the Heart of Communication). Dedicated to creating healthy communication between individuals, families and communities, this process of supporting and sharing with other people, and gradually designing educational programs, propelled me back into the world of human beings, leaving behind an atmosphere completely dominated by my cancer. This was an essential starting point for me. As I widened my vision upon others and the world, I sensed that it infused my body with vital strength and energy. I cherished more and more the present moment. Each morning found me still alive, the days turning into months. Deftly, quietly, cell by cell, my energy, the quality of my life came back.

My journey with cancer taught me to question my certainties. The most difficult part to overcome was my own unhealthy beliefs about life, death and disease.

I learned that I could make each moment essential, choosing to reenter the flow of life, abandoning an addiction, reconciling a misunderstanding, rekindling a relationship. Now, Au Coeur de la Communication explores this through programs in the fields of health, education, business and intercultural dialogue. How can we as individuals make a difference in our families, our health, our organizations and in the world?

I’ve rediscovered life—my “response ability” in it, for it. For all this, I can now fondly say, “My dear cancer!”

Claire Nuer

Finding My Passion

T
here is in the worst of fortunes the best of chances for a happy change.

Euripides

I know a lot about passion because in the process of living, I lost it, but in the process of dying, I found it again.

My life was about three things: pleasing, proving and achieving. I thought that if enough people liked me, I would feel better about being me. I wanted desperately to please everyone... family, bosses, neighbors, people I didn’t like. It hardly mattered who they were; other people’s approval and validation were the source of my self-esteem. “Looking good” was my daily regime, and I was incredibly good at it. I continually quested for greater and greater accomplishments because those proved my value to the outside world.

This thinking affected the entire fabric of my life. My work was a series of long hours, proving my dedication and making sure I never offended anyone. I made impossible promises that were hard to keep because I was afraid to say no, which added untold amounts of stress. By constantly reacting to outside circumstances rather than taking charge of my life, I felt victimized and I lived in fear that “they”—whoever “they” were—would suddenly discover I was incompetent. The fact that I was the youngest woman in my company to hold an executive position and became director of corporate communications while still in my mid-20s did not assuage my concern. Nothing soothed my self-doubt.

The only solution I knew was to try harder, work longer, achieve more. I just knew I’d be happy when I did the right thing. I left the corporate world knowing that being independent would change everything. Ironically, I became a career consultant and taught people how to look good and be aware of what others expected of them. I knew all about that.

Of course, I was still a people-pleaser and took lower fees because I feared no one would use my services. Instead of being driven by the demands of a boss, I was driven by the demands of my clients. I couldn’t understand why I was financially struggling and assumed the answer was to simply make more money. So the cycle escalated as I decided to increase my marketing and promotion efforts even more. When I burned out and grew discontented with no improvement in my income, I decided there was something intrinsically wrong with me and embarked on a campaign to fix it. I went to classes, lost weight and joined personal-growth groups. I was still empty.

So it went...my life of pleasing, proving and achieving. What did it get me? Tired. Broke. Emotionally depleted. And terribly afraid.

Then in 1986, the awakening came. I discovered I had bladder cancer and the prognosis looked bleak because my symptoms could be traced back for three years. My doctor had the bedside manner of a blacksmith and was not gently encouraging. In my first surgery, he removed the largest tumor he had ever taken from a bladder and announced we would be doing another surgery in 10 to 12 weeks “to see what was left.” This is a fun guy.

The cancer changed my life forever. I made a decision to live, and that had a number of implications. I gained immediate clarity about what was important and began focusing on becoming well. I changed my diet, discovered herbs, explored holistic healing and learned what it meant to take care of myself.

Most important, I began asking the question: Who am I and what am I doing here? Previously, my concern was: What does everyone else want and how can I make them like me? I shifted from being involved with the changing demands of the outside world to focusing on what was in my heart. This was not an easy process, since I had spent my whole life looking outside for answers. I was so accustomed to ferreting out what other people wanted from me, I had no idea who I was.

I realized that my life totally lacked passion... that zest for living, that sense of joy, creativity and spontaneity that truly comprises life. Suddenly faced with possible death, I knew I had never really lived. In fact, there had been no “life” in my life. As a result of this awareness, passion became my reason for living. I committed myself to it wholly and completely!

No, I had no idea what it meant. I just knew that my daily purpose was to get up and do something passionate each day. I walked on the beach, discovered I love roller-coaster rides, took fun classes that wouldn’t make me a “better” person and read books I had wanted to read for years. I made a list of things I wanted to do before I died (whenever that might be) and as I did them, the list just grew. Enthusiasm, excitement and fulfillment were ends in themselves. I wanted to fully experience and live every moment I had left. I could wait no longer.

I felt more positive and hopeful. It took less energy to produce better results. I allowed myself to be uncertain about how my future was going to unfold; I just continued exploring and expressing my passion on a daily basis. I now know the sheer force of this commitment produced miracles.

By now, my business was shut down, I had no money coming in and no one was interested in hiring a terminally ill patient. But some of my old clients began calling and asking if I would do career coaching in my home. Heaven knows, nothing else was happening, so I said yes, but my consulting took a new turn. I talked about the cancer and my commitment to living a passionate life; I thought they might want that, too. Indeed, many wanted to hear more, and I began conducting groups. By the end of the first year working in my living room, I discovered I had seen more people and made more money than I had any other year in my career. After all those years of working and trying so hard, it was that simple. What a revelation! I knew I had stumbled onto something that could work for anyone who embraced it.

The other major miracle is that I have been cancer-free since 1987. My doctor is stunned by my recovery. When I have my annual checkups, he always comments on how well I have healed. Apparently, there are not even any remaining indications of the surgery. Is this the result of a commitment to passion? While I cannot prove it to you, I don’t doubt it. I believe passion is the strongest force in the universe and that it is a magnet for all one’s good— happiness, power, joy, abundance and health. You know how exhilarating it can be to be around a group of passionate people. It produces a euphoric energy. Like running, it creates endorphins in the brain. Endorphins boost and protect the immune system. Cancer is a disease of the immune system, so why couldn’t passion heal it?

For me, the process of dying brought great relevance to living. Today I bring as much life to living as possible. It has also become my livelihood. I built an organization called The Career Clinic, which has helped well over a thousand people heal their relationship with work through discovering their passions and purpose in life. Passion is not for the lucky or the talented; it is the fire waiting to be ignited in every soul.

Through cancer, I received the gift of life. Now I get to give it away by speaking and teaching, and do so with great gratitude and joy.

Mary Lyn Miller

What’s It For?

As a breast cancer survivor, I’ll be the first one to say that there is nothing funny about having cancer. But as a comedienne, I try to find humor in my everyday life. After my diagnosis in 1991, I began writing comedy material around my cancer experiences to help my own healing process. Six months later—between my third and fourth surgery—I began performing my “cancer comedy” for other cancer survivors to help bring some lightheartedness to a tough topic. I have expanded my presentation to include the physical and psychological benefits that we gain from laughter, the ways to find humor in our everyday lives, and many true and funny stories.

One of my favorite stories is from a friend of mine, Peggy Johnson, the 1995-96 Chairman of the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation. I thank her and her son, Jake, for allowing me to share their experience.

I have a card hanging in my shower with diagrams showing how to perform a breast exam.
Usually I leave the card with the pictures facing the wall. One day, however, the cleaning lady
left it turned outward. My 7-year-old son,Jake,saw it and asked me what it was for. Without going into much detail, I told himit was there to remind me to do something every month and to show me how to do it. Jake replied, “Mama, I can’t believe you don’t know how to wash your boobs.”

I share this story to illustrate three points. First, it’s a wonderful, true and funny story that makes us laugh. My motto is “Keep Laughing to Keep Healthy” because laughter is good for us. I truly believe the funniest stories are found in our everyday lives. Second, it’s an excellent story of perception and shows how two people can be looking at the same thing and see something different. We all can choose how we look at things that happen in our own life, even a cancer diagnosis. Sometimes, we just need a little more information or tools, like humor, to look at things differently and change our perception. Third, I hope that when women are taking their showers, they’ll remember this story and remember to do their breast exams because early detection is so important. For your very own free shower card, call the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation at 1-800-IM-AWARE.

Jane Hill

The Best Thing That Ever
Happened to Me

H
appiness isn’t about what happens to us—it’s about how we perceive what happens to us. It’s the knack of finding a positive for every negative, and viewing a setback as a challenge. If we can just stop wishing for what we don’t have, and start enjoying what we do have, our lives can be richer, more fulfilled—and happier. The time to be happy is now.

Lynn Peters

Walk into any room where she is present and you’ll spot her right away. Attractive, well-dressed, friendly, with a terrific smile—and a warmth that radiates from her soul to yours. She portrays the image of one who “has it all” as she laughs, smiles and giggles with such confidence and self-assurance that all there envy her in some small way. You really have to wonder where all that “can do” attitude comes from. If you ask, she replies, “It comes from a belief in myself—you see, I have survived.”

No one would ever guess that this radiant woman experienced a serious problem in her life. Every incident from her past has been carefully noted and filed in its appropriate slot in the time span called life. This woman is noted mostly for her way of always giving to others. Most of the time she does not even wait for the question of how; the answer is “yes” right away. She is cheerful beyond the normal tolerance of human nature. Spending just one hour with her can do as much for you as a month’s vacation.