Chiaroscuro (31 page)

It was merry and round and so full of love for the city that Ben had to close his eyes a moment, overwhelmed. Dune was silent beside him, and after a few moments Jamie said, sounding like he was trying not to sound nervous, "Do you not like it, then?"

"It's beautiful," Ben said, opening his eyes and smiling at Jamie. "It's beautiful."

Jamie beamed and put an arm around Ben's waist. "Thank you. But it's not finished yet. So no kidnapping, though I appreciate the offer."

"Not even for pancakes?"

"I'm afraid not." He looked at Dune, who was still wide-eyed in front of the mural, and then put an arm around him too and drew him close. Dune put an arm loosely around Jamie's shoulders. "I only have three days more and it's nearly impossible to get any work done when everyone's here. The assistants want my opinion on every light bulb."

"They just want to make it perfect for you," Dune said and kissed Jamie's hair.

"I suppose they do. But I wouldn't mind a little initiative, either." He sighed. "Don't mind me. I'm falling a bit to pieces, I think."

"Then you definitely need a night off," Ben said.

"Well, a break, perhaps," Jamie said. "Do you want to see more of the displays? A walk-through tour?"

"Such privilege," said Dune. "A tour by the artist himself."

"I don't want you to leave just yet." He hugged Dune, leaning his head against his shoulder. "I can snatch a few minutes to show you around." He took them both by their hands and pulled them along, into the main hall of the gallery. Pictures lined the walls, most with their spotlights in place, and down the center of the hall were several small sculptures--figure studies in clay. The big angel picture was hung at the end of the hall.

Ben's fingers tightened on Jamie's waist when he saw this. So many pictures--and so many were pictures of him. He knew Jamie drew him a lot, but he'd never thought about how weird it would be to see himself on a wall, over and over. He was never named in any of the titles: just "Man on Street, October," at most. But his friends would know it was him, his family would know, and they would see how Jamie saw him.

As beautiful.

He swallowed hard and moved quickly to a drawing of Adam and Leo--it was just as lovely and not as frightening. "Such good work, Jamie," he said. "How long until you're back in mansion land, do you think?"

Jamie chuckled. "I think Simon's priced most of these too high, if you want to know the truth. Leo says he has good instincts but I'm a young unknown--I could fall flat on my face."

Dune said quietly, "If Dad and Simon think you can do it, Jamie, you can do it."

Jamie smiled and held Dune's face for a moment to firmly kiss him. "Thank you."

"Anytime. I'm sorry I got mad. I know you love me."

"Of course I do." He hugged Dune, and then held out an arm for Ben. Ben laughed but joined them, arms around both their shoulders.

"Are you sure you don't want us to kidnap you?" he murmured. "It'll just be for one night."

"I need to work." Jamie looked up at him with innocent eyes. "I really do--and you should get to bed soon. You're up in just a few hours." He held Ben's cheek and kissed him. "Three more days and all this madness will be done, and you'll have me back."

"I look forward to it," Ben said, touching his cheek.

Dune lifted his chin and looked away a moment. "I'm bringing Daniel. Is that all right?"

"Of course. I like Daniel." He tightened his arm around Ben's waist a moment and then let them both go. "Back to work. I'll see you in a few days. Be good." He kissed them both again and let them out of the gallery.

On the way to Dune's car, Dune said, "You're going to be his date for the opening, then?"

Ben paused. "I--he never said anything about it. I don't think he plans on having a date--he'll be so busy all night."

"True. Well, come hang out with Daniel and me if you need company." He unlocked the passenger side door and went around to the driver's side.

"Sure. There will be a lot of people I know there, though." He slid into the passenger seat.

He watched the dark city thoughtfully as Dune drove him home. Jamie would be far too busy to spend time with him on opening night, and while he expected to be there for most, if not all, of the evening to support him, he knew their other friends probably wouldn't be.

I should bring a date, he thought. Somebody to keep me company so I'm not a third wheel with everybody I know.

"Have you ever been to one of these?" he asked Dune. "I have no idea what they're like."

"I've been to a few. They're usually one of two ways: either noisy and crowded and exciting, or boring with pretentious pseudo-experts walking around and interpreting everything as a statement of man's inhumanity to man."

Ben snorted. "I hope Jamie's is exciting."

"It will be. It's Jamie."

"Yeah." Ben looked out the window again. "It's Jamie."

***

The guitarist, Ian, was back in the bakery the next night. Ben had come up to say good night to his cousin at the register, but decided to stay a while to listen to the music. He got a cup of coffee and a muffin, and sat at the nearest empty table to Ian.

Ian's voice was high and sweet--angelic, almost, Ben thought. He was singing James Taylor when Ben came over, but at the sight of him grinned, stopped, and started strumming the guitar more quickly and loudly. Ben laughed and applauded, though some of the other customers looked surprised at the sudden increase in volume.

"You like rock, right?" Ian said when the song was done, and he drank from a glass of water.

"I like it a lot. Thanks for remembering."

"No problem. I don't know much you'd consider rock, though. My stuff is more..." He shrugged. "Mellow."

"Mellow's fine. You're in the right city for it. Have you lived here long?"

"Not long. I just started grad school at UCSF."

"What are you studying?" Ben said, leaning forward.

"Biophysics," Ian muttered and fidgeted with the frets on his guitar.

"I have no idea what that is," Ben said with a laugh.

"I study germs."

"Oh--is it--" He rejected 'fun' Nothing with 'bio' in it could be fun. "Interesting?"

"Fascinating. I mean, there's new diseases coming all the time and we have to find the best ways to fight them and--" He stopped himself and smiled, embarrassed. "Don't get me started. I'll go on for hours."

"I love listening to people talk about what they're passionate about," Ben said. "You get me going on royal icing and marzipan and I'll never stop."

Ian laughed, still fidgeting with the frets on his guitar. There was a moment or two of silence.

"So the music is--"

"There's not much money in being a student."

"I get you." Ben glanced at the glass of water. "Can I buy you a cup of coffee?

Ian smiled again. "Thanks, but I'd like to play. Some other time? Later, maybe?"

"I--I've actually been here for about ten hours and was just heading home. But tomorrow or over the weekend? Or, um, a friend of mine is a painter, an artist, and he's got a show opening Saturday night. Would you like to come? If you like art."

"Who doesn't like art?" Ian said, pink with pleasure. "That'd be great. Thank you."

"Sure," Ben said and scribbled his number on the back of one of the bakery's business cards. "I'll pick you up at eight. I know there'll be food there and we can do something after."

"Okay." Ian took the card. "See you then."

Ben nodded, smiling, and left the bakery to walk home. He had an mp3 player in his pocket, and chose an upbeat song to listen to as he walked. He felt like dancing.

There was a message from Jamie on his machine when he got home. "Benjie, I'm sorry, I wanted to come by the bakery today but the mural's still slow-going…anyway, I'll see you Saturday. So glad you're coming with me, mate." He hung up.

Coming with him? Ben thought. Oh boy.

Chapter Fifteen

He'll be so busy, Ben thought on Friday as he packed a box of muffins for a customer. He won't even notice I'm there with another guy.

No, I should tell him, he thought as he frosted a chocolate birthday cake with maple icing. It's not right of me to mislead him.

But all that matters is that I'm there for him, right?

He sighed, covered the bowl of frosting and the cake and went into the office. "Mom," he said, dropping into the office chair.

"Yes, Benjie?" She closed the accounts book and smiled at him.

"I have a hypothetical situation for you. Suppose I had a friend who's got a big event coming up."

"Very hypothetical," Moira said with a nod.

"Right. And suppose I know he's going to be too busy to notice if I'm there or not."

Moira's lips twitched but again she nodded.

"What are you--never mind. So suppose I bring somebody else along to keep me company."

"Ben. You're bringing a date to Jamie's show?"

Ben winced. "Is that bad?"

She sighed and started straightening the pens on the desk into a neat row. "I think you're mistaken about Jamie noticing if you're there or not. He notices you."

"Yeah," Ben muttered. "I know he does. Everybody else has noticed, too."

"We like seeing you happy, that's all, darling. And Jamie makes you happy."

"Well, yeah, he's a nice guy and he's fun to be with and he's sexy as--and stuff. But we're not, you know, a couple. I don't do couples anymore, Mom. I have no interest in being part of a couple."

"Of course," she said and opened the accounts book again.

He studied her. "Why is it that the women in my life believe they have me figured out?"

His mother smiled at him. "Because we do."

***

There was music playing at Jamie's, and when Ben got close enough to ring his bell he could hear Jamie singing along. He grinned and rapped on the door, and Jamie jumped into his arms the moment he opened the door. "Hi!"

"Hi," said Ben as he carried Jamie into the apartment. "Is everything ready for tomorrow?"

"Yes, yes, finally, the mural's finished and the paintings are up and the sculptures are arranged and I'm so excited I can hardly stand it." He kissed Ben loudly until Ben started laughing and dropped him on the couch.

"I love it when you're hyper."

"Indulge in the happiness, mate." He held out his arms. Ben rolled his eyes but lay down on the couch with him, tucking his head under Jamie's chin. "I have to be there early--about six or so--and I have no idea how late it's going to go. It might all wrap up early if people don't show."

"People will show." Ben lifted his head and kissed him. "They will show, they will love, and they will buy."

"Simon has sent invitations to famous people, to rich people, to people I've heard of, people I've never heard of--he sent one to the conductor of the San Francisco Symphony. He sent one to that flute player all the women swoon over. He's sent invitations to Giants and Forty-Niners and that comedian that does all the impressions…." He sighed and kissed Ben's hair.

"And the art critics for the Chronicle, I hope."

"And some magazines, local and national." He sighed again. "Ben. What if they find me ridiculous? I can handle being thought a hack but not a joke."

"You're not a hack." He kissed Jamie lightly. "And you're not a joke. You're incredibly talented and everybody's going to see it tomorrow night. The glitterati and us normal folks."

"You're not normal," Jamie said and then laughed. "That's not what I meant."

"I know what you meant." He held Jamie's face; Jamie kissed his palm and coaxed his head back onto his shoulder.

"All the celebrities, all those wealthy people--they don't really matter. I want your mum to like the pictures I made of you. I want Adam to like that portrait of Leo. I want Dune to think I've captured his mothers perfectly. I want you to be flattered with how obsessed I am with your body."

Ben smiled. "I'm already flattered, and you have no idea how many sit-ups I do just for you. But those other people, they do matter because they're the ones who can afford the pictures. And the critics matter because they're the ones who are going to make you famous."

"I don't want to be famous," Jamie muttered. "I wouldn't mind not having to worry about money, though."

"There, you see? They have some use." He laid his hand on Jamie's chest, over his heart. "You're going to be busy tomorrow night, I guess."

"Yeah. If you get bored before it's all over, go home. It's all right. We'll catch up on Sunday--have brunch or something."

"Brunch is always good." And there would be so many people there Jamie would never notice another stranger, and he could explain about Ian later, once the stress of the show was over. "Scrambled eggs and cantaloupe…"

Jamie laughed. "Mm, yes, Benjie, seduce me with melon..."

"I can seduce you in so many ways..." He kissed Jamie. "I'll be at the gallery about eight-thirty, is that cool?"

"Of course." He combed his hand through Ben's hair, smiling at him. "I don't ever want to stop drawing you."

Ben didn't know what to say for a moment. "Jamie, I--"

"I know, I know. You don't do permanent. Eventually we'll stop sleeping together and when that happens I suppose I'll just have to make do with painting your portrait."

"And sculpting my hands..."

"And your chest. I did that, too." He pointed to the sun room. "Not finished so it's not in the show."

"And my chest." He shook his head. "Jamie, you are obsessed."

"I know," Jamie said with a sigh. "It's your own damn fault for being so beautiful."

Ben scoffed. "I could get in a fight and break my nose."

"No fights." He traced Ben's nose with his fingertips. "I like you perfect."

Ben looked down at him and started to say--something. He wasn't sure exactly what. But instead he grinned. "You want to fuck?"

Jamie laughed. "Well, you are nothing if not direct. Yes. Yes, I do. Only if you're offering, though."

"I am definitely offering." Ben got to his feet and scooped Jamie up, slung him over his shoulder and carried him into the bedroom, where he dropped Jamie, despite his protests, onto the bed and flung himself onto him.