Cherry Blossom Dreams (20 page)

Sean and I had agreed not to tell anyone yet about Mum and Leo splitting up. I felt like I was walking round in a daze and I was afraid that even the smallest word of sympathy would make me burst into tears.

I met up with Sean and Zack in the library at lunchtime, where I listened while they discussed how to catch Monty. The snake trap they intended to set up sounded simple enough. All they needed was the birdcage and a dead mouse to put inside it as bait.

‘I don’t see how it’s going to work though,’ I said with a puzzled frown. ‘I mean, Monty can get in
and
out again through the bars, surely?’

Zack just grinned. ‘Come to Blossom House with us after school today and I’ll show you. We can swing by your place first to pick up the mouse, right Sean?’

Sean shook his head. ‘No point. Gardener’s there again. I checked.’ He saw the look I was giving him and added, ‘It’s in the freezer – in the ice-lolly box.’

‘Oh my God, you are totally gross!’ I exclaimed, but he just laughed.

‘Let’s go back to mine after school,’ Zack suggested quickly. ‘You can come too if you want, Sasha. You can meet Percy and Tallulah.’

‘Thanks, but no thanks,’ I said quickly. I looked at Sean. ‘
Someone’s
got to go home and check on Mum.’

Sean looked at me warily. ‘You don’t think … ?’

‘She said she was going to call in sick today,’ I reminded him. ‘So who knows?’

I think the really nervous feeling started to come over me as I approached our house and saw that all the front curtains, upstairs and downstairs, were drawn. Just seeing that gave me butterflies inside my tummy.

‘Mum!’ I called out after I’d unlocked the door and stepped into the hall. ‘MUM!’ I yelled again at the top of my voice. But there was still no reply.

I went upstairs and pushed open her bedroom door. The room was dark but I could see the mound under the covers.

‘Mum?’ I called out softly.

When she didn’t reply I moved closer to the bed and pulled the cover off her head. ‘Mum – are you OK?’

This time I got a grunt in response.

The closed curtains and Mum being in bed during the day reminded me of the time just after Mum found out the truth about Michael. It had gone on for weeks, with Mum taking to her bed as soon as she got in from work or sometimes being unable to face getting out of bed at all and staying there all day.

It also reminded me of another time – a time when I was much younger, when Mum’s bedroom had seemed like a very scary place, filled with crying that never stopped. The room had been off limits to us then and only Granny ever went inside.

Suddenly all I wanted was to contact the one person who had made Sean and me feel safe back then. And I left Mum and rushed downstairs to the hall, where I pressed Granny’s number on the speed dial before I could change my mind.

As we sat eating dinner at the kitchen table the following evening, Sean was grinning and I knew exactly what he was thinking. Granny never changes. There was something quite comforting about the way she still fussed over Sean and me like we were little kids. But though I still liked the feeling it gave me to be babied a bit by her (not that I’d admit that to
anyone,
not even Lily) it was quite a long time ago that I stopped thinking of her as totally strong and infallible. I suppose it’s just that, as I’ve got older, I’ve realised that Granny isn’t always right about things, even if she does state all her opinions as if they’re rock-solid facts.

Still, I was really grateful to her for calming me down last night, for speaking with Mum on the phone to assess the situation and for catching the first train she could, to arrive here by lunchtime today. Mum had taken another day off work but now that Granny was here she was up and dressed and at least going through the motions of sitting down at the table with us to eat a meal.

I had survived Mum’s meltdown over my emergency phone call to summon Granny, but only just. I knew Mum was still angry with me and I had a feeling I was going to be in the doghouse for quite a while. But I certainly didn’t regret what I’d done.

‘You have to eat, Annabel,’ Granny told her as Mum kept forking her food around her plate, making no eye contact with anyone.

‘Actually I’m not hungry,’ Mum said, standing up abruptly and leaving the table.

After I’d finished my own meal I left Granny and Sean to eat dessert and went upstairs, where I knocked on Mum’s door and tentatively pushed it open.

I found her sitting on her bed staring at the photograph Lily had found in Blossom House. I guessed she must have forgotten to take it in to work.

‘Mum, I didn’t mean to upset you by asking Granny to come,’ I blurted.

‘So why did you?’ she snapped, turning her face sharply to confront me. ‘You knew how much she’d gloat when she found out the engagement was off.’

‘I don’t think she’s gloating. I think she’s just worried about you,’ I mumbled. ‘So am I, and yesterday … yesterday I phoned her because I was scared.’

‘Scared?’ She sounded surprised.

‘Yes. I was scared it was going to be like the last time …’

‘Last time? What on earth are you talking about, Sasha?’

‘Well … it’s just that when you split up with Michael you were depressed for a really long time … and it was scary because you didn’t seem like you any more …’ I took a deep breath. ‘And after Daddy died it was even worse than that … and if Granny hadn’t moved in …’ I trailed off, my memories of that time so hazy that I wanted to leave them in that haze. I didn’t want to remember how I’d felt peeping inside Mum’s bedroom to check that the lifeless lump under the covers was still there. It was like having a body permanently in the house – only a body that wasn’t completely dead. In fact I remember Sean creeping up to her motionless form one time and prodding her in the back to check if she was still alive – and both of us getting a terrible fright when she gasped and suddenly sat up.

Mum was staring at me now. Was it possible that she was finally getting it? Getting how scared Sean and me had felt back then, I mean? Because I was pretty sure she hadn’t been in any state to even notice it at the time. ‘Oh, Sasha …’ she murmured.

I found myself going to give her a hug. I’d never blamed her for collapsing. I knew how much she’d loved our dad. It was just quite hard sometimes that she couldn’t seem to see that we’d actually lost
her
back then as well – and for such a long time.

The two of us stayed together like that for a little while, just holding each other, not speaking.

‘I’m sorry I scared you,’ she murmured into my hair. ‘And that I wasn’t always there for you.’

‘It’s OK, Mum.’

‘No, it isn’t.’ Mum’s eyes were watery as she pulled back from me and looked at me sombrely. ‘But this isn’t like those other times … I promise.’

I nodded. ‘I see that now.’ Because if it
was
I knew we wouldn’t even be having this conversation.

‘It can’t have been easy for you at school this week,’ Mum murmured thoughtfully as we continued to sit there on her bed.

I nodded again. ‘The whole school’s talking about you and Leo. They don’t even know yet that you’ve split up.’

Mum frowned. ‘Leo said it was Lily who told everyone. But it really doesn’t sound like her to give away something you told her in confidence. Have you actually
spoken
to her about it?’

‘No way am I speaking to her ever again, Mum! I don’t even
care
why she did it – I’ll
never
forgive her!’ My voice cracked and I started to cry.

‘Oh dear.’ Mum looked a bit fazed. I guess it’s quite rare for me to cry in front of her. Usually when I feel upset I figure she’s got enough on her plate without me adding to it. After a few moments of awkwardly stroking my hair, she asked, ‘Well what about Priti? Isn’t she supporting you?’

‘Priti’s fallen out with me too. She’s angry because I told Lily about Leo and I didn’t tell her. She’s spending all her time with Jillian now.’

‘Well, that won’t last,’ Mum said briskly. ‘Jillian’s a nice girl but we all know she isn’t best friend material, bless her.’ She looked thoughtful. ‘Perhaps you should approach Priti with some sort of peace offering, Sasha. I remember once I upset Miranda so badly I thought she’d never get over it. In the end I sent her a box of her favourite chocolates, a huge bunch of her favourite flowers and I wrote her an extremely grovelling little note as well.’

I sniffed. ‘Did it work?’

‘Oh yes. Mind you, her favourite chocolates were these luxury Belgium pralines that she always got from Harrods. Cost me a fortune!’

I smiled. Actually Mum had given me an idea. ‘Can I go round to Priti’s house tonight? I know it’s a bit late but I’ve done all my homework for tomorrow …’

Mum was already nodding. ‘There’s a box of chocolates in the cupboard if that helps.’

‘Thanks, Mum, but I’ve got something else in mind.’

‘OK, but before you go I want to show you something.’ She went to pick up a photograph album that had been lying closed on the floor by her bed. It was her own album – one with snaps from her childhood. She opened it at the first page. ‘This is my parents on their wedding day.’

I took it from her, smiling as I saw Granny as an attractive young woman wearing a long, white, lacy wedding dress, standing beside my grandpa.

‘Look,’ Mum said, placing the engagement photo from Blossom House on the page beside it. And I had to agree that my grandfather bore a striking resemblance to the young man in the photo, though it must have been taken about ten years later.

‘Have you shown Granny yet?’ I asked.

‘Not yet.’

‘You should, Mum. It’s weird. It’s like there’s a link between Blossom House and Granny that she hasn’t told us about.’

‘I’ll show her tomorrow. Now go. You’d better not leave it too late if you want to see Priti.’

The look on Priti’s face when I turned up at her house that evening wasn’t especially welcoming, but that changed when I handed her the parcel I’d made up for her.

‘Here, this is for you! To prove that you’re very important to me – even if I haven’t been making you feel that way recently,’ I said in a rush.

Priti gasped in surprise when she discovered the red dress inside. ‘You really want me to have this?’

‘Yes,’ I said, hearing my voice tremble a little as I added, ‘I just want us to be friends again. I’ve really missed you. I’ve been such an idiot, Priti.’

In response Priti gave me a hug and told me that she had missed me too.

‘Thanks,’ I said, ‘but you know I’ll understand if you don’t want to hang round with me at school until all the gossip dies down.’

‘Don’t worry about that, Sasha. Of course I’ll hang out with you.’ And she immediately started gushing about how Leo was the best teacher she’d ever had. ‘I just can’t believe he might actually
be
there at your house when I come round to yours. I’ll get to
see
him outside of school and
chat
to him about books and … and …’

‘Discuss poetry with him across the dinner table?’ I suggested with a grin.

And as she gave a delighted giggle I really wished I didn’t have to tell her the bad news.

The next day at school Priti stayed by my side, even though it meant getting picked on along with me. I didn’t so much as look at Leo during registration and I tried to completely avoid him for the rest of the day. To be honest, the teasing about Leo and Mum had started to subside. And Priti kept her promise not to breathe a word to anyone about Mum and Leo’s falling-out.

‘You must be feeling upset that they’ve split up,’ she said sympathetically as the two of us stood together in the playground.

‘It’s stupid really,’ I said. ‘I mean, I probably should’ve seen it coming. None of Mum’s relationships ever last … But somehow with Leo it seemed different … and I was starting to hope …’

‘Listen, we have to think positively,’ Priti said. ‘OK, so they’ve had this terrible row! But if they still love each other then maybe they’ll sort it out.’

I sniffed. ‘Oh, I don’t think that’s likely to happen.’

‘Why not?’

‘Because Mum never sorts things out. When her relationships end, they just … well …
end
.’