Chaste (McCullough Mountain) (27 page)

When
Kelly found the room he hesitated. Turning to Colin, he said, “I need to do
this alone. Just…wait here and intervene if I lose it.” Colin nodded. “And Col,
could you maybe act like this is a confession? Whatever you hear, forget it
when we leave here.”

“You
have my word, Kelly.”

He
nodded and pushed through the door. Evan was sleeping, his face made up of
coils of green and blue bruises resembling an ugly version of
Starry Night
.
There were cuffs holding him to his bed, which validated Luke’s suspicions
about Evan being a wanted man. He kicked the foot of the bed and the man
stirred.

“What
the fuck?” When his eyes landed on Kelly he reached for the buzzer, but Kelly
jerked it out of reach.

“We
need to talk.”

“Get
out.”

“I
hear you have some legal issues. I’m willing to bet I can guess what you’re
accused of. Predators are usually repeat offenders.”

“Fuck
you,” he mumbled through cracked lips.

“I
think you’re the one who’s fucked. You’re caught and they won’t let you slip
away this time. I just need to know if I need a lawyer. If so, you can add one
more accusation to that list of victims. If not, we leave you alone to dig your
own grave.”

“She
wanted it.”

Kelly
lunged so fast there was no way the asshole could protect himself, especially
cuffed. His fist closed over the blankets between the man’s legs, gripping his
cash and prizes so tight his knuckles cracked. Evan’s shoulders shot off the
bed as he wheezed, his eyes bulging. “Am I violating you? I thought you wanted
it.”

He
squeezed tighter and the fucker gasped in agony. Kelly breathed slowly through
his teeth so he wouldn’t snap. He really didn’t want to drag Colin into this,
didn’t want to get his brother involved in something messy, or disgrace his
family anymore. “Watch yourself. I’m this close from ripping out your eyes and
using them for putting practice next to your balls. I’m betting if I killed you
no one would really care, you fucking piece of shit. If I’m going down, I have
no problem making it worth my trouble.”

Scumbag’s
nostrils flared under the bandage covering his nose. Sweat beaded his brow and
his already blotchy completion turned sickly. It was only a matter of time
before he puked. “I got all day,” Kelly warned, twisting his wrist.

“All
right!” the man growled and Kelly released him.

“Do
I need a lawyer?”

The
asshole panted and scowled. “No.”

“If
I ever see you near her again…I’ll slaughter you.” Kelly turned toward the
door. “Withdraw your charges and go back to where you came from.”

When
he returned to the hall Colin lifted a brow. “That was fast.”

Kelly
shrugged. “I said what I needed to say.”

They
left the hospital and Kelly stared at his phone the entire drive home. Ashlynn
didn’t call and that was likely for the best.

* * * *

Monday,
the bar was slow and Kelly spent the night going through paperwork in his
office. Everyone kept their distance, but he didn’t miss their questioning
glances. He didn’t want to be around anyone.

The
call finally came Wednesday morning. Evan dropped all charges and was returning
to Oklahoma to be incarcerated for random acts of violence against five other
women. No one knew why Kelly attacked him or why the charges were dropped and
it looked like they never would. They might speculate but wouldn’t know unless
he or Ashlynn told them.

Ashlynn’s silence spoke volumes.
They were done. The realization hurt like blade repetitively stabbing through
his chest. The only comfort he had was knowing the fiasco with the police was
behind them and perhaps their distance made it easier for her never to think
about that monster again. If it brought her peace, that would have to be
enough.

Chapter Nine

Colin
opened the door and stilled, worry clenching in his gut. Kelly stood on the
other side, his clothes wrinkled, his hair a mess, and his shoulders set in
such defeat he had a difficult time recognizing the man as his brother.
“Kelly?”

Blue
eyes stared into him, pleading and so downtrodden, Colin panicked. “Did someone
die?”

“I
love her,” Kelly wheezed. “I fucking love her and it’s killing me.”

Understanding
dawned and sympathy for his brother overwhelmed him, his relief that no one was
hurt predominated. “Come inside. I think I have a bottle of Tully somewhere.”

They
went into the kitchen and Sammy was sitting at the table making a grocery list.
Her eyes met his and she immediately noticed Kelly. “Kelly, are you all right?”

His
brother didn’t reply. Colin placed a hand on Sammy’s shoulder. “Would you mind
giving us some time?” His wife eased out of the chair, her swollen belly making
her motions slow and awkward. He touched a gentle hand to her stomach and
kissed her cheek. “I’ll be up soon.”

She
nodded and left. Colin found the bottle of whisky and two mugs then returned to
the table. The tinkling sound of liquor hitting porcelain filled the room. “Is
Lula asleep?” Kelly asked.

Colin
slid him a mug. “Yeah.”

They
each sipped in silence, his brother emptying his mug in a few swallows. Colin
refilled the cup. “Are you ready to tell me who she is?”

“If
I tell you, you’ll laugh. There was never a more unsuitable match. We simply
don’t fit.”

For
the life of him, Colin couldn’t imagine who it could be. His brother had a bevy
of women throughout his life and, although Colin had been absent for most of
his philandering years, he never thought the day would come that Kelly would be
told no by a woman. “Do I know her?”

“Yes.”

A
horrible thought occurred. “Is she married?”

Kelly
laughed derisively. “And
that
is what
my family thinks of me.”

Colin
frowned, insulted. “That’s not what we think. What we think is that you are a
fine man and capable of getting the woman who makes you happy. I can’t figure
out what would stop you other than your morals and the innate understanding
that marriage is something we don’t mess with. However, life happens and people
make mistakes. It’s easy to get carried away and fixated on the one thing we
can’t have.”

“I
can’t have her. That part’s true.”

“Why?”

“Because
I’m not good enough.”

“Knock
it off, Kelly. We’ve been through this.”

Kelly’s
cold stare cut through him. “You don’t get it, Colin. We’re not all good like
you. Some of us are truly fucked up.”

“You’re
not.”

“Sure,
I am.”

“No,
Kelly, you’re not. I don’t know where this notion of me being so damn perfect
came from. It’s like you guys have amnesia. I turned my back on my vows to our
Lord. I’m not Christ. I wish you all would stop treating me like I am. I
couldn’t be what everyone expected. Do you have any idea what sort of pressure
that puts on a man?”

“But…
you’re Colin.”

“And
what does that mean? I’m just an ordinary guy, or trying to be. I argue with my
wife, struggle with the best way to teach my daughter, worry I’m making a
decision that isn’t the right one, buy my groceries like everyone else and
argue with our budget, and pray. I’m no holier than you, but I still pray every
day because I know I’m just a man and I need God to get me through the
confusing parts of life as much as I’m indebted to give thanks for the
blessings.”

“You
just make it seem so easy.”

He
laughed. “So do you.”

Kelly’s
brow twisted with disbelief. “You’re joking.”

“No.
You’re the most congenial person I’ve ever met. When the world pushes, you
don’t push back, you adapt. You’re generous and caring and not hung up on
pleasing others—”

“Because
when I try to do what people expect I let them down.”

“Who?
Who did you let down?”

He
shrugged.

“Kelly…
we only expect you to be there. Be our brother. Be a son. Be kind. You’ve never
not been those things.”

“I
just… it’s complicated. If I go to her and promise to be all those things,
there’s a chance I can convince her to let me. I know I can. But what happens
when I mess everything up and too much time’s gone by and the guy she’s
supposed to be with has come and gone? I don’t want to waste her life.”

Colin
really wanted to know whom they were discussing. “What if you’re that man?”

“I’m
not.”

“Are
you God? Because He’s the only One that can say that for sure.”

“I’m
just not, okay?”

He
didn’t want to get him more upset than he already was. Changing tactics, he
asked, “Does she love you?”

“I
don’t know. She’s into me. Big time. But I thought I was doing her a favor by
pushing her away. I hurt her so she would move on. Only every time our paths
cross it’s like a hurricane crashing into a tornado and the chemistry is enough
to drive me to my knees. I’ve never wanted a woman the way I want her.”

“Physically?”
Kelly was a notorious womanizer. There had to be more to his feelings for him
to be this devastated and lost.

“I
want
all
of her. I want her laughter,
her smiles, her blushes. The idea of her sharing those parts of herself with
any other man makes me insane. They’re mine. But I have no right to be so
possessive.” He shook his head. “It’s so much more, though. I want her hopes. I
want to be the one that makes her dreams a reality. But what if I agree and she
decides to let me and I fuck it all up?”

“We
all make mistakes.”

“But
what if she wakes up one day and wants something I simply can’t give her?”

“Do
you think Sammy gives me everything I want? Christ, I wasn’t allowed to have
two donuts this morning. Just because you love someone doesn’t mean you never
tell them no. We all have limitations. Loving someone means accepting that
person in spite of all the flaws. If she loves you, she’ll help you grow. If
she scorns you for being human and having shortcomings like everyone else…then
maybe she isn’t right for you after all.”

“I’m
scared.”

Colin
tried to pin point exactly what worried him, but he didn’t want to make
assumptions. “Is this about being faithful? You have a choice in the matter,
Kelly. You aren’t at the mercy of your libido. God gave you free will.”

“I’ve
never needed to be faithful, but I could be with her…to a point.”

“Why
to a point?”

Kelly
sighed. “We don’t have sex.”

It
was as if every thought in his brain tucked tail and hid. “Pardon?”

“We
don’t have sex. She’s…a virgin.”

Holy fuck, it’s Ashlynn Fisher.
He groaned with understanding.
“Oh, Kelly…”

“Yeah.
So you see… I know I can’t have her, but I still want her. But how long can I
hold out before it becomes too much? What’s more bizarre is that I actually
want her to stay a virgin. No way am I taking that from her. And I worry she’ll
give it up and hate herself for doing so and resent me forever. I don’t know
how to date a girl without sex.”

Even
Colin could only hold out so long once he met Sammy. “Shit.” He reached across
the table and refilled their mugs. After deliberating for several minutes, he
asked, “Would you ever consider marrying her? Do you love her to that degree?”

“I
don’t know. I think I’d be a terrible husband and while she’s highly attracted
to me, I don’t think she wants marriage from me. Let’s face it, everyone knows
I’m not marriage material.”

“People
change.”

“It’s
forever, Colin. I can’t do that. Not if I’m not one hundred percent sure.”

“So
what are you going to do?”

Kelly
groaned and scrubbed his hands over his face. “I’m gonna get piss drunk and try
to forget her. Even if it’s only for a few hours I need the merry-go-round in
my head to stop. I can’t fucking function like this and I’ve tried other women—
believe me—
I’ve tried. I don’t want
them. It’s fucking embarrassing. I physically can’t get the ship to sail if you
get my drift.”

Wow.
It looked like they were getting drunk then. After a long sigh, Colin held up
his mug. “To love. Man can survive wars, plague, and tragedy, but no man can
get through love unscathed.”

Kelly
knocked his cup to Colin’s. “Fucking love.” And they drank.

* * * *

Ashlynn
had fallen into a depression. She’d closed her profile on the dating site. The
only men who ever sent her messages were either twice her age or badly in need
of a job and some serious dental work. Not to mention she was through with men.
She considered getting some cats, but knew her allergies wouldn’t allow it. If
her life didn’t improve soon, she planned to get a dog once her harvest season
ended.