Chaste (McCullough Mountain) (17 page)

“I
make my own dressing. This is a honey one I’ve been working on. It goes great
with the strawberries.”

“I
never had fruit in a vegetable salad.” His fingers plucked up a ruby berry.

“I
love salads made with berries and nuts.”

She
cleared off the table and handed him a plate. “Dig in.”

The
salad was out of this world. Everything was so ripe and bursting with flavor.
She offered him a glass of sun tea made with the mint he’d sampled earlier and
that was also amazing.

“You’re
quite the chef,” he complimented.

She
lifted a shoulder. “I’ve been cooking for my dad for years. We used to eat a
lot of beef, but I worry about him. He’s in his late fifties now and I want his
heart healthy. We eat mostly off the land, but my land’s a little more
forgiving than his.”

He
smiled. “You and your dad are close.”

“He’s
my best friend.” The moment the words left her mouth she blushed. Lowering her
gaze she confessed, “I don’t have a lot of friends.”

Neither
did he, at least not close ones aside from his brothers and sisters. Even they
sometimes didn’t know the real him. “I’d like to meet him.”

Her
mouth pursed in a tight smile and she giggled.

“What?”

“Nothing.”

“Tell
me.” He pushed away his plate.

“My
dad’s been waiting for me to bring home a man so he can act all threatening and
show off his rifle.”

“Wouldn’t
be the first time I had a father point a gun at me.”

She
laughed. “I bet.”

“I’d
still like to meet him.”

“Maybe
someday.”

He
sensed her father was someone she protected as much as the man likely protected
his baby girl. He liked that meeting Roy Fisher would be meaningful. He’d use
it as a grading tool for how close he was getting into Ashlynn’s world.

Everything
halted, though Ashlynn didn’t seem to feel the shift in the universe. What the
fuck was he doing? Meeting parents? Noooo…he was not
that
guy. Yet…maybe
he was. Fuck. He had to straighten his shit out.

Kelly
didn’t want to mislead anyone, yet whenever Ashlynn spoke he simply replied
without thinking and the bullshit spewing from his mouth was tripping him up
big time, because it wasn’t really bullshit at all. Since she’d called him out
last night, he’d been keeping it pretty honest with her. He didn’t have to
think around her. He could just say what he felt, but he knew that would
eventually bite him in the ass because whenever he let his feelings show he
took things too far.

 
Knowing he wasn’t acting like his typical
self and knowing he was likely misleading the poor girl didn’t seem to knock
any sense into him. He couldn’t get a handle on his words, couldn’t control the
situation with this woman like he did with other women. She seemed to be the
one with a firm grasp on the situation and that was putting his head in a spin
bin.

“What
time do you have to go to O’Malley’s?” she asked.

Before
he glanced at the time his gut tightened at the thought of leaving. He didn’t
want to go. “I have to open at three.”

She
glanced at the small clock over the oven and turned, eyes wide. “It’s
two-thirty.”

“I
know.”
So why are you just sitting here?

“Don’t
you have to go?”

“I’m
waiting for my kiss goodbye.” Again, words came out without thought and he was
shocked at the honesty behind them. His common sense had obviously checked out
for the day.

Her
cheeks pinkened and she lowered her face, forming a small “O” with her lips.

Fuck
she was hot. “Are you going to kiss me goodbye, Ashlynn?”

Her
narrow shoulders lifted with each breath as she tightly nodded. So shy. So
delicious.

“Come
here.” His husky whisper had her lashes lowering. He’d waited all morning to
put his lips on hers and really kiss that sexy mouth the way it deserved to be
kissed.

Her
chair quietly slid across the wood floor as she slowly stood. Her soundless
compliance did crazy shit to him. His heart thudded in his chest and his
nostrils flared.

Ashlynn
was an independent sort of woman, but when it came to intimate situations, she
was all innocence and trust sprinkled with a little bit of trepidation and a
dash of curiosity. How exciting would it be to unravel all the delicious
curiosity and watch her satisfaction come to light? Through her thin tank top,
he saw the press of her nipples. God, he wanted to play there.

She
stepped close and he turned in his seat, wanting to see what she’d do. Her bare
feet stopped a few inches from his. His fingers reached for her hand as he
parted his knees, drawing her into the space between.

“Are
you nervous?” he whispered. He didn’t want her afraid, but liked the idea of
turning her into a jittery puddle of nerves. Every emotion he suspected in her
entranced him. She was fascinating, so different from other women.

“I’m
always nervous around you,” she quietly confessed, not meeting his eyes.

He
traced a knuckle over her jaw. “I’d never do anything to hurt you.”

“That’s
not why.”

He
tipped his head, curiously observing her. “Why then?”

Her
chest lifted and she set those dark chocolate eyes on him. Her voice was husky
and breathless. “You make me
feel
things I never felt before, this sort
of excitement that rushes through my blood whenever you’re near. I get all
wobbly and forget how to talk. You make me forget myself.”

Drawing
in a long breath, he caught her fingers and pressed them to his chest where his
heart thundered behind his ribs with anticipation. “You make me shake too,
love. When I feel your skin under my lips it takes everything I possess to hold
onto my control, but I promise I won’t slip.”

Her
pale lashes lowered as her head went back as though under the same heady spell
he was suffering. When she blinked at him, her brow kinked and she appeared
worried. “Why did you wait so long to talk to me?”

His
eyes shut briefly. It was more than her being a good girl and him being trouble.
She’d been nothing but honest with him and he owed her the same courtesy.
Bracing himself for whatever reaction she’d have, he gave her the truth.

“I
liked one girl in my life—really liked her. The day I told her how I felt she
laughed and basically told me I was a joke. You see, I grew up in a house full
of love. My parents are ridiculous together. My siblings are openly
affectionate for the most part. But I know what love takes. It’s work. When I
told that girl I wanted more than just one night, she laughed in my face and
told me I didn’t have what it takes to do long term.”

“Did
you love her?”

“No,
but I wanted to. I wanted to be the guy that was it for her. She never gave me
the chance. That’s how little she thought of me.”

“So,
because of one girl’s opinion, you gave up on ever finding true love.”

His
mind retreated at the term true love. That was a big one. “When Kate, my oldest
sister, got married, she started having babies right away. It was like she
changed overnight from the girl with messy hair who grew up eating cornflakes
across the table from me to this…woman. She’s a natural at adulthood and
motherhood and all those other things we’re supposed to turn into. I don’t know
how to be that.”

She
frowned. “That’s not true. You work every day. You have responsibilities like
every other adult.”

“Yeah,
but most of it’s an act, like you said. I put on a happy face and pretend all
the shitty stuff never happened. It’s like I gave up.”

“That’s
not giving up, Kelly. It’s called growing up. When I lost my mom I lost so much
hope. There was so much pain and loneliness, so much emptiness that somehow
took up mass and smothered my will to breathe, but I kept hoping and praying
that one day I’d remember how to smile again. Sometimes I had to fake it, just because
I couldn’t bear to see my dad cry one more tear. You’re lucky you smile so
easily, that your life’s full enough to give you those opportunities.”

“That’s
just it, though. All those people, they don’t really give a shit about me.”

“That’s
not true. Your family loves you.”

“Sure,
but it’s an unconditional sort of thing. Everyone else only seems interested in
what I can give them in the moment. They don’t want anything long term from me,
because they don’t think I have any more to offer other than a few laughs.”

Her
expression turned guarded. “Do you? Do you have more to offer?”

Shit.
His mouth opened, but he hesitated. “Ashlynn…” Fuck. Why did it hurt to admit
this? “It’s not about holding on to my bachelorhood or my youth. It’s about not
measuring up. Every time I try to do the right thing I end up letting someone I
care about down. It’s easier if people don’t depend on me.”

She
lowered into her chair. “I see.”

He
reached for her hand, hating what he was about to say. “Do you want me to
leave?”

Her
eyes were pained. “No. I want you to try.”

Recalling
her words from the night before, he tossed them back at her. “To what end?”

“I
don’t know. I know I like you and you make me feel things. It can’t be all sex
because we aren’t doing that. There’s something about you, Kelly, something I
feel around you that I don’t feel around other men.”

“But
I want to have sex with you.”

She
laughed. “I want to have sex with you too, but I won’t.”

His
laugh was dry and lacking humor. “There isn’t much else to me.”

“You’re
wrong. You’re a nice person. You’re funny and not because you tell jokes, but
because you’re clever. You’re patient when you try to be and that counts for
something.”

But
his patience was teetering on a thin thread and eventually he would screw
everything up. She wanted marriage and he wasn’t sure what he wanted. And like
she said the night before, she didn’t want to marry him. “You’re wasting your
time.”

“And
what have I been doing before now? I don’t date. I have no real friends. I talk
to plants more than people. I know what this is, Kelly. I know we have
different goals, but I can’t seem to make you leave.”

“I
really don’t want to hurt you.”

“I
know that too.”

“We’re
playing with fire.”

Her
lips tightened and she nodded. “I’ve never really done anything reckless. I’m
so careful and meticulous about every decision I make. It’s like I have to be
perfect and I’m not even in the same universe as normal.”

He
chuckled. “Perfect’s overrated.”

“Tell
me about it. There was one guy who was perfect and they nailed him to a cross.”

At
that he did laugh. “Ashlynn Fisher, was that a joke about God?”

She
smirked. “Maybe.”

He
reached over and squeezed her hand. He was going to be late for work, but
didn’t care. “If you’re looking for someone to break the rules with, I’m your
guy.”

“Because
you’re Center County’s quintessential bad boy?”

He’d
heard it before, but never had he felt the pinch of regret that stung him as
Ashlynn said it. “Exactly.”

“I
don’t think you’re as bad as everyone thinks, Kelly McCullough.”

He
smirked and arched an eyebrow. “Oh, I can be quite naughty. Give it time.”

“I
plan to.”

What
were they doing? “Ashlynn…” She glanced up at him and he knew one of them had
to bring them back to reality. “It’s all good and fun to joke about, but at the
end of the day you’re still a woman I have no right to mess with.”

“Kelly,
I may be a virgin, but I’m first a living, breathing woman. Just because I
don’t have sex doesn’t mean I’m not a sexual person. I’m cautious, not cold.
Sex is everywhere. It’s on TV, the radio, on billboards. I’m not blind. I’m
abstinent. The only reason I’m so utterly inexperienced is because I’ve never
had the opportunity to experiment with the stuff that comes before actual
intercourse. I’m not a complete prude.”

His
cock pulsed. “What does that mean?” It took some of the romance out of the
equation, but he needed everything in black and white at the moment. No grey,
no regrets.

“It
means you know sex is out of the question and
if
we reach a point that I can’t go on, I tell you and you respect that.
Immediately.”

How
much time did he have? Oh, fuck it. The bar could open late. Sue would be there
soon anyway. “Come here.”

A
tight smile pulled at her lips as she glanced at him through those thick
lashes. “Are you going to behave?”

“Enough,
but hardly.”

She
laughed and stood. He took her wrist and pulled her closer.

Her
virtue was a catch that made her more appealing in some primitive way. Yes, it
would be incredible to be the man Ashlynn Fisher finally surrendered to, but it
would also be like cutting down a rare and beautiful flower in its prime. Once
cut, the bloom would never again be the same. It intimidated him. He wasn’t
ready for the sort of responsibility that sort of act imposed. But if they
could experiment, like she said, without crossing that line…
oh hell yeah, he was into that.