ChasingCassie (12 page)

“I used to go to the market each week in Sefton. Lia worked
there for her dad. I thought it was love at first sight. We had to date in
secret. Zachary hated humans. Hell, he hated most everyone. So I went against
my Alpha, against pack rules at the time, and got involved with her.”

Cassie gulped at the word love, achingly aware he’d never
said the words to her. She knew Ella was right. She loved him. They were mated.
Surely that meant he loved her. Or was it possible for a werewolf to mate
without love? Could it be purely about the wolf’s wants and not the man’s? No,
that was stupid, he loved her. And she didn’t need to hear the words.

She didn’t.

“Zachary would never have allowed me to marry her. No one in
the pack would have dared bring a human back, not unless they wished them harm.
But I thought I was in love and didn’t care what the pack thought, what her
father thought. She still lived with her folks, and they were kind of
old-fashioned.

“She didn’t want to tell them she was dating. I think both
of us were hooked on the thrill of sneaking around. When I worked up the
courage to tell her I was a werewolf she acted a little weird, but I didn’t
really think anything of it.” He laughed, the sound distinctly unhappy.

“Weird?”

“Oh, she became sort of jumpy, anxious. She asked a lot of
questions about the pack. I thought she was nervous. Then she asked me to show
her the wolf.”

“Did you?” she asked when he paused.

“Not at first. But she kept asking and I eventually gave in.
Normally when we were going to meet up, she would tell her family that she was
going to a friend’s house, and we’d meet in the park a street over. The night I
agreed to change, though, she asked me to meet her in the garden of her
parents’ place.” He paused, shrugging. “I thought it was kind of odd. Changing
in populated areas is against the law. Not only is it dangerous for us, but the
government doesn’t want us scaring anyone. But I was young and stupid, and when
she told me she was a little frightened and that it would be easier on her to
do this someplace familiar, I gave in.”

“What happened?”

“I changed. But her father must have been watching, because
he came at me with a shotgun. She was screaming, he was shooting—it was a mess.
He got me in the flank and I ran. I had to. Next day the cops turned up at the
estate and arrested me.”

“Oh my God.”
No wonder he doesn’t talk much about the
pack.

“Yeah. Rye got me a good lawyer and I was merely charged
with trespassing and changing in an urban area. I was confined to the estate
for a year, had to pay a large fine. Luckily, there was no evidence to support
Lia and her father’s accusations that I’d attacked them. I wasn’t supposed to
have any contact with Lia again.”

“Except you did,” she guessed.

“I had to. I had to see her.”

“And?” she asked, knowing she wasn’t going to like what he
said next.

“And she told me to stay away from her, that I disgusted her.
That I was nothing but a filthy animal and she wished her father had gotten me
in the heart.”

“Oh Jay.”

He shrugged. “She was young, still under her parents’
influence. Turns out they were fanatics. They were using her to pump me for
information about the pack. Thankfully, I never said anything they could use.”

“You were young too, and you took it to heart, didn’t you?”

“For about a year I didn’t change. I felt, well, ashamed, I
guess. She said some pretty vile, racist things, screwed me up for a while. It
kind of broke something between the wolf and me. Instead of working together,
we fought for dominance and I won. I swore after that incident that I would put
the pack first. They’d always been there for me when I needed them most.”

“Why do you suppose she asked to see your wolf?”

He sighed. “Rye did some investigating. It turned out her
father was a member of HAW. He must have been waiting for me. For proof I was a
werewolf before he took me out.”

“Oh God.” She swallowed heavily at the betrayal he must have
felt. It was a wonder he wanted anything to do with a human woman again.

“Jay?”

“Hmm?”

“Do you still love her?”

Rolling her onto her back, he rested up on one elbow,
leaning over her, his eyes dark and serious.

“No, I don’t. I never really did.”

She nodded, glancing away. For some reason she had the
ridiculous urge to cry.

“I love you, though,” he declared.

She gasped, afraid she’d heard him wrong.

“W-what?”

“I love you, Cassidy Callington. I love you so much I can
barely breathe without thinking about you, craving you, desiring you. When I’m
apart from you, all I think about is seeing you again, when I’m with you, all I
can think about is touching you, making you smile, hearing you laugh, holding
you close.”

“Y-you do?” She could scarcely believe what she was hearing.

His eyebrows rose. “What did you think it meant when I told
you that you were my mate?”

“I-I don’t know. I mean, I hoped. But then I wasn’t sure, I
thought perhaps a mating might just be about biology.”

“Biology, huh? Believe me, a mating is about much more than
biology. Although that helps.” He waggled his eyebrows and she giggled. “Don’t
think that you need to say it back. There’s no rush, no pressure.”

Tears filled her eyes as she kissed him, hard. The kiss
turned sweeter and he leaned back to smile down at her, his eyes gentle and
warm.

“I’m so lucky to have you. I love you too,” she said.

“You do?” he repeated her words.

“Uh-huh.” He drew her against him, holding her tight.

“I’m the lucky one. I can’t believe it. I thought it would
be too soon.” He kissed her again before sitting up, then stared down at her
seriously. “There’s something I’d like you to answer for me though, okay? I
need you to open up with me, Cassie. I need you to trust me enough with all of
you. Can you do that?”

She chewed at her lower lip. Opening herself up, risking
hurt—it was hard for her. But this wouldn’t work without communication or
trust.

“Okay, I’ll try.”

“You used baggy clothes and the long hair to help hide
yourself, didn’t you? Why?”

She took a deep, steadying breath and pondered how best to
explain this. Finally she just started talking.

“I’ve always been quite shy, I’ve never really liked
confrontation or upsetting people. Growing up, I always kind of felt like an
outsider. I didn’t have many friends at school. Their parents didn’t approve of
my mom and kids pick up on that sort of stuff. It just became easier to hide,
to keep to myself, you know? If I didn’t try to make friends or to have a
relationship…well, then, I couldn’t get hurt.”

He frowned. “Why didn’t they approve of your mom?”

“Mom was very pretty, a romantic. She believed that one day
her soul mate would come, her knight in shining armor who would sweep her off
her feet and take her away from the drudgery of real life, where she had to
clean other people’s houses to pay the rent on a dingy trailer. There were a
lot of men, which was what everyone disapproved of.

“Each time a new man came along in her life she’d be so
happy, she’d laugh, have fun. She’d say that this was the one, the one she would
marry. But none of the men ever stayed. When they left she grew really
depressed. Until the next one came along. I gave up listening after a while.”

“That must have been hard on you.”

Cassie shrugged. “No one ever hurt me or abused me. They
never really noticed me, I guess.”

“Oh baby.” He drew her close and kissed the top of her head.
“How could she do that to you? Abandon you like that?”

She would not cry. She refused to shed any more tears for a
past that could not be changed. “That’s a bit dramatic, it wasn’t so bad.”

“She was selfish. You should have come first in her life,
instead she pushed you aside. You shouldn’t have had to fight to get her
attention, her love, it should have just been a given. You must have felt
rejected.”

She shrugged, but he’d hit the nail on the head.

“She wasn’t a bad person. I always had a roof over my head,
food in my belly. I think she tried as best she could. Perhaps I gave up on her
too easily.”

“I’m not so sure about that.” He clasped her face in his
hands. “Thank you for sharing that with me.”

She was a little self-conscious now that she’d bared herself
to him. He gathered her into his arms. “You don’t ever have to hold back with
me, Cassie. I’d love to know everything about you, the good and the bad.
There’s stuff in my life that I’d rather not have anyone else know, but if you
leave it inside it festers, it ends up hurting you. And I would do anything to
keep from you from hurting. Which is why I’m going to do my best to never let
you down.”

She kissed him, smiling. “I know. I’m not used to being in a
relationship, not used to sharing everything about myself with someone. But I
do trust you not to hurt me.”

She fell silent, thinking.

“You’re worrying too much,” he murmured.

She shook her head.

“Hey now, what were we just talking about? No holding back.
Talk to me.”

“You’re needed back with your pack. I’m being selfish. I
think we should go back tomorrow.”

“It’s not selfish. I know you’re worried about living on the
estate. I understand that you’re scared you won’t fit in. I promise you that
given time you will. The pack will be fine without me for a couple more days.
If things change we may have to move suddenly. But you’ve only got a few more
days of work. The pack can wait that long.”

“Thank you for being so patient with me. I know it hasn’t
been easy for you.”

“I always want to do what’s best for you, Cassie, always.”
She hugged him, aware of how lucky she was to have found such a wonderful man.

* * * * *

He was impossible.

For the last two nights, he’d sat in Fat Eddy’s and scowled
menacingly at every male customer who’d come in. Didn’t matter how old, young,
fat, smart or dumb, he seemed to take exception to every one of them.

She was getting the worst tips ever.

She’d attempted to get him to stay at home, but he’d refused,
insisting on coming with her. Each night she hoped he’d get better. That he’d
see she wasn’t in any danger. But if anything, he was getting worse.

“Stop growling.” Her hands found their way to her hips as
she glowered at him. He was sitting at his usual table, his back to the wall,
facing the door so he could see everyone who entered.

“What?” he snapped back. His previously rare displays of
temper had become more common of late. She knew he was feeling the strain of
being away from the pack, but each time she tried to broach the subject he
brushed her aside.

Yep, he was impossible.

“You’re scaring all my customers. I’ve made a measly thirty
bucks in tips tonight. If you can’t be nice, stay at home.”

“They’re flirting with you and you’re encouraging it.” Anger
had brightened his eyes so they seemed to shimmer, even in the dim light of the
bar.

“That’s the way it works, Jay. If I want tips, I give my
customers what they want. If they want to flirt, I flirt.”

“You give them what they want?” His voice was ominously soft
as he frowned up at her.

Cassie sighed. “I didn’t mean it like that, you fool. You’re
being absolutely ridiculous. Women the world over go to work without a guard
dog. I don’t need your protection, Jay.”

“Too bad,” he rumbled, his tone telling her that he didn’t
give a hoot what she thought. “You’ve got it, and I’m staying where I am. Stop
the flirting, or I’ll stop it for you.” His gaze roamed the room once more,
dismissing her.

Holding back the impulse to stomp her foot and screech like
a banshee, she turned away. Gripping the dirty plates tightly in her hands,
tempted to smash them over his stubborn head, she walked into the kitchen. She
knew male werewolves were protective of their mates, but this was over the top.
The gloves had come off. She’d given her commitment to a relationship with him
and he’d dropped all pretense of normality and had become a possessive,
overprotective lunatic.

“You have got to do something about your damn guard dog out
there.” Ella slammed her way into the kitchen and dropped the pile of plates
she held onto the bench. The bottom one smashed, which sent her off cursing
loudly. “Bad enough that he growls at any male customers you have. But now he’s
scaring away mine as well! Even my tits aren’t getting tips, and we both know
the girls never strike out.”

Cassie had to smile at that, even though Ella wasn’t joking.

“I’m serious, Cass. At this rate I’m not going to be able to
buy any groceries let alone this cute pair of heels I saw online.” Ella was
addicted to online shopping.

A pang of guilt hit Cassie. Ella was right. Jay was acting
like a pit bull guarding his bone. It had to stop.

“I know, I’m sorry, but he insists on coming with me to work
each day. I’ve tried talking, pleading, yelling—he ignores me. Maybe I should
go back to Landon with him now instead of working out my notice.”

Ella suddenly grabbed her by the shoulders, spinning her
around before shaking her hard.

“If you want to work out your notice, work out your notice.
Although, believe me, you don’t owe that sleaze Jimmy anything. Stand up to
Jay.”

“Do you know how hard it is to argue with a brick wall?”
Irritated, Cassie shrugged off Ella’s hands.

“Then do what I do. Use sex to get your way.”

A snort of laughter escaped her. “Yeah, I don’t think I can
do that.”
I don’t have the gumption, do I?

“You’ve gotta do something, Cass. We’re dying out there. I
know you’ve got a brain, get creative.”

Cassie spent the rest of her shift thinking. As the last
patrons were leaving at closing time, she grabbed Ella, drawing her aside.