Chasing the Wild Sparks (32 page)

“What do you mean?” she asks from over her shoulder.

“I mean exactly what I just said.”

“Women?
You poor baby. So, you do have a bevy of women forcing you to do things over the weekend that you absolutely don’t want to do. Aww. Who’s pushing the resilient Finn Wilder?”

I smirk at her mockery. “Not all that many women, I can assure you. Actually, just one.” Shit. I said way too much, as usual lately.

She grabs a blue mug from a cabinet and walks over to the coffee pot. “One?”

“Yeah. One.” I mumble, “The only one.”

“Oh? So, you
are
seeing someone?” she asks, not looking up from pouring coffee.

I inhale and put my hands in my pockets. “Yeah. I am.”

Cara sets her coffee down and walks up to me. “Well, I don’t know how good she is for this handsome face of yours.” She grabs my chin and tilts my head from side to side, inspecting my face. “You look like hell.”

I try to scowl at her. “Gee, thanks.”

She continues to eye me with inflated disdain. “Your eyes are a little bloodshot, you have dark circles, need a shave and you look exhausted. So, tell me about this woman and what she did to make you look this unkempt.” She lets go of my chin, but keeps her gaze on me.

“What do you want to know?” I ask suspiciously. I’m not used to divulging anything about my personal life to anyone, except for Ricky, who knows everything there is to know about me, including being with me while we both were having sex across the room from each other.

“Her name?” I look at her, hesitant whether I really want to talk about this. Hank is right, though. I shouldn’t be keeping Becks a secret from my coworkers anymore.

I take a deep breath as I stare at Cara with minor apprehension. “Hadley.”

She looks shocked. “Hadley? That’s different.” She takes a sip of her coffee. “What’s she like?”

I cock an eyebrow at her in edgy uncertainty. “Why?”

She shrugs. “I’m curious. In the months that I’ve known you, you’ve never mentioned a girlfriend. Is she new?”

I turn away from her and lick my lips, feeling nervous as I glance down at the beige floor. “No. We’ve been together awhile.”

“Wow. Why haven’t you mentioned her before then?” She grins and touches my arm. “Are you not that serious about her?”

I shake my head. “That’s not it. I just like to keep her to myself.”

“Oh. Why? Is she ugly? An FBI agent? A hooker? A blow-up doll? A ghost?”

I laugh in astonishment. “What the hell?”

Grinning, she points at me. “I got you to smile.”

Still smiling, I say, “Because she’s the one thing that I don’t want to share. What’s with all the questions?”

She walks to the counter to retrieve her coffee. “I’m just trying to get to know you better. You keep your life outside of work secret. I don’t think anyone here really knows you.”

I scan the kitchen doorway. “No. They don’t.”

“Why don’t you change that? Tell me more about this mystery woman.” Believe me. She’s a mystery to me, too.

I pace over to the window and look down at the sill. “I don’t know what to say. I don’t really talk about her.”

Cara follows me. “Why?”

I twist my torso away from the window to look at her. “See? You
are
one of those pushy women!” I laugh.

She folds her free arm over her stomach and angles her head at me. “I guess she’s not that special to you then? Is she?” What?

“No. She is.”

“How long have you been with her?”

I clear my throat and confess, “Uh, well…three years.”

Her face shows her surprise. “Really? Do you live with her?” Ouch.

“No.”

“That’s unusual nowadays.”

“Yeah.” And lonely.

“Are you going to marry her?” And the question of the decade.

I look anxiously around the kitchen. “Um, I thought you wanted to talk about my dare?”

She stares at me, her eyes flicking over my face a couple times before she replies, “I do. I’m trying to figure you out first.”

I’m confused. “What’s there to figure out?”

She smirks. “That’s what I’m trying to figure out.”

I smile faintly. “Okay…”

“Are you in love with Hadley?” Why these questions? They’re way too personal for me, but Becks wants me to tell people about her; however, I don’t want to reveal too much about us. I still want to have some privacy

I slowly nod and affirm, “Very much so.”

Cara nods in return and glances away from me. “Well, I need to get back to work. I’ll talk to you later about our trip.” I watch as she leaves the kitchen without saying another word.

I look at the clock.

I need to see Becks.

I just hope she’ll want to see me.

“Mr. Wilder? Who were you here to see again?”

I clear my throat and look down at the gray-haired man sitting behind the tall, black counter dressed in a black security guard uniform. “Hadley Beckett.”

“Do you have an appointment with her? She didn’t submit your name for the visitor’s log today.”

I worriedly rub the back of my neck and peer down to the paper the guard is reading through. “No, I don’t have an appointment. She’s my girlfriend. I wanted to surprise her.”

“Oh. Well, let me give her a call so she can approve your visit. Give me a minute.”

I inhale and nod my head. “Sure.” I anxiously walk over to the wall to my right, absently looking at the boring framed art of fields, mountains and an ocean. At least I don’t see any fucking kites.

Will Becks want to see me? After last night, I don’t know. We were both so upset the last time we saw each other. Will she ever forgive me? Are we done? That couldn’t have been our farewell. She can’t leave and take my shattered heart with her. What would I do? I can’t live without her. I would definitely leave Richmond and take Richmond Tesco with me.

There’s no way I’d be able to go to my mom’s without Becks. My mother would stab me with the closest, sharpest thing she could get her hands on. She absolutely loves Becks.

After I introduced them and took them both to dinner, my mother pulled me back as we were leaving the restaurant and whispered to me that she was in love. I had looked at her incredulously as she beamed proudly up at me. She leaned against my arm, pushed a hand up into my hair, and appended, “And so is my baby boy.”

How right my mother was.

“Mr. Wilder?” I look away from the ocean painting and nod my head as I walk back to the desk. The guard looks remorseful. “I’m sorry, but Ms. Beckett said she doesn’t want to see you.”

My mouth bursts open and my eyes nearly shoot out of my skull. “What?” Although I knew it was a possibility, the actual rejection hits me ice cold. “Are you serious?” He sadly nods. “Yes. That’s what the receptionist told me.”

Spinning away from the desk, I pull my phone out of my pocket and hit the speed dial for Becks’ number. I stride back to the wall, waiting for her to pick up her phone. I nervously flick my fingers and close my eyes. “Come on, baby. Please pick up,” I whisper pointlessly. “Please, please, Becks.” I look at the guards, who are eyeing me inquisitively. I hang up the phone and walk over to the desk.

“Has she changed her mind?”

“No, sir.”

The second guard, younger than the first, behind the desk smiles. “We’re huge fans of yours. We love
The Wild Side.”

The first guard says, “I can’t believe some of the stunts you do, especially jumping the New River Gorge or the skydiving! You must have nine lives or something!”

I smile politely. “Something like that.” My eyebrows wrench together. “So, there isn’t anything I can do to be able to see Hadley?”

They look at each other and then back at me, both looking apologetic. “No. I’m sorry,” the first guard states.

The second one asks, “Can we have your autograph, though? We’d honestly let you upstairs if we could.”

I half smile and nod. “Sure.”

After nearly 10 minutes of distractedly chatting with the guards, I try Becks’ number once more, but still get her voicemail. I irritably push my phone into my pocket and stalk out the doors, burrowing my hands into my hair as I walk to my car.

What the fuck am I going to do if I lose her? I can’t lose Becks. I can’t.

When I reach my car, I’m in full-on panic mode. She actually doesn’t want to see me. Rejected yet again. She doesn’t want to touch me, stay with me, live with me, and now she doesn’t even want to fucking see me.

I brace my elbows on the roof of my car and hang my head. Why is she doing this to me? Torturing me? I love her! Why can’t she fucking love me the way I love her? I’d fucking do anything for that woman! The only reason why I won’t marry her is because I love her too much to risk losing her! I can’t fucking win! I’m going to lose her no matter what the hell I do!

What can I do? Nothing. There’s not a damned thing I can do to hold onto her. She's the only woman I’ve ever been in love with. None of my stunts even compare to this fucking helpless feeling, nor has any broken bone been this painful. She’s ripping my damned heart out and she doesn’t even seem to care.

Like Mortal Kombat, I’m just waiting for someone to finish me and put me out of my fucking misery.

I take a deep breath and straighten, looking once more over at the building. When someone standing at the third floor window catches my eye, I automatically look again. It has to be Becks since the law firm takes up the entire floor and it’s not a huge staff. The person shifts away from my view and I dig my phone out of my pocket, dialing her number. No answer.

“Becks, pick up your fucking phone!” I snarl out loud. After letting it ring, it goes to voicemail. Determined, I hang up and call her again. This time she picks up.

“Finn.”

“Becks! I need to see you.
Please
. I’m so sorry about last night.”

“I’ll be down in three.” The line goes dead. I thrust my phone back into my pocket and nearly run to the building.

I pace the sidewalk and try to see her inside the lobby, but the sun’s glare on the glass is too bright. When she does walk through the main entrance, I notice Rod is with her. Shit. Is he her backup or something? I would never hurt her. Well, I guess not physically.

I practically leap over to her. “Becks, can we talk? Alone?” I ask urgently. I need to make sure we talk without any interruptions or arguments from anyone else. Becks turns to Rod and he takes a few steps over to a bench by the main doors. He crosses his arms and props his ankle over his knee.

Becks walks quickly past me and I follow her. I want to throw my arms around her and hold her close to me, never letting her go. I want to smell her scent, kiss her soft skin and beg her to forgive me. To love me again.

When we near the end of the sidewalk, she abruptly pivots to me. I gaze down into her beautiful green eyes and then down to her full, strawberry red lips. She looks beautiful, yet…unhappy. I did that to her.

She asks, “Don’t you have to be at work?”

I blink. “Yes and no. I’m shooting a promo piece for this week’s segment and then have to be on location for my dare in a couple hours instead of doing the noon spot today.”