Chasing Love & Rainbows (2 page)

“Baby I’m sorry. Please just put the gun down. We can talk about this.”

“Why Patrick?” I said through my tears of pain. “You decided this fate for us, not me.  All I ever wanted from you was love and respect. To live happily ever after with the man I loved and the man I thought I could trust with my life.  But what did you do in return to me? You’ve been disloyal, dishonest, and you might have given me HIV. You took away my life, my dignity, and my respect.”

“Baby I swear…I didn’t know…we don’t have no… If I had known I would have never…” he said.  

“Just shut up!  Just shut the fuck up right this instant before I pull the trigger!” I yelled. “You were too busy fucking every Tom, Dick, and Harry to realize it. What you say to me Patrick doesn’t matter anymore.  All your lies and promises are falling on deaf ears.”

Taking the gun and pointing it towards his head, I felt so much power in my hands. All I had to do was pull and he would be gone in a blink of an eye
.
“Are you scared
Patrick?  I can feel you trembling baby,” I whispered to him in an evil voice. “You don’t look too hot now, huh?  Are you sorry you didn’t keep your dick in your pants?”  I slid the gun over his penis as he closed his eyes.  “What will happen if I blow this piece of shit dick of yours to pieces?  Will that solve any of my problems?”

I waited for him to answer, but when he didn’t I became angry and yelled, “No!” as I hit his penis with the butt of the gun.  I heard him holler out in pain. He grabbed his dick and I could see tears running down his face. Those tears didn’t mean a goddamn thing to me. Finally he wanted to speak. 

“Wa…wa…wait…please…baby…what about the girls?”  I took the gun and hit him across the face with it as my anger intensified and I could see the blood dripping down his face.

“You bastard, you’re not concerned about the girls! I will never forgive you for what you did to them…to us!”  I wiped the tears from my eyes because I loved my girls with everything within me. I was all they had and this motherfucker messed up everything, all of our lives.  I should have just stayed away from his black ass the moment I laid eyes on him.  I was silent for five minutes until I was ready to meet the savior.

“Say a prayer Patrick.” I whispered but he didn’t seem to hear me until he heard the click of the gun. I clicked the gun as his eyes got wide and I shot him.

Blood splattered everywhere on me and I could feel my hands shaking as my body became numb and it seemed as though another person had taken over my thirty-seven year old body. 

I pointed the gun towards my head and I begin to pray to God to forgive me for the sin I had committed and the sin I was about to commit…suicide.  “The Lord is my shepherd…I shall not want… He makes me to lie down in green pastures…He leads me besides the still waters… He restores my soul... He leads me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake… Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me… Your rod and your staff, they comfort me...You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies...You anoint my head with oil, my cup runneth over… Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life; and I will dwell in the house of the Lord. For ever…. BOOM, BOOM!

The Present 8 years later

Chapter 1 ~ Porsche

“Black you up next!”  I looked up at the stage manager DJ and said “thanks,” with a provocative smile. Damn, I’m such a tease. I was getting ready to go on stage and perform. 

This is what I call my secret life. Black is my stage name, but Porsche is my birth name. I’m a twenty-two year old stripper by night and on weekends and during the day I go to graduate school at the University of Miami. I want to become a social worker, helping children with parents who have HIV, since I learned just four years ago how my parents actually died.  Suicide was on the death certificate, but my mom left a tape behind for me and my other sisters describing why she killed herself and my father…HIV; and life hasn’t been the same since.

“Girl it’s hot out there tonight,” Cinnamon said as she exited the stage. She has been my home girl ever since I started stripping about two years ago. She is probably the only one who I let get into my personal space besides my sisters. I don’t fool with females like that because they have too many jealousy issues.

I can’t stand for a female to dislike me and they don’t know shit about who I am as a person. I keep to myself because I know I would bust a bitch in they head for messing with me. It’s my confidence and my beauty that has them hating on me. Yes, I’m bragging because I know when I walk into a room all heads turn my way. I didn’t get the stage name Black for nothing.

I am a chocolate sister with long wavy hair down my back (yes it’s all real, no weave), hazel eyes and a body to die for. I am what you call a 38, 26, and 38. I’m 5’7 and I can dress my ass off. I never go without, and men flock to me like honey. I don’t date often, especially the men in the club where I work. Don’t get me wrong because I love men, it’s just that I have very little trust in them. 

It’s hard to please a girl like myself.  A man has to step correct to me or don’t step at all.  It takes a special man to pull rank on me and I haven’t met him yet.

“So it’s hot out there huh,” I said to Cinnamon.

“Girl yeah,
those
brothers out there are
giving up lots of money tonight!” 

She smiled at me. Cinnamon grew up in Overtown, which is a rough part of town in Miami. When I first started dancing she was the only real girl who didn’t take shit from the rest of these bitches around here. We instantly clicked the day she saw one of the girls trying to slip something in my drink before I went out on stage. She knocked the girl on her ass and a fight broke out. 

When I came into the room I saw another girl trying to jump in and I immediately had Cinnamon’s back. I punched the girl dead in her face and the fight was on!
Cinnamon and I beat the hell out of those two girls that day. We still laugh about what happened, and we’ve been home girls ever since. 

“And all that money is going to be mines, ” I winked as I put on my nice black shiny 4 inch stiletto boots that zip all the way to my thigh. It made my teddy look hot!  Oh yeah, it was going to be on tonight. I even got my whip to tame these motherfuckers.

I’m the hot item at Club Frenzy’s, the Diamond on Player’s Club.  Every time I step on stage every eye is on me. Every weekend I bring home at least three G’s. I never needed money because I had a nice little stash in the bank on top of the money my parents left us.

“Your boy out there,” Cinnamon smirked to herself. 

“Again,” I sighed to myself. My boy that Cinnamon is referring to is this guy who’s been trying to get with me for about two months now.  He will not give up until I say yes to going out with him.  

He has sent flowers, candy, and teddy bears.  All that shit is for teenagers and I don’t like cheap gifts.  I told you a brother has to step correct or don’t step at all. You have to be creative to win me and right now I see no creativity.

“I tell you Cinnamon if he sends me another flower, teddy bear, or candy I‘m going to cuss his ass out.” Cinnamon burst out laughing until tears were rolling down her face. “What the hell is so funny?  I'm not playing. I mean what I say. You know I don’t hold my tongue for nothing, that’s why I’m the most hated bitch up in here. I tell it like it is. I don’t need a weak ass man sending me that teenager shit,” I said as I rolled my eyes.

“Girl you are crazy! 
I swear you are going to meet your match one day and it might just be that weak ass man
you
’re
referring to.” 
She talked to me as she started putting her money in her safe. We both brought a little safe to keep our money in because the girls that work with us are always trying to steal. I will chop their hands off if my money comes up missing.

“Whatever,” I threw up my hands in the air. “That will be the day hell freezes over too!”  DJ walked into the room and licked his lips. I swear that man is fine, but he is not for me.  He is way too big for my liking. I like a man who has some muscles, DJ has none. 

“Yo, Black you up,” said DJ.

“Let the show begin,” I mumbled to myself as I stepped out the door ready to perform.  I walked up on the stage with the lights out because that was my trademark to let the audience know that Black is appearing. When the lights came on I could hear the “oohs” and “ah's” of the men. They’re always mesmerized by what I have on.

Tonight I picked the song by Trina “Da Baddest Bitch,” because I am. Plus I have my whip so I can do all type of freaky shit with it. I feel so sorry for the guy that snags me, because I will always keep his ass in a frenzy.  As I swirled to the beat of the music, I caught my admirer’s eyes.

I have to hand it to the brother because he was fine with a capital F. That I can vouch for.  He needs to step his game up though. I could see the twinkle in his eyes as he winked at me. He thinks he is so hot but damn, that turned me on!

I gave him one of my sexy looks and licked my lips to tease him and could see him shifting in his seat. Yeah brother, you aren’t the only one who can play the game.  I bet his dick is hard right now. I tried to focus on something else but my eyes kept landing on his punk ass.  Damn he was really getting to me with his Tyson Beckford looking ass.

He is dark chocolate with slanted eyes and a head full of dreads. When he smiles, dimples appear deep in both cheeks.  He has pretty full lips that I could kiss for days and those eyes were looking into my soul.  What the hell was wrong with me?  I can’t be messed up by him. 

I have my rules. I don’t date men in the club, but he was making it hard for me to hold on to my rules.  The music finally stopped. I got a standing ovation from everyone except my admirer. He just nodded his head as I exited the stage. 

“Damn, got me all hot and bothered!”  I yelled storming inside the changing room. Cinnamon peeks around from her vanity and smiled at me. “What?”  I said trying to look innocent. 

“You know what’s up?  Looks like that weak ass man might just get what he wants after all,” said Cinnamon.

“Which is,” I said trying to keep the expression on my face the same. But Cinnamon knew me too well.

“You,” as she flips her long weave at me. She went back looking in the mirror at her vanity.

“In another life time,” I replied as I brushed past her into the bathroom and she yelled “You can run but you can’t hide forever Black! One day he is going to catch your ass and when he does that is when you will stop running!”

I hurried up and took my clothes off so I could continue my argument with her.  Cinnamon didn’t know what the hell she was talking about.  I came out with my tight Prada jeans and shirt ready for war and I said, “What you say?”

“You heard me,” she said rolling her eyes.  I sarcastically said “You think you know me so well don’t you?”

“Oh bitch please. This is me,” pointing to herself, “Cinnamon,” as she laughed.

“I am not gone be too many of your bitches neither,” I replied as I threw a towel at her while she ducked. 

“Well since you are a know it all,” she said, “Let’s take a stroll into the club.” I made a face at her as to say you crazy and said, “You know I don’t do strolls in the club Cinnamon.” I huffed.

“You used to,” she said with a smirk on her face, “Until Mr. Weak Ass started showing you some attention.” 

“That’s a lie and you know it,” I said trying to keep a straight face. If I were a lighter color like my other two sisters my skin would have been a bright red from the lies I was telling.

“Well prove me wrong. Let’s go,” she said as she grabbed my hand.

I stomped out the door with her and said, “Ok. Let’s go so you can shut your ass up for once and for all.” 

She thought she had me all figured out, but I was kind of nervous.   I knew my admirer was still out there and I really didn’t want to see him face to face.  Just him looking at me on stage had me all wet! I knew being close to him would make me weak in the knees.  Damn, I should have just shut up!  My big mouth got me in this situation.

Cinnamon and I both peeked out the curtain and we saw him just sitting there with his fine ass. Cinnamon stepped out first and I followed like a timid little girl. Trying to play it cool, I went straight to the bar. I glanced over my shoulder and our eyes held. The attraction was instant and I felt my vagina tingle with anticipation.

“Down girl,” I whispered to myself.  Another dancer was trying to get his attention with a lap dance but our eyes continued to hold each other captive.

“You see him,” Cinnamon whispered to me on the other side of my chair. 

“Yeah,” I said then turned back around in my seat.
“Besides,” I looked at her, “He has some bitch trying to give him a lap dance,” I said as I threw my hands up in
a
I don’t give a damn manner.

“Do I detect a hint of jealousy?” she asked as she giggled lightly.

“Hell no,” I replied.