Chasing Hope (11 page)

T
he file stared back from Sabrina’s computer screen, unpolished and unprofessional. The color scheme seemed all wrong now. So she went about painstakingly changing the background from green to pale blue. Then the font seemed flat and boring. Or did it?

Exhausted, Sabrina folded her arms on the table in front of her, leaned her head in the crook of her elbow, and closed her eyes. If she cleared her mind of everything for just a minute, maybe then it would all come together. All she needed was a quick break and the right answer would come to her.

But it didn’t.

When she closed her eyes, the only thing she saw was Brandy’s face from that morning, unmistakable pain in her eyes. All day long that same vision had been in her mind, just beneath the surface of anything else she tried to concentrate on.
Sabrina, you’ve done all you could be expected to do for her. She’s not your problem.
Somehow no matter how long she told herself that, she could never quite make herself believe it.

The chair beside her squeaked across the floor. “You’re looking like you could use a friend right about now.” By the time she looked up and realized what she was seeing, Koen had already taken the seat beside her, right elbow on table, leaning his right cheek against his hand. “You okay?”

“I’m fine. Just a little overwhelmed.”

“I’m thinking perhaps a nice dinner of oh . . . say . . . pizza and a salad, followed by a trip downtown to see whichever band it is that’s playing on the square tonight for Wednesday Night Lights ought to cheer you right up. What do you say, you game?”

Being this near to him, the desire to ignore all of the things on her to-do list and simply go enjoy herself for a while was almost overpowering. Almost, but not quite. “I can’t.”

He reached over and touched her cheek. “Sabrina, you look totally stressed and I don’t like seeing you this way. Just for an hour? A little time-out?” His voice, his face, everything about him was so appealing, it took everything she had this time.

“I really can’t.”

“I see. I’m only now beginning to realize how big of a challenge I accepted when I vowed to help you loosen up a bit. I’m thinking I may need some extra time to work on this. What do you say we spend the entire day Saturday together? We could drive up to Nashville for the day?”

“I can’t, and that’s one of the reasons I’m so overwhelmed. They moved my Grace Rose PR interview to this coming Monday. I’m leaving early Saturday to go to Atlanta and get ready.”

“And when will you be back?”

“Monday evening some time.”

“I don’t think I want to go that long before I see you again. Are you sure you don’t want to grab a quick pizza right now? I promise I’ll have you back and studying within the hour.”

“I wish I could, really I . . .” A stirring of movement at the
counter drew Sabrina’s attention. Lindy Stewart and a group of her friends were all standing at the counter, laughing and talking as if they had no cares in the world as they ordered their usual round of chai lattes. One friend in particular had her eyes fixed on Koen, obviously watching and waiting. “I really shouldn’t, I mean I . . .” Wouldn’t just a little reprieve from all the stress be a good thing? After all, everyone needed to eat. Sabrina looked at her watch, then back at Koen, feeling better already. “Gotta eat sometime. Dinner sounds like a nice idea.”

“Exactly what I was saying.” He stood up and offered his hand, which she was more than happy to accept. She couldn’t bring herself to look at the group at the counter as she passed by, but she hoped Lindy Stewart would see them and decide to turn her attention elsewhere.

Fifteen minutes later, they were seated at Pizza Palace, simply enjoying being together. “I’m really glad you talked me into this. I think I needed it.”

He grinned and leaned a little closer. “I like it when a woman admits she needs me.”

Sabrina just laughed. It felt good to laugh for a while.

“So, tell me about this trip to Atlanta. Where are you staying?”

“Some friends of my father keep a high-rise condo in downtown Atlanta that they rarely use. They’re letting me stay for free, so I’m going a couple of days early. It’ll give me time to get some things ready, and to make certain I know how to navigate. I don’t want to be late to my interview because I’m lost.”

“Does it make you nervous, staying by yourself in a strange city?”

“Nah, I got used to it when I was . . .” Sabrina shook her head to remove the memories. “I used to travel a lot when I was younger.”

“I see.” His eyes narrowed. “Another clue to this mysterious past of yours.”

And just like that, with the mention of what used to be, the wall that Sabrina had built so carefully against all that was going on cracked, then burst. She felt tears stinging her eyes but blinked them back, hard. The last thing she wanted to do was cry in front of Koen.

He put his hand on hers. “You okay?”

“Yes.” She tried to focus on the picture of the Leaning Tower of Pisa hanging over their booth. She concentrated on the rows and rows of white columns, each joined together by an arch, and the difference in the size of the top floor. It was no use, although the distraction did at least help regain control over her outward display of her inward turmoil. At least she wasn’t going to cry. “I need to walk outside for a minute—there’s a phone call I forgot I was supposed to make.”

“O-kay.”

Sabrina hurried outside before she changed her mind, opened her list of contacts, and pressed the Call button. She supposed she shouldn’t have been surprised that the call wasn’t answered. When it rolled over to voice mail, she started to hang up, but for some reason, she didn’t. “You know, I’ve been thinking. Maybe you coming to Atlanta isn’t such a bad idea after all. Be ready to go by eight o’clock Saturday morning.” She pushed the button, wondering if she hadn’t just made a huge mistake.

No matter. Brandy would probably refuse to go now anyway. Sabrina turned back toward the restaurant, wondering if she hoped that were true.

S
abrina looked at her packing list again, then looked at the neatly rolled clothes in her overnight bag. Tomorrow morning, all she would have to do was throw in her toothbrush and she would be good to go.

Her cell phone vibrated on the bedside table. In spite of the fact that she’d already talked to him twice this evening, she hoped it was Koen again. She hurried over, already smiling at the prospect. The caller ID read Brandy Philip.

Great.

Brandy had shown up at that morning’s training session sullen and grumpy. She didn’t mention the message about Atlanta, and neither did Sabrina—she’d made the offer, she certainly wasn’t going to beg. There was a strange awkwardness about their interaction, but as far as Sabrina was concerned she had done her part.

“Hello?”

“I want to show you something. Will you come on a ride with
me?” Brandy’s voice was low, her words fast, like floodwaters rushing over the wall of a dam that was not used to being breached.

“Tonight?”

“Yes.”

“Where to?”

“The place I went camping the other night.”

As a method for breaking down barriers, this was definitely over the top. Time to refocus. “Brandy, it’s late and I’ve got a long drive in the morning.”

“Please. Just come with me. There might be some things about me that you would find surprising, too.”

There was an urgency in Brandy’s voice. For whatever reason, and against her better judgment, Sabrina said, “Okay. I’ll be over there in a minute.”

“No need. I’m parked in front of your house. Come on out.”

The upholstery in Brandy’s beat-up old Grand Prix hinted of the smell of tobacco, alcohol, and a sort of skunk mixed with burnt lawn clippings that could only be marijuana. “Tell me again why we have to take this trip in your car instead of mine?”

“You’ll see when we get there.” Brandy said no more. She kept both hands on the wheel and paid close attention to her driving, showing no hint of recklessness as she drove further and further from town.

“How far, exactly, are we going?”

“Nashville.”

“Say what? I don’t have time for a trip to Nashville. Does your grandmother know where you are?”

Brandy shrugged. “You’re with me.”

Sabrina opened her mouth to protest, to demand that Brandy
turn the car around right now, but then stopped herself. She’d come this far, she might as well see this thing through. “Your grandmother will be worried.”

Brandy shook her head. “I told her I was going over to see you and that I might be late. And I brought my cell phone with me so she can call at any time.”

“All right.” Sabrina had told Nana she was going for a ride with Brandy, although she’d had no idea at the time it was going to take this long.

They made the rest of the ride in complete silence, until Brandy pulled off the interstate near downtown. She pulled to a stop in the parking lot of a Superama, turned off the car, and got out without a word. Sabrina opened the passenger side door and stood up. “What are we doing here?”

“It’s a grocery store, what do you think we’re doing here?”

Sabrina hurried after Brandy, who went inside the store, grabbed a hand basket, and made for the dairy aisle. In just a matter of minutes, they were standing at the self checkout with a gallon of milk, a loaf of white bread, peanut butter, jelly, apples, bananas, and assorted granola bars and protein shakes.

“Brandy, this is crazy. We are not going camping—we don’t need supplies.”

“You think?” The total came to just over forty dollars. Brandy reached inside her pocket and pulled out some folded bills. She peeled off a twenty, then proceeded to count out the rest one dollar at a time. When she finished, she had one dollar and change left over. She grabbed one of the plastic bags, Sabrina took the other, and they started for the car.

“Weren’t you getting worried that you didn’t have enough money? That was really close.”

“I’m not stupid.” Brandy cast a disdainful glance over her shoulder. “I knew how much I had and I checked the price of
everything before I put it in the basket. I always leave it just a couple of dollars short in case I want to stop at the Quick Mart on my way home for a Coke.”

Sabrina studied the girl’s face. What she was saying had to be bravado. For her to have added up that many items and cut it that close would have been a pretty amazing mathematical feat for anyone, much less a troubled kid like this one. Brandy looked at her with a bland expression, as if she didn’t care whether Sabrina believed her or not.

“All right. Now that we’ve gotten these groceries, are we heading to this elusive campsite, which apparently exists somewhere in the middle of Nashville?”

“You’ll see.” They put their bags in the back seat and drove further into the heart of the city. It wasn’t that part of downtown that Sabrina sometimes ventured into, with restaurants and theaters and country music saloons. This was the part of town they didn’t show in tourist magazines.

The homes became more ramshackle, the yards unkempt, with pieces of equipment, old cars, and various broken toys littering the yards. In spite of her determination not to let Brandy see that she was afraid, Sabrina couldn’t help but glance over her shoulder to make certain her door was locked.

Brandy pulled to the curb in front of a tiny home with ancient gray shingle siding, a sagging front porch, and tattered curtains visible through the light coming from inside the front room. “This is our stop.” She reached into the back seat and took both bags of groceries. “You stay in the car and lock the door behind me. I’ll be right back.”

“You can’t get out here, it’s not safe.”

Brandy didn’t acknowledge Sabrina’s comment in any way. Instead she climbed out of the car and started for the house, bags in hand. She moved slowly up the front porch steps, stopping after
each upward movement. Maybe it was because she was listening to something inside, or more likely, because she was afraid the boards might break through with any sudden movement.

Sabrina tried to imagine who might live there that would inspire these strange actions on Brandy’s behalf. She couldn’t help but fear the possibility of a crazed man coming to the door with a shotgun in his hand, ready to kill anyone who dared to trespass on his front porch. She cradled her cell phone in her palm, prepared to dial 9-1-1 at the slightest provocation.

By now Brandy was moving across the front porch and Sabrina’s anxiety was growing with each step she took. She heard some raucous laughing and looked ahead to see a group of boys walking down the street toward her. Long T-shirts and baggy pants.

Thugs. Out looking for trouble, and they were walking right toward her.

Sabrina sank down lower in the seat in spite of the fact that she was more than certain it was too dark where she was sitting for them to see her. She lifted her head just enough to chance a peek toward Brandy.

The two grocery bags were sitting on the porch directly blocking the front door, and Brandy was making her way down the steps. She turned her head in the direction of the boys, stopped walking, and slid back into the shadows by the side of the porch. Sabrina sank all the way down into the floorboard and waited. She could hear the boys cutting up as they walked by. After what seemed like an eternity their voices began to fade further away.

Sabrina let out the breath she hadn’t realized she was holding. Perhaps it was safe to sit up now.

Boom. Boom. Boom.
A fist pounded on the driver’s side window.

“Let me in. Hurry up.”

Sabrina made quick work of unlocking the door. Brandy sat
down fast and locked the door behind her. “See now why I didn’t want to bring your car? It would have stood out like a shiny new toy in this neighborhood—no way those guys would have left it alone.” She turned the key and pulled away from the curb.

“Whose house is that? And I still don’t understand what this has to do with your camping trip.” Sabrina looked back over her shoulder as the home grew smaller behind them.

Brandy didn’t answer. She turned onto the next street and the next, looking in her rearview mirror from time to time as if to make certain they weren’t being followed. When she turned back onto the interstate on-ramp, she said, “My mother.”

“Your mother what?”

“You asked me whose house that was. It is my mother’s.”

Sabrina looked toward her to see if she was serious. She seemed to be. “Then why didn’t you knock?”

Brandy turned her head completely toward Sabrina, in spite of the fact that she was hurtling down the interstate at seventy miles per hour. She just looked at her, not saying a word, until Sabrina said, “Brandy, watch where you’re going.” Brandy did turn her attention back to the road, but she didn’t say anything.

“Why didn’t you at least knock on the door and tell her you were bringing groceries?”

“She’ll find them. She always does. I usually hide and watch—that’s where I was when I said I was camping, at least for most of the time. I did go to the campsite with my friends, but they weren’t thrilled about my lack of, shall we say, recreational participation. It was too much of a drag to listen to them going on and on about it. I mean, if I want to be told how wrong I am, all I’ve got to do is talk to a grown-up, know what I mean? I don’t need it from my posse.”

“So you left and went to your mother’s?”

“Yes.”

“Why didn’t you answer your grandmother’s calls? It’s not like Nashville doesn’t have cell service.”

“My battery died. But I didn’t want to leave until I saw her, you know, just to see if she seemed okay and to make sure she saw the food. It was almost noon before she came stumbling home.” She drove on for a little while. “And you have no concept of life on the other side.”

The words stung. In spite of an upper middle class upbringing, Sabrina had never considered herself naïve. “I guess not.” She murmured the words, more to herself than Brandy. She thought about what Brandy’s life must have been like. “How long has it been since you lived with your mom?”

Brandy shrugged. “A while. I lived with my aunt and uncle for a couple of years. They took me in the last time my mother got arrested.”

“How did you end up with your grandmother?”

“My aunt became concerned that I was corrupting her kids.” She paused, changed lanes, and remained silent for a couple of minutes. Finally, she said, “I guess I can’t blame her. Truth is, I probably was corrupting them. My uncle is my mom’s half-brother—he was nice enough to fight to keep me for a while. He and my mother don’t have any kind of a relationship, so he really didn’t owe me anything. Finally, he asked me to find somewhere else.”

“Is that when you came to live with your grandmother?”

“Yeah, right around Christmastime.” She kept her eyes focused on the road. “That’s why I didn’t like you so much. You have a mother and a father who are still together, and from what Grandma has said, they make a good living and love you to pieces, but she says you never go home for a visit, even in the summer. Don’t you appreciate what you’ve got?”

“I live with my grandmother because I go to school in her
town and because she can use the help around the house. Besides that . . .” Sabrina stopped. There was no reason to go there.

“Besides that, what?”

Sabrina shrugged. “It’s hard to be in my hometown, you know. Everyone there had such big expectations for me. Including my father. It’s like every time I see him, or one of my old teachers or coaches, well, it’s too much a mixture of pity and disappointment. My father, especially. I think he’s upset that I lost my scholarship.”

“One of the girls who was mean to you while you were at UT, was her name Kayla?”

Sabrina turned to her, stunned to hear that name after all these years. “How did you know that?”

“She spoke to the Fellowship of Christian Runners a few weeks ago. She told her side of that story, about how some slacker got the scholarship that she should have gotten.”

The same old pain welled up through the center of Sabrina’s chest. “She never did believe it was anything other than me just being lazy and not being fast enough. She was pretty ruthless at times.”

“Well, she’s coaching up here at Samson Academy and she was talking about how her runners have been dominating at the local races. I say, let’s make a plan to beat her in that big Columbia 5K in a couple weeks.”

Sabrina looked at Brandy, and for the first time she felt something like a true partnership might be beginning to form. “Sounds like a plan.”

“Cool,” Brandy said, nodding. “What time do we leave for Atlanta in the morning?”