Chasing Down Secrets (8 page)

“I’ll find you. I promise. When this is over, I’ll find you.” My voice is thick with emotion.

“I have to go, love.” He says sadly kissing my forehead, “take care of our baby.” He whispers against my skin before walking away.

Tears line my inner lids. I have found him and now he is leaving. To go help…no, I can’t think about it. I won’t. But the way he had said goodbye makes it seem like he isn’t expecting to come back. The mere thought of never seeing him again makes my heart clench. I can feel my throat holding back a sob, my knees feel weak, and my eyes burn from the tears. I can’t do this. Not without him. He left me broken, tangled, a mess. I can’t even begin to sort through the heart ache that always seems to pound my chest like a hammer.

Then I sit, and a scream starts coming out of my throat. It is one of anger and sorrow. While I feel sad he is leaving, I am angry. How can he leave me in my condition? I slam my fists against the ground as another scream comes out. All I want to do is scream. Even if I wear out my voice, even if someone finds me. Actually, I want someone to find me. I want someone to see what a wreck I am. I want to hurt someone, like Emmett hurt me. If he had stayed longer my fists would have been directed at him not the ground.

I feel something, but unsure of what. Abandoned? That seems fit. Everyone in my life leaves. Is something wrong with me? Have I done something to deserve this? Nothing. I have done nothing wrong. So, why am I being punished?

I put my aggravated thoughts to bed and start to think of a plan. Will I still go back to camp? And, how do I get there? I decide it is best to go the way I had been headed originally. That means putting more space between me and Emmett. Something I don’t want to do. But, I have no other choice.

I stand up with my head high and brush the dirt that coats my hands on my skirt then wipe each cheek until they are free of tears. I look down at myself, realizing I am filthy. Putting the plan on hold I walk off course, positive I have seen a river earlier.

The sun is at its highest point when I finally found it. I cup my hands with water and any excess dirt is removed. Then I pour the water onto my face. I turn my head this way and that, making sure I am alone before unbuttoning my simple green dress. It falls just below the knee and buttons up the front starting at the waist. It is a pale green and sleeveless. I slip it from my body and remove my undergarments. Slowly, I lower myself into the water. I notice my arms are covered in a dark film. At last, I dive under, feeling the cool water skim by me, washing away the filth. I come back up and notice my skin is no longer its porcelain shade, but rather more sun kissed from the days I have spent walking in the sun. Satisfied, I walk out of the water and slip on my clothes. I start to button my dress when I notice it is a bit snug. I look down. It won’t be noticeable to a stranger but I notice. I sigh; I will need a new dress soon. I’ll have to find something big. Who knows how long I’ll have to wear it.

After I finish getting dressed I walk back to the path. Or, I start to, but I have to duck into the bushes last minute when the sound of footsteps rings through my ears. Who can it be? I am miles away from civilization, or I think I am. I see shadows painted on the trees across from me.

“Walk faster or I’ll make you.” A gruff voice growls harshly shoving a skinnier shadow.

“I’m s-s-sor-rr-y,” A shaky voice murmurs.

I creep forward just a bit and am able to see the people clearly. At first, I see the uniform. A hate so strong boils inside of me that I have to clench my fists and teeth to keep from screaming, and then I see the man in the uniform. James. I’ve never seen him look so, well, ugly. His once innocent baby face wears what looks like a permanent scowl. His gray eyes have now hardened and remind me of ice, cold, hard ice. His hands are clutched to the back of an old man’s shirt.

The man is shorter than James and his gray hair is thinning on the top. My eyes travel down the rest of his face, stopping at each feature. His eyes are a warm chocolate brown and one is cloudier than the other. His nose is long and sticks out and reminds me somewhat of a beak. The skin below his eyes is big and droops into his cheeks. His mouth is colorless and pressed into a fine line. As he walks the old skin that dangles down from his neck swings back and forth.

There are more men in uniforms but I don’t pay them any notice, I am more interested in James and the man. James had been so nice before, he let us go. How can he seem so cold now? The old man trips over a root which causes James to shove him forward.

“Filthy Jew,” he spits before he continues walking.

Suddenly, an idea hits me, they are going to camp. Camp is where I need to go. If I stay hidden I can follow them there. I time my steps with theirs so they can’t hear me and keep my eyes on them from the bushes to make sure they can’t see me. I follow them until the sun starts to set, which is when they decide to set up for camp.

To my surprise, James and the other soldiers take the handcuffs and chain their prisoners to trees. My insides turn with disgust. How can they do that and feel nothing? How can James do this to an old man who is half
blind
? Does he really not care? No, he cares. I have seen him care. I saw it when he found Emmett and me. He has feelings. So, why is he acting so venomous?

At last, everyone is asleep, everyone but me. I am too scared that they might see me. So, instead of resting, I sit there with my knees to my chest. My eyes keep threatening to close on me but I will them not too. At one point, though, I must have fallen asleep because I am wake up to someone dragging me away. I am about to scream when a hand flies over my mouth. I have stopped moving.

“What do you think you’re doing? Where’s Emmett?” James asks in a hushed voice.

“He went to go find berries. And we couldn’t remember which way we had come so we were following you.” He doesn’t need to know Emmett isn’t here.

“You realize how easily you two could get caught.” He says calmly.

“Well, we need to go back to camp.” I state.

“Why?”

“I’m pregnant.” I whisper in a barely audible voice.

At first, he doesn’t say anything. At first, he is quiet. He opens and closes his mouth a few times before words actually come out.

“Of course you are. It’s just like him to get everything. We grew up together. I only joined because he didn’t want to be alone. And now I find out that you’re… and his. It’s just perfect. Perfect! I have to go. Tell Emmett to walk farther away, it’s too risky how close you guys are.” He looks ready to cry. His voice takes on too many emotions to count all in a matter of seconds, sad, angry, and restrained. I don’t know why he’s so upset.

I wait for him to be completely gone before I risk walking back. If he finds out I have lied about Emmett being here, who knows what he’ll do. It is dawn when I got back and they are already packing up. I notice how whenever I see the uniform bile rises up within me.

I find James unchaining the old man with the same scowl he wore yesterday. But, I know it is just an act. He cared last night when we spoke. I saw it in his eyes. I do as he says and walk a farther distance away from them than I had been earlier. We are walking in complete silence, not even James says anything when the old man stumbles. I am wondering why when they stop in front of a house.

“You guys go in. I’ll keep an eye on
them
.” James says spitting out the last word but I notice his voice isn’t nearly as cold as it had been yesterday. Is it because he knows I am here now?

The other soldiers nod and stomp towards the small house. James looks around for a moment before walking over to the bushes. I have to scurry back so he won’t see me.

“We’ll be back at the camp in a few days, just don’t do anything to get you noticed.” He whispers at the exact moment my stomach decides to discard its contents. And I throw up. The familiar dizziness follows and I have to sit down. I don’t hear his footsteps coming closer because there is a ringing in my ears. I hate throwing up.

“Maria, where is Emmett?” James asks cautiously. When I don’t respond he asks again more urgently, “where is Emmett, Maria?” My mind begins searching for another excuse, this is the second time he’s seen me when Emmett isn’t here. I can’t avoid it forever.

“He had to go to the bathroom, now it’s my turn for a question, James. Why were you so upset last night?” I say because I do not knowing what to say but knowing I want answers.

I see his eyes harden and his nostrils flare as he says, “Yesterday was just a bad day for me.”

“You’re lying. And I also know this isn’t you. This person who is vile and cruel and-and emotionless, that’s not you. I saw it last night. You care. But for what? I’m still trying to figure out.” I speak then sigh after.

“You don’t want to do that. You won’t like what you find out.” He says calmly before turning on his heel and leaving me.

What does he mean I won’t like what I find? Now, more than ever I want to figure him out. I have no clue why, but I feel drawn to him the same why I had felt when we first met. I have this need to understand him. I am pulled out of my thoughts by a piercing scream. I stand up and try to find the source of the noise. One of the soldiers who went into the house comes out dragging a small girl along with him. Another man has a strong grip on a woman who I assume is the mother. The scream has come from her. I look back to the child. She can’t be more than thirteen, the age I had been when they took me. Her eyes are large and a deep green. Her hair is straight and goes down to her shoulders and is a vibrant black color. She reminds me of myself at her age: scared and alone, except she has her mother.

I take a step forward, trying to get a closer look when I feel and hear the sharp snap of a twig under my foot.

“Who is there?” One of the Nazis calls out, “I’m going to find you!” I slowly back track my steps and hide behind a wide tree. I can hear his footsteps coming closer. I try to hold my breath but he is inches away, any moment he will see me. “You cannot hide from me.”

Chapter Ten:

I can smell him at this point and any closer and he’ll be right next to me.

“Come on, there’s no one there.” I hear James call.

“But I heard…” The soldier begins but soon his voice fades out and I hear him retreat back to the others. I let out a sigh.

I know James is good, he protected me. My heart starts to slow back down to its normal pace when I hear the soldier speak again, but this time his voice is farther away.

“We’re heading back to camp. There aren’t anymore houses on our route. There’s about a day and a half left until we reach camp.” He says and then I hear footsteps, they are moving.

Slowly, I creep back to my hiding space and walk beside James, the bushes separating us. Even though the bush is there he keeps glancing sideways at me. One time I swear he winks. It makes me laugh, but quietly, of course.

The day trudges on and on and my leg is starting to hurt again, probably from all the walking. I am thirsty, too, really thirsty. My head is starting to ache and my limbs are turning to mush. The sun is setting and again, they stop to make camp. I watch as James repeats his actions from the night before, chaining the old man to a tree then he goes and lies down in his sleeping bag, the other men do the same.

They fall asleep in minutes. I don’t sleep, again, too afraid that they might find me. I am sitting on the dirty forest floor staring up at the cloudy sky when James comes and sits down beside me.

“Can’t sleep?” He whispers.

“No,” I yawn resting my head on his shoulder.

“When was the last time you slept?” His voice is filled with concern.

“Two nights ago, I think.”

“You should sleep; I’ll make sure they don’t find you. It’s not good for you or the baby.” Even though he sounds concerned his voice freezes over at the mention of the baby.

“You’re right.”

“Good night.” He whispers kissing the top of my head before walking away.

“Good night,” I mutter before my eyes closed, “told you so.” I say or try to say but it doesn’t really come out.

I must be more tired than I thought because I am out almost instantly. I don’t even remember dreaming. But the next thing I know James is staring at me telling me it is time to get up.

“Fine,” I say stifling a yawn. I stand up lazily and glance around, “is there a river anywhere near by?”

“I don’t think so, why?” James aske eyeing me suspiciously.

“No reason. You should get back to the others.” I say staring at my feet.

He leaves and I try to calm myself. When is the last time I had water? I am still really thirsty. I feel something familiar and recognize it as nausea. I am going to throw up. Perfect, that’ll only make me thirstier. I place a hand on the tree, bracing myself for the vomiting. Soon enough, it comes. I am hunched over as I begin feeling dizzy. My throat continues to burn but I know that I am done. My head is pounding and the littlest noises are like crashes in my ears.

I straighten myself and start to walk to the edge when my legs stop working. I crumple to the ground because the weight is too much for my legs, my eyes shut as the pain consumes me.