Chasing Charlie (33 page)

SAM

I stormed down Charlie's street. It felt like I was being pushed along by some frantic force beyond my control but I also knew that I had to get there before I chickened out and let him blow hot and cold for the rest of eternity with me just taking it. Because that's how it would be. This grand plan of winning back the catch of a lifetime would never come to fruition. Mr Charles Hugh-Barrington would have to have me, really have me, or it was all over.

I was almost there when I saw a man slowing down near Charlie's gate. I picked up my pace when I saw him turn into it. He certainly wasn't a plumber and there was no sign of a van in the street. Good, this meant he'd be alone. The man ahead took out his key and I stepped forward, smiled and slipped in behind him through the communal front door, then nipped upstairs to Charlie's flat before he could question who I was.

At the door, I had a moment of immense foreboding but I pushed it aside. You silly cow! I said to myself. You've had enough of all this not-knowing-where-you-stand crap. What is needed now is some clarity! But I trembled as I knocked on his door. Nothing. I knocked again and pressed my ear to the door. There. I could hear steps. The door opened.

‘Sam—' He looked shocked but I pushed past him before he could object. I scanned the room. The kitchen was empty, the bedroom door shut. The bathroom door was open with no sign of a boiler man.

‘Not here yet then?' I asked him, my heart racing.

‘Pardon?' Charlie's voice was almost squeaky.

‘The boiler man.'

‘Oh, yes, right. No, he's running late.'

I narrowed my eyes. He was acting very strange, kind of flustered, standing there pushing his hands through his hair as if he wasn't sure what to say next. I caught sight of the sofa – our sofa – and remembered our steamy afternoon together. Oh, why did perfectly fun things have to get so serious? Why couldn't my life just roll along like it should for once? I found myself running my hands through my own hair, vaguely aware that I was mirroring Charlie's nervousness. And then it came to me. I was standing there in that damn flat and it was the same place I'd been so many bloody times before. Different flat, maybe, but the same situation. It happened with every single boyfriend who lasted more than five minutes. It was the point where it stopped being light and fluffy and started getting difficult, and it was when I usually bolted. I forced myself to look Charlie straight in the eye, which was difficult as his gaze was skittering all over the room. Not this time, I told myself. I wasn't going anywhere until I had an answer from him. Not after all the heartache and effort and rent money I'd spent trying to win him back. No way.

‘Look,' I began, ‘I don't want to be here but I just have to talk to you. I—' I became aware that my hands were on my hips and I took them off and folded my arms instead.

‘We've had a great time lately.' I looked at him for confirmation and he nodded. ‘But I can't go on like this.'

‘Like what?' Again his words came out as a little squeak.

I opened my arms out, palms up. ‘Come on, you know what like!'

Charlie said nothing, just pushed his hands through his damn hair again.

I sighed. ‘Do I have to spell it out? We had great sex, some fun times, but—'

But I didn't get any further, as a crash from the bedroom stopped me in my tracks. Did that come from the upstairs flat? No. Charlie's strained expression and the way his eyes darted to the bedroom door brought the situation into a sudden clear focus. Before I'd even thought it through I ran towards the door, reaching the doorknob a split second before Charlie did, and just as he finally found his voice.

‘Sam, don't go in there!'

But I threw open the door. There, sitting in the middle of Charlie's bed, dressed in tiny pants and a shirt, was Lucy.

‘You!' she cried.

I reeled backwards and stepped onto Charlie's foot.

‘Ow!' he said.

I whirled around. ‘What the fuck is going on, Charlie?'

‘I could ask the same question,' Lucy said from the bed.

Charlie had both hands on top of his head. He looked like he was surrendering, like he was in a stick-up, which he was in a way. In fact it was bloody lucky I wasn't armed because with the amount of adrenaline pumping round my body at that moment I could have done anything.

‘Ah—' was all he managed to say.

‘Don't just stand there!' I shouted.

‘Well . . . Lucy was just here taking a nap,' he said, and then half-heartedly gestured to me while he said to Lucy. ‘And Sam just popped in.'

‘Crap!' Lucy and I said at once.

‘Last time I looked,' Lucy said, her voice icy, ‘we were about to have what I thought was make-up sex, when suddenly she' – she stabbed a finger in my direction – ‘your . . . hang on, how did you describe this particular ex-girlfriend? Oh yes, it's coming back to me now – your “old friend” was here wanting to talk about all the good times you've been having.'

There was silence. Charlie's face matched his ivory sheets.

‘Yes, I did hear what she was saying,' Lucy said.

‘It's not what you think,' he said.

‘Surely you can think of a better line than that!' I shouted.

Charlie rounded on me then, the colour coming back into his cheeks as anger rose to the surface.

‘Why don't you just go, Sam. We'll talk another time. I can't—'

‘What,' Lucy interrupted, ‘talk to two women at once? It appears you've managed to be sleeping with both of us at the same time.' She swung her long legs over the side of the bed and pulled her jeans on with jerky movements. I couldn't have put it better myself.

I shoved past Charlie and went and stood in the living room. My head and heart were racing, and I found I was gasping for air. Charlie stayed where he was in the doorway, lamely watching Lucy pull on her jacket and then push past him to come and stand defiantly near me.

‘Well?' she said. ‘This is your cue to explain yourself, Charlie.' She turned to me. ‘And you, Sam. I didn't know you were seeing each other.'

‘We're not,' Charlie said.

‘Well, that clears that up, you bastard,' I said, tears pricking in my eyes. That was it – that's what I came here for, a definite yay or nay. And my God the nay hurt like hell.

‘Something's obviously been going on,' Lucy insisted. ‘The thing I'd like to know is how long for.'

I glanced at Charlie. He was looking at me, pleading and wary. I swallowed. What the hell was I going to say? I'd got so used to keeping everything under wraps, from Lucy, from Rebecca, from Mara, from Ed. Hell, I'd even been hiding stuff from myself, hadn't I? Wasn't that why I was here? To stop drifting along forever and find out once and for all how Charlie really felt about me? And now I knew that he didn't want me. He didn't think there was anything even happening between us. I meant nothing to him, which meant I owed him nothing.

‘The truth, Lucy, is that I've been hanging out with Charlie for weeks. And I thought we were seeing each other again.' Lucy's eyes widened but I kept going, amazed I could talk with the wall of tears banking up in my head. ‘We had just had sex that time you came home early from skiing.'

‘Here?'

The poor woman looked in so much pain but I couldn't pretend any longer.

‘Yes, it was here,' I said wearily.

‘Sam!' Charlie said, as if he was telling off a naughty child.

I held up my hand. ‘Don't try and muscle in here.'

I turned back to Lucy. ‘Look, you can hate me if you want, I'm sure I deserve it. But I never meant to hurt you. At the beginning, you were just another girlfriend, almost identical to the one he cheated on me with eleven years ago, and I didn't care about you at all. But as time has gone on my conscience has been growing.'

‘How very mature of you,' Lucy sniped.

I grimaced. She was right to be angry.

‘And then I worked with you,' I ploughed on, ‘and I realised what a cool chick you are, and that made me feel really rubbish.'

‘But you kept shagging Charlie.'

‘I kept chasing Charlie's tail, more like,' I said. ‘Or maybe it's actually been my tail I've been chasing this whole time.'

Lucy frowned in confusion.

‘Look, I didn't want to hurt anyone. I just bumped into Charlie one day and something inside me propelled me to see if we could make a go of it. It's just that—' A ball rose in my throat and I swallowed. ‘It's just that I've never loved anyone like I loved Charlie, ever. I had to know if he was meant to be The One.' I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand and sniffed a sniff that was so loud I almost didn't hear Charlie's reply. Looking back, it would have been kinder on my heart if I hadn't.

‘Pardon?' I said.

‘You can't be for real, Sam,' he repeated. ‘Why on earth would I want to be with you?'

His voice was raspy with scorn and each syllable cut through me.

‘What do you mean?' I asked in a tiny voice.

Charlie laughed. ‘What do I mean? Are you serious? I'm never going to be with someone like you, Sam. You're cute but you're not beautiful. You're not a lady, and you're not like me.'

I couldn't say a thing and I could hardly see from all the tears swimming in my eyes but I did know I had to leave then or I would be screaming and crying in front of the last person on earth I wanted to see that. I made it to the front door and put my hand out ready to open it when Lucy's voice stopped me.

‘Hang on, I'm coming too.'

‘Don't go, Luce, we need to talk,' Charlie pleaded.

‘Get your hands off me!' Lucy wrenched herself from him and came towards me, turning back to him as she reached the door. ‘How exactly is Sam not like you, Charlie?'

‘Lucy—'

‘Well? Do you mean not in the same social circle?' She was gesticulating wildly. ‘Or more than that, perhaps she's not in the same league?'

‘Well—'

‘Because, after all, you are such an amazing person, Charlie, so gracious and well bred and such a gentleman.'

‘You know what I mean, Lucy!'

‘No, Charlie, I don't think I do. Because it seems to me that while it could be argued that you and Sam are birds of a feather, both being capable of adultery, at least she has a conscience – at least she was actually following her heart—' She broke off and turned to me to add viciously, ‘But breaking mine in the process.'

I thought I might throw up.

‘It isn't someone who went to the right school that you should be with at all,' she continued. ‘It's someone as shallow and callous as you. And that person will certainly not be a lady, and it most definitely won't be me!'

With that, she threw open the front door, making it crash into the wall, and disappeared down the stairs. I followed her straightaway, leaving Charlie standing in the doorway bellowing Lucy's name.

SAM

We both clattered down the stairs and onto the street.

Lucy mumbled, ‘I've got to get out of here,' and disappeared down the street. I paused for a moment, my head blasted with shock. For a moment all I could think about was why she'd gone in that direction, when the Tube was the other way. And then I must have started walking back the way I came. I couldn't remember any of this part, other than feeling very cold and very shaky. Just before I got to the Tube station I became aware of Claudia and Ed, running towards me.

What were they doing here? When they reached me, Claudia opened her arms and let me fall against her. Then when I'd stopped sobbing so much I couldn't breathe – let alone walk – they led me down the street and into a pub, where Claudia shuffled into a booth and, in lightning-quick time, Ed bought me a brandy. And then another. And then, as the sharpness of the shock eased a little, it dawned on me that it was very strange for Claudia and Ed to have been there in that street at that moment. And running.

‘We got there as soon as we heard,' Claudia said.

‘That bitch, I can't believe it was her! But how did you know?'

Claudia and Ed exchanged glances.

‘What the fuck is going on?' I asked them.

‘It's a bit of a long story.'

‘Well, I'm completely incapable of doing anything just now so you may as well tell me.'

‘OK.' Claudia paused.

‘Go on!' What were they stalling for? Ed was sitting looking, what was it . . . sad? Looking serious anyway. He obviously wasn't going to do the talking. I glared at Claudia. There was a whole lot going on here that I had to know. Had to.

‘Well, my love, I've been feeling strange about Rebecca for a while.'

I wasn't expecting the conversation to veer off track but my day wasn't exactly running smoothly thus far.

Claudia continued, ‘I must admit, I've never really understood your animosity towards her. I've always seen her as a bit pathetic really, a bit of a try-hard, but basically harmless.'

I rolled my eyes.

‘When she started hanging around after Ed got back from India I was going through my own stuff, and I guess I didn't think about it too much. In retrospect, I think that should have set off alarm bells immediately.'

‘It did with me.'

I turned to Ed. ‘Oh look, he speaks.'

‘Sam, we're here because we care about you,' Claudia said, her voice edging towards being stern.

‘Sorry, I just feel like I'm spinning out here. Go on, Ed.'

After a bit of nervous throat-clearing Ed continued, ‘I . . . er, I did think it was strange, all the attention she was giving me. She'd never noticed me before and it's not like I'm her type . . .' The last bit was muttered into his drink.

Claudia picked up the story. ‘It's really since she got the job with John that I started feeling something wasn't quite right. I couldn't put my finger on it for quite a while but then last week I overheard her giggling on the phone to someone, obviously a lover—'

I looked at Ed wide-eyed. ‘You can't be serious?' But Ed just blinked at me, a strange, vulnerable look on his face.

‘Jesus wept, Sam, are you crazy?' Claudia said. ‘Of course it wasn't Ed—'

‘That's not what you thought at the time,' Ed cut across her.

‘I know, I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions, that was really stupid of me.' Claudia squeezed Ed's arm, and he grunted.

What was going on here?

‘Anyway, there was definitely something about it that made me feel very uncertain and John and I decided to follow her.'

‘Really?' I almost laughed. My friends cared so much about me that they had stalked my sister?

‘Yes.'

Claudia was grave and I felt a rush of gratitude to my dear friend – and the mysterious John Tightpants I was yet to meet – who would go to such lengths for me.

‘So we watched her arrive at the restaurant she was due to meet this person at. I even went in there, pretending to need the loo, but she was there on her own so I turned and left and, coming out, bumped into your man. Charlie.'

My stomach dropped through the seat beneath me.

‘What—'

‘I've never seen him before but John told me afterwards who he was. He met him somehow, years ago, at some dinner or something. Anyway that got me even more suspicious.'

Claudia paused, checking to see how I was taking it.

‘I don't understand.'

‘So John and I both had our ears open for any new developments. Today Rebecca was due some time off in lieu and John had told her she could go home at two o'clock. He noticed her texting furiously through lunch and then he was just passing the water cooler on the way to the toilets when he heard her say she'd meet him at his place for some indoor sports.'

‘And you thought it was Charlie?'

‘We thought there was a good chance it would be and we wanted to make sure.'

‘Right . . .'

‘Anyway I was in a meeting so John couldn't tell me straightaway. In the meantime he found out Ed's address and then as soon as I knew, I called Ed and we came. We wanted to intercept you so you wouldn't walk into it. I'm sorry.' Claudia's eyes filled with tears and she reached out and grabbed my hands. ‘We really didn't want you to get hurt.'

I sat in silence for a moment, looking from concerned face to concerned face. So many questions were whirling around my mind. I still didn't understand why they were going on about Rebecca.

‘I really want you to know I wasn't involved with any of this, at least not willingly,' Ed started up again. ‘It's been going over and over in my mind today, wondering why Rebecca made such a fuss of me, and I can only think she was using me as a decoy so you thought she was interested in me. But it was all so fake.'

‘There was another reason she flirted with you,' said Claudia.

‘Claudia . . .' Ed sounded like he was warning her.

Claudia opened her mouth to speak and then shut it quickly. ‘Actually no, I don't think I'll say, it's silly really.'

‘Say it.' My teeth were clenched. This was becoming more and more like a dream that made no sense and I really needed everything straightened out.

Claudia shook her head.

‘Claud, I cannot bear any more secrets. Tell me!'

Claudia bit her lip, tensing with indecision, and then sighed. ‘I think Rebecca was actually flirting with Ed to make you jealous, Sam.'

What? I looked at Ed. His face was magenta and he was frowning at Claudia. I couldn't read what was in his eyes but he wasn't pleased.

Claudia put her hands in the air. ‘Sorry, Ed, but that's my theory.'

‘Why would that make me jealous?' I wondered aloud and then wished I hadn't. It dawned on me – God, I was slow on the uptake today – that Claudia meant Rebecca was trying to make me jealous of her closeness with Ed so that I'd want him. I blushed with Ed and lowered my head, cringing.

‘That's embarrassing.' I managed a weak smile.

‘You're telling me.' Ed's frown slid into a sheepish grimace, his eyes flashing at me across the table.

Whoa. This was all too much. Way too many revelations and emotions for one day. I rubbed my face vigorously with both hands.

‘The thing I don't understand is why you're sitting here telling me Rebecca's having it off with Charlie when it wasn't her I just walked in on.'

‘What?' Claudia and Ed said at the same time. ‘Then who the hell was it?'

We all jumped on a bus soon after that and rode towards Claudia's. I was grateful they didn't slag Charlie off the whole way back although I'm sure they wanted to now that we knew he wasn't a two-timing bastard but a three-timing slimeball. The crazy events of the last few weeks kept playing over and over in my mind, all of my encounters with Rebecca coming into sharp focus. Every time I'd mentioned Charlie, Rebecca had reacted. At the time I'd put it down to her being incredulous that I was making a play for someone so out of my league – someone from Rebecca's precious circle. But it wasn't that at all – it was envy! When did it all begin? Was he seeing Rebecca before I even started seeing him? Or did it start after? My stomach roiled in nausea when I thought about sharing him with my own bloody sister, intimately sharing with her. Yuck, yuck, yuck. What was he thinking? What was she thinking? After all, Rebecca knew we were seeing each other – why would she want to see him as well? And the scene in the Chinese restaurant with Mum loomed in all its cringing glory, over and over again. There I was with my sex toys, trying to spice up my love life, to entice Charlie further, and that bloody dildo – it was still in its packet, what a fucking waste of money – was bandied about for all to see, for
Mum
to see, when all along Rebecca was the little sex kitten. No wonder we'd only got it on once over the past few weeks. What the freaking hell was Charlie thinking?

And it kept coming back to that. As the bus stopped and started, with Claudia and Ed boxing me in, protecting me from the rest of the world and quietly letting me process my thoughts in my own time, I ultimately kept coming back to that question. What the hell was he thinking? Yes, Rebecca had crossed a line even I never would have thought she was able to. But Charlie – why? Why the fuck why?