Chasing Abby (17 page)

“Please don’t go, Abby.”

The disappointment in his wide brown eyes and the frown on his pink lips broke my heart. I was so tired. Physically and emotionally. But something inside me wanted to keep fighting for this little guy.

“It’s a little more complicated than coming or going, Ryder. There’s a lot of stuff going on underneath. Stuff that even I don’t understand. And I don’t want to hurt anyone. Including myself.”

He stared at my black suitcase for a minute, then he looked up. “My dad said pain is what makes us stronger. If you stay, maybe your heart will get stronger and you won’t have to take all that medicine.”

I chuckled at this. “So you’re saying I should tough it out? That it will be worth it in the end?”

He nodded at first, then he shrugged. “Does that mean you’re staying?”

How could I say no when my eleven-year-old brother begs me to be strong for him? I put my suitcase back on the shelf and tried not to feel too guilty when Jimi opted to sleep on the sofa bed with Sydney last night. But I woke up this morning with a new resolve to endure and enjoy this summer with the Knights. 

I’m in the kitchen helping Claire put together some trays of campfire foods: hot dogs, chicken skewers, and all the components for s’mores. Jimi and Sydney are at the grocery store picking up some more soda and napkins. Caleb is out on the beach helping Chris and the boys get the fire started. Tonight is the big bonfire where I get to meet more people who’ve been dying to meet me.

“Can you put some foil over that tray, sweetie?” Claire says, nodding at a tray of hot dog buns on the counter next to the kitchen sink. 

I secure a couple of pieces of foil over the tray then turn back to her. “Can you remind me who I’m meeting today? I don’t want to forget their names.”

“Oh, don’t worry about forgetting their names. They’ve had eighteen years to remember yours. No one’s going to get upset if you don’t have their name down on the first day.”

I take a deep breath as I tuck my hands into the pockets of my jean shorts. “Well, do you think you can tell me what happened to… to your mom?”

Her back is to me as she grabs some tongs out of a drawer on the kitchen island, but for a moment she’s frozen. Then she sets the tongs down on the cutting board in front of her and slowly closes the drawer. When she turns around, she’s wearing a faint smile that just barely hides the pain in her eyes.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. I just wondered why I’m not going to get to meet her.”

She lets out a regretful sigh. “Oh, she would have loved to meet you. I’m sure of that.” She pauses for a moment and I consider telling her to forget I asked, but she finally looks up and her eyes focus on mine. “My mother died of a self-induced drug overdose when I was seven years old. She… She took her own life. She had a very difficult childhood and she just couldn’t hang on any longer. But there’s not a day that goes by when I don’t wish she could have been stronger for me. But…” She smiles a bit to herself. “I may have never met Chris and your Grandma Jackie if my mother had been stronger. Jackie Knight took me into her home when I was fifteen. I had no home. No family. No friends. I had nothing. Jackie gave me all those things and more. She’s an incredible woman and the kids adore their grandma. I can’t wait for you to meet her. And Joel, too.”

“Did somebody say my name?”

We both turn toward the hallway and a man with a gray beard and full head of gray hair is holding out his arms for Claire.

“Hey, Grandpa!” Claire says, hurrying to him to give him a big hug. 

A woman with short, stylish auburn hair squeezes around them. “Where’s—”

She sees me before she can finish her sentence and I have a feeling she was going to ask for me. Her brown eyes widen and I can see the resemblance between her and Chris. Yes, I have her eyes.

“Oh, goodness,” she whispers, raising her hands to cover her mouth. “Oh, my goodness. Look at you.”

My stomach is wound into a tight ball of nerves as she watches me in silence, tears spilling over her ample cheeks, streaking her makeup. I don’t know if I should say something or go to her. This isn’t quite as awkward as when I first met Chris and Claire one week ago. Chris and Claire have been sharing some stories about Grandma Jackie with Caleb and me this week, prepping us for this reunion. But it’s still pretty strange. She looks nothing like my mom’s mom, Nana Bea. Grandma Jackie has style for a woman in her mid-sixties.

The man with the beard comes up behind her and looks at me as he gently grasps her shoulders. “I take it you’re the famous Abigail everyone’s been talking about?”

“Yes, sir. That’s me.”

“Oh, that voice!” She throws up her hands as if she simply can’t take it anymore, then she comes to me. “Aren’t you just the prettiest thing this side of heaven?”

She holds out her arms and I step forward to give her a hug. The way she hugs me almost makes me want to cry: her arms coiled tightly around my shoulders, her hand clasped around the back of my skull as I slowly lower my head onto her shoulder. She smells so good, like lavender and cake icing.

 “Oh, honey. Not a day has gone by that I haven’t wondered about you. I’m so happy you came to us. I hope you don’t mind if I just hold on to you the whole night. Do you mind?” We all laugh and she squeezes me tighter. “Oh, all right. I guess we can let your Grandpa Joel have a crack at you.” She lets go slowly, planting a kiss on my forehead as she grips my shoulders in her soft hands. “You look just like your daddy.”

I smile and glance at Claire, who’s shaking her head in dismay as tears roll down her cheeks. “Hey, Grandma. How about giving Grandpa his turn?”

“Yes, let me greet this young lady properly.”

Jackie steps aside and Joel steps forward. He gives me a quick hug, but it’s enough to make my neck itch from his scratchy beard. Jackie and Joel help Claire and me take all the food out to the beach, where Chris and the boys have a roaring fire burning. Surrounding the fire pit are an eclectic assortment of beach chairs and a couple of drink coolers.

Jimi and Sydney return about twenty minutes later with the sodas and a guy who introduces himself as Sydney’s boyfriend, Jace. He and Sydney actually look alike. They both have the same shade of dark-brown hair with golden caramel highlights. They’re both about six feet tall with golden tanned skin. Next to five-foot-nine Jimi with her barely sun-kissed skin and bouncing light-brown hair, they all look practically perfect. 

Over here on this side of the fire pit, Caleb is leaning back in his beach chair with his baseball cap on backward and his tattoos illuminated by the flickering firelight. I glance a few chairs to my left at Chris, and his tattoos. Glancing to my right, I catch Jackie gazing at me adoringly. And I realize that Caleb and I fit in here just as much as Jimi and her friends do, maybe even more. Maybe that’s why she feels so threatened by me?

As I watch Jimi and her friends head toward the water, I breathe a sigh of relief. Feeling like I may have this situation just a little more figured out.

A few minutes later, Claire’s friend Senia arrives with her husband, Tristan, and their two girls, Sia and Izzy. Senia is as tall as her husband and she looks like she fits in with Jimi and her friends. But she doesn’t act anything like Jimi. She greets me with a bone-crushing hug and a drawing from Izzy to me.

Senia holds my arms as she looks me in the eye. “You may not remember this, but I watched you being born.” I laugh at this and she hugs me again. “You’re so pretty.”

“Mom?” Senia finally lets go and we look down to find Izzy looking up at us. “Did she like it?”

Eight-year-old Izzy reminds me of a tiny version of Jimi, with her wide gray eyes and long light-brown hair that curls at the ends. Her older sister, Sia, is thirteen and looks almost exactly like Senia, but she’s a bit less outgoing. And I can tell she’s a total daddy’s girl when I see Tristan take her aside so they can have a private discussion.

Izzy pretends to gaze at the fire as I examine the drawing she gave me. “Thank you, Izzy. I love it so much.”

She glances at me and flashes me a shy smile as she shrugs. Then Claire comes over to see the drawing and I’m tempted to try and hide it, but I can’t.

“Let me see,” she says, holding out her hand.

I hand her the drawing and she blinks her eyes to keep the tears from falling. It’s clearly a drawing of me with blonde hair and a broken heart drawn on my chest. Standing behind me are a blonde woman and a man with dark hair and tattoos all over his arms. The weird thing is that I could put this up in my bedroom at home and say it’s a drawing of me with my mom and Caleb, but it’s clearly a picture of me with Chris and Claire.

Claire looks up at me and smiles. “Izzy is an angel.” She comes up behind Izzy and wraps her arms around her shoulders as she plants a smacking kiss on her cheek. “Beautiful drawing, baby.”

“Hey, how about me?” Ryder says. “I’m an angel, too.” He sticks his index fingers in his dimples as he grins.

Claire lets go of Izzy and shakes her head. “If you’re an angel, we’re all going to heaven.”

Ryder pumps his fist in the air. “Yeah!”

Joel rises from his chair and grabs a few beers out of the cooler. He holds one out to Claire as she takes a seat next to Chris again. 

She glances at Chris before she shakes her head. “No, thank you.”

“Come on, pumpkin. Let loose. This is a time to celebrate.”

She chuckles, her gaze fixed on her hands where they lie in her lap. “I’m fine. Thank you, Joel.”

Joel shrugs as he heads back to his chair. “More for me.”

Claire continues to stare at her hands, looking very uncomfortable. I turn to Jackie and she’s staring at Claire with that same wide-eyed expression she had when she saw me in the kitchen.

“Claire Brooklyn Knight, do you have something you want to tell us?”

Claire looks up at Jackie, appearing as if she just got caught with her hand in the cookie jar, as my Nana Bea would say. “What do you mean?”

“Oh, don’t you play coy with me, young lady. Are you two keeping something from me… again?”

Claire turns to Chris and he raises his eyebrows, as if he can’t believe what’s happening. “Jesus, Mom. Can we have a bonfire without—” Jackie casts a vicious glare in his direction. “Claire’s pregnant.”

“Chris!” Claire yelps.

“What? She was giving me the look. You know I hate the look.”

Claire smacks his knee, then she leans forward and buries her face in her hands.

“Is it true, Mom?” Ryder shouts at her over the sound of the crackling fire.

Claire is silent for a moment, then she sits up straight and looks straight at Jackie. “Yes, it’s true. We just found out a week ago, so it’s still very early. We were going to keep it a secret until I was in the second trimester, but yes, it’s true. I’m pregnant. Again.”

“Jeez, Mom.
Five
kids?” Junior calls out across the fire pit with a chuckle.

“Six!” Caleb says, raising his hand, and everyone laughs. “In-laws count, right?”

“Are you two
married
?” Chris roars.

“No!” Caleb and I shout at the same time.

“He was just kidding!” I shriek, smacking his arm. “You jerk.”

Ryder jumps out of his chair and points at Chris. “You were only twenty-one when you married Mom.”

Junior laughs so hard at this, he’s clutching his belly when he points at Claire. “And
you
were knocked up with Jimi when you got married.”

“Junior! Go to your room.”

“What?” Junior howls, pointing his thumb at Ryder. “Why doesn’t
he
have to go to his room?”

“Both of you go to your room!” Claire shouts.

“Oh, come now, honey. You can’t fault the boys for stating the facts,” Jackie says, barely hiding her smile.

Caleb leans over and whispers in my ear, “Best family reunion ever.”

His lips on my ear give me the chills and I wish I could just take him in my arms and make out with him. We haven’t made out in a week and I’m starting to get antsy. I miss his kiss. And his touch. I don’t know how much longer I can hold out here before this summer begins to suck.

But Caleb is right. This bonfire has definitely been the highlight of this evening, and possibly the whole summer. And now I have another brother or sister on the way. One who will know me from the day he or she is born.

Best. Reunion. Ever.

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

A
BBY
IS
SITTING
on the edge of her rollaway bed in Jimi’s bedroom in her blue and white pajamas, frantically digging through her purse. I don’t know what she’s looking for, but when I see her pull out all her meds, two amber bottles and one box of Nitrostat, I know something is wrong. One of the bottles looks empty.

Jackie and Joel left to stay at an inn down the road and Jimi is sleeping downstairs with Sydney again until Sydney leaves tomorrow. Chris and Claire and the boys are in their rooms getting ready for bed, but I’m sure Chris or Claire—probably Chris—will be checking in on us shortly to make sure I don’t try to sleep in here with Abby. 

“I don’t know what happened to my extra bottle of Xarelto. I thought I packed it,” Abby says, upending her purse so all its contents fall out into a pile on the bed. She continues sifting through the six different lip balms and three different makeup compacts, but there are no more medicine bottles.