Charming: A Modern Day Sexy Cinderella Story (4 page)

Nodding my head absently, I whole-heartedly agree, and as she’s speaking to me, another flood of anger comes over me. It’s as if I’m kindling and the rage churning in her eyes grabs hold of my dry branches and sets them aflame. Before I know what I’m doing, I’ve grabbed my bouquet of white lilies and am out the door of the dressing room, making my way to the large room we’ve rented and decorated for our wedding ceremony.

Halting at the sight of the large wooden doors before me, I picture the betrayer I’m seeking behind them. Like a lion hunting prey, all I can think about is getting at him, and tearing him from limb to limb – physically, emotionally – it doesn’t matter as long as I make him bleed.

Out of nowhere my wedding coordinator, Brenda, pops up in front of me startling me and halting my steps. When she gets a look at my face, she flinches and visibly gulps. I’ve got to admire her bravery however, because it doesn’t keep her from asking her question, “Ella, what are you doing? You aren’t due to walk down the aisle for another,” she glances at her watch, “three minutes. You’re early. You can’t go yet.”

I start to tell her there’s been a change in plans, but instead, I nod my head and turn to Katie. She takes me aside and acts like she’s giving me a hug, her lips close to my ear, “What the hell are you doing? We need to go out the side door right there,” she gestures with her head. “We can tell Miss Commando over there that you want some fresh air before you walk down the aisle. Once we’re outside, we can take off. My car is parked right there.”

I can feel myself smile, but it’s all teeth, something predatory, “He’s not getting off that easily.”

She backs up and her wide eyes meet mine, “Ella-”

“It’s okay. I’ll be fine. Just walk down the aisle as planned, okay? I’ll handle the rest.”

She reluctantly nods, but I know she doesn’t want to agree. It’s a testament to our friendship that she trusts me and does it anyway. She knows when to push, and she knows when to back off. “Please tell me you’re going to march down that aisle and kick him in the balls in front of everyone before you turn and walk out.”

Despite my fury and shock, she still manages to make me smile – just a little. “Just be ready with your keys in hand, okay?”

She clutches my hand, “Always. I’m always ready for anything you need.”

“Katie, it’s time,” Brenda says, tapping Katie on the shoulder. Katie looks at me hesitantly and I can tell Brenda wants to ask me what’s wrong, but I force a smile and give Katie a nod, silently telling her to go, that I’m fine.

With a look over her shoulder, she turns and disappears through the doors. I concentrate on my breaths while I wait. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.

The fact that I’ve got no one to walk me down the aisle today is blaringly obvious. I’d give anything for my daddy right now. A pain in my heart at the thought takes my breath away and makes the back of my eyes sting. He would be livid right now. He’d walk down the aisle and rip Jeremy apart with his bare hands. He’d whisk me away, do anything to try to make me feel better, but all I’d want is one of his bear hugs that I miss so much it hurts. I wish I could cry on his shoulder, and hear him tell me that everything will be okay. But he’s not here, so all I can do is think of him and hold him in my heart knowing that doing so will give me the strength to get through the next few minutes.

“Ready?” Brenda asks with a smile. I clear my throat, throw my shoulders back, and give her a nod that she returns before opening the doors. Immediately the string quartet we hired to play the wedding march sounds in my ears. Taking another deep breath, I do my best to put a small smile on my lips, lift my head, and confidently walk down the aisle toward Jeremy. My eyes immediately find him standing at the end of the aisle sporting the stupid grin I used to think was cute upon his face. My steps falter, and I consider turning around and bolting right there, but then I catch sight of Jackie in the crowd. The look she’s wearing of surprise that I’m walking down the aisle, keeps me moving forward. Looking back to Jeremy, I see a frown upon his brow as he looks to where my gaze had gone and looks back and forth between Jackie and me a few times. I quickly think that he looks like one of those dog bobble heads one might see in the back of an automobile and I momentarily feel the corners of my lips turn up in a grin. Simultaneously, I catch a last look from Jackie and can feel her anger as I pass, her gaze burning into me.

When I arrive at the large arch we are to be married under, Jeremy reaches for my hand and I give it to him, trying to push back the nausea that twists at my tummy and moves up my throat at his touch. When the music stops, the officiate begins to speak and my mind spins making me feel momentarily that I’m outside of my body watching this train wreck. I force myself to calm, and wait for the right moment.

I can feel more than hear Katie shifting behind me no doubt wondering what the hell I’m doing, the tension between us palpable. I mentally implore her to hold tight. When the time finally comes for our vows, we had planned on reciting traditional phrases of love, honor, and obeying. When Pastor Ben asks me to repeat after him, I look at him briefly, “Actually, I have my own vows I’d like to speak if that’s okay?” Jeremy looks surprised and squeezes my hands while raising a brow. I force a smile, “I know I’m throwing you for a loop here, but I find that I have more to say and would like everyone to hear how I really feel.”

He smiles a little and nods encouragingly. I can almost see cockiness in his expression, anxious for me to praise him to the crowd. It makes me angrier and something must flash in my eyes because suddenly, his eyes show apprehension and I can’t help it – I smile wickedly.

Laughing without humor I begin, “Oh, Jeremy, I know I’ve taken you by surprise with my change in plans and believe me, I don’t expect you to come up with your own vows too at the spur of the moment, don’t worry. Besides, I’m sure I’ll leave you speechless.” The crowd gives a chuckle and Jeremy fakes wiping sweat from his brow playing up to the guests. Asshole.

“As I stand here today, looking into your eyes, seeing the smile upon your face, flashes of the last three years pour through my mind.” I pause, “I’ve learned that love is so many things. It’s putting your partner before yourself. It’s giving your words meaning by making sure your actions back them up. It’s showing the person you love in big and small ways alike how and why they matter to you. It’s wanting them by your side always, and finding yourself missing them when they aren’t. It’s making dreams together and doing everything you can as one to achieve them. It’s thanking god every night that he gave you someone that shows you what it means to love, honor and cherish them. It’s having a lover that takes you to the moon and back with a word, a suggestion, a touch, and a stroke. It’s not always easy. In fact, it can be hard, and sometimes brutal, but there’s always beauty to be found in the pain. There’s beauty in the simple joy of being lucky enough to have and love each other.” Jeremy smiles at me, and squeezes my hands in encouragement nodding to my words like he’s thought the same things too. Yeah right.

My fingers and toes have gone numb. My heart is frozen. Tears clog my throat, but I push past them to get through this. “And today, as we stand here before family and friends, I want them to know, that those are things that I’ve
never
had or found in you.” The room gasps and I hold tighter to his hands when he tries to pull away from me in surprise.

“Maybe we tried to force something that was never there. Maybe all you ever really cared about was getting control of my father’s company like Jackie told me today.” I force myself not to look in her direction. Not yet. “Maybe it’s because you were too busy fucking my stepsister to really give us a chance, I really don’t know. I do know that I’m not blameless. I should have listened to myself when I was concerned about the lack of spark, or how sometimes I was more relieved when I was alone and you were away than sad because I missed you.” Then I smile nastily, “Or maybe all the orgasms I’ve had to fake over the years and your selfish tendencies in the bedroom should have been a huge clue that we were doomed.” I swear I hear some snickers in the crowd. Jeremy’s face flushes with embarrassment and anger. Part of me can’t believe that he’s still standing here, but perhaps he’s frozen in place. Shocked at what’s happening. I can only hope. He deserves it and so much more.

“All I know is that I certainly wish that it didn’t take my stepsister Jackie telling me moments ago that you’ve been cheating on me, and that she’s pregnant with your baby to come to this realization. I guess though if nothing else, I can thank you because through loving me so
horribly
, I was able to learn what true love really is.”

Turning to the crowd, my gaze meets Jackie’s horrified one, “Jackie, go ahead and stand up. Let everyone get a good look at Jeremy’s whore.” She remains seated and looks to Jeremy for help, “It’s okay, don’t be shy. I want everyone to see the woman that is carrying the baby of the man that I was supposed to be marrying here today.” I almost laugh hysterically as she actually stands. Jeremy’s parent’s faces are painted in dismay and it’s the only thing that gives me pause. But I push it away, emotions to deal with another time. My very own wicked stepmother from hell looks embarrassed and yanks on Jackie’s hand trying to get her to sit down.

Turning back to Jeremy, I realize I am ready to end this. “The worst mistake I ever made was agreeing to marry you. I’ve had doubts from the beginning, and I should have listened to my heart. Really, Jackie,” I say turning to her again, seeing she’s once again seated, “I owe you. I owe you from keeping me from making a
huge
mistake.”

Turning back to Jeremy, I vehemently say, “Don’t call me. Don’t come near me ever again. If all of this didn’t make it clear enough, allow me to say it succinctly, we are done.” I spit emphasizing each word.

I take a step back and he immediately lunges for me, grabs my arm and says desperately, “Wait. Please listen.”

Jerking away, I spit each word, “Don’t. Touch. Me.”

Walking over to Jackie, Katie at my back, I toss her my bouquet. “Have at it. I mean, everyone is already here and dinner’s paid for. Have a great life. I hope you two are very happy together. Hopefully the sex is better for you than it was for me,” I fake a disgusted shudder, “Good luck with that.” I turn to face him one more time and say “Oh, and I would be prepared for the Board to decide that your performance is lacking and fire you. So you might want to start working on your resume during the weeks you had requested off.”

I walk away, Katie at my side hearing Jeremy behind me bellow, “Ella, no! Don’t do this. It isn’t true. I don’t know why, but she’s lying. I’ve never even touched her!”

Jackie starts screaming at him and the guests becomes louder and louder with their disbelief over what they’ve witnessed. A few of the company’s board of directors are here and staff I work with – the shame and embarrassment is almost stifling, but I force myself to raise my chin anyway and keep moving.

Suddenly, I’m whipped around, Jeremy’s fingers digging into my arm and I know I’m going to be bruised. “You are not leaving until we talk about this.” I bare my teeth at him, rear my fist back and let it fly straight into Jeremy’s face. His nose explodes with blood and some of it splatters onto my dress - fitting really. Shaking my hand from the pain, I open my mouth to say something nasty, but close it again. There are so many things I could say, so many things part of me wants to say, but sometimes quiet speaks louder than any words of hate could. And Jeremy, he doesn’t deserve any more words from me.

Turning to Katie, I don’t have to say anything. She comes to me, puts her arm through mine, and we walk out, side by side.

I’m suffocating. My dress feels like it’s five sizes too small and all I can think about is getting the damn thing off. I’m clawing at it, trying to free myself. I need it off my body.

Now.

Every second it remains on I feel like it gets tighter and tighter. It’s a reminder of the mistake I almost made today and part of me feels like the faster I get this off, the quicker I can erase it from my mind, from my life. It’s a mistake I almost willingly walked into, even though I knew better. Even though I had doubts, fears and worries. Even though I had uncertainties and reservations for quite some time, I kept ignoring them and pushing myself anyway. Why did I do this to myself? Why?

My dress is strapless and tight to my body. Lace covers me head to toe, and like a sick mockery of my dark and twisted emotions, my veil shimmers in the light. It shimmers with promise and hope and beauty. I’m a vision that’s supposed to represent love, happiness, new beginnings, commitments and promises. I almost laugh hysterically at the sight. It’s all an illusion because when I look deeper, past the façade, all I see is hate, ugliness, lies, cheating, and brokenness.