Charmed Life (7 page)

“Really?” Chip asked. “Wow, an author. Might help in where we place you.”

Grace didn’t know how to respond. She knew she didn’t want to put him in her book, now she would have to. Incase he read it. Just as she had that thought, she had another. She sat up brightly. He could be the geek angel that rats out Gabriel to God.

“Why are you smiling?” Freddy whispered.

“Thought.”

“Write it down, so you don’t forget. Stephen King does that.”

Grace nodded.

Chip continued in his presentation. “You are Bargain-Mart employees. You now work for the biggest retail industry in the world. Give yourselves a round of applause for taking this step.”

The other eight clapped loudly.

Freddy and Grace looked at each other a golf clapped.

Chip spoke, “Here at Bargain-Mart you aren’t just an employee. You are a family. We are all family. Opportunities are galore here. You can chose to stay an associate or you can say, ‘wow, I’m gonna make something of myself’ and move into management. I have been a Bargain-Mart employee for many years. I have three children and wife who visits often. You’ll love her. Everyone does.” He exhaled. “Anyhow …. This week will be your training week. I’ll get to meet with you. Um
 
... Fredrick Lincoln and Grace … Berkowitz, is it?”

With a slight roll of her eyes, Grace nodded.

“You two were interviewed that Pittsburgh Store. Transferred here because you were moving here, I want to take some time to get to know you two as well. Both new to the area?”

Freddy answered, “Yes. Nasty divorce on her part.”

“Well, all of us from the area will make you feel right at home.” Chip said. “Grace. Your last name. Berkowitz, is that Jewish?”

“Yes,” she said with little enthusiasm.

“My wife is Jewish. I’ll make sure you get together.”

Freddy snorted a laugh. “Sorry,” he said. “Grace was just saying how she wants to meet other Jewish people in the area.”

“Great.” Chip drew out his word. “Continuing. Today we’re gonna get a grip on your skills. Math skills, familiarity with a register. Who here has worked on a cash register?”

Everyone raised their hands but Grace and Freddy.

“Ok.” Chip wrote something down. “It’s pretty easy. We have some training registers set up. I’ll want to get a grip on how well you work them. Also, knowledge of products can help us to place you. We don’t want to put you in automotive if you haven’t got a clue where the windshield washer fluid goes.”

Freddy gasped loudly. “Oh my God, I just had that problem. I had to call our neighbor to help.”

“I see.” Chip looked down to the clipboard and spoke slowly as he wrote. “Do
 
... not
 
... put
 
... in automotive.”

“Me either,” Grace said. “I just pumped gas for the first time.”

Chip began to write.

Freddy spoke up. “And she stood at the pump saying it was broke. The pump is broke.” Freddy giggle. ‘It was prepay. She didn’t prepay.”

Everyone in the room laughed.

Grace shot a glare at Freddy.

“Sorry,” Freddy sunk.

Chip smiled. “My wife did the same thing. Onward shall we? We’re gonna be making name tags for you, so it’s important to think about what name you want on your tag. If everyone calls you ‘Bill’, you don’t want William on your tag. Important decision.” He flipped a page. “You’ll also be issue your smock. Part time employees get one, full time get two. You must keep it clean. Dress code is workman’s nice. You want to look presentable …” he saw Grace’s hand raised high. “Yes, Grace?”

Grace lowered her hand. “Do they come in any other colors?”

“Excuse me?”

“Can I get a different color smock? I’m not real fond of the color blue on me.”

Freddy turned to her “You are so right, blue works worse than orange on you. Maybe a pale blue…”

“Or powder blue,” Grace said. “Is OK. Not that deep blue you have. What about a grey or peach.”

“Oh!” Freddy said brightly. “Peach would be lovely, I’ll take one, too.”

“Unfortunately …” Chip said. “Blue is the only color choice for our smocks.”

With disappointing sighs, Freddy and Grace slid into their chairs.

“But!” Chip held up his pen. “We love employee suggestions, so make sure you put that in. You never know. Before we move into the cash register and math room, let’s take a look at the info provided. All of you have your folders. Let’s open them.”

Simultaneous paper flapping rang out in the room as everyone opened their folders.

+++

Grace preached. She did. Prior to finding out what they were going to do, she was the pep rally princess for Freddy, cheering him up; making him believe all would be fine.

She had high hopes that whatever was thrown her way, she could do, and would love. She worried about Freddy.

She saw that the worry was in vain, especially after the first day of training.

Freddy missed his calling in life.

He was born to be a Moses of every day people.

The training day was like a Bargain-Mart boot camp. Instead of doing push ups they did math. Instead of running, they ran the register. A marathon of sorts.

A simple math test given to determine the associate’s level of quick money solving skills.

“Your results are in,” Chip said, holding, sheets up paper. “Everyone did well, except one person. But that’s OK, not all of us do well on tests.” He looked at Grace, passing out the results. “This isn’t an employment determination it helps us get an idea. One person did exceptionally well. In fact, no one has ever taken the test so fast and got every answer right.” He smiled and laid the test down to Freddy.

When Chip turned his back, Freddy leaned to Grace. “Did you see the way he flirted?”

“Oh, he did not. What did you get?”

“A hundred. You?”

Grace folded her paper.

“What? Come one, Princess it’s not that bad.”

Grace showed him.

“Oh.” He tapped her hand. “That’s OK., Math has never been your forte.”

“You’re right. Remember when my accountant gave me a petty cash checking account to teach me how to run a basic budget.”

“Disaster.” Freddy sang out.

“Exactly.”

Onward.

“A good portion of a Bargain-Mart store, visually, is clothing. The customer is greeted with it as soon as they walk in.”

Chip told of how Bargain-Mart clothing is affordable and not ‘cheap’ like the discount store clothing of yesterday. “Yet,” he said. “Despite our best efforts, clothing sales are down.”

Freddy raised his hands.

“Yes, Frederick?”

“Who are your fashion buyers?”

“The main corporation has that.”

“I think they’re practical jokers at time or else very far removed from what the middle America wants to wear,” Freddy said. “Some of the clothing is fine. But most... it is not what the everyday person likes. That’s why. They pick clothing to distinguish the Bargain-Mart shopper from the Macy’s shopper. They should see what the Macy’s buyers are getting and comparable, visually looking clothes.”

Chip nodded. “Unfortunately, fashion isn’t what we’re going to discuss. You may have a point. But there’s not much we can do about it.”

“He could,” Grace said. “I bet Freddy could walk that floor and turn any everyday Bargain-Mart outfit into a fashion gasp.”

“Really?” Chip asked.

Grace nodded. “He has that knack.”

Freddy tilted his head with a blush. “Thank you”

Chip pointed his pencil at Freddy. “Maybe that will come in handy if you’re on the floor and you see a struggling shopper. But, for now, this test is just about knowing sizes and clothing types. The customer is going to ask you what a size is. Do you think it might fit? You’ll be surprised.”

Freddy flung out his hand. “Oh, what will fit and what will not. Easy. Sizes easy.”

Grace added. “He can walk up to anyone and tell them hat size they wear.”

Chip spoke with a hint of disbelief. “Really?”

Freddy nodded. “Yes, it’s a gift.”

Chip motioned his hand. “What size do I wear?”

Freddy stood up, crossed one arm across his waist, walked to Chip and around him, and then stepped back, rambling fast. “You’re six foot one; wear a thirty-six waist, tightie whitie underwear, when you should be wearing boxer briefs. You’re wife will love them. You wear a sixteen and a quarter shirt, but a large in Bargain-Mart sizes, a perfect length for you pants is thirty-four, and you have a very impressive shoe size of twelve.” Freddy raised his eyebrows.

“Amazing,” Chip said. “What about … her.” He pointed to an older woman.

“Stand up sweetie,” Freddy instructed the woman about sixty. “You’re easy. Not in a slut way.” He giggled. “Five foot six. Size fourteen pants, but I can tell by your bone structure, you are a born size eight. You wear a ten shirt, medium in Bargain-Mart size. 36 Double C bra, and a size seven shoe.”

Chip looked at her. “Is he right?”

Surprised she answered. “Yes.”

Everyone applauded.

Stuttering, she said, “I was
 
... I was a size eight all my life. I’d love to get back into …”

“Princess, no.” Freddy said. “You shouldn’t worry about losing weight. It really works for you. You don’t have a wrinkle on your face. That’s the reason God gave you extra pounds, to keep you Oil of Olay young. You want to look thinner; I can make you look a size ten with just the right clothes.”

She pointed at him and sat down. “We have to talk.”

Onward …

Freddy spewed forth is answers, quickly. The movie madness and electronics division of the training was set up like a game show. A bell before four contestants and no one stood a chance.

Ding.

“X-Box three sixty,” Freddy answered.

“What was the number one selling video game of the original Atari system?”

Ding

“Donkey Kong.”

“Correct,” Chip quizzed. “Who starred in Officer and a Gentleman?”

Ding.

“Freddy.”

“Richard Geer, Debra Winger. Loved it. Made me cry.”

“Correct. Who directed the Original Poseidon Adventure?”

Ding.

“Freddy again.”

“Irwin Allen.”

“Correct. What was the name of Charlton Heston’s character in the movie Omega Man.”

Freddy smiled. He looked at his competitors.

Chip asked. “You don’t know this one?”