Charmed (Contemporary Romance) (13 page)

It felt good to let go of some of her inner thoughts and share them. “And where does your mind go when you’re in a more lighthearted mood?” Nick wanted to know.

Jamie thought about it and answered truthfully. “Like you, I dream about places I’d love to see and make sketchy plans about when I’ll be able to go. I imagine what the perfect kiss would be like, and I dream about the wonderful daughters-in-law I’ll have some day.”

“The perfect kiss?” Nick raised his eyebrow.

“Well, I’ve got to do
something
to make me feel warm and fuzzy inside. I refuse to date, but I
am
a human female, you know, flesh and blood and all.” Her mother never missed a chance to remind her of this.

“And what’s the perfect kiss like?”

“I’ve already shared my thoughts. It’s your turn now.”

Nick looked away, squatted, picked up a few rocks, and began skipping them across the lake. “I’m a simple man, Jamie; all I ever think about is Emma’s well-being, school stuff, and scoring against Justin at hockey. Your carnal thoughts are far more interesting.”

Pointing to her head, she replied, “If you want to know the silly thoughts that simmer in these here waters, you’ve got to give me
something
.”

“Fine. I’ll tell you one of my lewd office stories then. Maybe it’ll help you understand why I was such a jerk that first day.”

“You have lewd office stories and you’re only going to share one? You know I’m going to want to hear more than just one.”

“You only get one.” Nick smiled and gazed at the water in front of them. Jamie sat down beside him, resting her chin on her hands, studying his profile as he spoke. “A few years ago, the mother of a fifth grader who’d requested an appointment with me came into my office wearing a long coat. I told her she could make herself comfortable and take off her coat — I had the heater on and my office was pretty warm, you know?”

He paused, and she watched him lower his lashes, look up, and swallow. Every movement fascinated her. “So the first hint I got that the meeting was going to be, well,
memorable
, was that she told me, ‘I’ll do whatever you’d like,’ which is kind of a strange thing to say.” He paused and Jamie bit her lip, guessing where this was going. “A moment later, she takes off her coat, and she’s only wearing jeans under it. Nothing else.”

“No way.” Jamie laughed. “You’re making this up.” But Nick gave an impish, one-shoulder shrug, and she knew it was true. “I mean she was wearing
something
on top, right? A lacy bra or something?”

“No — nothing. I was stunned. All I could do was yell over to Claire that I needed help. I didn’t even use the intercom.”

“What did the mom do?”

“She closed her coat just as Claire came in. I told Claire the meeting was over and to please escort the woman out. A week later her husband came back to pick up her kid’s transcript and they were gone.”

“Her
husband
?”

“Yes. Claire’s theory is that the husband was in on it, and maybe they were trying to get a free ride at the school — I don’t know, crazy, right?” Nick shook his head.

“Well, I hope you at least enjoyed the view for that quick second.”

“Are you kidding? I’ve never been so terrified in my life.”

They sat in silence, with the occasional giggle escaping from Jamie whenever she imagined a terrified Nick with a naked, married mom in his office. He’d glance at her whenever she’d giggle and shake his head. Finally, he said, “Come on, Jamie, you’ve had your fun. Now you have to tell me about the perfect kiss. I didn’t know women thought about these things.”

“What? You’re surprised we have standards?” Jamie saw the kids were walking toward them and would be there in a few minutes. She got up, brushed her jeans off, and leaned against the trunk of the tree, needing distance.

Closing her eyes, she conjured the kiss she sometimes imagined. “The perfect kiss should be a first kiss, when anticipation is running high. And it should be unexpected but longed for, soft yet firm, exhilarating and thrilling. And the man should really,
really
know what he’s doing.” Though she left out the part where the man’s heavy-lidded jade green eyes closed just before he leaned down to kiss her, she opened her eyes to see those very eyes looking down at her, sending chills up her arms.

“And you’re going to wait thirteen years and I can’t remember how many months for this kiss?”

“Oh, I don’t think it’s ever gonna be that good, so I’m not waiting around for it. I just imagine it, and that’s enough. I mean, when is a kiss ever that good?”

“You’re kidding, right? You’ve been in love. You’re telling me you’ve never had that perfect kiss?”

She hesitated. “When you think you’re in love and the chemistry is right, you get the exhilaration and the thrill, and it’s all great and wonderful — but there’s only one first kiss. The one where anticipation is really high … and it always ends up being awkward because nerves get in the way. It’s still really sweet and memorable, just not
perfect
.”

Nick touched her nose with his forefinger and said, “According to your standards, I’m sure few people have had the perfect kiss. But listen, if we’re still friends in thirteen years, I’ll be sure to help you out by telling Alex Rhodes what your standards are, if he’s still waiting around for you, that is.”

“Yeah, right, because that would take the nervousness away.” Jamie decided to ignore his jibe about Alex.

“Well, he’ll probably be in his forties by then, so he won’t be nervous. I mean, if you’re out of your twenties and don’t know what you’re doing when you kiss a woman, you have problems.”

Jamie pushed herself away from the tree and sidestepped Nick to walk toward the kids. She was afraid she was wearing her thoughts on her warm face. Those thoughts were that Nick was probably one of those men who really,
really
, knew what he was doing when he kissed a woman. He certainly did in her daydreams. It took a certain kind of confidence, a certain kind of finesse, and he had them both.

Michael and Timmy ran up to them while Hannah and Emma lagged behind.

“Mom, where did Autumn fall?” Michael asked breathlessly.

“Nobody knows but you might’ve passed it during your walk, though it might be somewhere near the park, too.”

Timmy’s eyes widened. “Can we go around again? We think we know where the dolls are buried, but Hannah wouldn’t let us dig.”

“I don’t mind exploring,” Nick said, and looked at Jamie expectantly.

Jamie gave in. “Sure, we can go around and look, but no digging with your nails. Find a stick or something.”

Emma and Hannah stayed behind as Nick and Jamie walked with the boys around the lake, fueling their imaginations as to where Autumn fell and where the dolls were buried.

“I’m tired,” Timmy declared a while later as he held his arms up to Jamie. She picked him up and, of course, Michael instantly began whining that he was tired, too.

Nick picked Michael up and placed him on his shoulders, and Jamie looked over at them, feeling a sudden, nauseating lump in her gut.

They could easily be mistaken for a family.

Something in her doubted Nick went on long walks with every mom at school while carrying their kids on his shoulders. She put Timmy down and reached over to pull Michael down from Nick’s shoulders.

“Hey … ” Nick turned.

“If you’re afraid Nick will let me fall, Mom, I know he’d never let me fall.” Michael looked up at her, dejected.

“You and Timmy know you need to walk. It’s not like I could carry you both if Nick weren’t here.”

“But he’s here right now.” Michael kicked at a rock.

“It doesn’t matter. He’s not around on a regular basis so it’s better not to get used to him,” she said, softening her tone because her words sounded harsh.

They walked on in silence, Nick falling out of step with her. Jamie, unable to speak anymore, just wanted the walk to be over with. Unfortunately, the kids decided to examine the area beneath a “suspicious” rock.

Jamie watched as an unanimated Nick tried to encourage them, his mood obviously altered. The boys seemed to catch it, and they became subdued as well. The thought that they could be affected by Nick’s mood sickened her. It didn’t matter that he was going away soon. He was here
now
, affecting her and her children
now
. Why had she focused on later?

Nick fell into step with her again, saying, “I get it, it’s time to go home, but they’re tired, Jamie. Slow down.”

• • •

Nick met Jamie’s eyes and tried to hold her dark, stormy gaze. But she was now untouchable.

What he was feeling at being shut out, he couldn’t easily define. He broke away and looked over at Timmy and Michael. Their mood had shifted, and something told him he’d been partly responsible. It was disconcerting.

The walk seemed to take forever, and he was beyond relieved when he was finally in his car, heading home. Butting in on Jamie’s family day had been a bad idea.

“Dad,
I. Love. Her
,” Emma declared, taking care to emphasize every word. “Claire’s right, she’s so perfect for you. She’s smart and funny and nice. And her kids are really cool — ”

“
Claire’s
right? You
love
her?” Nick swerved a bit, but quickly steadied the truck. “What are you talking about — wait, what have you and Claire been talking about?”

“Come on, Dad, you’ve got to be blind, deaf, and numb to not sense the chemistry between you two. I sensed it the first day I met her downtown!
And
you said her name that night while you were flexing your arms.
And
I caught you checking her out more than a few times today.” Emma was so delighted, Nick almost felt guilty about ruining her mood.

“There’s no way, Em.” He thought of her standing under the tree, her eyes closed, describing the perfect kiss. Was it ‘smart and funny and nice’ to stand before him and describe exactly how she longed to be kissed, only to declare she just wanted to dream about it? He gripped the steering wheel tighter.

“Whatever, Dad. We’re all tired of you going out with shallow socialites. You’ve enjoyed their silly attentions for far too long.”

“Who’s ‘we’ again?”

“Mom, Claire, and I. We worry about you. And we talk about you behind your back. All the time.” Emma grinned.

Nick threw her a weary look, but said nothing. It made him uncomfortable that it was
Susan
who now worried about
him
.

Old guilt resurfaced, and the memory of the day he’d asked Emma’s mom to marry him quietly reemerged. Susan had just informed him she was pregnant, and though he’d initially been shocked by the news, he’d been absolutely mystified when all he could think about was that he somehow already loved the child he’d helped create. Something that had been missing in him had come alive.

But when he’d asked Susan to marry him, he’d been thinking about the right and decent thing to do, and he hadn’t bothered telling her he didn’t love her. That kind of soul-deep, unreserved love some couples shared wasn’t built into him. And Susan, for all her crazy, selfish ways, had suffered for it.

“Dad, you really like Jamie, you know that, right? You can’t stop smiling around her. I never thought I’d see the day. Neither did Claire. Neither did Mom.”

Nick wasn’t as far gone as Emma thought. Jamie had looked damn-near panicked back there on the trail when it had become clear they were all getting a little too comfortable around each other, and she had her kids to look out for. Kids he didn’t want to personally look out for. Man, did his chest feel heavy.

The little voice inside his head, the one he’d been ignoring from that very first day, finally broke through. And it would rule his thoughts and actions from now on. Playtime was over. “I don’t know what makes you guys think I would take on the responsibility of two little boys — who have no father, I might add — at this point in my life.”

He’d known for a while now he was feeling burned out. The way he’d been acting lately, not being as careful, was proof. He couldn’t wait until it was time to leave. Nick shoved his hand through his hair. “I’m not interested in starting anything with Jamie, so please, get it out of your heads, okay?”

“Fine,” Emma grumbled as she sank back into her seat. “I’m sorry I mentioned it.”

Autumn Falls’ old-fashioned Halloween party seemed more like an all-out festival that year. The town’s square was bustling. When Jamie and the kids arrived, pumpkin carving and apple bobbing contests were already underway. The judging table for the scariest and funniest costume contests already had long lines, second only to the face painting booth, which Jamie had volunteered to man for an hour. They began by trick-or-treating in the shops and at some of the display tables, the twins having a blast showing off their costumes.

Michael had on an elaborate astronaut costume, while Timmy was dressed as one of Santa’s elves. She hadn’t been able to find a Santa Claus costume small enough to fit him. They’d begged Jamie to dress up as well, and she’d decided to go as the Wicked Witch of the East — before Dorothy’s house fell on her. A pair of black-and-white-striped tights, ruby slippers fashioned from a pair of old pumps and plenty of red glitter, and a black dress completed her look.

They were having a great time eating orange cotton candy, collecting goodies, and trying to guess where spooky noises were coming from.

“Jamie, over here!” she heard Liz call. Jamie turned and smirked when she saw Justin’s costume.

“Wow, great costumes!” Hannah told Timmy and Michael.

Jamie turned to Justin. “A goalie mask? That’s the best you could come up with?”

“I’m Jason — you know, from
Friday the Thirteenth
.”

“Oh. Well, at least you dressed up.” Jamie looked at Hannah, who was in her everyday clothes.

“I’m too old to dress up.”

“I came as a doctor,” Liz said, pointing to the stethoscope around her neck.

“Isn’t she original?” Chris crossed his eyes as he came up behind his parents.