Charlie and Charm (5 page)

Oh dear! This afternoon didn't go very well either. In fact, everything seems to be going more and more wrong for me!

I was too embarrassed to look at Sally after what happened at lunchtime, and I was so annoyed with Charm for making me miss out on the cross country that I felt really tense and I couldn't seem to control him at all.

He wouldn't go into canter, so I started
see-sawing
back and forth to try and make him. Sally called out, “You're tensing up as you go into the corner and letting his nose poke out, Charlie. He's not collected, he's got no impulsion. Shorten up your reins, sit deep into your saddle, relax
your arms and keep your leg on rather than kicking like that!” She said it in a fed-up way like it was the millionth time she'd told me. I did try, but it just didn't work. I mean, I know how I
should
do it – it's not my fault Charm ignores me!

Mischief was playing up, too, but after a few times when he cut off the corner, Jemima got him into a lovely canter. I was so busy feeling cross about Charm's behaviour that by the time I realized everyone was cheering for Jemima they'd stopped. Then Sally made it worse by saying, “Please don't sulk, Charlie, you can do as well as that if you put your mind to it.” So then everyone thought I hadn't cheered on purpose! They all looked at me and I got completely red and flustery.

Then in the Pony Care lecture on feeding it was awful 'cos we had to get into pairs – Ricosha and Tameka went together, and Millie
and Yasmin, and Ruby and Molly, and Skye and Jemima, and I was left with no one. Lydia said, “Charlie, just make a three, that's fine,” but as I looked around no one smiled at me or invited me to join up with them. I went with Millie and Yasmin in the end, but I don't think Yas exactly wanted me there.

We had to make up feeds for horses who do different amounts of work, and Yas didn't seem to have any ideas, even though Millie tried to help her think. Then Jody called Millie in to do her maths practice. Yas still wasn't saying anything, and in the end we got so behind the others that I just had to fill in the whole sheet myself.

I'd better go in now, before I get into trouble for not telling anyone where I am.

It’s 11.34pm, but I’m still awake because I’ve been having a whispery chat with Millie. I was crying loads, so she came to sit on my bunk, and we ended up talking for ages. I’m so upset because, well, to explain it properly I’ll have to start from the beginning.

This evening we all went outside to play games like limbo and stuck in the mud. It was really fun, but when Jemima and Tameka were picking teams for the volleyball I ended up being picked last and just standing there on my own. There were four on each team, and Jemima said, “It’s OK, you lot can have Charlie,” so I went on Tam’s team.

I thought Jemima only said that to be nice to the other team. But then afterwards, when we were going inside, I went to put the
coloured bands back into the games room, and when I came out I saw Jemima and Skye huddled together in the passageway.

Jemima whispered, “I
so
didn’t want Charlie in our team. She’s such a spoilt brat. I can’t believe she wouldn’t even lend me her curry comb, or say well done when I finally got Mischief round that corner. And Yas says she was too scared of her to suggest anything when they were doing the feeds thing!
And
she totally took over when Molly and Ruby were tacking up!”

I ducked back behind the door, my stomach churning – why didn’t they realize I was only trying to
help
the younger girls? And I only did all the feed questions myself because Yasmin didn’t have any ideas! I hoped Skye would stick up for me, but then I heard her say, “She was mean to me, too, about the cross country.”

I nearly leaped out and cried, “But I said sorry and you said it was OK!” but I made myself stay where I was. My heart was hammering so hard I felt sure they’d hear it.

“She’s a nightmare!” Jemima said then. “I mean, if she doesn’t want to be here why did she come? She’s spoiling it for everyone else!”

As they walked off, I stayed frozen to the spot, my legs trembling. I felt really sick hearing them talk about me like that.

Because suddenly I saw everything differently.

And I knew they were right.

I hung round in the games room for ages by myself, and then Jody came and sent me upstairs, saying it was almost time for lights out. I got ready quickly and jumped into bed before anyone could say anything. Skye was already asleep, even though the light was still on. Jody said goodnight and once it was dark I tried to go to sleep as well, but I couldn’t stop thinking about what they’d said. The tears I’d been bottling up inside since I got here just started pouring out and I couldn’t stop them.

That’s when Millie crept up to my bunk.

I was all sniffly and I kept bursting into more tears, but I managed to tell her what Jemima and Skye had said about me.

Millie just put her arm round me and nodded, and she didn’t look like she hated me or anything.

“I’ve been so wrapped up in my own feelings about Apple, it seems like I’ve been really horrible to people,” I said then. “But I haven’t
meant
to be – honestly.”

Millie didn’t have a massive go at me, but instead just said, “Don’t worry. It’ll blow over.”

“It won’t!” I sobbed. “I don’t even blame them for not liking me. And Sally was right – I haven’t even given Charm a chance! I haven’t bothered to get to know him at all,
or
to spend any time with him.”

Millie squeezed my shoulders and said, “Well, turning your thinking round is the first step to making changes! That’s what Mum always says, anyway. Now you’ve done that everything should get easier.”

I can’t believe Millie was still nice to me after how I’ve acted. She really is a cool girl. I know I’ve lost my chance to do the cross country, but at least I can still enjoy my week here, starting tomorrow. I’ll be extra specially friendly to the girls, and I’m going to try really, really hard with Charm.

I'll tell you why in a minute!

Today is my brand-new start at Pony Camp and it's been going quite well so far. At breakfast, when Yasmin was telling us about her riding stables I listened to her properly without any interrupting. I think she was a bit surprised, but she seems happier to chat to me now, so that's good.

Then when it was clearing up and brushing teeth time, Jody wanted someone to take the staff rota to Sally, and I offered to do it. I wanted to talk to her on my own, even though my heart was pounding in case she got cross with me again. As I handed her the rota, I said
sorry for not giving Charm a chance, and I promised to try hard in her lessons.

She smiled. “Good girl, Charlie,” she said. “And remember, enjoying Charm doesn't mean you're letting Apple down.”

I hadn't realized it, but that's how I've been feeling, like if I have a good time with Charm then I'm being mean to Apple. I sat down on the bench in the office, because suddenly my legs felt very wobbly. Sally sat next to me and put her arm round my shoulders. “Apple will always be with you in your heart and in your happy memories, but she wouldn't want you to stop riding, would she?” she said gently.

I couldn't say anything back because my throat felt all funny, but I managed to shake my head.

Then Sally said something amazing that I wasn't expecting at all, which was, “I don't usually go back on my decisions, but this is a special case. Ride well this morning and I'll think about letting you do the cross country after all.”

How brilliant is that?!

That's
why I've got butterflies!

I'm going to work so hard with Charm in the lesson and fingers crossed Sally will let us do the course.

I had a chance to say sorry to Charm, too, because this morning during yard duties, Sally said he looked a bit muddy and asked me to give him a good groom. I spent ages cleaning his face and combing his mane, while telling him all about Apple and how much I've been missing her.

“I'm so sorry for not making friends with you before,” I told him. He nudged my arm and gave me a look, as if he understood. Then I explained we still had a chance to do the cross country. He seemed excited, and it's good that by spending time together we've started to become friends.

We're having our Pony Care lecture now, which is called ‘All About Ponies', on markings and breeds and conformation. If we do anything in twos I hope someone wants to go with me today. I'm going to just smile and be really nice, so hopefully they will!