Charis (25 page)

And so he’d calmed her worries as he always did.

Jennifer and David had a daughter, Rachel, now almost a year old. Adrian
and Felicity's third child was a girl, too. They called her Jane. Simon and
Lorraine's little boy Joshua had a brother, James.  Amelia and Charles were
expecting their first child, due in another three months. It was another boy.
Emily and Giles' family was expanding rapidly so their little Paul had plenty
of cousins; nine so far. Charis felt engulfed with warmth and love in Ben's
family and now they had begun to create a family of their very own.

*****

Charis loved being a mother. She couldn't believe the miracle of her
baby; the tiny fingers that curled around hers when she touched his little
hand; the way he nuzzled at her breast as she fed him; the way he watched her
and looked at her so intently as she talked to him and his little mouth moved
as though to answer her. And her heart ached more and more for her own mother
who’d missed all the joy of motherhood. She felt the need for her now, more
than at any other time since she was a young teenager. Ben found her crying one
evening, when Paul was about ten days old.  She’d just put the baby into his
cot to sleep after a good feeding and was lying on their bed with her face
pressed into the pillow.

”Oh, my love,” he soothed as he gathered her into his arms. “What's
wrong?”

“Nothing,” she managed to stutter between sobs. “I'm just being
silly again, but I wish I had my mother here. I need her now. I need her to
tell me things about being a mother. I'll never manage it on my own.”

“You're not alone, Charis! You're
never
alone. I know I'm not
your mother, but I'm always here for you. We'll do this together. And you're
already a wonderful mother. To see you with our baby, the way you take care of
him, fills my heart with joy.” And so he comforted her as he had from the first
day they were together and encouraged her to talk to him about her mother and
her fears until she could put her worries behind her.

Three weeks after Paul's birth she lay in bed waiting for him. She’d
fed the baby and he was sleeping peacefully in the nursery. Ben came to bed,
took her in his arms and held her tenderly.

She tilted her head up, looking at him. “Make love to me, please?”
she asked.

“It's too soon. You need more time for your insides to recover,” he
told her.

“It's been almost two months since…since the last time,” she
reminded him. “I want you. I want you now.”

“I tell all my patients to wait at least six weeks before resuming
sexual relations. I can't ignore my own advice…my conscience wouldn't let me.”

“I can't wait that long so tell your conscience that your wife
seduced you,” she responded as she pressed herself close to him.

“You really are wicked,” he replied. “You know that don't you?” he
said as she began kissing him passionately until eventually he said, “We really
shouldn't but I can't resist you.” He sighed, “So I give in. You can have your
way with me.”

*****

Charis watched Ben with their baby. He was so gentle, his hands
tenderly holding Paul and taking such good care of him. Whenever he was home he
took turns changing his nappy or bathing and dressing him, burping him and
cuddling him. They still went for their walks along by the river or through the
parks but now there was a baby to take and a pram to push, and Ben eagerly took
his turn at that, too.

Paul grew and thrived and learned to smile and make little sounds and
then to reach for her and touch her and he grew more and said words and was sitting
up and eating baby food. He was sometimes fretful when he was teething but mostly
a contented and happy baby. Then he was crawling and pulling himself up and all
of a sudden his first birthday was upon them and he was trying to walk and
Charis wondered where the time had gone.

Several things had changed in their home; a high chair had appeared
and a box of baby toys that were quite often scattered around the floor; a
little pile of baby books on the surface of the coffee table. The pram had
given way to a buggy which was usually kept in a cupboard under the stairs which
now had a safety gate at both the bottom and the top. When Ben got home from
work he would spend half an hour every day playing with Paul on the floor of
their living room while Charis put the finishing touches to their evening meal.
She always fed Paul before Ben got home but they’d put him in his high chair
while they ate and give him some grown up food to eat with his fingers and try
out a little spoon. After dinner they’d take him upstairs to bathe him and get
him ready for bed. The bedtime routine was always the same. Ben would sit and
look at a book or two with him and read to him for a little while and then
Charis would cuddle him and sing lullabies until he was almost asleep before
they put him to bed. And Ben would sit and watch the two of them, his wife and
his son, and wonder how life could ever get any better.

But for Charis there was always the spectre of Henry. He was back. Not
phone calls any more…not even notes through the front door. Now it was worse. Now
it was photographs - a photograph of her and Ben walking along the embankment
pushing Paul in his pram, another of them having a picnic in the park. And then
a note. ‘I'm still watching you.’ The terror was back and the nightmares began
again, but they weren’t quite the same. Now she knew it was Henry in her dream chasing
her and she knew in the dream that when he caught her he would beat her and rape
her and with each dream he got a little closer. What would happen when he
caught her?  Not in the dream. No. When he caught her in real life.

*****

The Covington family was still growing. Amelia's little boy, Jacob,
was now nine months old and Jennifer was expecting another baby girl soon. They
planned on calling her Anne. So family time at Willow Bend was always quite
hectic and Emily was glad that they still had a house big enough to accommodate
them all when they visited. Although most weekends they had someone from the
family there, on special occasions the whole family would gather, and to the Covington’s,
lots of times were special, especially with all those birthdays to celebrate.
Ben and Charis made it whenever they could, as long as Ben wasn’t working or on
call. They desired Paul to grow up knowing all his cousins and his loving
grandparents.

The older Paul got the more he looked like his father. His hair and
eyes were dark brown and Charis thought he was going to be tall and slim,
although he was a bit on the chubby side right now. When he smiled she imagined
that’s what Ben had looked like at the same age and Emily confirmed it for her
when she said, “Oh my goodness, he’s Ben all over again.”

One evening as they were sitting together after Paul was asleep,
Charis broached the subject of having another baby. “Now that we have a little
boy that looks just like his wonderful father, don't you think it's about time
we thought about that little girl you wanted?”

“You do understand that there's no guarantee it would be a girl,
don't you?” he reminded her.

“Of course I do. But I’d be just as happy to have another boy so
Paul could have a little brother to play with,” she answered him. “As long as
you won't mind waiting for your little girl.”

“Let's get started then,” he said as he stood up, took her hand and
led her to the bedroom.

*****

At Meadow Lea Hall the Maitlands had come to the end of their lease but
were still renewing it each year. Another daughter had married but no
grandchildren had arrived, so instead of going back to America to visit, their
two daughters and their husbands visited them. Charis was still expecting them
to go home one day, especially when grandchildren arrived. Then she and Ben
would have to make some life changing decisions, but until that time came they
just got on with their lives.

Life, however, does not go on forever and sadly Sam Chandler died.
Charis had known him all her life and he’d been very dear to her. Eve decided
to go back to France to be with her family, as she had no family in England,
they’d never had children, and she had brothers and a sister and several nieces
and nephews who lived in and around Paris. She signed the little basement flat
back to Charis and left almost as soon as the funeral was over. Charis wanted
to buy it back from her but she refused. She still had the money from the sale
of the little book shop and it would be more than enough for her for the rest
of her life.

“We lived here all our married life,” she said. “And you never
charged anything but nominal rent. You’ve done more than enough for us and for
me.” And so she left and Charis felt as if another remnant of her childhood had
gone. But it meant that the little flat was now empty, and could easily be
incorporated into the main house, so they met with Jennifer and David to see if
they’d be able to use the extra space now that their family was growing. It was
agreed and Charis called the architect who’d helped with her home and arranged
for the work to be done.

*****

That summer was the first year that Ben and Charis rented a cottage
in Cornwall for their holidays.   Paul was fifteen months old and loved his
first experience at the beach. Ben built him sandcastles and took him paddling
in the water. They searched for little creatures in the rock pools, went for
walks along the sea front and sat on the sand eating fish and chips with their
fingers. For the second week, Emily and Giles came and spent a few days with
them and they took Paul out once or twice leaving Ben and Charis with a little
time on their own. One evening after Paul was asleep, Ben took Charis to a
small restaurant overlooking the sea and as they ate they watched the waves
crashing in on the shore and the sun going down over the horizon. It was a
lovely evening and a real treat, as they didn't go out alone very often. Mrs.
Everett had babysat for them a couple of times and Paul had always slept well,
but they were hesitant to go often or far just in case they were needed. 
Having Emily and Giles to look after Paul gave them a real feeling of freedom.

Home in London again, and so was Henry. She'd seen him, or thought
she had, watching her house.  Was he watching her come and go? There were more
notes poked through her letterbox. She always burned them…hoping that
destroying them would get rid of him, too. But, of course, it didn't and it
didn't get rid of the fear either.

By the end of the year Charis knew she was pregnant again. The baby
would be due in early August when Paul would be two years and two months old. Once
again she was sick but not as bad as last time, which she thought was just as
well because she certainly had a lot more to do already having a child to care
for. Paul was getting to be quite a handful. He had a mind of his own and was determined
to get his own way. He was always on the move…as though he had a lot to
accomplish each day, then he crashed at night and slept well ‘til morning. But
he was more fun than trouble and kept them amused with the things he did and
the little sayings he came out with as he learned to talk.

Charis treasured the evenings that she and Ben had together. She still
found time to play the piano most days, although she wasn't teaching any more, but
she wanted to keep up her skills for her own pleasure and the enjoyment she and
Ben both got when she played for him after Paul had gone to bed.

Henry must have left the country again because the harassment
stopped but her fear of dying in childbirth didn't. It wasn't as bad this
pregnancy. She’d survived one birth, maybe she would survive the next too. But
the fear was still there…real…hovering in the back of her mind.

They celebrated Christmas again at Willow Bend but it was getting
more and more difficult to go away for any length of time because of the amount
of stuff they were required to take for Paul.  Charis didn't know how they
would survive it when they had
two
children. Jennifer and David had
already decided that overnight trips were out of the question, but would be there
for Christmas dinner. With so many children in the family now Emily and Giles
had changed the gift giving. The adults didn’t receive presents anymore. Instead,
each child got a small gift from their Nana and Granddad.

Christmas was over and the New Year came and went and soon it was
spring. Paul thrived and grew and played and chatted all day long. He was
almost ready to give up his daytime nap, at the stage where if he missed it he
wanted to fall asleep about five o'clock in the afternoon and then not go to
bed at night, but if he slept in the day he was awake until ten. It was a difficult
task making him take a nap at noon or keeping him awake during the afternoon,
but she preferred that to the alternatives. 

And then, before they knew it, it was their wedding anniversary.
They’d been married for five years. Once again Charis thought,
Where has the
time gone?

Emily and Giles came to London so Ben and Charis could have a night
out to celebrate. First, they put Paul to bed, worn out because his Nana and Granddad
were there, and then they went to dinner and to a concert at the Albert Hall
and didn't arrive home until nearly midnight. It was the end of May - a long
weekend and Ben's parents were staying for three days. Emily and Giles took
full advantage of the time with Paul; playing with him, reading to him and
taking him for walks.  Charis and Ben spent time alone and Charis was able to get
some extra rest. She was feeling very pregnant now and tired easily, but still
had three months to go, so she relished the relaxed weekend, her one on one
time with Ben. She knew it was unlikely to happen again for a long time.