Chaos (14 page)

Chapter 24

I
did not wake up in the middle of the night crying. The visions had become so commonplace that I had grown used to them. Still, I couldn’t quite shake the somber mood I woke up in.

“Another vision?” Zander asked as we packed up camp and headed toward Darth again.

“Unfortunately.” I tried to sound casual about it. Like they were not taking their toll on me. Like they meant nothing, but I miserably failed.

Zander took my hand in his. “Me too,” he offered in support.

“How do you remain so unaffected?”

“Because all they are and all they ever will be are visions. I will not allow them to come to pass. We choose our own destiny not the other way around.”

What if it is a destiny chosen long ago that is coming back to claim us.

I refused to acknowledge that particular fear. Doing so would make it real. It was a reality I wanted no parts of. I would bury my head in the sand about it for as long as I could.

---

The sky remained clear and free of rain. We kept moving through the night not needing to stop for shelter. We made it to Darth shortly after sunrise the next morning. We did not have to look far for the Order’s leaders. One-half of them waited for us at the border of the city.

Of course Ysabeau foresaw when we would arrive and where. I would be surprised if Darrien happening upon Marie and leaving the handwritten message with her had not been Ysabeau’s doing as well. Her powers of precognition were super powerful and super scary. I would ask her about the visions but I suspected she already knew and, as she said before I left for the mortal realm, she would not say more other than I needed to walk the path for myself.

“Skyler!” Darrien’s voice came out sounding relieved. As if he’d spent a great amount of time worrying over something. He moved to sweep me up in an embrace but his eyes caught mine and Zander’s fingers entwined. His body jerked up short. He inclined his head awkwardly toward me.

Selene did hug me. When she pulled back her eyes shone with respect.

“You did it.”

“He doesn’t look like much of a King?” Ignacio said critically beside her, giving Zander an appraising look.

“Shut up.” She elbowed him in his ribs.

He grunted from the force of it then fell silent.

Darrien clasped Zander’s forearm in a warrior’s embrace. “Excuse him. He’s an ass. I am called Darrien and you are?”

“Zander,” he said mimicking the gesture Darrien had just done.

“I am not sure how much Skyler has told you, but there is much that needs to be discussed. Not here though,” Darrien glanced into the forest behind us. “Let us go to the hidden safety of our fae elder’s home.”

Chapter 25

            
 
T
he fae elder’s home looked nothing like the modest lodgings I expected. The well-kept solid structure of bricks and stone stood grand and elegantly polished amongst the ruins of a town forgotten centuries ago.

We found Ysabeau, Khamaad and Lor with the fae elder in the receiving room of her abode. She sat with her upper body hunched over into a hollow C-shape that resulted from the age-induced curvature of her spine. The elder was the first fae I had come across that looked significantly aged with her grayed hair, wrinkled skin and the fragile set of her bones. If fae who had been alive for thousands of years looked to be no more than middle aged by mortal standards, I wondered just how long the woman I looked upon had been alive. She’d probably seen a few millennia come and go, many kings and queens of Faerie rise and fall, and more sunrises and sunsets than my brain could fathom.

              She poured coffee from a silver pot into a delicate crystal cup as we entered the room. Her hands infinitesimally shook as she used a polished spoon to scoop two lumps of sugar out of a bowl and into the cup.

              “Priscus,” Darrien spoke the fae elder’s name then fell silent, waiting for her to afford us her attention. When she did, he dipped his head respectfully in her direction.

              Selene and Ignacio did the same. Zander and I mimicked their actions.

              A medley of emotions consisting largely of recognition, shock and bitter resentment contorted her features when she looked upon Zander and me. She pointed a fragile hand towards us.

“Everyone excuse yourselves, except the two of you,” she ordered the rest of the fae in the room.

Her voice came out sure and steady, sounding much stronger than she appeared.

              The Lords and Princesses of Faerie obeyed her directive without question or hesitation.

              Her gaze never strayed from us and I felt myself wanting to buckle under the weight of it. My impulse reaction was to look away, but there was fierceness in her eyes that both dared and forbade me from doing so.

She waited until the Order’s leaders cleared the room before speaking. When she did she kept her voice low and inaudible even to the sensitive hearing of fae ears. Nobody outside the room would hear what she had to say.

“You look just like them.”

“Like who?” We both asked in unison.

She picked up her coffee cup, took a sip out of it then placed it back in its spot on the table between us. “You know whom.”

Zander and I nodded.

It was no use pretending otherwise. In joining the Order’s leaders at the ancient fae’s hidden dwelling, we’d also stumbled upon the answers we sought. I was both scared and relieved to hear what she would say next. Relieved because we could finally solve the puzzle of our linked visions before tackling the bigger issue of Zander facing Belial.  I was also scared out of my wits because deep down I knew the gist of the words she would utter. I believed Zander knew too. We’d both been running from it. Burying our heads in the sand in willful ignorance hoping that if we didn’t talk about, if we didn’t acknowledge it, then it would not be true.

That is not the way reality works. Turning a blind eye to what you don’t want to face does not make the truth before you any less real. Even when you squeeze your eyes as tight as you can close them shut, the truth remains standing in front of you, staring at you, stalking you, waiting on the inevitable moment when your eyes are pried open so it can slap you in the face for daring to pretend like it does not exist. You can change what is true no more than you can change what has passed.  The truth is both omnipresent and all-knowing. 

“Let me tell you a story,” the fae elder began. With her words she pried Zander’s and my eyes un-closed.

Once our lids were opened we would never be able to un-see again. 

“After Chaos created Faerie and sealed the realm off from Order and the mortal world, he found that he missed the companionship of his twin brother more than he ever thought he would. Without Order around to war with or be at peace with, the passing of the centuries finally brought ennui to Chaos. True immortality can transform into a terrible curse when you have no one to share it with. To relieve the ennui Chaos un-made himself as an immortal and re-made himself into one of the creatures his actions had helped to create. Chaos embedded himself into the Faefolk’s society, taking a fae girl for a wife and installing himself as their King. Chaos came to love the girl as much as, if not more than, he loved Order. She bore him children whom he also loved just as much. He ruled Faerie with her at his side as its benevolent, never-fading King. Though the magic we possess allows us fae to live for thousands of years, we are not true immortals. We do not succumb to disease as mortals do and our magic heals us at rates that make most wounds we suffer inconsequential, but with enough damage to our vital organs in a short expanse of time we can be killed. Those of us who manage to evade dying in this manner still do not live forever. Eventually, as Chaos’ wife did, we fade and expire. When he lost the fae girl just as he’d lost his twin brother, ennui sat in with Chaos once more and this time he could stand to remain in existence no longer. He used his magic to un-make himself, leaving the rule of Faerie to his offspring, the Asteroth bloodline. Aldric Asteroth was the third direct descendant of Chaos to rule Faerie. He was dubbed its
Eternal King.
He ruled for millennia and forever wore the youthful appearance of a fae just a few years past the age of manifestation. He had already been ruling Faerie alone for three thousand years when he met Caelia. She was a fae girl of the Seelie caste, and her beauty was unparalleled. Though it was rumored that it was her wild and fiery spirit that he fell in love with and not her outward appearance. Caelia came to love Aldric as quickly and as deeply as he came to love her.  Their courtship was short and their betrothal was even shorter. They married and Caelia ruled beside Aldric as Faerie’s Queen. The pair were adored by the faefolk and their subjects loved them as much as they loved one another. Then one night after one of the many revelries they hosted at the palace, the beloved pair were found in their bedchamber, forever lost to the people of Faerie. The cup of un-making found with them left no doubt as to their fates. With the King and Queen died the perfectly harmonious Faerie that Chaos originally created. The realm of Faerie has been unstable since that fateful night. Caelia and Aldric had no children and thus they left Faerie with no direct heir. The realm descended into chaos as the Asteroths that remained warred over who would rule. The Asteroth that ascended the throne was a savage monster that rivaled Belial in his brutality. He terrorized the faefolk for five thousand years until another Asteroth overthrew him to become King. That Asteroth was better than the last and brought a measure of peace to the realm. He ascended the throne through treachery and deceit, but in truth was too weak to hold on to the Crown. Eventually he was overthrown and the man who overthrew him was eventually overthrown as well. When Regias took the throne, it was the first time Faerie had known true peace in tens of thousands of years. He was as benevolent of a ruler as both Chaos and Aldric had been. He was less selfish too. He put the needs of the people of Faerie and his duty to them before his own, as a King should. Faerie thrived under Regias’ reign. Then Belial launched the scheme that began with the massacre of any remaining Asteroth and ended in Regias’ death. When he installed himself on the throne, he did so knowing there was none left to dethrone him. Belial is the merciless tyrant that he is because he can be. He is the only Asteroth left and Chaos used his magic to make it so only an Asteroth can kill an Asteroth.”

The fae elder pause and looked directly into Zander’s eyes. She stared at him as if she knew the amber of his eyes firsthand. As if she had lived through watching them rule over her.

“But you,” she continued, “are an Asteroth. How it is possible is beyond my wisdom but you are
the
Asteroth. The one who left us has been returned. I hope you are far less selfish in this life than you were in your last one. You owe Faerie a great debt and it is your duty to repay it.”

I thought the elder was done speaking but then she regarded me in the same manner she did Zander.

“You do as well, My Queen. Your actions were just as selfish as your King’s. Even if Faerie had lost its King, it would have still had its Queen. The faefolk loved you as much as they did him and when you un-made yourself, you un-made our direct heir.”

I shook my head in disbelief, my eyes wanting desperately to squeeze themselves shut.

“What are you saying?”

“You know what I am saying.”

Her stare held strong, cold and unyielding, refusing to release me. She wouldn’t permit me to look away. She forced my lids to remain open and me to face the truth.

“I wouldn’t.” I tried to deny the truth now that I could no longer ignore it.

“You did,” she hissed at me.

“Maybe I didn’t know.”

I couldn’t have known. I wouldn’t have acted so selfishly, so rashly if I had.

“You knew. Perhaps you were not consciously aware of it yet, but you knew all the same. It was a truth that was cemented in the very fiber of your existence. It was a part of your essential self.

              “And you were no better,” she turned on Zander again. “You knew too. How many times are you going to abandon the very world that you created? It worked out okay the first time but not so well the second time. It is time you accept what you are and the burdens that come with it and get over it. You have a duty to the world you created. One that fate is unwilling to let you neglect. It brought you back a second time and it will keep bringing you back until you fulfill it.”

              She jerked her head toward me.

              “The same goes for her. When she drank from the cup of un-making with the intent to share your fate, she sealed hers. Your fates are entwined. Yours is hers and hers is yours.”

Chapter 26

            
 
I
was too emotionally shell-shocked to be embarrassed by puking my guts out beside the fae elder’s home. The weight of the information Priscus dropped on us was a heavy burden to bear. I could accept that I was Caelia re-made but what I couldn’t accept were the horribly selfish decisions she had made. She’d resented and been furious at Aldric in the visions for his thoughtless impulsivity, but she had been no better than him.

              “Better now?” Zander asked once my vomiting had transformed into dry heaves and then into nothingness.

He still held my hair back from my face and a supportive arm remained wrapped around me.

              I up-righted myself, wiping the back of my hand across my mouth.

“No, but I think I am done emptying the contents of my stomach. There goes my lunch.” I sought to ease the tension by making light of the situation.

              “That’s alright. This is you we’re talking about. You will more than make up for it at dinner,” Zander said following my lead.

He forced his lips into a facetious smile, but it didn’t look like it should have. It appeared strained and unnatural on his face. The tension riding him stopped it short from reaching his eyes.

If we held a mirror up to one another we would both see shadows moving behind our gazes. As it was, we could see them just fine in each other’s.

              Bone-weary, my body slumped against the structure of the house.

“We really fucked up,” I said into my hands.

              “Royally,” I heard Zander say as he slumped down beside me.

              “All of this time I have been working to save the people of Faerie and I am the reason for the horrors they are experiencing. If not for me, my parents would still be alive. My brother would be too. And so would Darrien’s and Ysabeau’s and Selene’s and Ignacio’s and Khamaad’s and Lor’s. All of it is my fault. Everything is my fault.”

              “Look at me,” Zander said from beside me.

              I shook my head, continuing to bury my face in my hands. I could not meet his eyes and see the same blame within them that I harbored toward myself.

              I felt his fingers gently grip my chin between them. This time I did not allow him to raise my head. I fought against it. But try as I might to keep from looking at him, his grip remained unbreakable as he gently by stubbornly forced me to meet his gaze. It was a testament to how rapidly Faerie was changing him from mortal to fae. His amber eyes met mine and I saw every ounce of blame in them that I expected to see. Only, it was not toward me. It was directed inward at himself.

              “
Nothing
is
your fault,” he said to me. “The blame lies with me and me alone.”

              My heart fractured at the beginnings of self-loathing I saw commingled with the self-directed blame. I laid a palm against his cheek hoping the contact would ground him.

“You. Are. Not. The. Person.From. The.Vision.”

I punctuated each word that I spoke hoping Zander would receive the message loud and clear.

“You may be Aldric Asteroth re-made who was Chaos re-made but you are
nothing
like either of them. The
Zander
I know, who hails from the House of Roth, does not have a selfish bone in his body. He is kind and compassionate and thoughtful and considerate and
always
puts the wellbeing of others before his own. He is the living embodiment of the noble stag that serves as the representation for his family. You.Are.Not.Them. You are nothing like either of the two.”

              The shadows receded with each word I spoke. By the time I had finished they had nearly faded. Though the residue of them remained, lurking just beneath the surface waiting for the perfect opportunity to hijack his self-perception. They could not win. I would not let them win. They couldn’t have him and neither could Fate. The malefic, spiteful bitch could be damned. Zander’s and my destiny was ours to control. He was not Aldric and I was not Caelia. We would not repeat the past. I finally understood that creating a new destiny meant creating a new present and a new future. I shook the last vestiges of my emotional turmoil off and leapt to my feet.

              “Come on.” I held my hand out to my betrothed.

              “To where?” he asked confused even as he immediately followed my lead, leaping to his feet as well.

              I placed my hand in his and our fingers curled around each other of their own accord.

              “To kick fate in the ass and create a new destiny.”

              The last remnants of the shadows drained from Zander’s eyes. They lit up with the warmth and sureness of self I had come to know and love. He inhaled then exhaled deeply. With the exhale he also released the last of the tension from his muscles.

His eyes bore passionately into mine.

“Gods, Skyler. I can never say it enough-- you are an invaluably precious breath of fresh air.”