Changing Fate (13 page)

I can’t go back to school yet, but Mom lets me sit on the front porch. I wrap up in a blanket and listen to the sounds of laughter coming from the park. The air smells like fresh rain with a hint of garlic from someone’s dinner. I breathe it in and snuggle deeper into the fabric surrounding me. A man and woman walk by, led by two huskies on leashes. They wave and I smile.

This may be a new home with unfamiliar neighbors, but it’s home. A soft breeze tickles the top of my head and a white SUV drives past. I stare at the worn asphalt and listen to the rocks crunch as the vehicle moves farther away. Clouds layer the sky above me: gray and white, with every shade in between. Pockets of blue sky peek through, but the sun stays hidden.

I soak it in and vow never to go back inside, even though I know it’s not realistic. Visions of the hospital swirl through my mind and I shudder. No more needles, no more nurses…no more secrets. Kyler finally knows about my CF and he still hasn’t run away.

I pull out my phone and text him to see when he’ll be by.

A minute later, a figure in a blue puffy coat cruises down the sidewalk on a longboard. They’re about to pass me when they jump off instead and let the board crash into my mailbox.

I lean forward to stand, but I’m too slow. The person lifts their face and I cringe.

“Vivian?”

She glances down the street. “I didn’t know you lived here.”

I press my lips together, still shocked to see her on my front lawn.

“You look like…” Her gaze
scrutinizes my face and trails down the blanket.

“Crap?” I ask.

Her eyes grow. “I wasn’t going to say it.”

“You don’t have to, Vivian. It was probably something worse anyway.” My body sinks into the cement and I suddenly wish I’d stayed inside. This isn’t the break I was hoping for.

She folds her arms. “Where have you been?”

Really? Like I’d tell her. The only thing she’s ever wanted from me is trouble. Except, now all I can think about are Charlie’s words. She wants friends. And I want friends. But that doesn’t mean I choose
her
as a friend. I rub my temples and try to come up with a decent response. “Let’s just say Jack’s cold was easier on him than me.”

Her eyes narrow. “Serves you right.”

I lean forward to get up. If she’s not going to leave, I have to before her attitude drains me of all my remaining energy.

“Wait. Don’t go.” She mutters something.

I pause, but have no intention of getting cozy.

“Listen,” she says, attention on the grass. “I’m sorry you’re so sick.”

I lift my eyebrows. Since when has Vivian been sorry for anything? She takes off her beanie and flattens her wild hair. I glance at her longboard lying on its side by my mailbox.

Her gaze follows mine. “Oh, and sorry about that.”

I never thought I’d hear an apology out of her mouth, let alone two. “No harm,” I say.

I tap my right foot, then my left. The neighbor’s dog lets out a stream of barks. Maybe I should go inside. It’s hard enough for one of us to have a normal conversation with anyone else. Trying to have one together is basically impossible. But she’s still standing there, looking at my house, my lawn, my mailbox.

“Do you live around here?” I ask.

“Yeah. Just on the other side of the park.”

I nod. That’s good. Maybe I should invite her to go back home. I check my phone but there’s still no response from Kyler. It’s almost dinnertime, though. That would be a good excuse to go back inside. My stomach growls, giving me the perfect cue. “I should probably get going.”

“Oh. Right.”

I stand up and turn toward the door. I’m already turning the knob when Vivian says, “Hey, Kate.”

I glance over my shoulder. 

She crosses the grass and stops at the base of my front porch. “I’m sorry for giving you such a hard time.”

I release the round knob and let my hand fall. A head of curly hair catches my attention and my heart trips a beat. But it’s just a woman across the street, throwing luggage into the trunk of a two door sports car. Vivian shifts and I focus my eyes on her.

I still haven’t figured out how to respond. Do I tell her it’s okay? That I’m over it? No, that would just give her permission to keep picking on new kids. But if I tell her it’s not okay, she might start a fight—one that I wouldn’t be able to win right now. And then she’d continue her old habits anyway. Especially since this attempt at making friends isn’t going so well. There’s no good option.

“I didn’t know you ro
de a longboard,” I finally say. Why not change the subject?

A faint smile lifts her face. “Yeah. Charlie comes along sometimes.”

“And Jack?”

She frowns. 

Apparently not. “That’s great that Charlie rides. He’s a fun kid.” And he now sounds like a baby goat. I want to be nice to Vivian, but I can’t think of anything else to talk about. My phone vibrates and I read the new text.

I’m almost home
with dinner
.

As much as I want it to be from Kyler, this isn’t really his home. And that’s not his number.
A long, quiet minute later, Mom pulls into the driveway and parks the car. I can smell the cheese pizza before she takes out the square box. Vivian strolls back to her board, picks it up, and hovers near the edge of my yard.

After Mom shuts the car door with her hip, she says, “I got more nebulizer meds.”

I clear my throat and she pauses—only then does she notice Vivian.

“Oh. I didn’t know you had a friend over, Kate.”

My face burns. Friend is definitely a loose term. And I didn’t invite her over. “Mom, this is Vivian. She just stopped by.”

Mom’s so excited, you’d think she just won a million dollars. She sets her things on the cement and hands me the pizza. “Maybe Vivian would like to stay for dinner,” she says.

“No,” Vivian and I respond in unison. We pause and look at each other. I go for a fake grin, but her eyebrows pinch together and her jaw twitches.

Her voice comes out edgy. “I have to get going. It was nice to meet you. See you later, Kate.”
She sets her board on the ground and zooms off, the wheels clicking over each crack in the sidewalk.

Maybe I don’t miss school as much as I thought. Of course I have to be the bad girl now.
There’s probably no hope for either one of us to have a lot of friends. She has hers and I have mine. Simple. We should keep it that way.

“That wasn’t very nice, Kate,” Mom says. She opens the front door and I follow her in.

“Trust me, Mom. It was the nicest conversation I’ve had with her.”

My phone buzzes and I balance the pizza in one arm to check the message.

I have to go grocery shopping with my dad tonight. You know how that goes. He still has a hard time. Reminds him too much of Mom. I might not make it over until tomorrow. Feel better and get some rest.

At least I have memories of eating pizza with Kyler. It makes it easier to think about him
throughout the meal. And all through my therapy. I stare at the pictures on my walls and let his voice fill my head.

I look forward to tomorrow. It’s the first time I’ll hang out with him as the real me, outside of the hospital, without tubes and doctors and endless reruns of my karate lessons. It’s nice to dream about Kyler in my fake world, but I can’t wait to have him with me here. No more secrets and no more emotional walls.

I fall asleep that night with a faint cough and leftover aches from the hospital. Even those can’t stifle my hope of another tomorrow.

I’m almost done with my nebulizer treatments when Mom walks into my room the next evening. “Kyler’s here.”

I
suck in the meds and pull the tube away from my mouth. “Can you entertain him for a few minutes?”

She tilts her head.

“Show him some karate skills, Mom. He’d love it.”

She shrugs and
shuts the door.

Once I finish my treatments, I head down the stairs. Normally, I could get there in less than a minute. It takes me at least five. Kyler’s standing in the middle of the living room with his feet
shoulder-length apart and both hands flexed. I wait to see what will happen.

Mom lifts his right arm. “Keep it stiff. You have to be ready at all times.”

She mirrors him and they circle. I’m not sure whether they’d really fight, but I need to save Kyler before either one of us finds out.

“I said teach him, Mom. Not kill him.”

Kyler keeps his eyes on Mom. “I’ve got this, Kate.”

Mom swings her leg out and Kyler tries to jump over. His foot catches on her shoe and he falls back, barely missing the end table on his way down. I shuffle toward him, but Mom offers a hand and helps him up before I get there. Not that he needs the help. His laugh fills the room and I sink into the couch beside him.

“Better luck next time,” Mom says. She winks at us and makes her way to the kitchen. “You guys want any food?”

Kyler puts his arm around me and I tilt my head to see his face. “You hungry?”

“Only if you are.”

That’s never a question. “Sure, Mom,” I call.

Kyler’s finger trails down my arm and I nestle into his side. “How were things at the grocery store?” I ask him.

His chest shakes with a laugh. “My dad’s funny. No matter how many times we go, he likes to pretend he doesn’t know what he’s doing.”

I faintly recall him having trouble picking out chicken when I ran into them.

“Last night it was the milk. We had a twenty minute conversation about which kind of milk we should be drinking.”

“And what did you decide?”

“
We didn’t. I grabbed the one closest to me and went to find the yogurt.”

Kyler’s fingers weave through mine. I inhale the clean scent of his
aftershave. His heart pulses through his ribs, beating lightly against my ear.

“How are you feeling today,” he asks.

There’s still a dull pain in my back, but it’s not enough to bother me. Not that anything would bother me after what I just went through in the hospital. “As good as can be expected.”

“You sure?” He lifts my chin, his fingers cradling my jaw.

I consider telling him about my exhaustion but I’m staring at his eyes, his freckles—especially the one on his lip. Kyler’s breath touches my face and I lean into him. The thumping in my chest makes it hard to breathe, hard to think. I focus on his gaze and watch it settle on my lips. His mouth pulls up on one side and his arm tightens around me, pulling me closer. I squeeze his fingers, letting my eyes shut while holding my breath.

And the doorbell rings.

My eyes fly open and Kyler leans back. Mom comes in but stops when she notices us. Her face turns a shade darker and she points to the door. “Is someone here?”

Kyler releases his hold on me and Mom opens the door.

Giana rushes in. “You’re home,” she says, handing me a bouquet of flowers. “I just knew you wouldn’t die.”

I lift an eyebrow. “Thanks for the vote of confidence. And also for the flowers.”
Too bad she couldn’t wait another five minutes. Even one would’ve been better. We were seconds from kissing. My face is still warm and I’m all too aware of Giana’s steady gaze. She looks at Kyler, then at me, and then she grins.

Another voice catches my attention. I didn’t notice Mo over my handful of roses. The sweet scent blows toward me as he closes the front door.

Mom props her fists on her hips. “More food?” she asks.

I nod and she disappears. But not without an extra bounce to her step. She’s seen all my friends in one day—even my non-friend. This is definitely more than she could’ve asked for.

Mo puts a hand on Giana’s shoulder. “Hey, Kate. It’s good to see you again.”

“You too.” I cough. The room goes quiet. Everyone’s eyes are on me, waiting for me to break apart. I’m a rundown cathedral with only a few walls holding me together. “I’m fine,” I say
, and Giana lets out a loud sigh.

Mo takes a seat. “So, what are we going to do?”

I have an idea. But it’s not a group activity. Maybe if we choose something that doesn’t take a lot of time, Giana and Mo will leave. Or maybe something boring would chase them away. As much as I like having them here, things were going pretty good before they came.

“Anyone bring a banjo?” I ask.

“Nope,” Mo says.

Giana
pretends to hold something in her arms. “Is that like a circular guitar?” She strums her imaginary instrument.

Kyler tries to
hide his smile.

“How about a game?” Giana asks.

My body grows heavy just thinking about it. I won’t be able to last long, no matter what we do.

Kyler grips my hand. “Spin the bottle?”

“I heard that,” Mom says from the kitchen.

Yeah, there’s not going to be any kissing with her around.

“What’s going on at school?” I ask.

“Let’s please talk about something else,” Giana says.

Mo plays with her hair. “Don’t mind her. She just doesn’t want to tell you the news.”

I sit up a little straighter. “I could do with some good news.” At least, I hope it’s good.

“She’s going to be prom queen.”

Giana rolls her eyes. “I doubt that.”

“But you’re definitely in the royalty?” I ask. That’s hard for anyone to accomplish, especially a new girl. Somehow, it doesn’t surprise me though. 

She’s blushing now. “I was nominated by the National Honor Society.”

“Really?” I ask.

Mo
leans forward. “Giana helped—”

She slaps her hand over his mouth
. “It doesn’t matter what I did. I don’t even know if I’m going to the dance.”

Mo moves her hand. “I’m taking you.”

“What?” Her eyes grow. “You’re asking me now?”

Their voices lower to work out details and
Kyler leans into me. “Do you want to go with me?” he whispers.

My insides
flip and I hold onto the feeling. I don’t need his question to be a big affair. Anything said with his voice, coming out of his lips, is enough for me. As much as I’d love to go to Prom, I have to be realistic. “I don’t even know if I’ll be able to go.”

“Then we’ll dance here.”

In my living room? The smell of popcorn makes my stomach growl and a
ding
echoes from the kitchen. “It’s awful quiet in there,” Mom says. “I’m bringing the food in now.”

I laugh. Prom with my mom as the only chaperone would be lots of fun.

Kyler untangles his arms from mine and jumps up. How does he have so much energy? I can barely think about getting off the couch, let alone racing across the room. He meets Mom outside the kitchen and helps her bring in drinks, popcorn, and a bag of potato chips.

“I have dip too,” she says on her way back to the kitchen.

She returns with a container in one hand. Kyler sets it on the table as Mom drops a handful of pills into my outstretched palm. It’s funny how I just knew she’d bring them. It’s so automatic, engrained in our routines. No one watches me slip them into my mouth and chase them down with a drink. It’s not that they don’t care. It’s that they do. They give me my space and they let me be me.

I place a handful of popcorn on my plate and put one in my mouth. “You’ll totally be queen,” I tell Giana.

“Let’s not start that again.” She shoots me a look and bites into a chip. A second later, she says, “It should’ve been you, Kate.”

I snort out a weak laugh. “You have to be in a club or on a team to get nominated, don’t you? My club is one member only.”

“Oh yeah, what’s that?” she asks.

“The hospital club. And I don’t think members can nominate themselves.”

“Who needs to be nominated?” Kyler says. “Being the only member in a club makes you a queen already, right?”

Or a loner.

Giana waves her hand and we wait for her to finish her bite. “Let’s have our own Prom. It’s overrated anyway.”

Mo gives her a sidelong look and I can tell Giana doesn’t believe the words
coming out of her mouth. She wouldn’t have been so excited that Mo was asking her to the real thing. Not only does she want to go, she would probably love to be queen. And she’d make a good one, looking out for us peasants, spreading happiness around her.

“I’ll vote for you,” I tell her. “That is, if I’m there.”

Giana grins. “You’ll be there. You’re looking better every second.”

Looks are deceiving. Or Giana’s good at lying.

My eyes grow heavy and the ache in my back tightens with each bite. I sink into the couch and decide to rest, just for a moment.

I close my eyes and picture p
rom in Paris. That’s what the theme should be. Kyler can wear a tux and I’ll buy a floor-length gown with a teardrop tiara for my head. We’ll dance beneath the Eiffel Tower, swaying to the sound of his voice. He’ll hold me close with twinkle lights sparkling through the darkness. We’ll waltz along the cobblestones, our feet shuffling over the firm foundation.

And it’s exactly how I feel. Firm. Safe. My mind sways back and forth, back and forth, back and…