Change of Harte (Harte, #2) (Harte Series) (18 page)

Chapter 42

Eva couldn’t tell if her eyes were open or not. The darkness was all-consuming. Pain boomeranged around her entire body. Her neck felt like it might snap free from her spine every time she tried to move, and the pressure inside her head felt like her brain was being crush with a vice grips. She slowly raised her hand to her cheek and pressed her fingers against the warm, sticky wetness on her face. Blood. Julian’s blood. She must have smeared it on her cheek by accident.

Her eyes slowly adjusted to the darkness. The moon battled with heavy rain clouds to offer a little light. She was outside the plane. She could feel damp grass under her feet. The pilot was next to her. He was standing and pacing, jumping and crouching. He was moving so strangely. Eva watched him, trying to understand, but her eyes were heavy and closing of their own accord.

The pilot moved around like an eagle circling its prey. Eva looked back at the private jet parked on the runway just behind them. It seemed smaller now, fragile even. The last thirty minutes of the flight were a panicked blur. She couldn’t even remember getting off the plane. But somehow it had all just happened. And now they were on the ground, in some small, private airport somewhere in the middle of nowhere, just waiting.

Reaching Dublin airport meant another twenty minutes in the air. They didn’t have that kind of time. Eva had some vague memory of the pilot telling her they were landing as soon as he saw land. She had no idea where they even were. The west side of Ireland somewhere. She should have asked questions, but she didn’t. She should have asked where they were, at least. And she should have been scared. She should have been, but she wasn’t. She was past all emotion. It was all just horribly surreal. A nightmare. One she couldn’t wake up from, no matter how much she wanted to. 

The pilot doubled back to where Eva crouched on the ground. Julian’s body was stretched out in front of her, lying back against some blankets from the plane. Some more blankets covered his body. The ground temperatures must have been close to freezing, but Eva didn’t even feel the cold go up through her knees. She stroked Julian’s face as his head rested on her lap. The co-pilot was completely unravelling. He was shouting, screaming maybe, but Eva couldn’t hear anything above the incessant ringing in her ears. Her eyes weighed closed and didn’t open again until she heard Julian’s voice.

‘I love you, Eva.’

The words ripped through Eva’s body like an electric shock. It wasn’t what he just said that blew her mind, but more why was he saying it—now of all times. And why did he leave out the rest of her name; he never just called her Eva. She was really scared now. She knew he said it because he was giving up.
No way
. This was not game over.
No fucking way.

Eva held it together as much as she could. She was afraid if she bent forward she would crumble completely, and she didn’t want Julian to see how terrified she was. But she needed to be close to him. Not just because his words were so faint that they were hard to hear, even in the stillness of the open night. She just needed to feel him near her. She needed him in her space, their space, no space between them.

‘I love you.’ Julian licked his lips and the air at the back of his throat rattled but never seemed to fully come out. ‘I know I should have told you sooner but I’m a stubborn bastard.’

Christ, even now his beauty took her breath away. She wiped some smeared blood away from his cheek and took his hand in hers. He felt even heavier now, like his arm wasn’t even part of his body anymore. She forced a smile.

‘You don’t have to do this. Not now. I know you love me. I’ve known all along, I think. I love you, too. So much. You saved me. You gave me back everything. You gave me back a life.’ Eva lifted his hand in hers and rubbed it against her face.
Don’t die, please don’t die.

Julian coughed and it shook his whole body. Bright red blood trickled out the corners of his bluish lips. Eva was screaming with panic inside. Her whole body was shaking and tears streamed down her face like a salty river. But she didn’t move, and she didn’t dare let go of his hand.

Pain was written in the tired lines around his eyes. Eva ran the back of her palm against his pale forehead. She felt so damn helpless. She just wanted to take the pain away, but she didn’t know how. She wanted to hold him so desperately, but she was afraid to move him. She wanted him be a part of her like all the times before. She’d taken their intimacy for granted, she should have savoured every moment. She’d been so fucked up by her past, she’d almost let it ruin their future.

‘Where’s the fucking ambulance,’ Eva shouted, breaking away from him for just a second to turn around to the pilot.

‘They said it’s on the way,’ he cried, gasping in huge gulps of air and slurping his words. Her hands were on her head as she paced the grass pavement hysterically.

‘It needs to be here now. Now, for fuck’s sake,’ Eva shouted. She was starting to lose it.

She turned back to Julian and cradled his upper body in her arms. He was going to die; she knew it. He would die here in some field that smelled like cow shit. He would die here in her arms, and it would be all her fault. If she hadn’t been so weak all those years ago—if she hadn’t run away—none of this would have happened. She wouldn’t have torn her family apart and Julian would never have had to save her. He would never have had to sacrifice himself. She needed to be strong more than ever now. She needed to be strong for him. And she would be.

‘Eva,’ Julian called.

Eva couldn’t hold in the wail of pure terror the bubbled from the bit of her stomach and burst out of her loudly. Eva. He called her Eva again.
No, no. None of this saying goodbye shit.

‘That’s Miss Andrews to you, sir,’ she said.

Julian smiled, but Eva almost missed it, she was distracted by the icy white creeping across his lips.

‘Let’s make that just Eva. My Eva.’

Eva watched as Julian closed his eyes, and without noticing, she held her breath until he opened them again.

‘But this isn’t you. You don’t do love. You don’t do relationships. You told me.’

‘I was bullshitting. I’ve been in love with you since the day you walked into my office. It’s just taken a stab wound to get me to admit it.’

‘Oh God, Julian. Your timing really sucks,’ Eva tried to joke but laughs just couldn’t pass through her tears.

‘Be mine, Eva.’

‘I love you. I love you so much.’ Eva was rushing her words, like if she took too long to say them she mightn’t get them all out before…before…

‘I’m not asking because I’m dying.’ Julian coughed again and Eva leaned closer to hear. A crowd had gathered around them now. Staff from the airport terminal and residents from the scattered houses nearby, but to Eva there was no one else there except for the two of them.

‘It’s you. It’s always been you. No one else ever came close. You make me a better man.’

Eva swallowed hard and pushed the words past her lips. She’d never said anything with such certainty in her life. ‘You are the best man I know, Julian Harte, and I love you more than I ever thought it was possible to love anyone. We make each other better, don’t we? I need you. You have to fight this, Julian. I know you can. Please. Please. Fight.’

‘It’s here. The ambulance is here,’ the pilot shouted as blue flashing lights shone through the trees.

Chapter 43

Eva looked at her wrists. One of the nurses had insisted on bandaging her broken skin. She’d also given Eva a pair of blue-green scrubs that were only a little too big. Eva was reluctant to part with Julian’s shirt, but she imagined it would be needed as evidence or something, even though she didn’t want to ask. The friendly nurse even took off her own navy cardigan and offered it to Eva, too. Eva slipped her arms through the navy cotton sleeves and overlapped the front, pulling it tight across her chest, shaking her head as she remembered the old habit that seemed a lifetime ago now. She took the cardigan back off and handed it back to the nurse. ‘It’s okay. I don’t need these anymore.’

Of course, the nurse didn’t understand the metaphor. But that was okay, Eva decided. ‘Can I see him now?’

‘They’re still working on him,’ the nurse said as if she were speaking to a small child. Eva liked her, but she knew she was thinning down any information she passed on. 

‘I’ll let you know as soon as he’s out of surgery and they have him stable. Why don’t you get a coffee or something? The canteen is just down those stairs.’ The nurse pointed behind them. ‘Try not to worry, love. He’s in good hands.’

The nurse smiled and walked away, leaving Eva alone in a long, silent corridor with dull, light blue walls and cold grey tiles on the floor. Eva slouched back into a wall-mounted bench behind her, more falling onto the ripped-in-places padding than sitting on it. Her elbows rested on her knees and she dropped her face into her hands.
How in the hell did this happen? How, how, how?

Eva looked up when she heard a familiar voice call her name. Shelly was smiling, but the skin around her eyes and cheeks were blotchy and red and Eva knew right away that she’d been crying.

‘Oh, Shell,’ Eva said, standing up and hugging her friend so tight that she thought both their spines might snap. ‘I’m so glad to see you. I can’t believe this. I just can’t.’

‘What have they said?’ Shelly asked as they both sat down.

‘Nothing. They won’t tell me anything. The most I’ve gotten out of them is the advice to grab a coffee.’

‘That’s crazy. Don’t they have to keep you informed? Where is he now?’

‘In surgery. I’m not even sure what in the hell they’re doing. I’m not next of kin so they won’t tell me anything. I told them I was his girlfriend, but I’m not sure they believed me.’

‘His what?’ Shelly shrieked.

Eva nodded.

‘Oh Eva, no! He didn’t actually ask you to be with him, did he? You can’t. I mean, c’mon. It’s ridiculous. You know that.’

‘Shell, that’s harsh. Look, I know you think Julian isn’t the kind of guy you get into a relationship with. I used to think that, too. But he’s changed.’

Shelly shook her head.

‘Shell, trust me. He has changed.’

‘People don’t change, Eva.

‘I have. Look, I thought Julian wasn’t the kind of guy to ever get hurt, either, but look where we are now. People
do
change!’

Eva and Shelly stood up in unison as a pretty female surgeon in full theatre scrubs walked toward them. Eva didn’t like the worried expression on the surgeon’s face. She wanted to close her eyes and just not see it.

‘Mr. Harte is very critical. He’s lost a lot of blood. We really needed to get to him much sooner,’ the surgeon said.

Eva’s heart hurt. The surgeon was blaming her; she knew it. And she was right. Julian hid Mickey’s goodbye present from Eva because he wanted to save her. He just wanted to take her back to Ireland. She wished so hard that she’d noticed something sooner. She had known Mickey embracing Julian before they left the club was weird. But she’d been too busy running away like she always did that she didn’t stop to notice what was really happening. But she was done running now. If she was too late to save him, she’d never forgive herself.

‘Is he going to die?’ Shelly asked.

Eva wished she hadn’t voiced the question. She didn’t want to hear the answer.

‘We’re doing our best,’ the surgeon said. ‘Is there someone we need to call? In case,’ she added softly.

Eva shook her head. ‘No one, there’s no one. Unless Mrs. Cartwright. Anne Cartwright. But she’s his housekeeper, but they’re not actually related.’

The surgeon shook her head. ‘I meant family, sorry.’

Shelly put her hands on her head and spun around—she was almost hysterical. ‘Eva, I’m so sorry.’ Shelly looked from the doctor to Eva and then back to the doctor. ‘His next of kin, you can call her. Mia Sutton. I have her number. She’s in Dublin, but she needs to know. She could be here in less than two hours.’

No, no. God no. Anybody but Mia.

Eva had heard people talk about out-of-body experiences. It always sounded so stupid, so utterly implausible, but now, standing in stillness of a narrow corridor, it was the only way to describe how she was feeling. She watched as Shelly fidgeted with her phone and the doctor scribbled a telephone number onto some card she’d pulled from her pocket. Mia’s number. Mia, FUCKING Mia. Julian’s original it girl and still his number one, apparently.
Oh, sweet Jesus.

The doctor left, her haste never faltering.

Shelly turned and placed both her hands on Eva’s shoulders. Shelly was heavy, like the weight of the world was resting in her arms. Eva didn’t shake her off, she would have if she were thinking straight, but she was barely capable of thinking at all.

‘I don’t understand, Shell. Why her? I was really starting to believe he loved me. He just asked me to be with him, for God’s sake. How could he do that if Mia were still so important in his life?’

‘Maybe you picked him up wrong. You were traumatised, you both were.’

‘No. It was special. I mean, it really was. I know him. He really meant it.’ Eva closed her eyes, trying to keep her trembling under control. It was so hard to remember their conversation in the field now. So many other thoughts were battling for space in her head.

‘He actually said, Eva will you be my girlfriend?’

‘Well, yeah. Not those exact words, obviously, we’re not fourteen. But maybe he only said it because he thought he’d die, and he knew they were the best words I could ever hear.’

‘Maybe, Eva. But Julian doesn’t do messy. And relationships are messy.’

‘He was in a lot of pain, Shell, and losing so much blood, but he knew what he was saying. He really meant it, and I really meant it when I said yes.’

Eva’s head was reeling, but she instinctively defended him. If she’d gone with her gut back in New York and not listened to gossip from her friends, Julian wouldn’t even be in this mess.

‘Oh, God. This is so messed up. I thought you were finally starting to figure him out and now this. Fucking this! What kind of man wants a girlfriend when he has a list of conquests longer than Santa’s naughty list and he can’t keep in dick in the same girl for more than five minutes.’ Shelly tightened her grip on Eva’s shoulders. ‘This wasn’t how you were supposed to find out. I wasn’t supposed to be the one to tell you.’

‘God, I hate this. I hate that that bitch is always lurking in the background. I hate that she’s the person he wants to be contacted when the shit hits the fan. I just hate her.’
But I love him.

Eva didn’t have an emergency contact. It had never occurred to her that she might ever need one. She doubted it was something most people ever really thought about. But Julian had thought about it. And he’d decided that the person he could trust most in the world was Mia.
God, that hurt
.

How the hell did you find out, Shell? Can’t imagine it’s something Julian would talk about. Good morning, guess who my next of kin is,’ Eva said in a deep weird voice.

‘I’ve always suspected she meant something to him, to be honest. I knew Julian had some sort of soft spot for her. She could get away with murder in the office and he’d turn a blind eye. I knew there had to be something going on.’

Something going on? No. Just no
. Eva could handle her own suspicions, but if Shelly started to conquer, that was so much more than she could handle. ‘But really what even is it? Just Mia’s name scribbled on a piece of paper, just in case. She’s his just-in-case girl? It doesn’t actually mean anything, right?’

Shelly pulled a face liked she’d just smelled sour milk. ‘It doesn’t necessarily mean anything. But they are close, Eva. She’s in his office every second day. Especially since you left.’

Eva’s body stiffened as if Shelly had just punched her in the stomach. ‘Oh, God. I’m such an idiot.’

‘No. No, you’re not. I only know because I went through Mia’s file in HR. Julian never told me. He doesn’t tell anybody anything. You know that.’

He tells me things
, Eva wanted to say, but for some reason she didn’t. They were Julian’s secrets. Maybe Mia knew them, too, maybe she didn’t. It didn’t even matter. Eva had to keep them. She loved him too much to not.

‘They have a special bond, I guess. She was his sister,’ Shelly said.

Eva’s body was swaying back and forth, a strange rocking motion that she was barely aware of, edging so close to losing it. Shelly words just tipped her over the edge.

‘He’s been with his sister. Oh, that’s too fucked up. Even for Julian.’

‘Oh, fuck no, Eva. Come back, come back. Your mind’s wandered way too far. Not his real sister. Jesus, no. He’s a liar not a fucking sicko. One of the girls from his orphanage. They were kids together. They’re friends. Probably Julian’s only real friend.’

His friend.
Eva knew she should sigh with relief for that tiny bit of mercy, but her head was spinning too much. Of course, not his real sister.
God
. She knew that. He’d lost his baby sister in the fire. She knew because he’d finally let her in. She thought she knew everything and now this. Julian had so many layers. Maybe she was still only scratching the surface.

‘But…but, the ball. Wasn’t Mia the girl he chose for a year? They were together for a year and then what? They just went back to being besties? No friend would agree to those terms. No matter how shit hot he is. I don’t understand.’

‘Mia owed him. He gave her a home, money, a good job.’

Shelly’s words smacked with familiarity. It was everything Julian had done for Eva. Vomit swelled at the back of Eva’s throat.

‘In return, he needed her help.’

‘Yeah, right,’ Eva spat. ‘Julian Harte doesn’t need anyone’s help with anything—ever.’

Shelly dropped her head. ‘I’m pretty sure he has a team of surgeons in there right now helping him, Eva.’

‘Well, he saved me, and by the sound of it, he saved Mia, too. It’s his turn to be saved now.’

‘Okay.’

‘Okay! It’s his game, his rules. It always has been.’

‘Okay, if that’s how you want to see it,’ Shelly said.

‘It’s not
how I want to see it
, Shell. It’s how it is.’

‘And what if it’s not? What if that’s not how it is at all? Don’t you want to know?’

Eva tossed her head from side to side and looked at the doors at the end of the corridor. The doors that Julian was behind, fighting for his life.

‘Eva. Do you want to know?’

‘Know what, Shell? That Julian and Mia are close. That she matters to him. He cares about her. She cares about him. Okay. FINE. It’s all fine! Because he loves me.’

‘I meant, don’t you want to know why he plays, Eva.’

Eva’s face soured. ‘No.’