Chance of the Heart (7 page)

Chance was utterly relaxed. There was something about Bradley’s presence… and his kisses and their sex that was like a balm on Chance’s nerves. He was too blissed out to freak right now. He grabbed two beers from the fridge and made his way back to the living room where Bradley had set himself back to rights and was looking around awkwardly.

“You okay?”

Bradley considered him in that unaffected way that Chance remembered well. He supposed he couldn’t blame the guy. He uncapped a beer and held it out to Bradley. “Stella okay?”

Bradley took the proffered bottle and cast an amused expression Chance’s way. Chance was glad to see the cocky son of a bitch was back. That emotionless shit sucked, especially right after Chance did…
that
for him. He knew he sounded like a girl, but no one had to know but him, right?

“You drink fancy beer, princess,” Bradley drawled, teasing. He was just glad Bradley hadn’t asked if
he
was okay. Because he wasn’t sure if he was. He was too sex-blissed to feel much else, and the beer would hopefully keep the panic from rising any time soon. Sex with Chance always took him to some weird place in his head where he was just floating, carefree. Right now he wanted that to last as long as he could manage.

Chance’s lips ticked up into a grin. He could do normal conversation. They’d been friends once. Neutral was the best way to go. “A boy’s got to spoil himself somewhere. Boots and beer is where all my extra goes.” He nudged his head in the direction of the shoe rack beside his front door.

Bradley whistled when he noticed the collection of boots lined up. “Wow, you’re not kidding.” He turned his widened eyes back toward Chance. “You must have thirty pair.”

Chance opened his beer and took a sip. “Thirty-four to be exact. It started years ago. Those are all pretty new. The ones from when I was a kid are down at my folks’ place. My grandfather used to take me and my brother every spring for new boots, a new belt, and a new hat. I guess I just fell in love with ‘em.” He snorted. “But I definitely buy a new pair more than once a year. I’m partial to snake skin.”
Why are you rambling?

Bradley was smiling as he sipped his beer. He’d obviously realized Chance was a spaz. “And this is why I don’t talk much. I tend to get carried away. My grandma used to say people were fooled by my quiet act. I got a lot to say if I know you well enough to talk to you. So when I do start talking it’s like you pulled the chain on a lawn mower. I just go and go…” He felt himself flush at Bradley’s bemused smirk. “And it’s worse when I’m nervous,” he mumbled. Damn fool mouth wouldn’t stop.

“Oh, hey,” he said. “Have a seat!” He didn’t know why he wanted Bradley to stay. He should be pushing him out the door. This should not have happened.

But the relief that flashed in Bradley’s eyes made it impossible for him to regret his decision to get him to stay. Especially since Chance was fairly certain Bradley hadn’t meant for him to realize he was happy to be asked to stay. Chance may not be the brightest bulb but he was usually observant enough to notice other people’s ticks.

Chance took a seat next to Bradley on the couch. “So you’re back, huh?” He’d had all afternoon to figure out how he felt about that. He’d meant it when he said he wanted to still be friends with Bradley. He’d obviously underestimated just how good friends he’d wanted to be or how hard it’d be to keep their hands off each other. Once he’d recovered from the shock of seeing Bradley earlier that day, sat on it a few hours, he’d wished he’d stuck around and welcomed Bradley home. But this was why that would’ve been a bad idea. They’d been around each other five minutes and he’d officially given his first blowjob.

“Yeah. I wasn’t sure how you felt about that, the way you disappeared,” Bradley said.

“Oh yeah, sorry about that. It did surprise me. Your sister didn’t say anything. Then again why should she? Not like she knew. ” Chance grimaced because he realized she probably did now. She didn’t look fooled.
God help me.

“I should have gotten in touch with you. I’ve been back since Friday. That day I met you I’d gotten laid off and had some problems with my ex.” Bradley rolled his eyes and took a pull of his beer. “That’s why I came on kind of strong.” He gave Chance a sorrowful look. “I was hoping I’d see you again so I could apologize. Your first time… It shouldn’t have been that. I’m too toppy for virgins, so I don’t usually… ”

Chance shook his head. “Don’t do that. It was perfect. Confusing as hell, but perfect.” Confusing. Uncertain. Fucked up. But perfect. He still remembered the feeling of Bradley behind him, inside him, all around him. He didn’t have to do more than give over his body, and he was taken care of. He’d never known it’d be like that, and that it was Bradley… He’d come to grips with the fact that he’d never be able to regret that night. “I’ll never be sorry for that night. Which is something I don’t know what to do with. I mean, I’ve had sex with my girlfriend. It’s not horrible. I care about her.”

Bradley looked almost jealous at the statement. Chance was a bastard for feeling a little special. He also felt like a jerk. “I hope I wasn’t leading you on…” Because he didn’t want to hurt Bradley. That’s the last thing he wanted.

“I know how a one-off works, Chance. Don’t worry,” Bradley said, almost blasé. But he seemed to grip his beer bottle a little tighter. Maybe this was a bad idea. “So… is that girlfriend present or past tense?”

Wasn’t that the million dollar question. “We’re on a… break.” That was the long and short of it.

“And you’ve only been with…”

“Can we not talk about this?” Chance snapped. He didn’t want to run Bradley off, but shit. He also didn’t want to discuss this mess.

“Sorry. It’s just that you seem a bit… out of your depth.”

He looked incredulously at Bradley who seemed to find his exasperation amusing. “You think? My brain is so worn out going in circles over all this shit.”

“You know, enjoying sex with a man doesn’t make you gay, per se. You could be bisexual. Or demi or pan.”

Huh. “I have no idea what the others are... but...” He had to admit the bisexual thing would make sense. He may not have ever been as actively interested in another guy as much as he had Bradley, but that could be hero worship. Because he had noticed other guys,  but none of them made his gut clench, his cock hard like Bradley.
Does Caitlin?

He stopped that train of thought right there. “That could make sense. I guess that’s why people set up these foolish break things. Figuring shit out.” He didn’t know why he was stating the obvious.

Bradley pinned Chance with his gaze. “You’ve certainly taken advantage of it quite a few times for someone who calls it foolish.” Chance felt his face flush. Bradley had him there. “Plus, it’s not all bad. You found out something about yourself that could help you know yourself better. It’s always good to be honest with yourself and learn new things, right? Wouldn’t want to get married and have the urges creep up on you in twenty years, right?”

“Right.” Chance hadn’t really thought of that. He’d never really cared one way or the other enough about sex to chase after it like some men did. Like David did in high school. He was afraid Bradley had awakened a monster, though. It’s like his dick had decided after twenty-three years that
now
it wanted to party. But it didn’t wanna party with just anyone. It wanted to party with Bradley. And he felt disloyal to Caitlin for not feeling disloyal, because he’d never
burned
like this for anyone else and he didn’t know what to do about that. He
couldn’t
be out and proud like Bradley, even if he wasn’t with Caitlin. But he did care about Caitlin and they were good together.

“Chance, bi men marry women all the time. You don’t have to come out. You could tell her, in the spirit of full disclosure.”

“I’d probably do that, though I’d not exactly share how I came about this personal revelation.”

“Ah, but you don’t have to. Isn’t that what the whole concept of this thing was? No questions, no guilt.”

Chance shrugged and finished off his beer. Shouldn’t he feel guilty, regardless of sleeping with a man or a woman? Not that he was cheating, and hell, the fact she’d brought it up in the first place had Chance near convinced Caitlin had someone she wanted to try on for size herself.
Sow some wild oats, they said.
They just didn’t realize he’s the one who’d been… sown. He snorted to himself which earned him a sideways look from Bradley.

“Sorry. Had a weird crop planting metaphor going in my head with oats being sown. Oats being your…” He paused. “Never mind.”

Bradley guffawed, which caused an uncontrollable grin from Chance. He looked so much younger when he laughed. Or at least more like the twenty-five year old he was. The man was damned good looking, Chance obviously had to admit that, and Bradley carried himself like the confident professional he was. But the weight of stress on his shoulders and a sad look in his eyes always made him seem older than he was. Chance wondered if that was over the situation with Reverend Heart.

“How are things with your dad?”

Bradley’s smile dimmed. “I was just about to say that I liked how you’d gotten comfortable enough around me to talk. But now…”

Chance blanched. “Oh, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean…”

“No, no.” Bradley gave him a reassuring pat on the knee. “But that question deserves another beer if you got one.” Chance went for another beer and realized he’d not ever been this comfortable with someone. After sex he was usually first in the shower and wanted out of the room they’d just done it in. Who wanted cuddles? Not Chance. But it didn’t seem that’s what Bradley wanted. They’d just shared blowjobs and were shootin’ the shit. Guys did that right? He sighed inwardly calling himself a fool.

He sat and handed Bradley a beer and opened the new one he’d gotten for himself.

“Thanks,” Bradley said, taking a pull. “My dad is complicated. In his job, he’s been so anti-gay, it’s not like I was surprised he was an ass about it. But it still sucked. It was more my choice to stay away than him sending me away, though. He’s just so cold.” Chance never wanted to know what that felt like. Yeah, his newfound bisexuality or whatever was not gonna see the light of day if he had anything to say about it.

“Do you two get on?” Chance didn’t know why he asked. It seemed to be hurting Bradley. “I’m being too personal…”

“No. It’s okay. I actually haven’t seen him since I got back and I’ve been back four days now. That’s our relationship: distant, cold. He’s an ass, but he’s not verbally abusive or anything. Just… absent.”

Chance grunted. “Sounds abusive to me.”

“Anyway. How’re your folks?”

“Oh, they’re good. They sold out a third of our Quarter Horse stock and started studding out some of our champions a couple-a years ago. Revenue went up two-fold so this place got a face lift.”

“I saw the new barn. The house looks good too. They did a good job with this place,” Bradley said, waving his beer to indicate Chance’s loft.

“Oh, no, I did this myself. They didn’t get what I was trying to say so I just figured I’d handle it. Me and David did most of the labor.”

“Damn. You just get more and more impressive. You drink good beer, you wear the hell out of a Stetson, you know your way around the kitchen
and
you do remodeling.” Bradley’s gaze was lecherous and for once, Chance just enjoyed being flirted with. It felt nice, this easy camaraderie. It didn’t have to mean anything. They both knew the score. And who
wouldn’t
want Bradley as a friend. He was a helluva guy.