Challenging Andie (16 page)

With a swift exhalation of breath, Ryan snapped his attention back to the laptop. When she’d given in to the overwhelming flood of grief earlier, he felt the undertow’s tug too. He was a war correspondent. Surrounded by grief and pain every day on the frontline of human misery. He’d always been able to coat himself with a thick veneer of dispassion. There was no way of doing the job without being detached. Otherwise you’d be a complete basket case.

Ryan ran a hand over her forehead, rubbing the ache that bloomed at his temples. The turmoil that bled out only in his tortured dreams had managed to seep through into his everyday reality. While they’d been talking, he’d felt the full force of the pain of his mother’s death pound into him, and hadn’t been able to stop it.

And Brianne… He clenched his eyes tight shut. His little sister had never asked for help. Had never told him in words that she wanted more than his detached big brother routine. She’d never complained when he jetted in to the country and met her for a brief lunch, before retreating alone to his apartment. Her face always lit with pleasure at seeing him, and the light faded every time that he made his excuses and left.

She deserved more. It was becoming evident that there was no way he could live his life without opening his heart to his sister, and exorcising at least one of his demons. Maybe Andie was right. Maybe it was time to retreat from the shadows, and step onto the frontline. He fished the cell from his pocket and called Brianne.

“Ry?” Surprise, mixed with something like delight colored Brianne’s tone. “I was just thinking about you. How are things going?”

Ryan swiveled 45 degrees to gaze out of the window.

Andie’d flipped onto her side, the curve of her hip pointing skyward and her hand holding the book as she read.

“Things are good, Bri.”

“Is Andie still with you?”

He swallowed. The hours were ticking down to the moment this snatched oasis of time would be over. For now… “Yes, she’s lying out in the garden, enjoying the sunshine.”

“Oh.” Interest spiked in her voice. “She looks pretty in the pictures I’ve seen.”

“She is.”

“Is something going on between you two?”

Andie sat up and smoothed sun-cream over her long legs.

“Yeah, something’s going on.” His voice sounded curt. He pushed his hair back, and tried for more. “I like her a lot, Brianne, she’s a good person. You’d like her too.” He rubbed a hand over the back of his neck. “That’s why I’m calling. Can you come down and spend a few days?”

Ryan held his breath, waiting for his little sister’s answer.

“We’re really busy—Carl has me working on a big show at the gallery. Hang on.” He heard the sound of the phone being dropped onto the desk, and Brianne’s muted voice in the background. After a couple of minutes, she spoke again, “Ry?”

“Still here.”

“I’ve got some time off, how about I come down on Friday and spend the weekend?”

Ryan did a bit of mental calendar counting. The fundraiser would be over. He’d be getting ready to go to Bekostan, but that wouldn’t be until after the weekend. “That sounds great.”

Brianne’s voice lowered to a husky whisper. “It means a lot to me, Ry, that you remembered.”

As he cut off the call, Ryan felt his heart clench. In two brief days, he’d see his sister.
What was it he was supposed to have remembered?

Chapter Ten

The following day, Andie sat at the table in the back garden in her filmy nightie, across the table from a shirtless Ryan.

He munched on toast while she eyed him over the top of her coffee cup. She’d always thought the phrase ‘eye-candy’ a ridiculous one, but as her gaze lingered over his wide shoulders, and wandered over his washboard stomach, it seemed completely apt.

“We’ll have to go shopping today if the fundraiser is on Monday.” The thought of the party mere days away filled her with trepidation. People attending knew her mother. Better than she had. Would they even know that their friend and ally had a daughter? Would they be disappointed to learn that she knew so little about them—about their situation? “You’ll need to fill me in about the camp and the people involved in it.”

“Your mother did quite a few interviews with them.”

The DVDs.
Why hadn’t she thought of that? She could watch them tonight or tomorrow and bring herself up to speed. No one would know that she hadn’t watched them at the time.

Ryan reached for his coffee, the muscles in his arm flexing.

“If you keep looking at me like that we won’t get anything done.”

Andie felt a flush bloom. She couldn’t drag her eyes away. “It’s your fault for not wearing anything.”

“You’re just as bad.” His appreciative gaze lingered over the top of her nightie.

Andie shifted on the chair as her body reacted to his gaze as if stroked.

Ryan grinned. “I think we should go into London. You can buy something to wear. I should call into the station, touch base with Ben.”

“I’ll see if I can get an appointment with the doctor I cancelled last week.” It was short notice, but worth a try anyway. If Dr. Stern wasn’t available at least she could make another appointment. She scratched her arm. The urge to blow off the whole thing was strong, but she breathed in deep and strengthened her resolve. Arachnophobia was on her list for a reason, and she was determined to free herself from its paralyzing effects.

Ryan eyed her carefully. “Is your health okay?”

Health
? Andie shook her head. “Dr. Stern isn’t that sort of doctor. He’s a specialist in...um…disorders.” She really didn’t want to get into it. To talk as if her list of fears was anything worth mentioning. Especially when she considered the sort of traumas that Ryan had faced.

Ryan captured her hand under his. “Disorders?” His focused gaze let Andie know she wasn’t getting away so lightly.

She swallowed. “He deals with phobias, post-traumatic stress, that sort of thing.”

A strange light flickered in Ryan’s eyes. He pulled back. Glanced away. “I don’t see how talking to someone can help with that.” He folded his arms. “A lot of these guys are quacks, Andie. You’d be wasting your money.” He shot her a quick glance. “It’s natural that you should feel shock. Your mother’s death…”

“It’s not about my mother.” She’d dealt with death before. Had worked through pain and loss when her grandmother died, and knew that there was no avoiding the grief and upset that it caused. Her local GP had tried to prescribe sleeping pills and tranquilizers after her mother’s death, and she’d felt strong enough to refuse them, knowing that all they would do for her was stretch out the period of mourning, give a brief respite from the bone-numbing exhaustion. “I made the appointment to try and deal with my fear of spiders.”

Saying it out loud, she felt stupid. There weren’t poisonous spiders in England, and her reaction to them wasn’t in any way logical, but her fear wasn’t something she could force down or deal with on her own. She’d carefully researched Dr. Stern, and when a friend had been to him and overcome her fear of water, that was the clincher.

“Spiders,” Ryan’s expression lightened. “Ah.”

“It’s on my list.” The list that was steadily shrinking. So far she’d ticked off three of the items on it.
Riding a rollercoaster, flying, having a wild affair with a hot man… There was no way she was admitting that last one.
Ryan had played a starring part in all three. Now, teetering on the cusp of change, she felt resolute and strong.

The things that had mattered when she’d first met Ryan didn’t seem to matter much anymore. Somewhere along the way, her relationship with Emily had changed too. She understood more about what drove her mother now. The resentment that had bubbled through her as a remnant of her childhood was altering with every letter that she read, and would probably change more when she finally watched the DVDs.

The fog of the future was beginning to clear. Maybe Ryan wouldn’t be in it, but life would continue, and with any luck, she’d enjoy it.

She stood. “I’ll go give him a call and get dressed.”

*****

Ryan sat at the table and finished his coffee. He’d give her time to dress, make a call to Ben, and then get dressed too. The teasing mood of the morning had evaporated the moment she’d mentioned PTSD. For one, cold moment, he’d thought she was talking about him, after all, many correspondents facing the horrors of war had been diagnosed with the condition, and seen their careers come to an untimely end as a result.

The nightmares and the night sweats that accompanied them were symptoms he hadn’t shared with anyone. There was no way that he was letting some counselor talk him back through some of the traumas he’d experienced. He’d only reached out to make contact with Brianne because of Andie’s urging—he wasn’t into combing out the tangled strands of memories in his mind to ‘make it all better’. If there was a pill he could take which would wipe the slate clean, he wouldn’t take it. Life experiences formed the person. Take them away, and the inner core, the thing that made him
him
, would deteriorate. No, all he needed to do was to reconnect with his sister, then retreat back into a world where he called the shots. Showed the world the truth through his eyes.

Andie had her damned list of challenges—he had a life to live.

As they had avoided rush hour, the drive to London that afternoon was fast and easy. Andie hummed along with the radio, and despite the fact that she couldn’t carry a tune if her life depended on it, Ryan found the sound strangely comforting. The sky was grey, threatening rain. He cracked his window open, breathed in air chilled with the sudden change in the weather, and braked to slow the car down in the building traffic.

“I should have everything done by about five.” Andie’s blue eyes sparkled with excitement.

Ryan glanced at his watch. She’d managed to snare a cancellation with Stern, and he was dropping her there on the way to the TV station. They’d have four hours before meeting up again, plenty of time to pick up something formal to wear. “Okay, I’ll call you and arrange a place to pick you up.” He pulled up outside the Harley Street address she’d provided.

She leaned over, and brushed her mouth over his. “See you later.” Her soft breath puffed against his mouth. He breathed in the scent of lemons, and reached to tuck a strand of long blonde hair behind her ear. His hand lingered at her neck, fingers curling around her nape to hold her in place as he intensified the kiss.

They were both breathing fast by the time she pulled away. “I’ve got to go.”

He watched each step as she walked away, until a honk from a car forced his attention back to reality, and he eased the powerful car back into the traffic. He’d booked a table at Oscars, a local Italian restaurant that Bri had recommended for seven o’clock—they’d make it with time to spare.

Later that evening, Ryan pulled open the door into Oscars, and stood back to allow Andie to enter. His hand rested on the small of her back as they walked in, and, after giving his name to the hostess, they were quickly shown to a secluded table in the corner of the room.