Chalk Butterfly: Part One (First Time Erotic Romance) (13 page)

Alexander didn’t reply, just leaned into
Daniel’s side, his eyes on the floor. “You don’t understand,” he
finally said. He shifted away from Daniel.

Daniel frowned, allowing Alexander his
space. “Then help me to.”

“Sometimes I can’t even write,” Alexander
said. “I mean, I’m not stupid, I know how. I physically can’t. Not
without hurting myself.”

“But it--”

“I can’t open a bottle of milk,” he
whispered. “The slightest friction irritates my skin. I get
blisters. I can’t run or even walk all the way to work on a nice
day. I spend hours everyday wrapping my hands and feet, and it
hurts. It hurts so much but I have to do it. I have to or I’ll have
more blisters to deal with.”

Daniel remained silent for a moment,
listening to Alexander’s ragged breathing, before he slid closer.
“I’m sorry,” he said, unsure of what else he could offer.

Alexander sighed. “No, I am.” He stood
awkwardly, wincing as he braced himself against the mattress. “I
don’t think I have anything for you, Daniel.”

Daniel watched Alexander take two steps
toward the door before he was standing as well. “I don’t want
anything from you that you can’t give me,” Daniel said. He was
surprised to find his own voice filled with emotion. “You can talk
to me, right? I want that. I want anything, no matter how
small.”

Alexander turned, tears in his eyes again.
“Why?”

“Because on the subway you were the only one
wearing red,” Daniel said simply. Alexander’s eyebrow quirked up.
“And because you hid your friends in the bathroom, and your cat
hates me, and because, because I bet you’re the worst public
speaker in the history of public speaking.”

“I’m a story teller,” Alexander said
quietly.

“A what?”

“I work at a library. I read stories to the
children.”

Daniel took a few moments to digest the
information and then said, “Because you’re the worst public speaker
in the history of public speaking, yet by occupation that is what
you do. That makes your brave.”

“No,” Alexander said softly. “I’m not
brave.”

“I’ve known you for a grand total of three
days and I can see that you are,” Daniel replied. “You’re here and
you’re telling me all of this, and it seems difficult for you, but
you’re still telling me. Are you in pain? I think you are, and
you’re apologizing to me. Alexander.”

“I’m very weak.” Alexander’s voice cracked.
“You think I’m strong for… for coping with EB? I have to, it has
nothing to do with wanting, it’s a need. I’m in pain, yes, but not
near as much as others. EB is deadly for some. I have the mildest
form of the disease, and I should be thankful. I’m no hero. I’ve
had friends die, people who have the disease inside them. I’ve been
to camps, seen people with it in their mouths and throats, and they
can’t eat. I’m lucky, so lucky… but I can’t see that. I feel sorry
for myself and… and, at least I can wake up every morning and know
I only have to wrap my hands, or my feet. And if I’m careful I
won’t even have to wrap anymore.”

Alexander paused and found Daniel’s serious
eyes on him.

“At least I don’t have to wake up and wrap
my entire body. I can have my own life. I don’t need that much
help, but when I do… it crushes me. I’ve lived in New York for four
years and I’ve never needed as much help as I do now.” Alexander’s
body shook, his hands cradling his elbows. “People in the subway
know, they know enough to stay away from me. Maybe they think
they’re helping, maybe they’re afraid. You sat down right next to
me and I felt afraid.”

“That isn’t weakness,” Daniel said
resolutely. “None of that.”

“You don’t understand,” Alexander replied
slowly. “This is my life, this grief.” Immense sadness filled
Alexander’s eyes and he held up his hands once again. “My skin is
as delicate as butterfly wings. They call us butterfly children,
how easily we are rendered flightless.”

Something desperate tugged at Daniel’s
heart. “I can be very careful,” Daniel said, stepping just an inch
closer. Alexander eased back on his heel but didn’t flee. Daniel’s
hands fell to Alexander’s wrists, just holding. “With
everything.”

A strange thrill trilled up Alexander’s
spine and he leaned forward into the shiver. He was angry and
excited, a very strange mixture of emotions.

“I don’t need another mum, Daniel,”
Alexander whispered.

Daniel’s face lit up with a toothy smile.
“It wouldn’t be that way.”

There was that shiver again.

“I have everything I need in my life right
now,” Alexander lied, his voice even and his eyes dry but still
wide.

“What about the things you want?”

“I want to wake up one morning and not see
my hands red and blistered,” Alexander replied somewhat icily.
“Then I will think of luxuries.”

Daniel frowned, his grasp on Alexander’s
wrist tightening. “I want to help,” was all he could say in
reply.

Alexander sighed heavily, finally pulling
his hands back from Daniel. “You don’t even know me…”

“I feel like I do,” Daniel said. “I want to
know more.”

“Why?” Alexander asked, refusing to meet
Daniel’s gaze.

Daniel smiled, certain the Alexander was
completely unaware of himself, of how darling he could be. “I am so
endeared to you.”

“That isn’t a good reason,” Alexander
said.

“You never asked for a good one,” Daniel
shot back, smiling a bit. “But if you had, I would have told you
this; you know those paintings in the living room?”

Alexander nodded. He could remember the
rough feel of them on his hands.

“They’re mine, I painted them,” Daniel said.
“Years and years ago. I went to art school, always thought I’d be a
painter. It’s interesting where we end up, and how unhappily
successful we can be.”

Alexander’s eyes met Daniel’s.

“I don’t want to paint again, but I think I
want to look at them now.”

Confused, Alexander bit at his lip. “I don’t
understand…”

“Would you like to see them?”

“I… suppose,” Alexander replied uneasily.
Daniel smiled and nodded toward the door. Alexander left his
sweater on the bed, berating himself inwardly as he did so. He’d
have to go back in there again, spend more time debating his
decisions.

He needed to leave. But first he’d have just
a quick look.

Alexander was led into the spacious living
room, and Daniel quickly flicked a few lamps on. The area was clean
with an underlying clutter. On a shelf, books and movies were
mixed, turned upside down and in a messy order. Alexander paid
close attention to the dust atop the items, though the shelves were
spotless. Under Daniel’s couch a piece of paper stuck out, and
Alexander could easily imagine a whole mess hiding beneath it.

Outside, Daniel was contained, smooth and
professional.

Inside…

Alexander shivered and turned his eyes to
the paintings. They were not ugly, he couldn’t say that now. The
composition was anything but composed; there was nothing he could
hold in the paintings, nothing real.

Alexander liked that, his hands clasping
together.

And the colors, the colors are what saved
the paintings from their ugliness. They were bright, and dark and
somewhere in the middle.

“What do you think?” Daniel asked, the
corner of his thumb between his teeth.

Alexander shrugged, but murmured, “They’re a
mess.”

“Good,” Daniel replied. “Are you still
hungry?”

“Daniel, I think--”

“Because I could make something. Well, we
could order out, I don’t really have any food in the house, well,
anything edible.”

Alexander eyes dropped and he shifted his
feet. “Daniel--”

“I think I know that tone well enough that I
really don’t need to actually hear what you say next,” Daniel
said.

“I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s late. It’s been a rough night,
and… can I see you again?”

“I’m not sure,” Alexander replied
truthfully. He did want to see Daniel again, but he wasn’t sure if
his heart could handle it.

“It wouldn’t have to be anything serious,”
Daniel said quickly. “We could have coffee again, or meet up for
lunch. I don’t know why I thought I’d take you to dinner, but I
guess I wasn’t thinking…”

“It’s all right,” Alexander said. “Maybe
coffee.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Daniel smiled and Alexander quirked his lips
up in return.

“I suppose I should take you home.”

To Alexander, that sounded like a wonderful
and terrible idea at the same time.

“Yeah.”

“If you want you can borrow the shirt,”
Daniel said, watching Alexander’s hands curl up under the shirt
cuff.

“Oh, I don’t think so.” Alexander’s cheeks
were flushed again. “I can change quick.”

“Will you be okay?”

“Sure.” Alexander found himself lying once
more. Just the thought of facing the shirt buttons again made sweat
break out across his back.

Daniel seemed to catch on quickly.

“Here,” Daniel said lowly, stepping up as
close as he dared. Heat rose all over Alexander’s body as Daniel’s
fingers found his chest, the hands smoothing out. “Even I have
trouble with these.” Daniel cracked a smile but found his own
breathing ragged. Alexander had a unique scent, light and clean,
and he knew his shirt would smell of it when the younger man took
it off.

How foolish he felt, to be thinking of such
things like a teenager.

Daniel worked the first button open, his
thumb finding the smooth bare skin. Alexander couldn’t help the
delicious shudder that took hold of him. He pulled back, but
Daniel’s hand found his shoulder. “Hold still,” he said.

Alexander did.

One by one Daniel undid the buttons, unable
to resist watching Alexander’s skin come into view. Alexander was
slender and pale, though not at all in an unhealthy way. He looked
delicate and well kept.

Daniel slipped the last button through the
catch, his knuckles grazing Alexander’s smooth belly.

“There, that wasn’t too bad, was it?” Daniel
asked, finding Alexander’s eyes.

“Daniel,” Alexander rasped, his eyes heavy.
Alexander’s arms crossed in front of himself, his long, bandaged
fingers curling beautifully.

Daniel had never been very skilled at
painting images of people (he drew them dis-proportioned and dark),
but right then he wished for a warm palette of color.

Alexander’s pale skin was rosy all over, his
eyes brown and gold.

“I’ll go get my sweater,” Alexander mumbled,
finding himself near quivering at Daniel’s gaze. He had never been
so exposed before, so closely watched. He was uneasy with the
feelings.

Daniel watched Alexander retreat to the
bedroom and sighed.

Yes, this was all going to be about control
and patience.

***

“Do you want me to walk you up?” Daniel
asked as he pulled the car up in front of Alexander’s building. The
drive had been a quiet one, much like the ride to Daniel’s
apartment, but the tension was different this time.

“That’s all right,” Alexander said, pulling
his mittens on. “I can manage.”

“I want to say it’s been a lovely evening,
but… Shit, it’s been a lovely evening.”

“I think my definition of a lovely evening
doesn’t involve me making a complete fool of myself,” Alexander
replied, looking out the window. It had begun to snow; the flecks
looked grey and dirty.

“Alexander.”

Alexander turned to look at Daniel, felt the
heat there again and lowered his gaze to his knees.

“I’m glad you told me,” Daniel said. “It
doesn’t change anything, I really…”

“Please don’t say you understand.”

Daniel was surprised at the harsh words, but
undeterred. “I hope you feel better.” Alexander looked at him
again. ‘God, he is beautiful,’ flashed across Daniel’s mind. It
almost hurt to look at him, especially when his eyes held such
sadness.

“Thank you for being sweet about this,”
Alexander said in reply. “I don’t want to be rude, but it’s been a
very different few days.”

“Is different good?”

Alexander cocked his head to the side,
biting his lip. Was it? He felt a whole range of emotions on the
subject. Daniel made him nervous, exasperated, confused, excited
and… aroused.

That last feeling was so scarily intimate
that Alexander couldn’t even think about it without flushing all
over.

Not that he wasn’t anyway.

His eyes met Daniel’s and he said,
carefully, “I’m not sure. Drive safe.”

Alexander popped the door open and Daniel
watched him slide out. He didn’t say a word as Alexander walked
around the car, but lowered his window as Alexander passed by.