Chained (18 page)

“I don't believe you!”  A kick this time.  I bit my lip until I tasted copper blood, trying not to scream.

By now it was best to be quiet.  I curled up in a ball, my hands over my head and neck, my knees drawn up to protect my stomach.  Travis yelled and kicked and punched, but since I gave his anger nothing to feed on, he quickly ran out of steam.  I heard him stomping off and I waited a few moments before moving.

It wasn't until I was in my bed, my bruises and scratches cleansed by hot water, that I allowed myself to cry.  It hurt to draw breath, and I thought a rib might be broken. 

I felt no guilt that night.  Only a fierce loneliness and an ache for the feeling of a kind touch.  I slept, accosted by nightmares in which I stood once again on that featureless plain, gun in my hand, one by one killing all of the people that had died since my capture.  I cried bitterly when little Essie crumpled to the ground, waking myself with the force of my grief.

Chapter 20: 
Discoveries

When I woke in the morning, Travis was sitting silently at the foot of my bed.  In his hands he had a breakfast tray.  When I scooted up into a sitting position, he set the tray on my lap.  Without a word, he got up and left the room.

On the tray was a plate of scrambled eggs, bacon, and biscuits with gravy.  To the side was a glass of orange juice, and across the top was a single red rose.

Beneath the rose was a folded piece of paper.  I set the juice on the end table so it wouldn't spill, then took the paper and unfolded it.

It read:

Sarah,

I'm sorry.  I know now that you were telling the truth.  You didn't mean to get lost.  I'm sorry I was hurtful.  I shouldn't have let you make me so angry. I want to make it up to you.  Meet me by the truck after you've eaten and you're dressed. 

Travis

Apologies wouldn't heal the bruises on my thighs and my ribs.  But sorry or not, I didn't dare disobey.  I ate my food quickly, then showered and combed through my pixie-ish hair. 

When I emerged from the house, the air was crisp and cool.  Almost too cool for my sandals and short sleeves.  Travis was leaning against the truck, his arms crossed, watching me.

I crossed the yard quickly, keeping my head down.  I walked around to the passenger side of the truck and opened the door.

The passenger seat had a stain on it that looked a lot like blood.  Sophie's blood.  My breath caught in my throat.  At Travis's questioning stare I quickly slid into the seat, trying not to think about the stain beneath my jeans.

We pulled out of the little cove and bounced down the dirt path that led to the bottom of the mountain.  After a couple minutes Travis turned off on a side path that led off to the left, a path I would never have noticed.  This path took us around the side of the hill, a steep drop-off beginning just a few feet past the edge of the passenger side wheel.  My stomach churned with anxiety and I folded my hands in my lap, trying to keep my eyes straight ahead.  Out on the plains a herd of antelope grazed.  A rabbit skittered across the trail in front of us, and barely missed being crushed by the truck's tires.

The ground leveled after a while, though the path was still rough and rutted.  I held onto the handle above my head, biting my lips against the pain of the jolting on my bruises.  I laid my head back on the headrest and closed my eyes, praying for us to get there soon before I started crying.

The truck ground to a halt, and I heard the clicks of the gear shift being moved into park.  Travis's hand touched my cheek, cool and gentle.  “We're here, Butterfly.”

I opened my eyes...and despite myself, gasped in wonder.  We were on a flat surface, facing a fold in the mountain.  There were trees in the fold, glorious and green.  Between them, I caught a glimpse of glistening white.  A waterfall. 

I looked over at Travis and he was grinning.  “You want to get a closer look?”

I nodded, and opened my door to slide to the ground, wincing at the pain in my rib.  I walked around to the front of the truck and took Travis's proffered hand.  I followed him across the rocky ground.

The ground dropped away suddenly from our feet, and I gasped again.  We stood on the edge of a cliff, and below us a frothing waterfall leaped from the edge and plunged dozens of feet to the rocks below.  The stream was narrow but violent, the water white with foam.  Above us the water fell around rocks and tree trunks until it reached its ultimate descent.

I looked up to see Travis staring at me intently.  “Do you like it?”

I couldn't lie.  There was a childlike expression in his eyes—a feeling of innocence and a lack of the careful guard he normally kept over his face.  “It's beautiful,”  I breathed, and I meant it.  The spume flew against my face, chilling my skin.  The splashing and roaring filled my ears with the music of nature. 

Somewhere off in the distance, a bird cried.  I stretched out my arms and leaned out as far as I dared, feeling as if the wind would soon come and carry me away from this place.  For a split second I imagined how it would feel to jump.  An exquisite freedom, weightlessness, a throwing off of all boundaries.  And then an instant end to everything at the bottom.

“Come on.”  I followed Travis along the edge of the stream, until we came to a boulder that sat right in the middle of the water, which parted to run around either side.  It was a short step from a ledge on the bank to the enormous rock.  Travis leapt up to the ledge and extended a hand for me to do the same, before we both stepped onto the boulder together.

Once there, I sat down and he sat behind me, pulling me back to lean against his chest.  I was suddenly uneasy, and fought the temptation to pull away.  I fought against my fight or flight reflex, forcing myself to relax against him.

“Isn't this perfect?”  Travis whispered in my ear, his breath hot on my skin.

I murmured something that he took as assent, and he smiled against my neck. 

“We could come here every day, if you like.”

As I looked down at the stream, able to see through the trees past the waterfall and into the valley below, I sighed.  “It really is beautiful.”

“Then what's wrong?”

I couldn't tell him.  It would make him angry.  I just shrugged against him, not answering.

Travis pulled me around a little so that I could see his face.  “You can tell me.  It's okay.”

“No, it isn't.  You would be angry if I told you.”

“Why?  I have given you everything that girls want.  What could you possibly want, but to stay here?”

The questions pierced into my heart.  He sounded absolutely sincere.  This was a man that had never known real love.  He had never known anything but abuse and the evil perpetrated by sick minds.  He really had no idea why I would want to leave.  “It's nothing, Travis.”

Travis hugged me tightly to his chest.  “Please don't be sad.  What else do you want?  Food?  Flowers?  Clothes? I will get it for you.”

My freedom,
  I cried in my soul. 
I want to be able to choose.  I want to be able to tell you what I'm thinking without being afraid of the pain that will come afterward.  I want to be able to direct my own life.

It was too late by the time I realized I'd said these words aloud.  Travis jerked back and stood up quickly, leaving me reeling for my balance on the slippery rock.

“You ungrateful...”  Travis cried, calling me a name I will not repeat, even in writing.  “I have given you everything!  Brought you all the pretty things that girls like!  Why can you not just be happy with this?  Why must you always talk about leaving?”

I raised a hand to ward him off, aware of how close I sat to danger, with my legs hanging over the edge of the boulder.  “I'm sorry!  Please, no...” 

The first blow landed, and I slipped from the side of the boulder.  The shallow water at the bottom was barely enough to cushion my fall, and the swift water swept me off of my hands and knees, drawing me inexorably downward and toward the waterfall.  I clawed desperately at the rocks, searching for any purchase.  There was nothing to stop my descent.

Nothing, that was, until my back hit the trunk of a tree with blinding force.  The breath was forced from my lungs, and the world quickly faded into blackness.

***

I stand on the top of a hill.  I know this place—it's the rock where Travis and I had our picnic.  Where he raped me with the universe watching.

Below me, the valley stretches on into infinity.  I can see the track winding down the side of the mountain.  I see a lake glistening on the edge of my sight.  I see a herd of antelope, the buck at the head, his two prong antlers distinguishing him from his harem.  He looks up, and I feel like he looks at me.  His dark eyes fix on mine, and his tail swishes.

My hand is cold.  I look down, and my heart pounds.  There is a gun clutched in my fingers.  I cry out, and I try to drop it, but I cannot make my hand unfold. 

“Sarah...”  The whisper is behind me, carried on the breeze.  I spin around.

There they stand.  Every single one.  Across the brow of the hill.

Mom, Dad, Jenny, Annabelle, tiny Essie with her bear clutched in her arms.  Sophie. The men from the gas station.  Rachel and Tanya.  Master.  And there is Travis, who holds my son in his arms.

“Sarah....why didn't you come back to us?”  This is Mom, tears on her face, her hand outstretched toward me as she whispers.  Dad stands silently beside her, his arm around her shoulder.  “Sarah,”  she says accusingly, and suddenly there is a gun in her hands.  “Sarah, you abandoned us.  You don't deserve to live.”

I scream, and raise my hand out of instinct. 

Bang.  Mom crumples to the ground, but before she can reach it, she turns to mist and floats away on the wind.

“Sarah, it's your fault.  Your fault your mother is dead.”  Now Dad has the gun.

Bang.  Now Dad is gone.

Jenny raises her hands, and the sleeves of her gown flutter in the wind.  “Sarah,”  She wails.  “You should have tried harder.  You let them take my baby away.  It's your fault I died.”  She raises the gun and points it toward me.

Bang.  Now Jenny floats away on the breeze.

Annabelle doesn't speak, only raises the gun in her hands.

Bang, goes the one in mine, and she is gone.

“Mama!”  Essie cries, and follows her mother into the wind.  The teddy bear falls to the ground.

Sophie looks down in horror, where bright red blood spreads down her legs, soaking through the fabric of her gown.  “Sarah....” she whispers.  “I died because you tried to escape.  It's your fault I'm dead.  It's your fault that my baby died.”

Bang.

The men from the gas station raise guns to their own temples, and pull the triggers as one.

Bang.

Rachel and Tanya silently raise the guns in their hands.

Bang.  Bang.

Master leers at me, and I don't care whether he is going to try and shoot me or not.

Bang.

Now the only people left are Travis and my baby. 

“Sarah.  This is all your fault, Sarah.  If you'd only been happy with what I gave you, none of this would have happened.  You tried to escape, and people died. It's your fault.”

“God, I can't do this!”  I scream to the sky.  “Don't make me kill them too!  Not my baby!  Not Travis!  No more death, God, please!”

I throw the gun away from me and it skitters across the rock.  Travis smiles.  Then he and my baby turn into mist and float away. 
 

I stumbled forward.  “No!  Come back!”