Chain of Command (15 page)

Marcus nodded. “It’s a good thing he has you out here, learning to shoot.”

She loved the concern but it looked like they could all use a lesson in women-can-do-things-too. “Learning?”

“Isn’t that what’s happening?” Marcus asked.

“Not really.” She nodded to Sawyer’s hand and was surprised he offered her the weapon without complaining. Even turned over the magazine and saved her the renewed safety lecture.

She loaded the weapon and turned around. Used the sight to aim and shoot. Six rapid-fire rounds dead center into a target on the third row. Having made her point, she turned around and released the magazine again.

“Nice,” Marcus said as Will nodded in agreement.

Sawyer checked the chamber as he accepted the offered gun back from her. “You said you couldn’t shoot.”

More assumption jumping but she noticed the slight smile. If he was angry or felt like she challenged his manhood, which she certainly didn’t mean to do, he hid it well. “No, you did.”

“Dumbass.” Marcus didn’t even bother trying to whisper his comment that time.

“Why didn’t you stop me?” Sawyer snorted. “Knowing you can shoot just makes you hotter.”

With anyone else the boldness, right out there in front of people, might make her uncomfortable. With him, the words struck her as true to who he was. He felt something and expressed it, not to make her squirm but to be honest. She admired it. Found it pretty sexy actually.

But then she found almost everything about him sexy. Even the military He-Man thing was starting to work for her. “I didn’t mind the way you were teaching me.”

He lifted an eyebrow. “You mean holding you.”

The spell weaving its way around them snapped when Marcus butted in. “Kids, let’s keep it clean.”

With a hand on Marcus’s back, Will guided them a few steps away. “I think we should go.”

“Right.” Marcus and Will shared a look before Marcus turned back to her. “Have fun.”

Then they were off, as quiet and determined in their exit as they had been in their entrance. Hailey watched the easy comfort between them. Will threw the keys across the hood and Marcus caught them. In, and after a wave, gone.

Sawyer stepped into her line of sight. Filled up the entire space in front of her, even blocked out a bit of the sun with those broad shoulders.

“Anything else you want to tell me?” he asked.

“Nope.” She wanted to ask about Will and Marcus but guys could get touchy about their friends. She’d only known Sawyer a few days but already believed she could read him. Still, there was no reason to cause a battle.

“Who taught you to shoot?”

They’d found a much safer topic. This one she could handle. “Rob.”

“Figures.” Sawyer nodded as he steered them back toward the gun case.

“He was supposed to be in a safe zone. In Afghanistan, I mean. “ The words popped out. She hadn’t even known they were stuck in her mind until they started spewing out of her. That emotional wound still brought a stabbing pain straight to her chest whenever she let her mind wander there and now was no different.

He took his time unloading and checking the weapons before securing them. “Inside the perimeter of the tactical operations center.”

“Right...wait.” It took her a second to realize that Sawyer had said something more than the usual. Forget all the friendly words and coded messages. He talked like he was reading a report...or reliving it.

“That’s the official name.”

“That’s more information than the military has provided during twelve months of asking and inquires.” Sawyer’s hands moved in a blur of constant motion as he shifted items around in the container until she touched his arm and forced him to look at her. “I thought you said you weren’t there.”

He turned to face her. “I wasn’t.”

“But?” There was more in there. She could tell by the way he stared at her but stayed silent. “Sawyer, just say it.”

“I. Was. Not. There.”

Then she got it. The light bulb clicked on and she was surprised not to hear music. “But you saw it happen. You know the details.”

He opened the case’s lid then shut it again. “We should leave. Or we can shoot, if you want.”

“Sawyer.” She tried to inhale but the tension in the air choked her. They’d gone from light and flirting to near suffocation.

He froze. “Don’t do this.”

“We already have enough things we don’t talk about. We don’t need one more.”

“Maybe but...” He drummed his hands against the lid until the thumping echoed around them. “Not now.”

“What does that mean?” When he didn’t answer she tried again. She needed his attention and for whatever horrific memory had his features drawn up so tightly to go away. “The fact that you weren’t there is what put that look on your face, right?”

“What look?” He focused on her then. The starkness showed in his eyes and in the tension pulling at the edges of his mouth.

“Pain.” There was no other word for it and even that one seemed too tame to her right now. It oozed out of him and she ached for him.

The silence pulsed between them. In the distance a dog barked and a warm wind blew over the still property. Neither of them moved.

“We have a limited time on the range before—”

She put her hand over his and stopped him from lifting the case’s lid again or playing a new tune. “And I’ve proven I can shoot, so we’re fine. Well, I am. I’m thinking you’re not.”

He sat down hard on the table with his long legs stretched out in front of him. “This will change everything.”

He meant between them. He didn’t say it but she heard it just the same. “You need to say it.”

“You don’t—”

“Sawyer, I do.” She wasn’t even sure what they were talking about but she did.

With a sharp exhale, he started talking in a tone that matched the desperation etched on his face. “A supposed friendly came in. He announced he had a bomb and started shooting and...”

She’d waited so long to hear this story, but now she wanted to hear it not for her but for him. All she wanted in the world was for him to keep talking. She knew instinctively that peppering him with questions was the exact wrong way to go. She settled for touching her hand against his leg and almost sighed with relief when he grabbed on, sliding his fingers through hers.

Quiet minutes ticked by before he began talking again. “Rob drew the gunfire. He made himself a target. Got the gunman to focus on him so others could escape the direct line of fire and a few could get a better position to take the guy down.”

It sounded so different when he said it from how she played it in her head. She saw men hiding and leaving Rob alone. Let her anger over their cowardice fester. But Sawyer described chaos, the kind where living was a matter of pure luck.

Sawyer drew in a huge gulp of air. “When the banging and yelling stopped, Rob and the gunman were both on the floor. Rob dead and the other guy bleeding out. Men rushed in. Someone got the bomb and got it out. It went off but away from people. There was this fireball.”

He described it as if he watched it and with each word her perspective shifted. After so much secrecy, she’d begun to create conspiracies in her head. They all broke down now.

A sob caught in her throat and she pushed it back. “They told us his actions were heroic but wouldn’t provide details.”

“They can’t. Maybe they shouldn’t.” He tugged her in closer.

She stepped between his legs then fell against his chest. Let the warmth of his body heat hers as she rested her head on his shoulder. “We deserve to know what happened and why. See if there’s some way to prevent a similar disaster in the future.”

“Hailey, I know every detail and it does not make Rob’s death any easier or give us a road map to prevent another incident like it in the future.”

“That makes me feel sick.” Gnawed at her, tore at her insides.

“Me too.” Sawyer whispered the words against her hair. “Hold onto the memory of his tremendous sacrifice and be humbled by the lives he saved.”

For a few minutes she just balanced there, letting her weight sink into his. Letting him hold her up as a fresh shock of sadness rolled over her, but this time mixed with a shouting pride.

The Rob that Sawyer described was the man she knew. The man who would step in and save others. The man who saved her and who Kat said made everything right in her world the minute he stepped in it. A good man lost too soon.

Hailey roused herself long enough to think about the other good man. The one who walked into her life and who clearly had not figured out how to forgive himself for not being everywhere at the same time.

She lifted her head and stared at Sawyer. “Is that what you are, humbled?”

His fingers clenched against her back then loosened again. “Why aren’t you angry?”

“You think you could have saved him.” She knew to her bones that’s what he believed. The thought he tortured himself with over and over again.

Before knowing him, she likely would have blamed him too. Assumed he was out somewhere instead of by Rob’s side where he should have been when the end came. Jumped to conclusions. Lumped him in with the faceless “others” she tagged as being responsible for her loss. But now she knew things were not as simple as she once believed them to be. The information she didn’t have about what happened that day painted a different picture. One where everyone but one man was the victim.

“I would have figured out a way to get in there and put my body in front of his.” The emotion had left Sawyer’s voice, as if he’d been drained of energy.

“I know.” No question. She didn’t doubt that for a second. Sawyer and Rob shared that life philosophy even though Sawyer seemed unable to see it. “Were you too busy out playing?”

His head shot back. “What?”

Guilt or something had him clouded and confused. She tried to guide him through. “Tell me why you weren’t you there.”

“I was on recon. I’d volunteered because a bunch of guys were sick.” He visibly swallowed. “I should have been there.”

“It sounds like you were doing your job.”

He shook his head. “It’s not that simple.”

“Actually, I think it is.” She straightened up and cupped his cheek with her palm.

“Hailey...”

He didn’t stop her when she went in for a kiss, so she kept going until his lips touched hers, until she got lost in the blinding heat of his need. It took all her strength but she pulled back because this was too important to drop.

“Sounds to me like you need to let yourself off the hook. Like I needed a wake-up call.” She’d spent a lot of time blaming others for not stepping up when it sounded like they were just doing their job.

A new shot of pain flashed across his face. “Don’t do that. You have the right to grieve.”

“And you need to let the guilt go.” She meant it. Every word. “I don’t blame you. Kat won’t blame you. Rob never would have.” She reached over and snapped the lock shut on the gun case. “You are human and you did not fail.”

“What are you doing?”

“We’re done here.” She pointed at the case and gestured for him to stand up. “We’re going back to your place so I can show you what a hero I think you are.”

Some of the tension left his eyes but his frown stayed. “You were right to blame me. I shouldn’t have left him. He deserved better.”

God, she couldn’t even imagine trying to live in his head. Rob would hate the idea of Sawyer wallowing in guilt, or taking even an inch of that on. Sawyer had meant something to Rob. They were close and somehow managed to build trust in a place and at a time when building anything came hard.

But maybe she could help. Use her body and her words to show him. “You need to forgive yourself.”

“It’s not that easy.”

“Come home with me.” She held a hand out to him and smiled when he grabbed on. “Let me convince you.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

Chapter Fifteen

Hailey rode him until he couldn’t see straight.

Sawyer’s vision blurred as his head dipped forward. His tongue darted out and licked over her nipple. When she shivered, he did it again.

The minute they’d stepped into his house the clothes had come off. They left a trail to the bedroom and at some point he’d have to double back and collect them, but not now. Not while a hot brunette stripped off her sweet bikini underwear and straddled him. He’d been fighting for breath ever since she assumed the position.

She was so wet and her skin so warm. Those hips rose and fell. She took every inch of him then lifted and started again. She kept the pace slow and steady, torturing him with each plunge.

He leaned back into the stack of pillows piled behind him on the bed and dragged her down with him. The shift had them both groaning. The friction pushed him right to the edge. Still, she waited, drawing out the moment as the breaths hammered his chest.

With one hand he brushed her hair back and off her face. He held the strands there so he could watch. See every pulse and every time her mouth dropped open as her body bucked. The other slid hand down over her stomach then lower. His fingertip rounded her clit and her body jumped.

She stared down at him with wide eyes. “Do that again.”

“Do what?” God, he loved when she said the words, all hot and guttural and dripping with need.

“Touch me.” Her mouth covered his before lifting just enough to speak. “While you fuck me.”

He almost came. He’d never been so turned on by the mix of words and touch and taste. Her body, the noises she made...it was as if she were made for him. They fit perfectly, complemented each other. Both loved to postpone the moment until their brains almost exploded.

But it was time.

His thumb circled her as he lifted his hips and pushed deeper into her. One hand held her body still as he took over. He set the rhythm. In and out, building and caressing. He could feel the tremors working through her. Her mouth opened against his cheek and hot breath blew across his skin.

“Sawyer, oh my God.” She threw her head back.

She was so damn close. He just needed her to do one more thing. “Squeeze tighter for me.”

“Yes.” Her inner muscles clamped down on him and a gasp escaped her throat.

Forget waiting or prolonging. Her fingernails dug in to the pillow as her body slid up and down over his. Her breath came out in hiccupped pants as the world around them blanked out. His body took over then and his brain went into hibernation.

Need pounded through him as he found his release. Gruff noises rose out of his chest and he couldn’t cut them off. The sounds of sex filled the room as the bed rocked against the hardwood floor.

He heard her, felt her, as she rose and fell and then slumped against his chest. He wanted to lift his hands from her lower back. Slide them up and wrap around her but he couldn’t move. She’d drained the energy out of him along with the last blips of his resistance.

“I can’t move,” she mumbled against his neck.

The slur of her words made him smile. “Me either.”

“I mean, like, people will find us here days from now, dehydrated with you still inside me, because I literally cannot get one muscle to move.”

He could picture that scene and the vision still didn’t recharge his body. “That sounds far sexier than it should.”

“Weirdo.” She grew heavier with each second, as if she were drifting off.

“We’ll have to eat at some point.”

She moved her head just a fraction and her hair tickled his skin. Lifting his arm to brush it away proved too taxing so he stayed there, eyes closing, and inhaled the scent of her shampoo. Orange or something citrus. His stomach growled in response.

“Told you.” She put a palm against his chest and pushed up.

Those sleepy eyes, all intense a few minutes ago, looked lazy and satisfied. He liked the change.

This he could handle. The emotional beatdown drained him but she brought him back to life. Revived him. With her he could block the bad. Even better, he could handle it. The guilt flared at the gun range but the way she reacted, how she tried to comfort him when he deserved her anger, took away some of the sting he dealt with every day.

“I can get us food.” Man, he hoped she said no to the offer.

“Good.” She snuggled in deep against him again. “You go.”

“Well, damn.”

Her laugh vibrated against his chest and down to his feet. “That will teach you to be chivalrous.”

“Food foraging involves showering.”

“That seems unnecessary.” She kissed the underside of his chin then sat the whole way up.

The move lodged him deeper inside her and had them both gasping. So did the way she lifted off him, inch by incredibly sensitive inch. When she moved to the side he had to fight the urge to pull her back on top of him.

“Surely there’s a frozen pizza in this house somewhere,” she said as she placed a line of kisses along his jaw.

What the hell was she even talking about
? “Huh?”

She pulled back and snapped her fingers in front of his face as amusement lit her face. “Having trouble keeping up with the conversation?”

With her breast right there, yes. He rubbed his thumb over her soft skin then bent down to sweep his tongue over the tip. “Something like that.”

“Food.” Her voice trembled.

“Oh, right.” The conversation came back to him as he replaced his tongue with his fingers on her breast. “Two men live here and Marcus, and sometimes Will, are here a lot. Keeping food in this place is a full-time job.”

“Remind me not to have sons.”

He tried to imagine her corralling kids and could totally see it. “Last time I checked it doesn’t work that way.”

She started to scoot off the edge of the bed. “I can run out and—”

“Give me ten minutes in the bathroom and I’ll go.” He caught her and pulled her back under the covers. Flipped her until he loomed above her with his palms balanced on either side of her. “I like the idea of you here, naked and waiting.”

She smiled up at him. “I bet you do.”

“That’s the version that will be playing in my head while I’m gone. You.” He peeled down the covers, exposing those amazing breasts. “Like this.”

“Subtle.”

His fingertips traced her collarbone. “There is nothing subtle about what I feel for you.”

She lifted an eyebrow. “Which is?”

Words rushed through his brain. A few of them sounded serious and scared the shit out of him. His brain still misfired and his world felt shaky, so he went with the most obvious. The one least likely to get him in trouble. “Hot.”

“That works for me.”

Hailey got out of bed as soon as she heard the shower. She debated climbing in there with him, but the idea of puttering around his house appealed to her more. He might not have pizza, which she still didn’t believe, but the guy had to have water.

She sat at the edge of his big bed and looked around the floor. She spied his jeans and sneakers and thought she saw her bra peeking half under the closed door. That qualified as a good start. She needed a shirt and decided his would do.

Grabbing a blue folded tee off the corner of his dresser, she slipped it over her head. It fell down, covering most of the important parts, but some just barely. Bending over needed to be considered off-limits until she found her underwear.

With the bedroom door open she headed out to the family room, scooping up the thrown and scattered clothing as she went. She didn’t embarrass all that easily when it came to sex but she silently hoped Jason was out for the night. Sleeping with Sawyer was one thing and she felt no shame about it, but parading around almost naked in front of a guy she’d only just met seemed like a bit much.

And where did her underwear go? She’d tried to exorcise some of Sawyer’s demons. She got swept up in his need. He unleashed it and she held him through it.

All the anger and passion inside him let go. Held nothing back. A pillow from the couch had ended up on the floor in their haste to get their clothes off. She kicked it aside and kept scouting. She’d just reached the far side of the couch, the point the greatest distance away from the hall to the bedrooms, when she heard a knock. One quick bang then the key rattled in the lock.

For a second, she scrambled, looking for the nearest tall anything to hide behind. She went with standing with a pile of discarded clothing in her arms.

A woman came partway inside then stopped. Young, maybe in her early twenties but definitely a few years younger than Hailey. Leggy, thin and pretty, a trio that had the potential to get Sawyer kicked in the stomach.

And she had a key. Hailey found that...interesting.

“Hello.” She thought saying something might keep from scaring the other woman but she jumped anyway. Swore and jerked and clenched her jaw.

None of that took away from how striking she was. Shoulder-length brown hair with enviable blondish highlights. She had a bit of a tomboy look about her but nothing about that face or those piercing green eyes said anything but woman. And she looked a good five feet past being pissed off.

She closed the door behind her. Did nothing to quiet the slam as she stared Hailey down. “You’re number three.”

Not exactly the welcome Hailey was expecting. Then again, she didn’t think she’d find a woman wandering around Sawyer’s family room either.

Hailey decided to match the sharp tone. This woman wasn’t the only one playing the role of frustrated, ten-seconds-from-homicidal woman. “Excuse me?”

The woman dropped the keys on a table with a clank as she stepped further into the family room. “Does he tell you that you’re special? Is that how he keeps luring them in? Other than with that face, of course.”

“I’m not—”

“Three women in less than ten days.” She held up three fingers as if she needed to highlight her point, which she didn’t.

The reality of who this woman was and what she was saying started sinking in.

“Three women.” Hailey repeated the phrase and hated the way the words tasted on her tongue. She had never been the other woman and if Sawyer had unknowingly made her one now, she might just beat him to death with her shoe. Once she found it.

“Yes.” The woman’s voice stayed firm but sadness moved through her green eyes. “I’ve been tripping over one after the other lately.”

Sawyer was a dead man
. “Here?”

“Right where you’re standing. We’ve done the whole morning-after routine.” The woman shook her head. “Why do I keep coming back here and putting myself through this?”

Hailey was pretty sure that one was rhetorical but her brain kept lagging behind so she thought talking might help. “I’m not sure.”

“I’m guessing you know the score going in, right?” The woman started pacing. She picked up her keys then put them down again. “That the whole swaggering retired marine thing is real even though he basically uses it as a line.”

Hailey’s insides shut down. She could almost feel the emergency stop as the air caught in her chest and her mind went blank. “Wait a second.”

“I’m tired of waiting.”

Whatever that meant. “You’re saying his bedroom has a revolving door on it?” Hailey pointed in the general direction of the same room where she’d spent more than one incredible night rolling across those crisp sheets with Sawyer.

“Oh my God.” The woman stopped and her hand frowned. “Did you really not know?”

Now that made Hailey feel stupid. Like her male radar had malfunctioned on a superhero level. Right behind the disappointment came a kick of anger.

“He talks a good game.” Acted vulnerable and needy without losing the gruff manliness she found so sexy. He made her feel important, like she was the only one. Showed up when needed, even fixed her damn broken fence.

“I am so sorry. I just assumed...” The woman stood there as some of the fire fueling her disappeared. “You guys agreed on a one-night thing.”

They hadn’t agreed on much and it was true they didn’t have a relationship understanding, but come on. They’d gone from not knowing each other to spending a lot of time together to sharing secrets and fears. A guy should know that came with some unspoken rules. “We passed one night a while back.”

The woman’s mouth dropped open and all the color left her face. “What?”

Hailey dropped the clothing in her arms and took a few steps to get closer. The last thing she needed was this woman passing out on her. Especially not until she knew the answer to the worst question she had to ask. “Are you his girlfriend?”

The answer was immediate. “No.”

The tone was off. The quickness of the reply. Something sounded wrong. “But you have a key.”

“It’s my brother’s house.” She made a face. “Well, technically. He rents it.”

The haze cleared from Hailey’s head in a blinding flash. Relief hit her so hard it made her dizzy. She figured the twinge of guilt for believing the worst about Sawyer might take a few more seconds to dissipate.

She exhaled, letting out all the tension that had jammed up inside her out again. “You’re Molly.”

“He talks about me?” The woman looked horrified at the thought.

They had definitely been talking past each other. Hailey chalked it up to the lack of brain cells following sex. Now that she looked, really looked, she could see the familiar green eyes. That frown...yeah, that one wasn’t any better on a pretty woman.

Then another thought hit her. “Wait, does that mean you have a thing for Jason?”

Molly shook her head. “What are we talking about?”

“I’m not here with Jason.” Hailey took another step forward, hoping to reach out and soothe but knew that backfired when Molly retreated right into the wall. “I’m here with Sawyer.”

It seemed silly to call it a sleepover or specifically point out the sex part. And she didn’t need to. She could almost see the pieces clicking together in Molly’s brain.

She groaned. “You’re Hailey.”

Hailey was tempted to match Molly’s relieved groan with one of her own. “Yes.”

The color rushed back into Molly’s cheeks. She even smiled as her gaze did a little up and down bounce. “Well, now. Way to go, Sawyer.”