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Looking up from her almost untouched food, Olivia blinked. “What do you mean?”

Giving her a knowing look, Brenna said in the same soft voice, “You have not been the same all week as you were when you first arrived here. You hardly eat, your bedding is more rumpled, telling me you are not sleeping well, and you rarely smile. What has happened?”

Olivia wanted to lie to the Lekwuesti, just as she had been lying to everyone. She wanted to say that she was fine, just tired. She truly wanted to pretend that there wasn’t a constant ache in her chest. She wanted to brush off her crushing heartache as just one more of life’s lessons and move on. Surely she was strong enough to do that.

But Brenna’s kind expression and genuine concern made her realize how very much she needed to tell someone who wasn’t connected to James that things really weren’t all right. That she had spent every night of the past week crying in the shower and trying to pretend that he wasn’t in the room just feet away as she tried to sleep. That she couldn’t stand the pained and pitying looks he gave her when he thought she wasn’t looking. That pretending to be okay with just being the girl he was sworn to protect was no longer enough.

So she did, speaking quietly since the doors between the rooms were open. When she started crying, so did Brenna. The Lekwuesti took her hands in a sincere expression of compassion. And then she used her power to create a small pile of handkerchiefs.

That made Olivia emit a watery laugh. “Thanks.”

Using one of the cloths to wipe her lavender eyes, Brenna said, “Do not get too grateful. They are as much for me as you.”

Olivia’s laugh was stronger this time.

“I am sorry that you are in such pain, my friend,” Brenna said, her gaze somber. “I am certain there is a solution to this somewhere. I am quite happy to help you look for it.”

Overcome, Olivia fought back more tears. “Brenna, you are unbelievably sweet. I don’t know how to thank you for all you do for me…for your friendship.”

Brenna blushed. Then she gave Olivia a long look. “Would you allow me to be your paired Lekwuesti?”

“What do you mean?” Olivia asked. Then her eyes widened. “You mean, so that you can assist me no matter where I am?”

The Lekwuesti nodded, her face growing pinker.

“Oh, Brenna, I would love that! What do we need to do?”

“Thank you, Olivia,” Brenna said, her eyes alight with excitement. “This will be such an honor for me.” She held out her hands, palms up. “It is a rather simple exchange of vows. You must put your hands on top of mine and accept that our minds will always be partly connected. Only as applies to your hospitality needs,” she clarified.

Without hesitation, Olivia reached out and placed her hands palms down on top of Brenna’s.

“I, Brenna, vow to serve you, Olivia, using my Lekwuesti abilities to see to your comfort and care. I open my mind to yours that you may connect with me whenever needed. In turn, you agree to not abuse this connection and will limit your requests to one per day when we are not together. This connection is binding unless broken by either of us for valid reason.” She looked right into Olivia’s eyes. “Do you accept?”

Deeply touched, she said, “I accept with gratitude.”

There was a wash of lavender light. Olivia felt her head spin, then resettle. “Whoa.”

“I second that,” Brenna said, bringing a hand to her head. Then they exchanged wide grins.

From Amber’s room, Tabitha watched the exchange through the small crack in the door where it met the hinges. As Amber was still sleeping—and holy light, she slept
a lot
—the Lekwuesti was in no danger of being admonished for her eavesdropping.

Shock rolled through her as she witnessed the exchange of vows. Brenna would surely be censured by their commander for doing such a bold thing. Of course, commander Caoilinn hadn’t been seen since Saraqael’s daughters arrived a week ago. Rumors abounded as to what had happened to her. Tabitha personally thought her commander had surely been sent off on a special mission. Nothing else would have pulled such a model Lekwuesti away like this.

Still,
archigos
Sebastian would most certainly not sit idly by while Brenna—certainly no more powerful than
her
by holy light—exchanged the sacred Lekwuesti vow with one of Saraqael’s daughters.

What had come over her? Tabitha wondered, much as she had over the course of the past two weeks. Brenna had always been so calm and complacent, content to let Tabitha and Pavati guide her. She would never have overstepped herself to exchange vows with one of the sisters who were surely destined to be paired with beings much older and more powerful than they were. For Brenna to undertake something like this seemed inconceivable.

Until she looked at the smile that Olivia gave Brenna. That was when she finally understood. This remarkable change had less to do with Brenna herself than it did the presence of Saraqael’s daughters—Olivia in particular.

And for a reason that eluded Tabitha, that knowledge angered her.

Chapter Twenty-Seven

James knew that he had screwed up terribly with Olivia.

The past two weeks since they had gone to greet Aurora’s mate had been beyond agonizing, made all the worse because he had no idea how to fix what he had broken between them. Every attempt he made to talk to her about it, she deflected. And the more time that elapsed, the further he felt her pulling away from him.

It was ripping him apart.

To say her last sincere words to him had caught him completely off-guard was a tremendous understatement. He hadn’t even been able to fully process what she was saying before she was walking away. And here they were.

She had explained the concept of love to him while Gabriel and Amber had been on their honeymoon. At the time, most human emotion had been entirely beyond his grasp of understanding. But he remembered the conversation very clearly, as he did all of the conversations he had with her.

“What does it mean to humans to be married?” he had asked.

As always, she had given the question her careful consideration. Her patience with teaching him about humanity had been one of the things he had first most appreciated about her.

She had answered, “I suppose the best answer is that marriage means different things to different people. There are some people who consider marriage a convenience…there are all kinds of reasons for that. And there are still a few cultures that marry only for the reason of continuing a certain bloodline, or for the sake of making political or social alliances. But Amber and Gabriel wanted to get married as an expression of their love and commitment to each other. This is the ultimate way to seal such a vow on the human plane.”

He had considered this for a long moment. “And what does it mean to love?”

That had caused her to pause for a longer period of time. “Well, the same basic answer applies. Love means a great many things. Many of them don’t apply on this plane. A human parent loves a child, for example. A sister loves a brother. These are connections by blood and heritage.

“Love like that shared between Amber and Gabriel usually begins as friendship. A person establishes some kind of kinship with another person. They may have similar lifestyles or interests. In Amber’s case, she moved into the same foster home as Gabriel when she was twelve and they went through part of middle school and all of high school together. They became best friends, meaning that for them, there was no one else they trusted more, no one they would rather turn to for support or comfort. For humans, having that element of friendship before any other type of connection often results in the strongest relationships.

“So,” she had concluded, “if your goal is to find out what Gabriel means when he says he loves Amber, he is essentially saying that to him, she is his other half. He trusts her, and he has faith in her. She embodies what he considers the very best qualities in another individual.”

Thus, he had heard Olivia’s definition of love before her unexpected declaration. But that conversation had been one of many that had occurred months before and wasn’t at the forefront of his mind when he brought her down to see Aurora and her mate.

Instead, his first and most overriding thought when he absorbed her words had been that his leader—Olivia’s brother—was going to kill him as painfully as possible.

As his confused thoughts had tumbled through his dazed brain, he had reasoned that she must be saying such a thing because of their kissing, seeing as he had thought of little else since then. And Gabriel had warned him and Caleb about taking such liberties with the girls when he first met with them after the girls transitioned. His threats had been quite clear and very, very anatomically specific.

Thus, James’ rather natural fear about his leader’s vengeance for disregarding one of his primary tenants had been at the base of his initial reaction. And even then, when he saw Olivia’s expression fall when he stumbled crazily away from her, he had wanted to explain his response to her…let her know that he had absolutely no idea how he was going to explain this to Gabriel, and, more importantly, that he couldn’t believe that she meant it toward him of all beings. But somehow the words hadn’t gotten past the hammering of his heart in his throat.

And then she had left him. Nothing had been the same since.

He would never forget the devastation on her face when she said she understood what he was saying. Her words had been emotionless, as if she couldn’t manage to put more than the basic emphasis into them. The look in her beautiful eyes told him that she actually didn’t understand a thing he was trying to say, yet he hadn’t been able to command the words to stop her from turning away from him.

He had regained some semblance of control over himself during the walk back to her bedroom, and had intended to talk to her then. But she had walked right past him into the bathroom and locked the door against him. Instead of explaining himself, he had listened at the door as she wept. Knowing he had been the cause of that painful emotion—one he had never before heard from her—had just about shredded him.

“Olivia—” he had said the moment she emerged from the bathroom.

“Don’t,” she had responded in a colder voice than he had ever heard from her, the evidence of her emotion all over her face. “I can’t stand it, James. Just don’t.”

And so he hadn’t. He hadn’t been willing to cause her even more pain while trying to fix the hurt he had already caused her. That night, he had lain awake, composing all manner of logical thoughts to share with her about what had happened. He knew that she would listen to him, as she always did, and they would come to a joint resolution about everything.

In the morning, she had risen and gone directly into the bathroom. He had listened to more weeping, the sound like daggers through his chest. But he had borne that, believing they would get to talk about it when she was out of the bathroom.

Once again, she went completely outside of her habits and emerged from the bathroom wearing only a towel around her. When she had calmly asked him to leave the room so she could get dressed, he hadn’t had any choice but to retreat to his bedroom to give her the privacy she sought. And once she was done getting ready, she had walked through the hallway to Skye’s bedroom, spending the rest of the morning in there.

She had gone to very similar lengths to avoid him since then. Every night she walked straight into the bathroom, changed into her pajamas and then crawled into bed, claiming exhaustion. But he knew very well that she slept only fitfully, often shedding tears that she probably thought he wasn’t aware of.

Every morning, she now walked into the bathroom without her change of clothes, forcing him from the room when she emerged.

Almost worse was being around her throughout the course of the day, interacting with her and watching her interact with those around her, all the while being unable to really communicate with her. He saw the strain on her face, recognized her smiles as false, and could do absolutely nothing about it. He saw her sisters exchanging glances and realized even they had no idea what was wrong. Gabriel had given him a few considering looks, but if there was one being he did not want to share his thoughts with, it was his leader.

And so, here he was, two weeks later, ready to crawl on all fours through demon fire just to have Olivia give him one more smile. He wanted nothing more than to have a full minute of her attention so he could convey one overriding fact.

He was simply not worthy of her.

She deserved someone who understood what love meant. Someone who didn’t fumble so very badly when she expressed something so important to him.

The only problem he found with this seemingly simple fact was that whenever he considered saying such a thing, he didn’t believe it. He didn’t truly believe that he could ever let her go to someone else, no matter how much better it might be for her. She belonged with him.

So the question became, how could he convince both of them that he was right?

Olivia got through one day at a time. She couldn’t say they got any easier. Whoever said that time heals all wounds and distance makes the heart grow fonder was full of crap.

Somehow, the more she worked to distance herself from James, the worse she felt. She had noticed his attempts to talk to her, of course. But her heart had been so wounded by him that she just couldn’t open herself up again. Not yet.

Following the dating rules she had learned on the human plane, she had worked very hard these past two weeks to separate herself from him. She had enmeshed herself in her required studies, actually quite pleased with the results she was achieving. Alexius had also expressed a great deal of enthusiasm for her achievements. If she had gained a very small—okay, maybe a small—amount of satisfaction over the expression on James’ face during her interactions with the Waresti, what did that signify? she told herself. He had his chance. It had passed.

Why that thought so pained her, she couldn’t say.

Okay, so maybe she could. Regardless of his ridiculous response to her proclamation, she really did love him. That wasn’t about to change.