Celtic Fury (14 page)

Rory looked at his father and nodded.

“Ye are right. I am sorry I hurt her, but now she knows the truth. She knows not to love a man like me and it is better to learn it sooner than later.”

“Listen, to me Son. I never loved again after yer’ mother passed. I wouldn’t allow myself to. I had five children to rear and it filled my life enough. But the loneliness has been terrible. It did not honor yer mother to remain alone.” Rory’s head was hung and he mumbled, “Ye, did not kill Mama. T’is different.”

“Ye did not kill Caitlyn, either. Nor that girl that threatened Drew and Bronwyn.”

“I may as well have. T’was my actions that lead to both their deaths.” Caleb softened his gaze.

“T’was not yer fault Caitlyn was struck. Ye have blamed yourself for too long, Ruiri. T’is time to let someone tend yer pain. Even if it isn’t Brielle, let someone ELSE in. Any one else, if need be. And I dunna’ mean the pretty lassies ye visit regularly. I mean someone into yer’ heart.” Rory mumbled, “I dunna’ want anyone
else
. I want…” Rory stopped abruptly. He would not admit that he did want Brielle. He could never admit such a thing. Caleb tried not to smile. So there it was.

“Ye’ are in love with her! Admit it!”

“She is a Campbell!”

“Ruiri. She is a woman. She is a victim of her birth. Not to mention those two brothers.”

“T’is no matter now. She knows me for what I am.”

Caleb approached his son and hooking his arm across his shoulders, he said, “Ye are scared to death, aren’t ye? I think this has nothing to do with her clan. Ye are afraid if you love her, she will die. Ye would rather frighten her away than let her love ye.”  Rory shrugged off his father’s hold. He began fastening his plaid around him.

“She’s not going to die, Ruiri.”

“Ye dunna’ know that. Mama died and ye could do naught to prevent it.”  Caleb sighed with the weight of that reality deeply.

“Nay, I could not. The fever was too much for her and she went so fast, but Brielle is thriving here. She is getting stronger and she owes that to you. I saw how ye’ tended her.”

Rory finished dressing and he began to brush past his father.

“Son, wait.”

Rory stopped but did not turn to look back at Caleb.

“Son, dunna’ make the same mistake I have made. I am now too old to find love. Forget her clan. See her as a woman first and the woman who loves ye. Tell her ye love her.” Rory didn’t answer but left the solar.

Caleb took another deep, frustrated sigh. He had not only passed the legacy of pride and stubbornness to Rory, he had passed the fear of loss to him, as well. Caleb went to talk to the girl. Upon entering her chamber, he saw Brielle lying on her side crying; Morag stroking her hair. She was speaking soft words to the girl in Gaelic. Caleb cleared his throat and said, “Morag, I need a word with the girl.”

She looked at Caleb and said, “I hope ye' gave that son of yers a sound thrashing. I’d like to take a switch to him myself.”

“I think he’d welcome a beating, for the torture he puts on himself is far worse than any physical violence I can inflict on him.” Morag “
h
arru
mphed
” and left the room. Caleb sat on the bed behind Brielle.

“Come now girl, sit up a minute.” Brielle slowly sat up, hiccupping in her sobs. Caleb pulled a flask from his sporran and handed it to her. “Take a drink of that, lass.”

Brielle took a swallow of the whiskey and she sputtered, gasping.

“Easy, girl. Just let it seep down into ye. Take another sip slowly.” She obeyed. Then he handed her a handkerchief and he said, “Now blow. Good girl.”

He dabbed the tears away and he said, “Alright, lass. Are ye hurt much?”

She shook her head, no.

“Good, he didn’t force you?” Cal
e
b asked, just to confirm his son’s story.

“Nay, he tried, but he did not.” Caleb took a deep breath and he said, “I am sorry Ruiri acted that way. I am shamed by his actions.”

Brielle shrugged and said, “Ruiri is a grown man. He knows what he is doing
and has done.” 

“Lassie, he is…”

“I know…he’s been damaged. He’s affected. I was wrong about him. He is no different from any other man that I have encountered. Men speak with violence and force. Ruiri is no different.”

Caleb patted her hand and he said, “Brielle, he is in love with ye
’
.”

She laughed bitterly and said, “Well then, he sure knows the best way to show that to a girl. Caleb, he nearly raped me.” There she said it!
She did not want to speak it and attest to it, but now it was out in the open.

“I know, he told me. He regrets what he did. I know he doesna’ deserve yer love or forgiveness. He is scared to death…for loving ye threatens his tightly held resolve. If he allows himself to admit that he loves you, he is afraid you too will pass to the netherworld like Caitlyn and he cannot bear to think of enduring that loss.”

“Caleb, I was used to living a solitary life before my
Granddad
passed. That is better for me. I have had limited exposure to most types of relationships, but mostly I am not skilled in the relationships between a man and a woman. Perhaps it is best I leave. I have caused Ruiri enough grief.” 

Caleb hugged her and he said, “Dunna’ leave us. I have grown so fond of ye
’
. Ye
’
are like another daughter to me. And…where will ye go?” 

“I don’t know, Caleb.”

He hugged her and said, “Alright, lass. Dunna’ decide now. I know ye
’
need some time.” Brielle nodded sadly. Before leaving, Caleb turned back and asked, “Do ye still …?”

“Love him?” Caleb nodded. Brielle raised tearful eyes to Caleb.

“Aye, I still love him. Of course I still love him. I dunna’ know why I do, but I do. I shall probably always love him, for he is the first man I have ever truly loved, but I cannot change who I am and I cannot change who he is. He has no room for me in his heart for me to love him while I remain a Campbell. And as you told me, I cannot deny my heritage.” 

“Then somehow, I know it will resolve, even if I have to beat him into accepting it.”

Brielle smiled, even as tears still dripped from her lashes, imagining Caleb giving Rory a thrashing. She almost wished she could witness it for he surely deserved it.

Rory didn’t join them for midday meal or supper. Brielle had had a chance to cool her temper. She actually had hoped that maybe he would come and sit to have a meal and talk civilly, but he disappointed her again the following morning at breakfast and again that night. Despite what had happened, Brielle wanted to see him. She could not deny that she still loved him. She missed him and wanted to talk to him. She thought if she could only talk to him, she could get through to him. But he was being a coward, as far as she could tell. He was carefully avoiding her. It was like he was always elsewhere if she was around. Suddenly the keep seemed too big indeed.

Chapter Twelve

Rory only crept up to his room when he was sure Brielle was asleep. Then, he would spend his night tossing and turning knowing she was on the other side of the door. Even knowing she was a Campbell, he found himself wanting her and aching for her. He knew he should forget about her. There was no way that they could overcome the obstacles that were between the two of them. Rory admitted to himself that he was to blame for most of what was wrong, but they would always have the clan division between them. It was better for Rory to hold onto that reason than to acknowledge the truth. Rory just wished that he could get the girl out of his mind. He wished he could forget how she had felt in his arms. Rory wished he had not been the one to find her broken on that cold highland road. It hurt too much to want her and not have her and he could never have her. Surely she would not want any part of him now, anyway. Rory tried not to think on Caleb’s words too much. If he did, he would have to admit that he was scared; scared to love Brielle and even more terrified of losing her.

Nearly a week later, Rory had gone to retire to bed. He had been keeping away from Brielle diligently and had been keeping the time to retire perfectly to avoid Brielle. He had just snuck into his bed when he thought he heard Brielle cry out. He leapt from his bed and pressed his forehead to the door, but he realized she must have been only dreaming, as he didn’t hear another sound. He wasn’t sure how long he stood there pressed to the door, hoping beyond hope to even just hear a sigh from her. He knew he could walk through the door at any time he wished, but he kept himself in tight restraint. He did not want to frighten her again. He had given some thought about heading to Edinburgh earlier, to put miles between him and Brielle, but something he didn’t want to think about or admit held him and kept him from leaving. He didn’t want to think about how much he wanted her; how much he wanted just to kiss her and hold her. He didn’t want to think about how despite the careful prison he had created for his heart; that he had fallen in love with her. She was his enemy. Besides, he was pretty certain he had killed any chance of her caring for him anyway, when he had nearly raped her.

What Rory didn’t know was on that very night as he pressed to the door hoping to hear a sound from her room, she too had awakened and she desperately wanted to see him. She didn’t know that he was sleeping back in his room. She thought for sure he was dallying elsewhere, but since the incident with Brielle, Rory actually had not even visited Maggie. He just did not trust himself with any other woman and he could no longer deny needing Brielle. He didn’t want to be with his usual casual bedmates. He just wanted to be with Brielle. Brielle did not know that as she pressed her hands and cheek to the door between their chambers that Rory was on the other side, listening for her voice, just hoping to hear a sound or a sigh. He didn’t know that tears of frustration fell as Brielle imagined him in the arms of another woman. She didn’t know that he stood shivering in the cold room because lighting a fire would alert her that he was there and while he stood pressed to the door, he was so cold, he was nearly numb.

He didn’t know that as her silent tears fell, she mouthed, “Ruiri, I love you.” And Brielle didn’t know that he mouthed, “Brielle, please forgive me.” 

After breakfast the next morning, Caleb noticed that though she had eaten well, Brielle had dark smudges under her eyes. “Did ye na’ sleep well, lass,” he asked.

“Nay, not too well. I kept waking and hoping to hear if Ruiri returned, but he ne’er did. I thought if I heard him, I would try to talk to him, but he must have spent the night…elsewhere again,” She choked on the words.

Caleb munched on a venison sausage and casually said, “I noticed him getting in shortly after ye’ went up, lass. Now I could be wrong, but I was up pretty late and I dinna’ see him come back down again afore I retired.”

“He…he was there all night?”

“Aye, lass. It would seem so.” She let a sound of frustration leave her lips. Caleb pretended to eat so she would not see him smile at her predicament.

“Is, he there, still?”

“Nay,
L
ass
ie
. He left before ye came down. And he was looking far worse than ye this day.” 

Brielle wanted to stamp her feet; she was so piqued. “Oooh!  That slinking pole cat! I had my ear pressed to his door most of the night and he was there the entire time? I stood there freezing and he was probably tucked warmly in his bed. OOOhhh, I have been such a fool! Of all the sneaky, rotten tricks…”

Caleb suppressed the small laugh. He had never seen Brielle in a
fit of
temper. He was actually enjoying this stronger side of her. He had watched her come back from her injuries; never even thinking she would live, nonetheless, heal as quickly as she had. She was eating well and not looking as gaunt as she had when Ruiri first brought her home. She had a healthy hue to her skin now. Her gowns fit her more snuggly and not because she gained weight, although she had commented that she had. Morag was still altering them secretly to show her body to its best advantage. Caleb had to warn Morag not to take the necklines any lower. The lassie’s breasts were barely contained and he almost feared they would spill out over the top. By God, she was lovely. He marveled at Ruiri’s restraint.

Brielle knew she needed to think and be by herself for a while. Brielle rose from the table and donned a woolen cloak.

“By yer leave, Laird. I aim to take some fresh air
,”
she said, suddenly feeling like the castle walls were closing in on her. She felt like a complete fool, pining and worrying over the quarrel she had had with Rory...worrying over a man who had built stone walls around his heart. Loving a man like Ruiri MacCollum was futile!  Caleb stood and kissed her hand.

“Alright, lass, dunna’ stay out over long. T’is still so cold.”

“Thank you. I will be careful.” 

Brielle made her way out past the bailey and she hurried down the lane toward the grazing land where the horses were kept during the day, needing to be as far away from the keep as she dared. She loved to watch the horses in the meadow. She missed tending to the animals. She sighed; breathing in the cold crisp air. The beasties never disappointed her. She thought about Rory and how he was so skillful at avoiding her. Her heart was heavy. She would always be a Campbell and while she was, she would forever be his enemy.