Cautious (Sequel to Disastrous) (22 page)

Marcus stood there with a small smile on his lips as his eyes intently
focused on mine. Not taking a look in the mirror, he took two steps toward me
and gently pressed his lips along my forehead. “Perfect.”

“You didn’t even take a look.” I glanced up at him through my
lashes.

He smiled. “I meant you.”

With an arched brow, I cocked my head. “Good one. You know you
don’t have to try so hard with the lines. You’ll always get laid.”

His laugh surrounded the room. “Yeah, yeah, I’ll be downstairs,
waiting.”

Smiling, I turned on my heels and headed toward the bathroom.

***

“Have you given much
thought to what I asked you last night?”
Marcus took a bite of his
breakfast sandwich. He quickly glanced up from across the small bistro table
for two.

“You mean what you asked at two this morning? Which was only a
few hours ago? No, I haven’t.” I teased.

“Well, tell me your thoughts. Why is it such a difficult decision
to make?”

With a sigh, I placed my coffee down and focused on him. “Marcus,
I’m not sure what it is. On one hand, I really do want to live with you, but
then I feel as if something is holding me back. My thoughts keep pulling
against each other in a tug of war. I just need time.” I lightly shrugged. I
wasn’t sure why I was having this constant battle between what my heart desired
and what my brain advised.

It broke my heart when I saw the same disappointment in Marcus’s eyes
as I had witnessed a few hours ago. I wanted to jump right on it and say yes.
We’d both grown so much, and I knew Marcus was trying hard, but he was still
involved with Lou and that criminal lifestyle. As much as I’d tried to put that
fact aside, it was something I wanted him to quit. I hadn’t told him that
because I knew that it would be a major stress and burden to him. Yes, I’d
accepted his flaws, but when I thought about having a future with Marcus and starting
a family with him, I immediately thought of our children. Marcus became involved
in the underground criminal lifestyle because he grew up surrounded by it.
Could I live with myself if I allowed my children to grow up in the same
environment? I knew I couldn’t, because it wasn’t a life I knew until I met
him.

Maybe I was thinking too far ahead, but I couldn’t help it. After
what we’d been through in such a short period of time, I wanted to feel secure about
our future. Until then, I had to deal with the constant battle between what I
felt
was right and what I
knew
was right.

Marcus simply nodded. “I understand.”

He didn’t push the issue any further as we continued with our
breakfast. After we were finished, he dropped me off at school and drove off to
work. With a deep sigh, I prepared for the day ahead.

***

In an empty classroom, I stood before my professor’s
desk with a shocked expression. His brow lifted, waiting for my response. My
stomach knotted as nausea shot through me. “Well, Ms. Sullivan, do you have an
explanation?”

“No. I didn’t realize I wasn’t doing well. I-I . . .” Oh my God,
what was I going to do? I couldn’t fail this class. My low score on my last
exam was threatening my GPA. I swallowed back the lumps that formed in my
throat. “What can I do to ensure that I don’t fail the class?”

With a smug look, he scribbled something down on a note pad and
tore the paper from the binder before handing it to me. I quickly looked at
what he gave me. “That’s a tutor you can contact. She’s really good and could
possibly have you back on track before the semester is over. You need to pass
the next two exams and the final in order to move forward. I must say, Ms.
Sullivan, I’m very disappointed in your lack of dedication. You have to work
harder if you want to maintain your GPA.”

“You’re right; there’s no excuse for my lack of commitment. I
promise I’ll do better. Thank you for this, Professor Barnes.”

“I’m sure you will.” He went to gather his belongings. Nodding, I
turned and walked out of his office. Disappointment burned through me. I’d
failed myself. The one part of my life that I should’ve had under control was
falling apart. The hard work I’d put into my studies was what defined me.

Angry with myself, I felt the tears build as I left the building
and began my brisk walk home. I wanted to call Marcus and wallow in my
self-pity, but he had bigger problems. The last thing I wanted was for him to
stress over mine as well. With that, I called the only person I could think of
that was used to my whining: Jeremy.

“Oh wow, Mia. Don’t cry. I know you’re taking this hard, but I
know you. You’ll get back on track.”

Breathing out a heavy sigh as I continued my walk home, I swiped
a tear away. “I just can’t believe I allowed it to get this far, Jeremy. I
don’t know what’s gotten into me.”

“Life. You finally got one. Before, you were so immersed in your
studies that you didn’t allow anyone or anything else to enter your life. Now,
you have Marcus and your mom is back in your life. You’ve been occupied with
them. It’s understandable. Don’t be so hard on yourself.”

“But, this is my future, Jeremy. Without this, I have nothing.”

“I know how much it means to you, Mia. From here on out you just
need to put everything around you on hold and focus on your studies as you used
to do.” He was right. There were only a few weeks left in this semester, and I
needed to focus all of my attention on studying for my exams. “Mia, you can do
this. I know you can.”

I can do this.

I can do this.

I can do this.

After repeating it over and over, I felt a bit of relief, “Thank
you, Jeremy. Can you do me a favor?”

“Anything.”

“Please don’t tell Megan. I don’t want her to slip and tell
Marcus. He has a lot going on right now with work and personal issues; I just
don’t want him to worry about me as well.”

“Sure thing.”

CHAPTER NINETEEN

MARCUS

“You were great, Mr. DeLuca.” Troy Jefferson exclaimed
with a huge grin as he reached out to shake my hand.

“Thank you. You were great as well. You followed the directions
and answered all of the questions just as we rehearsed.”

“So what happens next?”

“After Peirce handles the defendant’s deposition scheduled next
week, we’ll order the transcripts for both depositions. The opposing counsel
and our firm will, of course, go through them. We usually sit back and wait for
an offer. If we feel the offer is low, we’ll deny it and prepare for trial.”

“If we do go to trial, will you be the trial attorney?”

“No, I’m sorry. Peirce is the attorney handling your malpractice
claim. He’ll be the one at the trial. Don’t worry, Mr. Jefferson. You’re in good
hands.”

“I surely don’t doubt it. Thank you again.” He shook my hand one
last time, stood from the chair, and left the conference room.

The deposition took longer than expected, and it was close to
one. My mother was due to be at the office soon, which left little time for
much else. I quickly gathered the documents, shoved them in the file, and
headed toward my office.

When I walked into the office, my mother was already there, early
as always, sitting by the bookcase. She was flipping through a magazine. Her
head popped up. “Hi honey.”

“Hey, I’m just going to use the bathroom, and then we can go. Do
you know where you want to have lunch?”

“I thought of the tiny bistro just down the street?”

“Yes, that’s fine. Give me a few minutes, and I’ll be ready.”

“Take your time.”

***

We were seated by a private table for two in the far
back of the bistro. My mother ordered a glass of wine, and I settled on water.
She sipped on her glass as we sat awkwardly in silence. There was a lot I
wanted to know, but I wasn’t going to push her, so I waited. Hell, I waited
until the silence was unbearable. “Mom, you wanted to talk.” I reminded her.

She snapped out of her daze, “Yes, honey. I’m sorry. This is just
so difficult. I don’t know where to begin.”

“Try with what began the affair.” I suggested in a sarcastic
tone.

She wasn’t thrilled with my response, but didn’t argue against
it. Instead, she straightened in her chair and went on after a curt nod.
“Marcus, before I explain, you have to understand that I loved your father very
much.”

“That’s very hard to believe.”

Her lips quivered at my harsh remark, and then she pressed them
together. “Well, I did. It may not seem like it to you now, but I did. There
was nothing in the world I wouldn’t do for him. He was my first love, my first
everything. I knew no one else but him. I was young, naïve, and allowed him to
bring me into a way of life that I would be against today. It wasn’t easy at
first. I accepted it, though, because I loved him, and I was prepared for all
of it. At least, I thought I was.”

She wiped away a tear that ran down her cheek and then continued,
“It wasn’t until Jimmie was born that I knew enough was enough. I begged him to
leave that lifestyle behind because I didn’t want my little boy to be
influenced by it. Your father promised me numerous times that he would walk
away from it all someday, that he was just waiting for the right time.” She
slightly shook her head. I listened intently as she continued her confession.
“But the right time never came. After I had you, it got even worse. He would
use money as a way to justify it all. He said that he wanted a better life for
his boys, for me. We constantly argued. I thought we had more than enough
money, but to him, it was never enough. I think in the end, because it was the
only lifestyle he knew, he didn’t want out, because if he really did, he would
have left.”

“It’s not that easy,” I blurted, wanting to take it back at that
moment. Her head tilted aside, as her eyes grew with curiosity.

“No, no it’s not, but there’s always a way out, Marcus.” She went
silent for a moment and then went on. “A couple of months before your father’s
suicide, he had Lou around you boys and me more often.” The sound of his name
raked at my skin and boiled my fucking blood. My nostrils flared, and I tried
to control the building anger as she continued. “There was a bad exchange. I
didn’t know much about it, but there was a threat against your father and his
family. So Lou was around to protect us, I guess. I wasn’t sure how it all
began, but it did.” A sob escaped her as she confessed to being unfaithful to a
man she claimed to love. “Lou satisfied the void that your father failed to
fulfill.” Tears began to stream down her face as she sniffed a few times. “Oh
God, I know it was a terrible and disloyal thing to do. I felt sick about it,
and I prayed every single night and day for forgiveness. When your father found
out about the affair and then he committed suicide a week later, my heart
shattered into a million pieces, Marcus. I blamed myself every single day since
his death.
Every day
.” I leaned back in my chair and watched as my
mother broke out into soft sobs.

As much as I wanted to be pissed off with her, I couldn’t. The
fact that she thought she was responsible for my father’s death sickened me. I
wasn’t sure what was behind Lou’s reasoning in killing my father, and I wasn’t
sure that I would ever know. Maybe the affair was one of the many reasons. But
if I truly knew Lou, I knew that he was a greedy son of a bitch and desired
nothing more than power. He wanted to control it all, and the fact that my
father was the one in his way convinced me that had to have been more than just
the affair. Seducing my mother was probably some sick fucking twisted plot of
his.

I reached out and grabbed my mother’s hand. She looked up at me
as she dabbed a tissue along her eyes. “Mom, I’m sorry for not hearing you out
to begin with, and I’m sorry you had to live with that burden for the last
fifteen years, but you must know you were not responsible for Dad’s death. You
have to let that go and move on with your life.”

“One day I will.” She sniffed. “Thank you, honey, for
understanding.”

She pulled out a compact mirror from her bag, and her eyes
widened at her reflection, “Oh my, look at me. I have mascara smeared
everywhere.” She grabbed a fresh tissue and cleaned her face up.

“You still look beautiful, Mom. Don’t worry about it.”

She laughed at that. “Oh, you not only have your father’s looks
and traits but his charm as well.” Her expression fell as her gaze focused on
me from under her lashes. “Marcus, promise me something?”

“Anything, Mom.”

“Promise me you’ll find a way out.”

Puzzled, I tilted my head aside. “What do you mean?”

Her eyes softened. “You know what I mean. Mia’s a good woman.
Don’t put her through what your father put me through.

My heart began to race as my breathing grew rapid. “You know?”

“I’ve lived that life for almost twenty years. So, yes, I’ve
known. I wasn’t thrilled about it. I was hoping you’d find a way out. I wanted
to reach out to you, but when I almost did, I thought it was too late. The life
sucked you right in. Then, suddenly, out of nowhere you changed. That’s when
Mia walked into your life. I’ve loved her from the moment I met her, and I’ve wanted
to thank her. In a way, she’s saved you. I’ve always said people walk into our
lives for a reason. She walked into yours to help you break free from all of
this, Marcus. Then I thought maybe, just maybe, it’s not too late.”

Each word she spoke stabbed at my heart. I wasn’t sure if it was
the talk about my father, about Lou, or even Mia, but something came over me.
It felt as if someone had reached deep within me, pulled me out, and jerked me
alive.

Fuck it all.

I stood from the table, gave my mother a kiss on the cheek, and
left her sitting there with her eyes puzzled and confused by my unexpected
departure. Instead of going back to the office, I made a few phone calls to see
where
he
was—the fucker I needed to see that fucking moment. After
locating him, I jumped into my car and raced there.