Caught on Camera (43 page)

Vega’s arms slid around his waist and held him tight. He squeezed his eyes shut, because he knew as well as she that his hope had not died that day. But his young soul had definitely been shattered.

“My sister and I became much closer that afternoon. She even started helping me with homework every day.”

“And the piano?” Vega remained tucked against his chest, enjoying the feel of his strong arms, and knowing she was giving back some of the same comfort. “Clearly you started playing again.”

“The leg got replaced, and by the time it was fixed, I realized that playing helped me more than being mad at my mother did. I eventually took lessons, but only years later after I had learned on my own how to make the sheet music make sense to me.”

“And that piece in your hand? Why didn’t it get put back into place?”

JP nuzzled the top of her head, and she had the thought she should probably get out of his arms. They’d shared too much not to have grown closer, but the same issues still sat like deadweight between them.

He laughed gently. “For some reason, they could never find that piece. Since it didn’t affect how the piano sounded, it was left as is.”

“But you found it?”

“I took it.” One hand smoothed up her back to cup loosely around her neck. “I took it that night and locked it away with the promise to myself that I was finished begging for love. I put the box away, and it was never opened again.” He pulled back and stared into her eyes, his blue orbs darkening. “Until tonight.”

“Oh.” She wet her lips, her gaze dipping to watch his tongue do the same. The air between them suddenly thickened and warmed, and she whispered, “We shouldn’t.”

“We should.”

“But nothing’s different. We can’t be together.”

He put his mouth to her temple and nuzzled his way to her ear. “We’ve got to be together, baby. Don’t you see? We’re both so damned broken, we’re the only ones who fit each other.”

Her neck tilted to allow him better access. “But…” She struggled to remember what she intended to say as his fingers tugged at her blouse and slipped underneath. He slid one hand up and palmed her breast, and she was lost. She had no idea how they could possibly make a relationship work, but for the first time, she wanted to believe they could.

Vega began working on the buttons down the front of his shirt, and smiled at the gleam in his eyes. “We’ll figure it out later?” she asked.

He growled. “We’ll definitely figure it out later.”

He closed his mouth over hers, and with a quick shift, her feet once again left the floor. Only this time, she wasn’t tossed over his shoulders like a bag of potatoes.

She wrapped her arms around his neck and curved into him. “I think I like this position better than the last time you carried me.”

The fingers beneath her lightly pinched her butt and sent her wiggling in his arms. “I liked the other way too. It was everything I could do not to grab your ass when it was practically in my face.”

“Right.” She giggled. “You were so mad at me, I doubt my rear was even on your radar.”

JP stared down at her, love shining from his eyes, and winked. “There hasn’t been a day go by that your rear wasn’t on my radar, sweetheart.”

He entered his bedroom, the single lamp the only light glowing save the twinkling city outside, and laid her gently in the middle of his big bed. He shucked his shoes, then crawled on top of the covers with her.

As she rolled to her side to face him, she reached up to trace her finger over his lips and couldn’t contain the hope that bloomed wide inside her chest. She wanted this man. As a friend, a lover, but mostly as a husband. She wanted it so bad the depth of her desire terrified her.

“Love me, JP,” she whispered.

He gave a single nod as he wrapped long arms around her and fitted her body to his. “Always.”

“I
WANT TO START
a program for kids.”

Vega cracked open her eyes to the early-morning hue of JP’s bedroom and squinted to focus. Red digits beside the bed said 5:00. Their night had been better than she could have ever imagined, waking time and again to seek each other out, but they had yet to return to reality and discuss anything more substantial than what position they wanted to try next. Looked like JP was now ready to face facts.

She rolled to her back, forcing him to loosen his hold, and peered up at him in the gray dawn.

“A program?” A yawn escaped with the question.

“I’m sorry.” He brushed hair off her forehead and replaced it with a kiss. “Did I wake you?”

“No.” She stroked his rough jaw, enjoying the intimacy of the moment. “I was listening to you breathe.”

His mouth curved. “I like that.”

She stifled another yawn. “Sorry.” She waved a hand in front of her face as if swatting it away. “I’m tired. Something kept me awake most of the night.”

He nudged his nose to the side of her face, forcing her head to turn, then nipped at her earlobe. “You can sleep when we’re old and our four kids are taking care of us.”

Fear thundered through her as instantaneously as it had the first time he’d mentioned forever. She still couldn’t figure out how they could make it work. Instead of addressing the subject of how many kids they may or may not have, she returned to his opening statement. “What kind of program?”

His gaze narrowed as if he knew what she was up to, but she also caught a tightness around his mouth. He didn’t know how to deal with her past any more than she did. He snuggled against her side, one arm heavy over her waist, his cheek pressing to hers. “Something similar to what I’m doing at the Montessori school. Not your ordinary program designed to help kids figure out their best way of learning, but attention given to building within them a confidence they’ve never had. Hope. Show them there’s nothing wrong with them just because they’re different.”

She liked the feel of the vibrations from his body as he lay against her and talked. “It sounds perfect. What’s stopping you from doing it?”

He released a long, sad breath. “I don’t want to just fund it and forget it. I want to be involved. Make sure it’s being done right. I want to visit the schools and help train the counselors. I want to be a part of it.”

“You want to make a difference,” she whispered.

Several seconds passed before he answered. “Yes.”

“Then I’ll ask you again. What’s stopping you?”

He rolled to his back and bent his arm across his forehead. “How can I do that
and
be a senator?
And
keep an eye on the company?”

“And not let it be known you’ve dealt with dyslexia yourself?”

She felt his gaze on her, but she didn’t look his way. He had to figure out that he hadn’t quite developed that confidence yet himself that he wanted so badly to instill others.

“I’ve overcome it.” His voice was low.

“Then why keep hiding it?” She rolled to her side and faced him. “It still hurts you deep inside, but yes, you’ve overcome the obstacles.”

“What would be the point of putting it out there now?”

“Because you can’t move on from your past until you do. Do you realize you’re doing the same thing to Tyler that your mother did to you?”

His jaw clenched. “Like hell I am.”

“Then what’s the problem with showing his issues on-screen? You’re treating him like something is wrong with him by refusing to allow him to be fully seen in public.”

“That’s not…” He paused, then slammed his mouth into a straight line and glowered at her. His nostrils flared. “What about you? You’re so busy hiding, you’re afraid to even have a life.”

“Why are you turning this on me? We were talking about you and what you want.”

“Yet you’re doing the same thing you accuse me of. Do you want to cower behind a camera the rest of your life?” His tone hurt, but she knew he was simply lashing out because she’d struck a nerve. “Why not step out there and grab what you want?”

“It’s not the same thing. I brought mine on myself. You were born—”

“Bullshit. You may have been naive, but you didn’t set out to trap a man into marrying you. And you certainly didn’t bring any of this on yourself. The only thing you did wrong was run from it instead of face it head-on.”

She sat up and pulled the sheet up with her. “What would facing it have gotten me? More offers of tawdry reality shows? More porn producers calling?”

He followed her up to the headboard. “It would have gotten you the ability to have a life.”

“A life with you, you mean?”

The sun had begun peeking over the city, and a harsh slash chose that moment to streak across his face, highlighting his eyes as well as the pulse pounding in his temple. He looked at a spot over her shoulder, and the atmosphere in the room changed. “I can’t figure out how to do it, Vega.”

Her hand covered her mouth. He was talking about them. Though she knew it was the only choice, she wasn’t ready for this.

“No matter how much I love you, and you love me.” The pain in his voice hurt as much as her crushing heart. “I don’t know how to make this work. You know you’ll be in the spotlight every day if you’re with me.”

“I am aware of that.”

“And I…” He glanced at her, then just as quickly looked away. “I can’t be the one to do that to you again.”

“Or to you?”

He blinked, refocused on her. “What?”

“You can’t do it to you either, right? You can’t put me out there and watch your political career get destroyed before it ever gets off the ground. You can’t risk disappointing your mother. Again.”

“If I could just figure out—”

“Don’t worry about it.” She swung her legs over the side of the bed to get up, but he grabbed her before she rose.

“No! I’m not saying to leave. Just…give me some time to figure out how to protect both of us. Please.”

Her laugh was hollow. She glanced over her shoulder. “You’re trying to figure out how to keep doing exactly what you just blasted me for. Hiding me in public. And on top of that, you’re ignoring everything else that means so much to you.”

His fingers clenched on her waist so hard it hurt.

She gave him a sad smile. “You just convinced me of something.”

“What’s that?”

“I’m finished hiding. I may not be ready to announce exactly who I am and what I once did, but I’ll no longer stick with a life I don’t like.” She stood from the bed, leaving the sheets and all her insecurities behind. “I won’t be afraid anymore. I hope you figure out how to do the same before it’s too late for you.”

With her parting words, she scooped up her clothes and marched from the room. She didn’t stop when he said her name, and by the time she reached the front door, she was fully dressed. She may love JP more than she’d ever thought possible, but she’d also discovered she loved herself more. She needed someone who could not only stand up for her, but for himself as well. Or she wanted no one at all.

She stepped out of the penthouse and pushed the elevator button. Her heart shattered when the doors silently slid open, then closed with her inside, without JP coming after her.

V
EGA SHIFTED THE
car into park and stared out into space, ignoring the hotel hovering to her left, as well as the crowd of photographers milling out in front. She could not believe she’d gone from such an emotional high to an all-consuming, heart-wrenching low within the span of a few hours. Yet her swollen eyes and emaciated heart were clear indicators that’s exactly what had happened.

She scrubbed the heels of her hands over her eyes, then leaned her head on the steering wheel in exhaustion. She needed sleep. And a year’s worth of healing.

After leaving the penthouse, she’d been unready to return to the hotel. Doing so would mean she had to pack and head home, because no, she wasn’t sticking around for the press conference the following day. Someone else could cover that. So instead, she’d spent the last two hours driving around in a haze, making turn after turn yet never getting anywhere. It felt strangely right, and in a funny way, that made sense. It was the same thing she’d spent the last few years of her life doing. Going around in circles, avoiding everything that could take her on a path out of there, and constantly seeing the same views passing by, time and time again.