Caught in the Glow (The Glower Chronicles Book 1) (13 page)

He didn’t have to tell me how much that hurt him. I could hear it in the roughness in his voice, see it in the twisting of his napkin between his fingers. My heart squeezed. I lay my hand over his.

“You know one of the best things about the music industry?” I said. “There’s a ton of crap that goes on and a lot of competition, sure, but there’s also a community. You connect with people, you find a different kind of family. After my dad... passed, there were always colleagues, people who’d respected him, who came by and helped out. We always had people to turn to. There’ll be people like that for you too.”

“I know,” Colin said. “I had a bit of that... There was this one guy, a British rocker, who visited Rushfield—after you’d left. He liked what I was doing, introduced me to some people in town, just hung out and let me ask all kinds of dumb fifteen-year-old’s questions. It was nice.”

Something in his voice made me pause. “’Was’?” I said.

“We were supposed to hang out when he was back in town one time,” Colin said. “But he— I found out— He’d hung himself.”

My grip on his hand tightened. “I’m sorry,” I said.

Colin exhaled and shrugged. “Lots of messed up people in this business, right? I guess that’s why we all get along so well.”

The self-deprecating smile he gave me looked genuine if pained. I didn’t know what else to say. Then I caught sight of Mom emerging from the restroom nook at the back of the restaurant and eased back my hand. Colin looked up. When he saw her approaching, his expression settled back into its previous relaxed contentment.

None of what he’d just told me had been in the Society’s file on him. I guessed the mentorship hadn’t been especially public, and he hadn’t warmed up to his past Tethers enough to start dishing about his family situation. Suddenly a large portion of what we’d been through, the things he’d done and said over the past few weeks, didn’t seem quite so strange.

In some ways, he really was adrift. He
needed
a Tether, even if he’d thought it was the last thing he wanted. He needed someone to bring him back to earth when he started spiraling off in frustration, someone to remind him he wasn’t alone.

When Mom sat down, we fell into the same light chatter, Colin drawing out a few more tour stories and then answering some of Mom’s questions about pulling together his indie debut, me mostly listening. As the waiter cleared our plates, Colin got up, saying he needed to make a trip to the little boys’ room. As soon as he’d walked away, Mom turned to me. The look on her face made my stomach flip. I braced myself for bad news.

“What?” I said.

“It’s nothing yet,” she said. “And I hope it stays nothing. I’m glad I got to meet him. He seems like a young man who should be going places.”

That preamble only made me more nervous. “
What
?” I repeated.

“Sterling got a call from the record label a couple of hours ago,” she said. “It seems one of Ryder’s bandmates has been complaining about his behavior, wanting out. On top of everything else... They told Sterling that if they haven’t seen improvement within the week, they’re cancelling his and all their other contracts with the Society.”

My skin went cold. Cancelling the contracts meant pulling me. Leaving Colin for the Glower who’d already almost marked him.

“They can’t,” I protested. “He’s in danger. I’m getting somewhere with him, Mom, but there’s no way I can make sure he’s protected if I only have another week and then I’m gone.”

“Well, hopefully it won’t come to that,” she said, her eyes downcast. “I just wanted you to hear, because I know Sterling is too caught up in the big picture to think to say it, that no matter what
does
happen, this isn’t your fault. You have to remember that. Ryder’s just been a difficult case, and the label’s been unreasonable. You’ve done the best anyone could have expected. I can see you’ve gotten through to him so much more than the last two must have.”

But it might not be enough. I sank down in my chair, my gut churning.

I’d never let myself imagine I was going to be with Colin forever. It seemed inevitable that his interest in me would be fleeting. What I hadn’t considered was that I might be the one leaving
him
.

Two hours later, I was sitting at my desk in Colin’s penthouse, debating whether to answer Fee’s last text. It was the first conversation we’d had since that brunch, but I could tell from tonight’s particularly creative grammar and spelling that she wasn’t all there. Apparently she and the Starlet were out at some party for planning the after-party to that party? She wasn’t making a whole lot of sense.
Wish u cud b here
, she’d sent a few minutes ago.
100xx grate times. Freekin awe mazing peeps.

I wished she were anywhere but there. I wished I knew what to say to her that wasn’t a total lie and wouldn’t sound like I was judging her. I didn’t want her to end up shutting me out all over again... So it seemed safest not to say anything. To pretend I’d gotten busy and hadn’t been able to respond. Maybe we’d find a chance to get together sometime soon and we could have a real talk.

I couldn’t stand sitting there with the phone staring at me, though. I glanced out into the hall, but Colin was still holed up in
his
bedroom, which he’d wandered into after his manager had called as we’d come in from dinner. The length of that conversation made it feel ominous too, especially in light of what Mom had told me. I couldn’t believe Joel would have turned on Colin while still acting so friendly to his face. Was it Marcy who’d been complaining about him, or Kevin?

An itch crept through my muscles. What I really wanted was a good run on Dad’s drum kit, but I had other ways to burn through unwanted energy here.

I changed into my bathing suit and ambled out onto the terrace. After a couple laps in the pool, the burn I’d needed start to tickle through my body. I swam on, back and forth across the short distance between the walls, focusing all my attention on the sweep of my arms, the rhythm of my breath, and the tang of chlorine.

When the burn shifted from pleasant to painful, I rolled onto my back. Floating on the cool water, the hazy night sky spread above me, I felt far away from everything else in the world. From everything that might weigh me down.

At a faint splash, I lifted my head, letting my feet drop to the slippery tiles of the pool bottom. Even at the deeper end I could keep my chin above water if I stood on my tiptoes.

Colin had just sat down at the edge of the pool, setting his legs in the water. He must have noticed me out here a little while ago—he’d had time to change into his swim trunks. He smiled at me and I smiled back, somehow feeling less vulnerable cloaked in the ripples of the water, even though he had the higher ground.

“What did Fitch have to say?” I asked, trying to keep my worries out of my voice.

“She’s arranged a last minute gig,” he said. “Opening act at a concert this weekend. Some issue with the original band, they had to pull out. We’re supposed to try out some of the new material on the crowd. It’ll be good to see the response, I guess.”

Not bad news, then. I smiled more freely. “I’m looking forward to it. I always prefer hearing songs live.”

He squinted at me and raised an eyebrow. “You’re still wearing that old suit. What happened to the new ones I got you?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I deadpanned, and he flicked water at me with his foot. I grinned, gliding a little closer. “I’m not exactly in the habit of taking your orders, in case you hadn’t noticed.”

“You know, I actually had noticed that.”

I caught his ankle before he could splash me again and nudged it back toward the wall. “It was a nice thought,” I allowed. “But those bikinis for girls who aren’t me. I am the shape I am, and I’m fine with it, but I’m not going to dress like I’m someone else.”

His expression turned serious as he looked down at me. “Have you really never had a guy make you feel you had a body worth showing off? That’s just not right.”

“It’s not like that,” I said. “I’ve had boyfriends; they made me feel... appreciated. There are just different kinds of showing off.”

He made a dismissive noise. “Not appreciated enough, then. That’s obviously why those boyfriends aren’t still around.”

“Nah,” I said. “They just weren’t right.”

“You never got serious?”

“Well, the last one...” Mateo. My chest tightened, but only briefly. I kicked away, making a leisurely circuit of the pool. “We were together for almost a year. I would have gotten more serious, if things had been working out. But he just... He was very reserved, I guess. And even when we’d known each other a long time, whenever I’d bring up any more personal subjects, he never felt comfortable enough with me to share on the same level. I figured if he still didn’t feel that deep a connection after a whole year, it probably wasn’t ever going to happen.”

I felt Colin’s gaze following me across the water, though he was silhouetted in the dusk by the penthouse lights slanting through the window behind him. “Anyway,” I added, “I don’t think there’s something wrong with the way I look. I just know there’s a difference between me and someone with the sort of looks that get people throwing themselves at them every hour of the day. Like someone else around here, not to name any names.”

Colin snorted. “Well, in my opinion anyone who overlooks you is the one missing out.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah.” He slid into the water, landing with a slight bounce of his feet, and meandered toward me where I’d paused in the shallower water. “You’re got that Joanna Newsom vibe going on, quirky-pretty,
real
, not trying to force yourself into some box someone else designed.”

“Or some bathing suit someone else thinks I should wear?” I suggested, and he sprang at me through the water, catching my wrist.

“Touché,” he said, tugging me toward him. “And you know what? Come to think of it, I’m okay with other people missing out. Less competition for me.”

I laughed, with a little hitch of breath as his arms came around me, his skin slick but warm in the cool water. He sank onto one of the steps leading out of the pool, pulling me over to perch on his lap.

“I was thinking,” he murmured, his lips grazing my cheek, “that there is no one but you and me on this entire floor of the building, and the door is locked, and my phone is turned off, which means I’m pretty sure there is no chance whatsoever of another unfortunate interruption.”

A tingle ran through me as much at the words as the feel of his lips. “Interesting,” I said. “I take it you have thoughts on how we should use this golden opportunity.”

He didn’t bother to answer, just tilted my mouth toward his.

There was something electric about kissing in the water, the faint chill on our lips playing against the warmth of our mingling breaths and the heat of our tongues. The way his fingers glided over my skin. The smooth ripple of the muscles in his shoulders, across his back, over his chest as my hands charted a path of their own. I pulled him closer, losing myself in the next kiss and the next. An ache of longing was already spreading through my body, but I wasn’t going to hurry this. If this was it, if we went all the way and it turned out the once was enough to satisfy him, I’d never have another moment like this. So I was going to savor it for as long as I could.

He shifted me on him so I was straddling him before trailing his hands over my wet hair and down my back, and then cradling my face again to angle the next kiss into something even deeper. His fingers traveled down to the neckline of my top, finding the bow that tied the lacing there. With a tug, he’d loosened the knot.

“I have to admit, I do like this particular feature,” he said against my jaw before kissing the crook of my neck. A breathless giggle escaped me. My head tipped back, the water buoying it, as his lips followed the curve of my throat and his fingers coaxed the lacing from each set of eyelets, one by careful one. The top hovered looser around my chest with each release.

He was good like this, I thought. He was good with me. Happy. Relaxed. Maybe, if what we had didn’t end here—if I could hold his interest at least a little longer—maybe I could save him from more than just the literal demons out there. Maybe I could help him hold it together through the next week, make peace with his band, turn over a new leaf for the record label. Just... settle down a bit. And then, even if he broke my heart, even if he went back to chasing the “easy” girls at the concerts and in the clubs, at least I’d have guarded that happiness for whomever he decided to share it with next.

The idea came with a pang, but then Colin cast the last piece of lacing away and the sides of the top floated free. The caress of the water over my bare breasts stole every other thought from my mind. Colin slid his hands under them, smoothing his thumbs back and forth across the curve of my flesh, letting the tickle of the current tease my nipples hard until I could barely stand it.

I yanked his mouth back to mine, my fingers twisting his hair as we kissed and then gripping his shoulders. As he eased his hands up, the textured pads of his thumbs, creased and calloused by guitar strings, replaced the cool sweep of the water. I moaned into his mouth, and he drank the sound away.