Caught in the Flames (22 page)

I shake my head no and pick up my pace so Jill has to jog to keep up. “She made a choice that night, Jill. I don’t want to hear her excuses. I don’t even want to think about it.” My blood boils a little just remembering and I punch my arms through the air, pretending the empty space is Chase, or Alicia, or both of them together.

“Oh. Wow. You’re better at power walking than I imagined,” Jill mutters, and mimics the movement. We look like idiots, I’m sure, arms swinging and legs pumping to a staccato tempo. “Look, I won’t bring it up again because I know it upsets you, but she’s hurting as much as you right now. Will you at least return her calls?”

She’s called and texted every day since the horrible night of Fireball. But I deleted every text and refused every call, even deleted the voicemails so I’m not tempted to listen to them in a fragile moment. One in which I miss my best friend.

“No.” My hamstrings pull as tight as my heart and I stop abruptly. “Don’t, Jill. There’s no way she’s hurting as badly as I am.”

Jill meets my hard stare and pushes her shades atop her head so those baby blue irises tear into my soul. “She lost her best friend, too. Because of her own actions. The guilt is eating her up. I’m not discounting your own pain, Callie. I’m sorry if that’s how it came out.”

Inhale. Exhale. I focus on my steps and the bright sun of the day calms my racing heart. I need the distraction. I’m tired of feeling pain. It’s all I’ve felt. I can’t think about Alicia’s pain because the anger I hold for her helps me keep myself together. If I let the sadness seep in I’m afraid I’ll lose all remaining control of my stupid fucked up life, and I have very little as it is. Jill sticks by my side but I don’t sneak a look her way as we walk in silence.

We round the bend and I glance up to find Kiki pacing her long driveway. Her head’s down and she shakes it from side to side. She’s talking to herself but that’s not uncommon for Kiki.

“Hello, Kiki!” I call out, and Jill and I power walk to where she waves us over.

“Hi, Callie! Who’s your friend?” she says in her gravely low voice. I introduce Jill, and Kiki extends her hand for a shake.

When she releases Jill’s grip, her gaze zeros in on my face. I fight the urge to look away, because I can already tell this woman knows things with a simple flick of eye contact. Her years on this earth give her insurmountable knowledge with one calculating stare. She’s also the nosey ass neighbor who knows everything about everyone.

“I haven’t seen you on your runs lately, Callie. I miss our coffee chats.”

“Yeah. I haven’t felt up to exercising. And I’m working from home now so I don’t have to get up so early.”

“Mmm hmm.” She nods and accepts my answer.
Whew
. For one long minute I think she’ll leave it at that. “So what happened with Captain Chase? I know you aren’t seeing him anymore, but those fire boys won’t give me any details.”

“You asked the crew?” My voice screeches and my eyes widen of their own accord.

“Of course I did. They’re out here twice a week getting Silas down—Silas is my cat,” she supplies to Jill. “So, what happened to lover boy? Tell Kiki.”

“We broke up—” I try for strong, casual even, but my words tumble out choked and painful. Moisture gathers in my eyes. God! You’d think there wouldn’t be any tears left. How much can one person cry in two weeks?

“Go on.” Kiki reaches out to hold one of my hands and she uses her other to pat my forearm. It’s something my aunt used to do and I savor the touch. “You tell me all about it, dear.”

“I thought things were good. Fine. Going great, really. We had our ups and downs, a few arguments here and there. His obvious issues of commitment, but that’s normal, right? What guy in this day and age doesn’t suffer from a little relationship phobia?”

Kiki nods with understanding, her hand still holding mine. The tears are really streaming now. Snot leaks from my nostrils despite my attempts to sniffle it back. But somehow Kiki’s open and inviting expression has me in full out confession mode. She’s getting it all.

“He cheated on me! I walked in on them! He was cheating the entire time—”

“It was that whore on Brookerson Avenue, wasn’t it?” Kiki interrupts. Her eyes narrow and she shakes her head with a scowl. “She’s always been a hose hussy, that one! Homewrecker.” I have no clue who Kiki’s referring to and I don’t bother correcting her because I don’t want to hash up Alicia’s involvement. Not with Jill standing at my side.

Kiki continues to cuss and rant and it feels good to have her outrage. She’s on my team, in my corner, and I fall a little bit more in love with this woman. My tears slow and I use my shirt to wipe the dampness and snot from my face. It hits me that Kiki was outside when we came by and she’s usually not unless for the cat.

“Is Silas out?”

“Oh, no. He’s safe and fat inside.”

“Were you outside getting some exercise, then?”

“Oh, hell no. I leave that to you young girls. I let my figure go years ago. Best thing I ever did! No, I’m just doing a little gardening. Well, trying to get the motivation for it. I’ve really let things go around the place. Was thinking how nice it’d be to enjoy the yard again.”

A little?
This yard needs more love than a Marvin Gaye song.

“I can help you,” I offer.

“Oh, dear, that’s too kind. You don’t have to, though.”

“But I want to. I like to garden, and the first time I went in your backyard I thought how beautiful it would be back there with a little pruning.” More like a month’s worth, but I don’t want to be rude. And what I just said earns me an ear to ear grin from Kiki. One I’ve never seen before.

“Okay. When can you start?”

“Now?” I look at Jill, who’s been uncannily silent through our entire visit. She nods, one corner of her mouth pulling up. “We were mostly done with our stroll, anyway.” I bite my lip as Jill rolls her eyes.

“That’s perfect. I’ll meet you round back. I’ve already got the shed open, and all the tools you’ll need are there. Oh, Callie, you are the best.” She bustles up the drive and in the front door.

I give a little chuckle and feel as though I’ve been set up, or fallen prey to a well laid trap. I don’t mind, though. The thought of gardening pulls at good memories from my childhood and scrapes away the fog I’ve been living beneath. The sun seems to shine a little brighter and I squint my eyes at the glare when I face Jill. “You can go if you want.”

Jill drops her shades over her eyes. I can’t read her expression as she considers the job. At that moment the clouds in the sky break open further and the heat from the sun warms my skin.

“Some people will do anything to get out of a good power walking session,” Jill teases and loops her arm through mine as we start up the drive. “I’m guessing this Kiki is good people?”

“She reminds me of my aunt. But a much raunchier, tatted up version.”

“She has tattoos?”

“Ten of them! Though I’ve only seen seven. The other three are in places reserved for lovers’ eyes only. Her words, not mine.”

“Good people.” Jill nods, and releases my arm as I give the gate a good shove with my hip. The hinges protest with a squeal as it opens. “Holy fu—”

“Yeah. Like I said. You don’t have to help.” If possible the yard has gotten worse since the last time I was back here. It’s pretty much a solid foot deep of overgrowth. Grass, weeds, vines, and plants cover every square inch of this space.

“Looks like you’re gonna need all the help you can get. I think you need me, Callie.” Jill sighs and we warily step toward the open shed door, careful to not trip along the way.

“Yeah. I think I do.”

I love hard work.

The kind that requires sweat, muscle, and a lot of dirt. And after the month I’ve had—the kind where the world falls down with little regard for happiness and peace—I’m almost giddy with the joy of accomplishing something difficult.

I’ve spent every evening and weekend in Kiki’s backyard for the past four weeks. Basically reviewed my prior social life of a gorgeous cheating boyfriend, a back stabbing best friend, and one not at all deceitful friend, and exchanged it all for a life of graphic design from home and gardening with a fat tabby and old woman in all the waking moments between.

“Callie, come inside for a break, dear.”

I push off my knees, brush the dirt from my old jeans, and discard my gloves outside the patio door. The kitchen smells decadent and my stomach rumbles. I glance at the clock on the wall while washing my hands and I’m surprised it’s after eleven already. I’ve been outside for three hours and it honestly felt like one.

“Hungry? I made biscotti.”

“Starved. It smells better than sex in here.”

“It’s been years, but from what I remember this may be a close second.” She chuckles and brings over a plate of the Italian cookies and then two mugs of hot coffee. I reach for the mug but she pulls it away. “You’ve been drinking water out there? Can’t have my free labor passing out on the job. Not when you’re so close to being done.”

“I’ve been hydrating. Promise. Now gimme, gimme.” I greedily motion for her to pass it on over. She does and I groan as the steaming liquid hits my taste buds.

“It looks beautiful outside, Callie. My garden paradise has returned. Almost a shame winter will be here in a few months and cover it all back up.” Kiki gazes out the patio sliding door with one hand on her hip and the other wrapped around her own cup of coffee. Her brows knit and her eyes glaze over. Silas meows and circles between her legs in figure eights. He meows louder and Kiki scoops him up into her arms. “Sorry, boy, no outside playtime today.”

“Yes, Silas, you find your way in a tree today and you’ll sit your fat ass there until I leave.” I used to think it weird to talk to animals. Still do, sort of. But when I’m over here it seems natural.

Kiki plops him onto his favorite spot in the house—a deep window sill where the sun shines bright in the afternoon. It’s still early so he hops down immediately and brushes past us with the attitude and air only a well fed tabby possesses.

“I was thinking of stopping by the nursery after I finish today. The space by the work shed could use a little color. I don’t really know what to plant over there, though. It gets lots of sun.”

Kiki pulls the chair out opposite me and picks up one of the remaining cookies to munch. “You don’t have to make more work for yourself, dear. What you’ve done is much more than I ever expected. It’s beautiful.”

“I like to garden. And now that the weeds are out of the way, it lacks color, don’t you think?”

“You already know I love flowers. Maybe I should get that shed repainted first, though? I didn’t realize how worn the paint is, hiding under the vines.”

“That’s a good idea. I’ll pick up some paint, too. I can start that tomorrow.”

“That’s fine, dear, but shouldn’t you have plans with your friends? It’s been a while since you’ve taken a day off. I think it’s time.” She pats my arm and I try not to let the scowl twist my features as I huff my reply.

“I’m not planning to see my friends.”

“You’re a stubborn little thing, aren’t you?” Kiki smirks that all knowing grin.

“I am when it’s important.”

“Don’t you think it’s time to forgive her?” We both know the
her
to which she’s speaking.
Alicia
. She drew the full story out of me weeks ago. I’m surprised she doesn’t freelance for local law enforcement.

“Kiki, what she did to me is unforgivable.”

“Nothing is unforgivable,” she chides.

“I disagree,” I snap.

“Don’t you miss her, dear? And what about your other friend. The three of you were peas in a pod. The three musketeers. Will you throw that all away over a boy who was never worth either of your attention?”

“I do miss her, Kiki.” I consider my coffee and the mess that has become my life. I miss my friendship with Alicia. I miss the three of us together. I even miss Jill. She tries to keep the peace and spend time with us both. I know that’s not easy, and lately she’s been spending more and more time with Alicia. “I want to go back. Back to before this happened. But how do I move past it? I can’t just swallow a magic pill and
poof
my best friend didn’t betray me.”

“Has she asked for forgiveness?”

I bite my lip and set down the biscotti I was about to devour. I push the plate away because my appetite is stolen by her question. I don’t want to share the answer. Because then I suspect Kiki will tell me what Jill told me: that I’m the one in the wrong. I almost don’t answer but Kiki’s motherly pat on my arm draws the words from my mouth.

“Yes. She’s called or emailed or texted every day since that night. I don’t read them but I know from Jill that she’s sorry. That she feels bad.”
Bad
is an understatement. From what Jill’s eluded, it’s completely eating her alive.

“And what about the captain?”

“Chase?”

“Yes, Chase. Has he asked forgiveness?” Her throaty voice is a punch to my gut.

“No. He’s never contacted me.”

“Don’t you think it’s interesting that he gave up so easily? And your friend, the girl who loves you like a sister hasn’t stopped begging for your attention? I’m not saying forget. I’m not even saying forgive her, or that it’ll be easy. But don’t you think she’s earned the chance to ask? Can you really have closure without hearing her out?” Her eyes plead and shimmer in the light as they fill with unshed tears. Her obvious conviction that I need to hear out Alicia picks at the emotion I work hard to conceal.