Cat's Lair (40 page)

He glanced at her. “Anything you want to know about shifters, baby, you just have to ask.”

“I know. You always answer my questions, Eli, and I love that about you. I can’t tell you how important it is to me that you care enough to answer my questions.” She glanced out the window into the night. “You’ve made my life so different.”

“I want your life to be everything you’ve ever dreamt about.”

Her head turned toward him. Her eyes were soft. “I never dreamt about anything but getting away from Rafe. I don’t think I know what normal is, but I’m happy. Really, really happy, and you’ve done that.”

He reached out and tugged at her braid, a reminder that he liked her hair down. “I want you to feel safe as well, Cat. I don’t like that you were still afraid to meet our neighbors because you thought Cordeau might hurt them.”

There was no hesitation. None at all. Catarina’s hands went up to her hair and she began removing pins until the thick braid fell free, snaking down her shoulder to pool on the seat. She began working on the tie, absently, as if she wasn’t paying the least attention. “I was afraid. I think it’s an automatic reaction, but it’s getting less. I wasn’t so paranoid that I refused to go.”

“You could have,” Eli said. “You know that, right? You don’t have to do everything I say.”

Her eyes went soft. “Seriously? Eli, I know that. I like doing things for you, but if I didn’t want to, I’d let you know. We’d argue because you like your way, but I’d stand my ground. I’m not afraid of you.”

He opened his mouth to respond but stopped, going over what she’d just said. Playing back every inflection of her voice.
I’m
not
afraid
of
you.
That wasn’t an idle statement. She was giving him something else. Something important. Something sacred. It was big, and he needed to get it.

“Never be afraid of me, baby. No matter how much I growl at you, and it will happen. I’m not always nice. We both know that, but I’d never hurt you, not in a million years.”

“I know that, Eli. I really do.” Her hands loosened the weave of the braid. “I’m not afraid in our home at all. I was at Emma’s because I think I’ve been afraid for so long that I couldn’t help myself.”

He reached over and took her hand, pulling it to his thigh and holding it there. “Time will fix that, Kitten. I’m glad you had fun with Emma. Jake is worried about her. She nearly died during her last pregnancy, and she still wanted another baby.”

He pulled her hand to his mouth and nibbled on the pads of her fingers for a moment before returning her palm to his thigh. “Jake wanted a surrogate, but Emma insisted on carrying. He gave in.” He took a breath and looked at her. “I wouldn’t have, baby. I want to give you every damn thing you want, but I wouldn’t have been able to give you that.”

He wanted her to understand. He’d thought a lot about what Jake said, and he understood that he’d have to give concessions to her when things mattered. He knew that and he would. But not when it came to her health. Not when it could be life or death. She was so inside of him that he knew he wouldn’t have a life without her. It didn’t make sense. It happened fast. He hadn’t even known he wasn’t living until she smiled at him. Until she laughed with him. Until she looked at him with trust in her eyes.

“Eli, I’m not going to have trouble carrying babies. Emma was in a terrible car accident. She told me about it. She told me she knew she’d have to go on bed rest, but the doctor assured her she shouldn’t have the same problems delivering. They’re going to take the baby early, do a C-section.”

He pulled onto the private road that led to their home. “Still, you have to know there’s some things I can’t give you. No matter how much I want to, I won’t risk your life for any reason.”

He felt her eyes on him but he didn’t look at her. He couldn’t. He was still inside. Waiting. This moment was too important to him. Her acceptance of who and what he was. He wanted to give her the real Eli, good and bad, and let her make her choice – she was seeing it now. He would be implacable, immovable, when it came to safety and health issues. She had to see that in him. He would ride roughshod over her and he’d win – even if it meant losing in the end.

“Okay, Eli. I get that,” she said softly. “We’ll work it out. You always tell me to talk to you when things are important to me or if I have questions. I’m learning to do that. You have to promise to do the same. Don’t dictate to me when it’s an important issue to you. Talk to me about it so I understand what it means to you.”

Sheer relief had him tightening his fingers around hers. “That’s a promise, baby.” She was his. She was perfect for him. She “got” him and took him just the way he was. She wouldn’t always like it and she had an unexpected temper that he liked, but she was still choosing him.

17

“E
LI
.” Catarina stopped abruptly as they walked up to the front door. Her heart jerked hard and began to pound. She tasted fear in her mouth. “Someone’s been here.” Even her leopard had gone on alert.

Eli’s arm snaked around her waist and he pulled her body into his, leaned his chin over her shoulder and placed his lips against her ear. “Good girl. I was hoping you’d feel it. Inhale and let your leopard senses free. Tell me who was here.”

Catarina pushed down the fear. Eli wasn’t pushing her behind him as he normally would if there was danger surrounding them. She did as he said, took a deep breath. Immediately her leopard rose to aid her. There were three distinct scents. All male. Leopards. Her female knew that. She had smelled them before.

“Joshua,” she said.

He nodded and brushed his lips against her ear. “Good, baby, he was here. Who else?”

She made a face, even though his warm praise made her glow inside. “Elijah.”

“He isn’t part of the criminal world, Cat.”

She heard the quiet patience in his voice. “He’s head of a major crime syndicate, Eli. You don’t have to believe me.”

“I’m not denying he’s part of that family and he inherited the mantle, but he’s been working to get all their businesses out from under everything illegal. The first to go were the drugs. That was the most difficult for him. Supplying drugs made a lot of money, and his people didn’t want to give it up. He had to find ways to make the money for them without the drugs. There was a war and a lot of people died. He had a price on his head for a long time from some of his own people.”

She didn’t answer him because she didn’t know what the truth was. She knew Eli believed leopards could smell lies, but she had seen Elijah there at Rafe’s home, making a deal with him. It made her uneasy to know that she’d met Elijah at Rafe’s. Rafe Cordeau had never once invited a decent person to his home. Every man or woman who had come, and some had been cops, were dirty. They ran guns, drugs or prostitution rings. They murdered for hire.

No crime was too big or too small. But everyone who came was a criminal in some way or other. One had even been a Catholic priest who had a weakness for prostitutes. Rafe may have started out by blackmailing him, she honestly didn’t know, but he often came to give up the major sins of his congregation when it earned him favors.

“The third man is Trey.” She turned her head to look at him over her shoulder, lips just a whisper away from his. “What were they doing here? You obviously know.”

“I have a surprise for you,” he said. “In the house.”

She froze. Her heart did a funny little contraction, almost hurting. “A surprise? What kind of surprise?”

“Kitten.” Masculine amusement. He said it softly in the tone that always melted her insides and teased her thighs and feminine sheath so beautifully. “If I told you, it wouldn’t be a surprise, would it?”

She still didn’t move, even though his body put pressure on hers to step forward. “You planned something for me? You actually planned it yourself? I’m going to cry. I can’t help it.”

“You don’t even know what it is yet.”

“It doesn’t matter what it is. You thought of doing something for me, Eli. No one’s ever done that before.”

Eli laughed softly. “Get used to it, baby. I plan to surprise you quite often. Let’s go inside.”

She blinked back tears, and he had to step around her and tug on her hand to get her in motion. The moment he opened the door and stepped inside, he felt as if he’d come home. He’d been to the ranch several times over the last couple of years, but he’d never really felt that particular emotion until this moment.

He expected Catarina to ask him where her surprise was, but she didn’t. She tightened her fingers around his, and actually slowed her footsteps to the point of dragging. He could feel a tremor running through her body.

Eli pulled her in tight against him. “This is a good thing, Kitten. Nothing bad is going to happen.”

She turned her face up to his and his heart stuttered in his chest. She looked stripped down, vulnerable. Afraid even. “It’s a big thing, Eli, something sweet, no matter what it is and I don’t know what to do with that.”

He ran his thumb down her cheek, tracing her beautiful bone structure, and then dipped his head to brush a reassuring kiss over her mouth. Her lips were trembling. He couldn’t stop himself from pulling her tight into the shelter of his body. The moment he did, she melted into him, her arms circling around his waist, her hands bunching in his shirt as she held on tight.

“Catarina, listen to me. I love you. Those aren’t just words to me. You matter to me. You matter more than I could ever express in words. I like giving you things. I like letting you know how beautiful and special you are to me. That’s never going to stop.” His palm cupped the back of her head and held her face to him. “This isn’t supposed to distress you.”

“I know. I do know that, Eli,” she said, her voice muffled by his shirt. She took a breath, straightened her shoulders and stepped back to give him a tentative smile. “Show me. I’m really excited about it, I just got a little emotional for a minute.”

She looked like she was being led to her doom, but he didn’t point that out. She was too adorable, trying to appear matter-of-fact when she clearly was ready to cry.

He took her through the house, not bothering with lights until he came to the back where his office was. The room was large, built in light oak. When he flipped the switch the walls appeared golden. She’d been to his office before, commenting that it looked a little bare with just his desk and computer in it.

The office had been completely remodeled. There were floor to ceiling bookshelves on two of the walls. In the center of the room two desks faced each another. His held his computer and his usual stack of papers and receipts he could never quite get filed. Hers held an unopened box with a brand-new laptop in it. The books behind her desk were mostly reference, books on the rain forest and various countries. Books he’d chosen because he thought she’d like them. On the floor beside the chair were the all-important boots. Soft, gray leather, lace up with ruffles made of leather on either side of the lace. He’d chosen them because they reminded him of the ones he’d seen her wear. He’d paid a fortune for them, but he hoped they would make up for the ones he’d left behind.

She stood uncertainly in the doorway, her gaze sweeping the room. She looked stunned. Eli cleared his throat of the lump that had formed for no apparent reason.

“The laptop has never been used. I wanted you to take it out of the box yourself, set it up with your own password so you know you have complete privacy and the ability to go anywhere on the Internet and learn about anything you would like. We’ll set up accounts at a couple of the bookstores online so you can order any books you’d like.”

She didn’t take a single step into the room. Her hand clung to the doorjamb as if it was the only thing holding her up. She had tears in her eyes and she shook her head, her teeth tugging at her lower lip.

He dipped his head again, this time to brush the top of hers with another reassuring kiss. She was killing him with her reaction. Never in her life had anyone given her anything. He hadn’t considered the enormity of that.

Catarina pressed her hand to her mouth. “Eli, I can’t ever do anything like this for you. I don’t have anything to give you. There’s nothing I could ever think of that would even begin to compare with such a gift.” She gestured toward the boots and then up to the laptop. A soft sound of distress emerged.

He used his thumbs to try to erase the tears streaming down her face. “Baby, this is supposed to make you happy, not sad. You give me far more than I could ever repay.” His hand moved through her hair.

“Not like this. Never like this.”

“I matter to you, Cat. You show me that in everything you do. I matter. I don’t think I’ve ever mattered to anyone since I lost my parents. You do the things I ask of you even when you’re tired or exhausted. You never object when I need to kiss or touch you. Do you have any idea what it means to a man like me that you enjoy cooking for me? Or making this house a home? That you come apart in my arms every single time I touch you? You gave yourself to me, gave me back your trust after I let you down and you’ve never brought it up again. Whenever, wherever,
however
I want you, you give your body to me and make me aware you enjoy it. There aren’t very many women who would take that kind of care with their man.”