Catching You (6 page)

I threw the empty plate away and set my almost empty pop can
back on my nightstand. I really should go back to sleep, but after my ten hour
nap, it didn’t seem possible.

I stared at the wall, watching the lights from outside make
shadows. It reminded me of the times I used to make wall puppets when I was
younger. I made a “V” with my fingers and moved it in front of my face; it
still looked like a bunny to me even after all these years. I snuggled back
under the covers and closed my eyes hoping the shapes would lull me to sleep. I
was halfway between being awake and unconsciousness when I heard my cell phone
go off. I had a text message.

I hurried up and grabbed the cell phone before it could wake
my parents. If they knew that I was up they’d be mad. I flipped it open and saw
one new text flash on the screen. The recipient was the same undisclosed number
as the other messages. My hands shook as I hit read.

It wasn’t an accident.

I quickly closed the phone. My hands were still shaking. I
didn’t think that I was going to be getting any sleep tonight.

In the morning, I felt like I’d either been run over by a
truck or spent the night tossing back shots of vodka at the bar. I knew that
neither had happened, so I wasn’t sure why I’d had such a bad night. Then I
remembered the text message. I struggled to find my cell phone to check it. The
message log was completely empty.
Was I going crazy?

Shaking, I pushed away the covers and stumbled to the
bathroom to throw some water on my face. I glanced in the mirror and the person
I saw staring back at me was a complete stranger. I had bags under my eyes so
big that they could have their own zip code. I just hoped that after a shower
I’d look a little more presentable. Ryan’s funeral was today.

I shuffled downstairs, yawning the whole way. My father was
in the kitchen making pancakes. I stopped in the doorway and watched for a
moment. He was older than my mother and it was starting to show. His red hair
was beginning to get tufts of grey in it and he had creases of age on his face.

I shuffled over to the coffee pot to grab myself a mug. I
picked up the pot, began pouring in mid yawn, and managed to pour more of it on
the counter than in my cup. My father ran over and grabbed it out of my hand,
“Maybe it would be better if I did that.” He gently pried it out of my hands. I
nodded. I sat down at the table.

“I guess you didn’t sleep very well last night,” he
commented. I thought about telling him about the text, but he’d probably
suggest I see a therapist. I decided to keep my late night caller to myself

“No, I didn’t. I still can’t believe this is happening,” I
said, wrapping my hands around the warm mug of coffee. I felt chilled to the
bone. I took the first sip while my father piled my plate with pancakes,
sausage, potatoes and fruit. I looked down at the plate and then back at him.

“Do you really think that I’m going to be able to eat all of
this?” My father had piled enough food on my plate to feed an entire football
team. He shrugged.

“I guess I went a little overboard there. You don’t have to
finish it, though, just eat what you can. I know that you are trying to keep
your girlish figure,” he teased. I began eating, but found I had to force it
down. I pushed the plate away.

“I can’t eat right now. I think I’ll just stick to the
coffee,” I said, taking a sip.

“That’s all right. I think I did go a little overboard with
the cooking this morning.” He said, coming over to clear the plate away.

“Well, you know it won’t go to waste in this house.” I
smiled over at him. “Where’s Mom?” I asked. The house seemed quieter than
normal.

“She went to drop the boys off at the YMCA for the day. She
didn’t think a funeral would be the best place for them. They’re only five. She
told me to tell you not to worry that she’ll be back in time to go to the
funeral.”

“I agree. I’m going to go get ready.” I gave him a hug and
left the kitchen.

****

The bed was a tangled mess. I smiled at the teddy bear, its
head peeking out of the covers .I needed to shower before the funeral. Walking
into the bathroom, I turned on the faucet and let the water run filling the
room with steam. Undressed, I slipped into the shower.

As the water pounded down on my neck, I squirted shampoo
into my hand and began washing my hair. I closed my eyes so that I wouldn’t get
any shampoo in them. I knew from experience that stung. After rinsing it out, I
grabbed the soap and lathered myself up. I just stood there for a minute
letting the spray hit my back. It felt good.

I must have dozed off because, a few minutes later, I heard
knocking at the bathroom door.

“Are you going to use up all the hot water today?” My
father’s voice came from outside the door. I quickly rinsed myself off and shut
off the water. I opened the shower curtain and grabbed a towel. The cotton felt
nice and soft against my cold skin. I wrapped myself up and hopped out of the
shower.

My bedroom felt cold compared to the bathroom. I headed
straight for my closet to find something to wear to the funeral. I pushed
hangers back and forth, trying to find something. Finally, I decided on a black
skirt that ended right at my shins and white blouse that was mid-sleeve and
tied at the elbows. I hated wearing pantyhose, so decided to skip them. I
finished my squirting a tiny bit of perfume on my neck. It was Ryan’s favorite.

I held onto the banister walking downstairs because my heels
were brand new and still a little slippery. I liked how they made me a few
inches taller though. I walked into the kitchen and faced my parents.

“You look nice, dear.” My mother said looking up from
scrubbing the counters. She must have gotten home while I was in the shower. My
father was sitting at the table flipping through the paper.

“Thanks.” The doorbell rang and my father got up to answer
it. I could hear his footsteps in the hallway and the door creaking as it opened
and closed again. I heard my father tell someone to come in. I walked out and
saw Nick standing there looking nervous.

“Did you forget to tell your mother and me something?” My
father asked, looking from me to Nick.

“I guess. I invited Nick to come with us to the funeral. His
parents aren’t going to be there and he didn’t want to be alone.” My father
nodded. I guess Nick had already told him all of that. I must really be
nervous.

“Well, I’m going to go get Lauren’s mother and then we’ll
get going. If you want to you can go to the car and wait. Lauren will show
you.” My father walked back into the kitchen to hurry my mother along. I didn’t
want to be late for my own boyfriend’s funeral.

“You look awful,” Nick said, staring right at my face. I
hadn’t been able to cover up the bags under my eyes so I planned on wearing
sunglasses the whole time. It would play on the grieving girlfriend role quite
well.

“I didn’t sleep very well last night. I was tossing and
turning the whole time.” I didn’t want to tell him about the newest text
message just yet. I wasn’t quite sure how he would take it.

“I’m sorry. It was probably nerves because of the funeral.
Don’t worry, it will be fine.” He patted my hand.

“I know. I still can’t believe were going to Ryan’s funeral.”

“It’s going to be weird not having him around anymore.” His
hand on the small of my back, he led me towards the car. My parents hadn’t come
out of the house yet. I hoped that they wouldn’t make us late for the funeral.

 “We’re here,” my mother said, turning around in her seat,
“Are you ready for this?”I didn’t know how to answer so I just stayed quiet. I
still couldn’t believe Ryan was actually gone. My father turned off the car and
got out. He came around to my side and opened the door.

"It's time." He said, holding his hand out. I took
a deep breath, smoothed my skirt, and took his hand and got out.
You can do this.
Nick followed not saying anything. I glanced around and found Ryan’s parents a
few paces ahead. I turned to my parents and Nick.

“I’m going to give my condolences to Ryan’s parents. I’ll be
right back.” I started walking up to the church. “Hi ,Mrs. Carmichael,” I said.

 She turned around and enveloped me in a big hug. “I’m so
glad you’re here. How are you doing?” she asked.

“Not good.”

“Would you like to sit up front with us? I know that Carrie would
love to see you,” she said, mentioning Ryan’s younger sister.

“Thanks, but I should really sit with my parents. I just
wanted to tell you how sorry I was about Ryan… and Ben,” I said.

“Thank you. It was horrible getting the phone call about
Ryan’s accident. It was like Ben all over again. Did you know that it had been
seven years last week?” she asked tears in her eyes.

“No, I’m sorry. Ryan told me about Ben last year, but he
didn’t tell me any details about how he died..”

“Ryan’s always been private about his brother’s death. They
were very close growing up and he took it very hard when he died. I’m sorry
that he wasn’t more open about Ben. It’s a private family thing.”

“Oh. I understand.” I glanced over and saw Nick gesturing to
me. “Well, I’m going to go sit with my parents and Nick Majors. You know Nick.”

“Yes, we know Nick.” Ryan’s mom waved over at Nick.

I blushed, remembering that Nick and Ryan were best friends.
“Don’t ask me where my brain is,” I explained.

“It’s expected right now. Don’t be a stranger now. We always
loved you.”

“I won’t,” I said heading over to Nick.

 "Okay, honey."

I waited for my parents to catch up and we walked into the
church together, Nick following close behind us. When I got into the church, I
glanced around for my friends and found them all sitting together in the second
row.
Hmm. I wonder if one of them sent the text message.
I thought to
myself.

My father turned to me. “If you and Nick want to go sit with
your friends your mother and I understand. You need each other right now.”

“What? Oh, that’s all right.” I followed them to the middle
row and sat down. Nick sat down next to me.

“How are you holding up?” he asked.

I bit my lip. “I’m not sure. I got another …” I stopped. I
didn’t want to tell Nick about the message here afraid that someone might over
hear us.

“You got another what?” he asked.

“Nothing. I’m just not sure I can do this,” I responded. He
reached over and squeezed my hand. As the service started, I tried to
concentrate on what the pastor was saying about Ryan being in a better place.

“That’s the stupidest thing I ever heard. The pastor is
making it sound like it’s a good thing Ryan’s dead,” I said.

“I know,” Nick squeezed my hand. I stared at the casket
.

You’re not supposed to be dead. You’re supposed to be
here with me.

I’m not.
I turned, expecting to find Ryan beside me,
but only found Nick.

“What did you just say?” I asked him.

“I didn’t say anything.”

"Then who said...Oh, never mind!"

He frowned, eyebrows raised. "Are you sure you’re all right?
Maybe you’ve got more of a concussion than you thought."

“I’m fine!” I exclaimed. First, the text message and now I
was hearing voices. What was going on here?

The pastor took that moment to ask if anyone wanted to come
up and speak about Ryan. I started to get up and stopped when I saw Elisabeth
get up instead.

She walked to the podium, a stack of papers in her hands.
What
was she up to?

“Ryan Carmichael was the guy everyone wanted to be friends
with. He was a star athlete. He was voted homecoming king and had been dating
the head cheerleader for the last four years. Or at least that’s what everyone
thought. There was another side to Ryan that nobody knew but me. Not even his girlfriend.
So, go ahead and mourn the Ryan you all thought you knew. I’ll know different.”
She looked up, a smirk on her face.

I stared in disbelief at Elisabeth.
What has gotten into
her?
I watched as Ryan’s mom cried on his father’s shoulder. I didn’t know
if it was because of Elisabeth’s stunt or that her son was dead. It was hard to
tell now.

A few more people went up and spoke about Ryan, but I didn’t
pay attention to them. I was still in shock over what Elisabeth said. The
pastor excused everyone and said that the graveside burial was at Forest Lawn Cemetery
twenty minutes away. People got up and began leaving the church.

“I can’t believe that I have to put up with her for a week
at your parents cabin now. I’m not sure if I can do it. Not after that little stunt.
She’s being such a bitch.”

Nick looked over at me and asked, “What are you talking
about?” “The trip to your parent’s cabin in August. Don’t you remember? We’ve
only been planning it since freshmen year. It was your idea.”

“Oh, that. I’m not even sure that were going now after
everything that’s happened. If you want we can ask everyone when we get to
Ryan’s. Let’s go,” I said

I stood up and began following the rest of the people
outside. My parents met Nick and me by the car.

I wrenched the car door open. “Let’s go,” I said again. The
car ride was silent.

As we drove through the gates of the cemetery, I glanced
around and realized that this was where we were going to bury Ryan. I watched
the trees go by as my father followed behind the rest of the cars to the grave
site. We parked the car under a tree and got out.

****

When the casket descended into the ground, the tears flooded
out of my eyes.
Life is so unfair! The only remainder of Ryan would be a
headstone that would be meaningless. I mean, who would want to come and talk to
a slab of granite? It isn't Ryan. Ryan's gone now
. My mother’s voice tore
into my thoughts, “Do you want me to drop you off at the Carmichael’s
house?"