Catch of the Year (20 page)

Finally, it grew dark. Trembling with tiredness, having traveled endless miles, she turned the bike and headed back. Something had shifted in her during the ride, but she was too exhausted to examine what. After the sleep deprivation of the last couple of nights, she needed to rest. Then she'd be able to think clearly. Maybe discover exactly what was going on with her.

Next morning, Jade got into work half an hour late instead of half an hour early. She ignored the surprised looks and headed straight for her office. On her desk, next to her computer, she found a pastel-colored, square envelope. The handwriting on the front was familiar. Steve's. He often sent around little hand-written notes, claiming he needed to go back to steam technology from time to time. Mostly they were jokes.

But now, what was this? A get-sick card, maybe? She didn't have to be a psychiatrist to know she wasn't top of Steve's hit parade. She picked up the envelope. Might as well face whatever was inside.

A cute, cherub-like baby smiled up at her. “Come to a baby shower.” The indefinite article had been crossed out and above it was written “Suzy's,” so the invitation read, “Come to Suzy's baby shower.”

Jade gave a little gasp. Steve was known for his ability to organize parties and get-togethers, but to be prepared to put on a baby shower? He really was a with-it kind of guy. Great. She could trip to the mall later this evening. Keep her from moping home alone.

She read the details. The shower would be at Steve's place, at the house he shared with Paul, Thursday evening after work.

Slowly she lowered the card and placed it carefully on her desk, considering the implications. Did the fact that Steve was hosting mean Paul would be there?

She bit her lip, wondering if she could risk going. Suzy would be upset if she didn't. But how would she feel about seeing him?

A strange sensation, a kind of apprehensive hope, grew in her. But really, that was silly. Even if Paul happened to be there, he'd probably only see Jade, the woman he hated. The woman who'd taken away his livelihood. The woman who'd deceived him.

Could she face that?

Whether or not she went, she needed to get a present. When work was done for the day, she headed to the mall and checked out Sears and Baby Gap. She fingered tiny, soft sleeping suits, little cotton bonnets with delicate pastel flowers embroidered on them, and began to remember Adrian as a baby. How sweet he'd been. How much she'd loved helping Marigold look after him.

A soft, mushy feeling moved through her, accompanied by regret. If only she and Paul could have had their own little one to care for, to buy such garments for, to delight in, to worry over, to comfort, to nurture. She remembered the sight of Kevin and Jenny with their little family, the tenderness and pangs of envy she'd felt as she'd looked down at the baby, as she'd seen little Felicity holding Jenny's hand so trustingly. If Paul meant what he'd said, if she hadn't run out on him and deceived him, maybe even now she'd be looking forward to a future with him. Imagine a Lake Lauzon wedding! Building a family together! Everyone said the sexiest sex was when you conceived, for both the man and the woman. That wouldn't be a problem for her and Paul.

Oh, she was so confused, torn between the life she'd worked so hard for and the possibility of one with Paul. If she could work things out with him.

Which was what she really, really wanted to do.

“Is there anything I can help you with?”

The polite, softly spoken words jerked her out of the reverie. A fresh-faced young woman stood waiting to assist her. Jade chose a finely knit Hug-Me-Tight in newborn size, and then went to find gift wrap, ribbon, and a suitable card.

Later, while preparing the parcel, Jade remembered her earlier sentiments. Somehow that dream of love and a family with Paul seemed far more appealing than setting up house all by herself. Could it be, could it possibly be … she'd fallen in love?

• • •

Betty called.

“Jade, hallo. I don't want to pressure you, but I felt you needed to know. There's an offer in on that house. If you want to be in the running, you need to move right away.”

“Thanks Betty. I'm still thinking about it.”

She replaced the handset and plumped down onto the nearby easy chair. The question was, was she ready to make that kind of a commitment? Saying yes to buying in the city would mean relinquishing the possibility of a future with Paul.

Over the past hours, she'd found herself considering Marigold's suggestion that she contact him, tell him how she felt. Again and again, she went back to worry at the idea. What held her back was the knowledge he might well hate her. Yet, she was beginning to realize that if there were the slightest chance they could be together, she'd gladly relinquish her long-held goal of buying a place just for herself.

• • •

Early next morning, a knock came at her office door. Steve peeked his head in. “Can I have a word?”

Jade braced herself. “Sure. Come in. Take a seat.”

He faced her across the desk. “I need your help.” The words were abrupt.

“You do?” Immediately she panicked. “Is something wrong with Paul?”

Steve sent her a dirty look. “How could there not be, given that his life is ruined?”

Jade clasped her hands in her lap, gripping her fingers tightly together until they ached.

Steve lounged back. After an awkward silence, he shifted and sat forward again. “It's about Suzy. You're gonna come to the shower, aren't you?”

“Of course.”

Well, that was one thing decided.

“Okay. The thing is, like, I want it to be a surprise. Seeing as the two of you are buddies, I thought maybe you could scheme up something to get her to our place that evening.”

Jade rearranged some papers on her desk, wondering how to respond.

She longed to ask whether or not Paul would be there, but couldn't quite do it. Instead, she answered Steve's question.

“Sure. I'll find a way. We're having lunch tomorrow, so I can suggest something. Unless you hear different, you'll know it's a go.”

“Suzy, tomorrow night, would you come and have a look at the house with me?” Jade had told her friend all about the bungalow. “I've arranged for Betty to let me in.”

Suzy pursed her lips. “Thursday. That should be okay. I'm dying to see it.”

Jade nodded. “I don't like to horn in on your home time, but I've made an appointment for seven-thirty. Is that okay?”

“No problem. Tomorrow is Ron's volleyball night. I can come get you in my car if you like.”

“Great. Say around seven fifteen? I'll look forward to it.”

But back at home that evening, Jade knew she wasn't really looking forward to it. The whole scenario was too fraught. If Paul was there, as he mostly likely would be, what would she do? How would she manage herself?

Having cast off her office clothes, she stood in front of her closet. What if she turned up at the party as Serendipity instead of Jade? She rejected the idea as fast as she'd thought it. It would only emphasize she'd been deceiving Paul all along.

But how about a bit of a blend?

A form-skimming black dress hung in front of her. She reached in and brought it out. This was formal enough, enough of Jade, to convey the right image. The short length, however, was more Serendipity. If Paul was there, that might work in her favor. Fancy, high-heeled sandals would be good, too.

As she fixed her make up, she realized she was curious to see how these two bachelor buddies lived. Would the place be rough and uncared for? She doubted it, seeing as they were both creatives. People in the arts were generally particular about their living environments.

And what about her own living environment? Given that she only stayed in this dreary apartment for convenience, she still had to ask herself if she really wanted the existence she'd always imagined for herself, which was beginning to feel staid and lonely. What about the part of her that rode the motorcycle, that had to break free every now and then?

She picked up her comb and drew it carefully through the artificial strands of her wig. What a pain to have to wear this on her head tonight. She'd bought it after shaving her head for a charity event and then realized she needed to appear feminine yet serious for work. Now she'd much rather go without. But she couldn't. Even as she acknowledged she'd been trying to suppress a vital part of her nature, she wasn't quite ready to change, wasn't even sure if she could.

If she'd never attempted subterfuge, her whole future
might
have been different. But she had. Also, a whole lot of Serendipity
was
Jade: pragmatic, serious Jade, who still yearned to make up for the things she'd lacked as a child. She longed to put an end to her deception, but she couldn't see how, so mired in it as she was.

• • •

Suzy drew up outside the divided, three-story house that Steve and Paul shared.

“This doesn't look like a bungalow to me.”

“Oh no.” Jade tried to sound casual and unconcerned, but her heart was beating uncomfortably fast. “This is, er, Betty's place. I'm going to collect the key.”

Lies, lies. Even the white ones now made Jade uneasy.

“Come in a moment. I'd like you to meet her.”

“Good idea.” Suzy hooked a finger in the lever to open the door. “One of these days we'll have to start looking for a bigger place.”

Jade patted her wig and pulled down her minidress, making a mental note to introduce Suzy to the realtor soon.

She led the way along a narrow path running down the side of the house. The sound of voices wafted toward them. Behind her, she could sense Suzy's growing puzzlement as they approached the steps leading up to a small deck and a sliding-glass door.

Jade pressed the bell.

Steve appeared on the other side of the glass and slid open the door.

“Hey, the guest of honor!” he said, greeting Suzy with a smile. “Welcome!”

Suzy looked from him to Jade and back again.

“What's going on?”

“Shower time for you, Suzy.” Steve stepped back to allow them to enter. “Can't you hear the water running?”

Suzy looked pleased but even more puzzled.

“I'm joking. Come on in. The work gang's here and we're ready and waiting for you.”

Jade followed Suzy across the threshold, aware of Steve's assessing gaze.

“Isn't this positively … serendipitous?”

Jade caught the note of sarcasm in his voice and saw his hard expression. Hot sweat changed to icy cold. With a gasp, she took two steps back. Oh God, what was she going to do? She had to get out of here, get away. But then she glanced at Suzy. Her friend deserved consideration, not abandonment.

Bracing herself, Jade stepped into the house. Nerves made her jittery; the censure she read in Steve's expression made her feel sick. But she had to go through with this.

• • •

The accommodation was on a series of levels. First they entered a kind of TV room, with a couch and shelves containing books and a sound system. Up a few steps, they found the living room. Jade swept her gaze over the gathering.

No sign of Paul.

Unsure whether she felt relief or disappointment, she looked around. Clean, modern furniture was offset by the occasional quirky ornament or lamp. The walls were a soothing, muted shade of green and displayed framed photographs, both in black-and-white and in color. She wondered if Paul had taken them.

A stone fireplace held huge, decorative pinecones. At the opposite end of the room, a table stretched under the long window, laden with snacks and drinks, cakes and cookies and fruit.

“Help yourself to a drink, Jade.” Steve indicated the table with his chin. He ushered Suzy to a comfy chair. “What can I get you, Suzy?” he asked in a much more pleasant tone.

Relieved Steve didn't appear to want to expose her real identity, Jade greeted the other guests, all of them colleagues, and went to pour herself a glass of wine. A circle of chairs waited. She sat down next to Suzy.

“Everyone's here,” Steve said, “so let's get started. I'll kick off the proceedings.”

From Steve's statement, Jade presumed Paul was not going to put in an appearance. Something of her tension eased, yet as she sipped at her wine, she was aware of a sensation of letdown.

Steve made a courtly gesture and presented a small parcel to Suzy. She smiled and slipped a finger under the fold to open it. Inside was a baby journal and a pair of booties.

Steve picked up the tiny, knitted socks.

“See? I bought you these so you could — ” he got the rhythm and began to dance “ — shake your booty!”

Everyone laughed. The party had begun.

“This is wonderful. I never expected … .” Her voice trailed off. She flapped her hands to indicate that words failed her. Jade handed her the next gift. Suzy opened it to reveal a sexy nightie in “supersize.” Everyone laughed.

Suzy sat there in their midst, her dazed expression giving way to one of wonder as she unwrapped one gift after another. Toys, clothes, special baby-bath aids, wraps, and baby-bed linen soon piled up. As each present was revealed, it was passed around for everyone to admire and exclaim over.

Jade rose, a feeling of desperation demanding she move. She turned her back on the proceedings and went to find the washroom. On the way she indulged her longing and scoped out the place, looking for Paul's room. As she approached one bedroom, she became aware of a change in herself. Something subtle was affecting her, but what was it?

Paul's smell.

Jade leaned against the wall in the passage, folded her arms, and closed her eyes. Breathing in, she savored the slightly spicy scent. Her heart squeezed with her longing for him. Oh, if only she were with him now, but not as Jade, as Serendipity. If only nothing stood in the way of their love. Yes, love. Because now she realized how much she loved him. She wouldn't hurt so much if she didn't. But the two great obstacles holding them apart seemed to have grown larger, more insurmountable. As Serendipity she had seduced him, knowing full well who he was. As Jade she had fired him. Both parts of her had deceived him, betraying the unspoken trust they'd shared. Maybe it was time to take a final gamble, find the courage to confess her feelings to Paul. Then maybe it would be possible for her to discover a way to integrate the two sides of her nature.