Catalyst (34 page)

             
I pulled her closer to me
on my lap and enjoyed her
intake of breath. She was still stunned that I wanted her, that I n
eeded her always, that she was
what I breathed.

             
I didn’t know what else it would take to make her see that without her, I was nothing.
Of course,
true or not,
she would say the same about me.

             
I ran my fingers through her hair, down her neck to her collar bone. I coasted my thumb over his skin there, getting dizzy with the knowledge that she was still mine. Her skin - soft, supple, and shivering under my touch - was the thing I most wa
nted to remember if I were to pe
rish. The feel of it was the last thing I wanted to feel if this world kicked me out.

             
I pulled back, barely, loving her harsh short breaths of love and longing on my neck. I totally understood the male mind now. It was in our system and brain waves to protect, care for, and…conquer our female. I smiled a secret smile to myself, know
ing that I had done just that.
But she had conquered me as well.

             
But the reason I was suddenly having this revelation came back to mind. We were huddled on the floor because we'd once again been attacked.

             
"
I'
m
so glad you're ok," I told her. "I don't know what happened, we'll talk about it later, but I'm so
relieved
that we came home." That brought a thought I
didn't want to think.
What if we hadn't come home when we did?
"
And Calvin, he was outside when I came. It looked like he was defending you."

             
"He was. He saved me. I ran outside to draw them off when they got in-"

             
"You what?" I asked, my voice betraying me. Just the thought, let alone the actual act, of Sherry sacrificing herself made me hurt all over. "You did what?"

             
"I had to," she said and didn't even try to deny it. She couldn’t lie and we both knew it. "I'm useless, Merrick. I'm small and defenseless and the only way I could see to help was to be diversion.
They were inside! So I got them to follow me.
It worked. If I hadn't, we'd have still all been in the bunker with them and I have no idea what would have happened."

             
"That's it," I said. "You can't be apart from me again."

             
She laughed softly and shook her head. Her small, cold hand coming to rest on my cheek as she said, "I knew you were gonna say that. I love you."

             
"I love you," I said
,
but it came out a desperate growl. Ah, I didn't know how to just be a human man and I didn't know how to be a Keeper anymore either. One side of me was screaming irrationally and angry and the other side was fighting for logic and a way to
make the situation work. The Keeper
in me wanted to lock her up in our room and
never let her leave. The man
in me knew that this war of the worlds was far from over and it was naïve to think that any one person was safe and
able to just sit back and watch it all happen around them.

             
I had no
frigging
idea what to do anymore.

             
"Merrick, look at me." I did as she commanded without a second's thought. "I know you're freaking out and struggling with everything. I know something happened while you were gone that you don’t want to tell me. I know that you want to lock me and Lily in a safe place and keep us there. But, baby, that's just not possible. I worry about you s
o
much while you're gone and though my first instinct is to say 'No, just stay here with me', I know that's not possible. I was terrified for you, I always am, but I tried to think about
the people you were helping. What if you hadn't come for me and Danny?" I shook my head to tell her that was an impossibility. "I know, but what if you weren't his Keeper
?
" That thought hurt worse than the other. The thought of Sherry and Danny not being in my life cut me to my core. "
If you hadn't saved us then I have no idea where we'd be. And how many people out there feel that way? Just…lost. I'm so proud of you for doing that and the fact that you brought home some new people with you just proves to me th
at you're amazing. You always do what you set out to,
" she said, her eyes watering. "You're so good and big hearted."

             
I framed her face and
looked at her closely as I said,
"There's no way I wouldn't have come for you in the beginning and there's no way
I won't come back for you now.
Honey, w
hy are you crying?" I asked softly.

             
"
Because I just love you," she muttered and sniffed.
When she looked back up to me, her eyes had a glassy film.
"One day this will all be over right? And we'll get to go and live in that house that you talked about? You'll be here always, and won't ever leave me."

             
"Never, ever," I told her. "And one day this will be over, baby. It has to be." One way or another…

             
"
Daddy," a voice said full of sleepiness. A voice that held my heart as much as the strangely vulnerable and open wounded girl on my lap did.

             
Sherry was worrying me. She always tried to be so strong and optimistic for us all. She'd only ever really broken down once, after Crandle took the kids and she blamed herself. And now that Lily was awake she was pulling herself back together and smiling a
t our little girl. But I wasn’t
buying it. I pulled her face up with a finger under her chin.

             
"It'll be ok, baby. We'll be ok."

             
"Don't, Merrick. Please let it go
,
"
she pleaded, her voice quivering.

             
"I want to make sure you under
stand that no matter what happens, we'll be together. I don't know what's gotten you so shaken up
,
but I won't let anything happen to you. Or Lily. You're my whole world-"

             
That was it. What I had been waiting for and expecting happened. She broke down and closed her eyes as she shook silently, like she had something to be ashamed about.
I pulled her to me and she sagged against me in defeat. She
reached to grip Lily's hands, p
ulling her into our embrace as well. As I felt my collar start to soak, she lifted her head and looked me right in the face.

             
"I'm sorry." I shook my head
,
but she kept going. "
I haven't felt right ever since I got back from the enforcement facility. I'm so afraid. What if they got you or Lily or Danny? To think about you in there and them doing those things to you just makes me…" I felt my face go hard.

             
She still refused to tell me what they had done to her
,
but if she was this worried about it, and was breaking down over her worry, then it must be worse than I thought. But I let that go and went back to her.

             
"I won't let them hurt you or Lily ever again. And I won't be taken by them either. I had no idea you were struggling over this so much."

             
Her face was blank and haunted as she said, "I had Lily here and they were beating on the door. I didn't
know what to do. The only thing
that I could think of was what if they got her and took her? What would they do
to her
?" She burst wide open again, her tears big and falling. "And then I wondered if you'd ever speak to me again for letting something happen to her. So I hid her in the closet, it's the only thing I could come up with
to keep her safe
.
But oh….if something had happened to her… Merrick, I don't think I can…
"
She stopped her rant and looked down at Lily. She mouthed 'I don't think I can do this.'

             
Lily was gazing at Sherry with concern and I even saw her rubbing Sherry's arm. I was floored. Both
of
my girls were fretting and crying over each other. I was so in love with them both. I grabbed my chest to stop the ache and pulled them to me. They both clung to me like I was their whole world. That was exactly the way I wanted it. I whispered in Sherry's ear, "You don't have to do anything, Sherry. You're already doing it, baby." She leaned back at looked at me confused. "You don't think every mother out there would freak in that situation? But yo
u handled it. She's alive, she's
fine, in fact better than fine because you thought and acted fast, she didn't even have to see a thing."

             
"Are you talkin' 'bout me?" Lily spouted but I had to finish with Sherry.

             
"I am so proud of you for being level-headed and caring enough about her to do what had to be done. For the love of all, you
lured the
L
ighters to follow you outside away from Lily and everyone else." She sniffed her annoyance at my praise. "Seriously. I know it was scary…at the facility and here tonight. It doesn’t make you weak to be scared. Courage comes from being scared and doing what needs to be done anyway. And you are the most courageous woman I have ever have the pleasure of knowing."

             
She scoffed a laugh, "You don't know anybody. That's not a very fair assessment."

             
"Still true."

             
She put a hand on the back of my neck and pulled me to lean
against
her forehead. "Oh my
….I love you so much, Merrick."

             
"I know. And I've never been mo
re grateful of anything in
my whole existence. Lily, come here, baby."

             
She huddled in with us and we just breathed a sigh together of release and need for a human touch that was filled with love for one another.
When we heard a grunt we turned to see that Miguel had just removed the screwdriver from Ellie's back. She was screaming silently, mouth wide. Ryan looked on and caressed her hair to calm her
,
but it was no use. Miguel cursed and put another needle int
o her arm. He glanced at Ryan, "
Sorry, mate. I thought I gave her enough to knock her out."

             
In seconds she was falling back down to the mattress, eyes fluttering. As I looked back to my girls, I felt guilty. All the pain and suffering around us…it seemed almost wrong to be so happy.

Human and anti-rebeliony

Chapter 27
- Cain

             
I woke to the annoying sun sweeping itself across my face. I peeked up and saw that we were still in the van. It was early still
and freezing
. I felt a warm body next to me and immediately pulled her closer on instinct. Then I remember that it wasn't Lillian with us, it was Marissa. My eyes opened wide.

             
Marissa was curled up next to me, using my arm as a pillow.
There was a coat spread out
on top of us.
Jeff was leaning against the back seat
upright
, watching us.

             
"Dude, did you sleep?" I asked and kind of wanted to pull my arm out from under her
,
but she was so peaceful and looked so much better than the day before, I just couldn't.

             
"Nope.
It started snowing so I kept turning on and off the van for the heat.
I stayed up all night to keep watch. Simon tried to do shifts but…he passed out."

             
I looked o
ver to see Billings and Simon l
ying back to back on their sides. They were symmetrical, both using their hands as pillows and the legs out to
the
side
as far away from the other guy
as possible. I chuckled and then looked back to Jeff. He was watching Marissa's hand. I looked down. It was twisted up in my shirt collar.

             
"Why didn't you take Marissa
from me
?"
I asked.

             
"She was sleeping, I didn't want to wake her. Plus, if she was with me I'd have fallen asleep too. She has that peaceful effect on me," he said and sneered as he looked at us.