Casualties of Love (2 page)

              She could hardly believe what she was doing. She loved it at West Point. She wanted nothing more than to graduate with her cadet class. To get her commission as an officer in the US Army. She had thought about being at West Point and graduating from the Academy since she was a kid. While other girls were dressing up, she wanted to hear her father talk about military missions and tactical operations. While her friends were cheerleading and dating, Jessica was competing in Junior ROTC.

When she’d first learned about West Point and that she might possibly be able to get there, it had been all she had worked for, to be called “Cadet”. To wear that sharply cut uniform with the beautiful brass buttons. It was all she’d ever wanted. It was the thing that she and her father could focus on together in order to get past the loss of her mother, which had left a middle-school aged Jessica despondent and her father a depressed, borderline drunk. Her maternal grandmother had hated the idea of Jessica in the Army; she was constantly saying the military was no place for a young woman, most especially a Black woman. But, with two-against-one, as her father would say, it didn’t matter what the woman thought. He was the one that would make the final determination. And, her father had promised that if she got an appointment, he would support her at every step.

Well, she’d been appointed, come and done her best, proved herself better than many, and was now having to duck her head and leave. She hated it, but she needed to get it done. Leaving here was beyond hard; Jessica didn’t want to imagine what it would be like when she showed up at home and had to explain herself to her community.

              The Commandant, who had been gone for several minutes, returned to his office with the Academy Superintendent and Jessica had to stifle a groan. Now, she had to try to convince them both to let her leave. Prayerfully it would be done without giving them what they really wanted - a logical reason.

              “Cadet Watts. What’s this about you wanting to resign?” the Superintendent asked. He perched himself against the side of the Commandant’s mahogany desk. He was a big man, tall and broad. His sharp eyes were focused on her and Jessica knew he would do whatever he could to fish out the truth. For some reason, he’d always taken and interest in her. She’d never understood it, but he’d more than earned her respect and admiration. It would be difficult to snow him.

              “Sir, I just need to go. I…I can’t finish up. I know that it seems, um, unbelievable, but it’s just the way it is. I’m resigning. I need to resign.”

              “You do understand that you can’t change your mind on this.” Jessica nodded, but the man kept talking. “This could be a problem, Cadet Watts. The Army has made a commitment to you, a large monetary commitment, by paying for you to be here. Your goal to graduate and commit to serving the Army is part of your agreement. The Army could reasonably expect recompense for the years you’ve been educated here.”

              “Yes, sir. I’m aware and the Commandant has reminded me of that, as well, sir. I’ll do whatever is required to pay back what I owe to the Army, but I can’t stay at the Academy.”

              The Superintendant looked at her for a moment. He seemed to be contemplating her demeanor. No doubt the man was trying to figure her out.

              “Commandant, can you give us a moment, please?”

              “Yes, sir. I’ll be just outside,” Commandant said and left the room. Jessica sighed and waited.

              “Jessica, what’s going on?” The Superintendent spoke to her plainly. This was what she had feared. She couldn’t lie to him. He’d always treated her with such respect when he had no reason to even show any interest in her at all. She was just one cadet among thousands he’d encountered, but he’d somehow always known who she was and seemed to care how she was doing. “You’re almost at the finish line. What is really going on with you?
The truth
. I know you don’t want to leave.”

              “Sir…” she started and faltered. Tears were gathering in her eyes. Jessica blinked rapidly to try to stop their descent, but it failed to help. The Superintendent waited patiently. “Sir, I... I have to go.” He hadn’t relented and in the end Jessica had broken down. She told him everything that was going on with her. She had waited for him to ream her out for her stupidity, for getting this far and then walking away from it. It wasn’t everyday that kids like her got recommended to the Academy, to any military academy. But, he never shouted or raged at her. He did question her about her relationship with Tyson, but Jessica had vowed to keep Tyson out of her decision. She didn’t want him trying to convince her to stay, and she didn’t want anything to come between him and his graduation. The Superintendant asked if she was positive she didn’t want to try to finish out the year. He didn’t want to see her give up. But, Jessica didn’t see how she could.

              “I have to leave,” she said again.

“Alright,” he said soberly. “If you’re absolutely sure.” She nodded. He paused to call the Commandant back into the room before speaking again. “Cadet Watts, it is with great sadness that the US Military Academy accepts your resignation.” The Commandant looked between Jessica and the Superintendent multiple times. He seemed to be in complete disbelief over the fact that the Superintendent had not talked her out of leaving. The man began to sputter, but the Superintendent continued calmly. “Ms. Watts, the Commandant will work with you on how to process out.”

“Yes, sir,” Jessica said as she stood. “Thank you, sir, for everything the Academy has provided for me here, for all of your encouragement and faith in me. I’m sorry I have let you down.” Jessica watched him as he prepared to leave. He seemed reluctant, paused at the threshold of the doorway.

“Jessica…” he started but stopped himself. “Good luck, Ms. Watts.”

After processing out and making arrangements to get home, Jessica did the thing she dreaded more than resigning. She found Tyson.

“Hey. There’s my pretty girl. Where’ve you been?”

Tyson grinned at her as he pulled her into his room. He immediately wrapped her in his arms and backed her up against his door. When he dipped his mouth to hers, Jessica couldn’t turn away. She couldn’t resist the kiss knowing she wouldn’t enjoy the taste him on her tongue or the feel of him pressed to her body for a long while. She clung to him in the near desperation that swamped her and that all of her internal coaching had suddenly failed to staunch. She tired unsuccessfully to interrupt the flow of the tears she could feel rapidly pooling at the corners of her eyes.

When Tyson pulled back his easy smile faded quickly as he witnessed the tears rolling down her face.

“Jess, what’s wrong? What happened?”

Jessica tried to speak but the words wouldn’t come. She shook her head at him. She simply didn’t know how to start. How did she tell him she was leaving? How did she walk away from the person she loved more than anything?

“Jessica,” Tyson said softly. He let go of her waist and caught her face up in his hands. Using his thumbs, he wiped the tears beneath her eyes before kissing them away from her cheeks. “Tell me. What’s going on? Why the tears?”

“I...don’t even know how to say it,” she admitted to him. Her eyes were closed, and Jessica’s fingers were clutching the fabric of his shirt at his sides. More tears slipped beneath her lids.
If I could just figure out a way to stay.
Her chest ached.

“Sweetheart, you’re breaking my heart, here. You know I hate it when you cry,” he joked with a chuckle. She knew he was trying to cheer her up, trying to coax the information out of her. His thumbs were gently brushing across her face.

“I never cry,” she countered. Which was true, and now she’d been in tears twice in a single day.

“Which is why I’m freaking out,” he sent back.

“I’m sorry,” she said. More than he knew, she was sorry.

“No, Jess. You don’t need to be sorry. Just talk to me. Ok? Just talk to me,” he pleaded.

And she did. Jessica told Tyson she was leaving. He didn’t want to believe it, told her to not even joke like that. But, she showed him her letter of resignation and the signed forms from the Academy Commandant and Superintendant. She made him understand that she was serious. He demanded an explanation and refused to accept the ones she offered up.

“Jessica, don’t do this,” he pleaded.

“I have to. There’s just stuff I need to deal with. I can’t stay. Look, you guys will finish up and you’ll make excellent officers. But, I need to go.”

“And what about us? What about me and you?” Tyson asked. He had been pacing the room. He stopped and his stormy gaze drilled into hers.

“I don’t know. I…need some time. You know; we’re so young. What if we both got sent to different places, how could it work out anyway?”

“It would work because I love you, Jess. I love you and you love me. Where we are won’t matter and it won’t change that. Besides, when we get married the Army will consider that in assigning us.”

“You don’t know that, Tyson. Just…I have to leave. I can’t stay here.”

She had turned away from him. It was so hard to look at him when he talked about being together, having a future with her. Tyson stepped close behind her and put his arms around her waist. He enveloped her in his warmth and strength. He held her really tightly, like he might be able to hold her captive to keep her with him. He tucked his head into her shoulder. Jessica could feel his heart beating out a frantic beat against her back. She was the cause of his alarm and it made her sick to her stomach.

“Baby, please don’t do this.” Hearing him call her ‘baby’ weakened her knees. Hearing him beg her to stay was almost too much. “Let’s go back to the Commandant’s office and take it back. I’ll go with you. We’ll tell him you made a mistake. Whatever is going on, whatever’s causing you to want to go we’ll fix it. Don’t leave, babe. Don’t leave
me
, Jess.”

But, she had to go.

For many weeks after she left, Tyson called every chance he got. He called and begged her to tell him what was going on with her. It got increasingly hard to ask him to let it go, to let her go. She wanted so badly to be with him, to talk to him about everything, but she couldn’t and it was emotionally exhausting. She missed him more than she’d thought possible. When she’d returned home, things were not easy. Her grandmother was argumentative and critical. Her father tried to be there for her, but didn’t really know how. He was still struggling with his depression, which had worsened in her absence. She needed Tyson, but knew that if she leaned on him, he would come for her. She couldn’t let him do that.

So, Jessica sucked it up and waited for him to graduate. Then, they could work things out, she told herself. She didn’t want him worrying about her. She wouldn’t risk him leaving the Academy to “rescue” her, because she knew that was what he would do. But after a while, it was too hard to ignore her need for him. It was too hard to turn him away. So, she stopped answering the calls. She ceased all communication. She ignored him while promising herself that everything would work out in the end. It was a promise that failed to keep.

Present Time; Military Hospital in Afghanistan

              Tyson let out a low moan. The sound broke Jessica from her thoughts. She put the supplies that she was holding down and picked up a damp cloth on the table beside his bed. She dipped the towel into the cool water and, after squeezing it out, she wiped Tyson’s furrowed brow. She would talk to the PA, the Physician’s Assistant, about his pain meds. He didn’t need to be in any pain in the first few days. He needed to rest easy. Without thinking, she laid the towel down and continued to brush her hand along Tyson’s forehead and over his soft dark hair. She closed her eyes at the familiar feel of the silky stuff beneath her fingertips. She softly traced his arched brows with her thumb, smoothing the lines on his forehead until he quieted. By memory, Jessica traced the line of his strong, chiseled jaw and his squared chin. She let her fingers drift over his. She didn’t know how long she stood there with him like that, gently caressing him, but she opened her eyes and pulled back as soon as she realized what she was doing. She took another look at Tyson, picked up the supplies, and walked away to check on another patient. She never saw the eyes watching her from across the room.

Chapter 3

              Tyson felt like…like he’d been blown the hell up. If his memory of his last mission served him correctly, that was literally the truth. He remembered the IED going off and blowing the wheels off of a vehicle that was at the checkpoint and pitching it onto its side. Before they could ascertain what had happened, they were fully engaged and hustling to counter the attack. There had been no intelligence indicating potential problems.  But, with insurgents around every bend and Islamic extremists in many of the households, an explosive device could be placed within a matter of minutes. Impromptu attacks, while not as frequent as they had been in the last year, were not completely uncommon.

Knowing all of that didn’t go very far in helping his current state of discomfort.
I hurt like hell.
Looking around, he realized he was in the military hospital.
Somebody around here’s gotta have some pain meds,
he thought. Then, he forgot about the meds and wondered where his men were. The last thing he saw was Lassiter and Jones going down. He’d never even gotten a chance to get eyes on Collins and the rest of his team. He shifted his eyes and saw a woman standing near the door.

“Ma’am,” his started. His voice was scratchy, his throat dry. Swallowing and clearing his throat he tried again. “Ma’am.” That attempt was a bit better and the woman turned. She was pretty, looked familiar to him, but he couldn’t place her. At her expression, he gathered she was surprised he had spoken. She moved over to him and he took note of her insignia.

“Welcome back, sir,” she stated. “Good to see you with your eyes open.” She moved a small cup with a straw in it toward Tyson. He took a sip of the water that was in the cup. She looked at him expectantly, but Tyson didn’t know what she was looking for. Should he know?