Castles (13 page)

The time had come to explain in full her unusual circumstances, she supposed. She walked over to the hearth and stood there warming her hands with the heat of the fire Flannaghan had thoughtfully prepared.

Colin watched her, but he didn't say a word. She finally turned around to look at him. He was leaning against the door with his arms folded across his chest. He wasn't frowning and he didn't look at all angry—just thoughtful.

“I put you in danger tonight,” she whispered. “I should have explained everything right away.”

She waited for him to agree with that statement of fact. He surprised her by shaking his head. “This is as much my fault as yours, Alesandra. I could have insisted you explain your circumstances. I was too caught up in my own affairs to pay much attention to you. I've been remiss as your guardian. That, however, has changed. You're going to tell me everything, aren't you?”

She gripped her hands together. “None of this is your fault, sir. I didn't believe I would be staying here long enough to bother you with my problems, especially after you explained you had no intention of getting married for a long while. I also believed the general would send an ambassador to request my return. I misjudged, you see. I thought he would be civilized. He isn't. He's obviously determined . . . and desperate.”

Tears came into her eyes. She took a deep breath to try to gain control of her emotions. “I'm so sorry for what happened tonight.”

Colin took mercy on her. “You weren't responsible.”

“They were after me,” she argued. “Not Raymond or you.”

Colin finally moved. He walked over to the chair behind his desk, sat down, and propped his feet up on the nearby footrest.

“Why does this general want you to come home?”

“It isn't my home,” she corrected. “I wasn't even born there. My father was king, you see, until he married my mother. She was English and considered an outsider. Father stepped down so he could marry her and his younger brother, Edward, became ruler. It was all very polite.”

Colin didn't remark on her explanation and she didn't have any idea what he was thinking. “Would you like me to continue?” she asked, her worry obvious.

“I want you to explain why the general wants you to come home,” he repeated.

“My father was loved by his subjects. They didn't condemn him because he married my mother. In fact, they found it all very romantic. He did give up his kingdom for her, after all, and everyone who met my mother adored her. She was a dear, kindhearted woman.”

“Do you resemble your mother in appearance?”

“Yes.”

“Then she was also a beautiful woman, wasn't she?”

He had just given her a compliment, but she had difficulty accepting it. Her mother had been so much more than simply beautiful.

“A compliment shouldn't make you frown,” Colin remarked.

“My mother was beautiful,” she said. “But she also had a pure heart. I wish I was more like her, Colin. My thoughts are rarely pure. I was so angry tonight I wanted to hurt those men.”

He found his first smile. “I did hurt them,” he reminded her. “Now please continue with your explanation. I'm anxious to hear the rest of this.”

“My father's brother died just last year and the country was once again thrown into turmoil. There seems to be a notion held by some that I should come home. The general wants marriage and believes he'll be able to secure the throne if I become his wife.”

“Why does he believe that?”

She let out a sigh. “Because I'm the only surviving heir to the throne. Everyone has conveniently forgotten my father abdicated. As I said before, he was well loved by his subjects and that love . . .”

She didn't go on. Colin was intrigued by the faint blush on her cheeks. “And that love what?” he asked.

“Has been transferred to me,” she blurted out. “At least, that is what Sir Richards of your War Department explained to me, and all the letters I've received over the years from the loyalists would confirm his supposition.”

Colin straightened in his chair. “You know Sir Richards?” he asked.

“Yes,” she answered. “He has been quite helpful to me. Why do you look so surprised? Is something wrong? You reacted with quite a startle at the mention of his name.”

He shook his head. “How is the head of England's security section involved in this?”

“Then you know Sir Richards too?”

“I work for him.”

It was her turn to look startled. And appalled. “But he runs the secret . . . Colin, if you work for him you must be involved in dangerous work. What do your parents think of this double life you lead? Oh, sir, no wonder you have no wish to marry. Your wife would worry all the time. Yes, she would.”

Colin regretted telling her the truth. “I used to work for him,” he qualified.

She could tell he was lying to her. The proof was in his eyes. They'd gone . . . cold, hard. She decided not to argue with him. If he wanted her to think he wasn't involved with the Security Section, she would pretend to believe him.

“How and why did Sir Richards get involved?”

His irritated tone of voice pulled her back to the primary topic. “He came to see me just the day before your father became ill. He and his associates—or superiors, as he referred to them—wish me to marry General Ivan.”

“Then he knows the general?”

She shook her head. “He knows of him,” she explained. “Sir Richards considers Ivan the lesser of two evils.”

Colin let out a low expletive. She pretended she didn't hear it. “Sir Richards told your father the general would be easier to control. England wants the continuation of imports and the general would certainly look upon your country as a friend if I had been convinced by your leaders to marry Ivan. There is another man eager to snatch the throne and Sir Richards believes he's more ruthless. He also believes he wouldn't cooperate with trade agreements.”

“So you're the sacrificial lamb, is that right?”

She didn't answer him.

“What did my father say to Sir Richards?”

She started twisting her hands together. “The director can be very persuasive. Your father listened to his argument and then promised to consider the matter. After Richards left, he decided against the marriage.”

“Why?”

She lowered her gaze to her hands, saw how red her skin had become, and immediately relaxed her grip. “I cried,” she confessed. “I'm ashamed to admit that, but I did cry. I was very upset. Your mother became furious with your father and I was the cause of a heated argument. That made me feel even more miserable. I felt I was disappointing everyone by being selfish. My only excuse is that my parents had such a happy marriage and I wanted to find that same kind of joy. I didn't believe I would ever find love or happiness married to a man who only wanted me for political gain. I've never met the general, but Raymond and Stefan have told me stories about him. If half of what they said is true, he's a very self-indulgent man.”

Alesandra paused to take a deep breath. “Your father has a soft heart. He couldn't stand to see me upset. And he had made a promise to my father to take care of me.”

“So he decided you should marry me.”

“Yes,” she answered. “It was his hope, but he wasn't counting on it. Otherwise your mother would have had your name written down on the invitations. Understand, sir, I was being fanciful when I told your father I wanted to marry for love. I realize that isn't possible now, given the urgency of finding a husband, and so I decided I would consider the marriage a business arrangement. In return for the use of my considerable inheritance, my husband would go his way and I would go mine. I thought I would travel . . . and in time, perhaps, go back to Holy Cross. It was very peaceful there.”

“Hell.”

She didn't know what to make of that muttered blasphemy. She frowned in reaction and then said, “I also hoped that eventually my husband and I would become friends.”

“And lovers?” he asked.

She lifted her shoulders in a shrug. “Anything is possible, Colin, given time and patience. However, I have had time to reevaluate my position. Granted, the gentlemen in England seem to be more civilized, and I had hoped to find one who was at least ethical, but tonight I realized none of it matters anymore. I'm going to cooperate. I'll marry the general. I've caused quite enough trouble. Perhaps in time this man will learn to . . . soften in his attitudes.”

Colin snorted. “A snake doesn't ever stop slithering. He won't change, and you aren't going to marry him. Got that?”

She shivered over the harshness in his voice. “I want your agreement, Alesandra.”

She wouldn't give it. She kept picturing the blood pouring down Raymond's face. “I won't be the cause of any more . . .”

“Come here.”

Alesandra walked over to stand in front of his desk. He motioned her closer with the crook of his finger. She edged her way around the side and stopped when she was just a foot away from him.

“The general would give up his plan and leave me alone if I had a husband . . . wouldn't he?”

The combination of fear and hope in her voice bothered the hell out of him. She was too young to have such worries. Alesandra should be as scatterbrained and as giddy as his younger sisters.

Damn it all, she was in need of a champion. He reached out and took hold of her hands. She realized she was gripping them together again. She tried to relax. She couldn't.

“Marriage to the general is out of the question. Are we agreed on that?”

He squeezed her hands until she nodded. “Good,” he remarked then. “Have you left anything out in your explanation?”

“No.”

Colin smiled. “No one bucks the head of security,” he remarked then, referring to Sir Richards.

“Your father did.”

“Yes, he did, didn't he?” He was inordinately pleased with his father. “I'll talk to Richards tomorrow and see if we can't get his support.”

“Thank you.”

His nod was quick. “Since my family is responsible for you, I'll set up a meeting with my father and my brother as soon as they're feeling well again.”

“For what purpose?”

“To figure out what the hell to do with you.”

He'd meant the remark as a jest of sorts. She took it to heart. She jerked her hands away from his. His bluntness had offended her. Alesandra had an extremely tender nature. He considered suggesting she learn to toughen her emotional hide, then decided not to offer that advice because she would probably take that as an insult too.

“I will not become a burden.”

“I didn't say you were.”

“You implied it.”

“I don't ever imply. I always tell it the way it is.”

She turned and walked toward the door. “I believe it's time to reevaluate.”

“You've already done that.”

“I'm going to again,” she announced.

A wave of nausea caught Colin by surprise. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. His stomach growled, too, and he assumed his sudden weak condition was due to the fact that he had skipped dinner.

He forced himself to think about her last remark. “What are you going to reevaluate now?”

“Our arrangement,” she explained. “It isn't working out. I really believe I should find other lodgings tomorrow.”

“Alesandra.”

He hadn't raised his voice but the bite was still there in his hard tone. She stopped at the entrance and turned to look at him. She braced herself for his next hurtful bit of honesty.

He felt like hell when he saw the tears in her eyes. “I'm sorry,” he muttered. “You aren't a burden. Your current situation, however, is a mess. Wouldn't you agree with that evaluation?” he asked.

“Yes, I would agree.”

Colin rubbed his brow in an absentminded action and was surprised to feel the perspiration there. He tugged on his cravat next. Damn, it was hot in the study. The fire from the hearth was putting out more heat than was necessary, he supposed. He thought about taking off his jacket but was too weary to go to the trouble now.

“It's a very serious situation, Colin,” she added when he didn't respond to her earlier agreement.

“But it isn't the end of the world, is it? You're looking overwhelmed by it all.”

“I am overwhelmed,” she cried out. “Raymond was injured tonight. Have you already forgotten? He could have been killed. And you . . . you could have been hurt too.”

He was frowning again. She was almost sorry she'd reminded him of the incident. She decided not to end the evening on such a sour note.

“I've forgotten my manners,” she blurted out. “I should say thank you now.”

“You should? Why?”

“Because you apologized,” she explained. “I know it was difficult for you.”

“And how would you know that?”

“Your voice got all gruff, and you were glaring at me. Yes, it was difficult. Yet you did say you were sorry. That makes your apology all the more pleasing to me.”

She walked back over to his side. Before she lost her courage, she leaned forward and kissed him on his cheek. “I still prefer your father for my guardian,” she told him, hoping to gain a smile. “He's much easier to . . .”

She was searching for the right word. He gave it to her. “Manipulate?”

She laughed. “Yes.”

“My four little sisters have worn him down. He's been turned into milk toast by all those women.”